[Reddy7]

Hi, this is a copy of my latest post on GamCare. Screw writing it out again similar to put on my diary. Basically yeah I told my mum and the rest is down below. Turns out her ex was a bit of a fan of the fruties…I wont be gambling for her sake as well as mine which is even more motivation to stop my tracks down this proverbial path!

Told my Mum & its so much better!
Hi,
Told my Mum about 1hour or so ago. We were on a similar topic joking about doing clinical trilas randomley enough haha on our own downstairs and she said “you cant seriously need the money that much” as I mentioned I may be a bit tight for holidays this year. Then I said “I need to tell you something” and were off.
At first when she found out the figure it was a lot to her but when I said it was 1month ago now and I had been living with the thought and justified it in a uncountable number of ways she started to understand and see the postives in not only me telling her but my bad experience. Basically to cut a long story short if i dont try to think I can win it back I do win!
I hope she doesnt tell my dad tho, I did say dont tell him. He will go ape about that sort of money. Especially as he is my boss and pays my wages and wouldnt want me ******””ng it away like that! Plus he has never really been into the gambling scene so wont understand. Especially not the readily availibilty and uncontrolled unsensitive way online stuff is. Its just numbers on a screen like everyone says, no mates or authority figures that could potentially step in and worst of all no warning or check message saying something along the lines of “are you freaking nuts that £500 deposit will make it £1000 in the last 10mins depoisted” and then when you lose that you put £200 more in and still nothing!!!! Hey ho its my mistake my balls up no one else to blame. Wasnt even showing off to any guys or chicks like hey look at me £600 on black check out how swag and cool I am! I was just sat on the end of my bed cursing and throwing things and hoping my 28y old sister didnt wake up and come see me in the angry delluded state I had gotten into….she is in 11k of credit card debt by the way. An equally as dangerous thing as gambling. The belief that you can afford those le-bouton high heels at £550 and the fur coat and designer shades to match!
Anyways back to me, I have actually accepted now that they have won! C0RAL & Bloody William CUNTING ****** FACE Hill has won! And I am ok with it! I really am. No more thoughts of chasing and definetly no actually chasing! Whenever I am tempted I will read this and say I am not tempted and I am not a hypocrite and will not gamble myself. (If I do gambe I wont be placing the bets will leave that to responsible people like my dad or something if I have that hunch on someone in the golf or something) We shalll see…..
Anyways they have won & I dont want another day like today doing what I have heard as “Dry Gambling” in this case I was playing free roullete seeing how many times I would win and how many times I would lose this imaginary stake of £1000 that I could have used from my credit card. It was 50% 50% which really didnt help so I came on here instead and burnt my dinner as a result haha!
Ok this is a long one but hopefully wont be using this site quite as much now I feel progress…..
Im sure my names been popping up too much for you guys liking. I also feel kind of stupid seen as it is a small amount compared to some. But im sure everyone starts at a small amount once and if they dont catch it or get drawin in one too many times it goes pete tong..
Good luck & thanks for all the fish!
Reddy! & I am Reddy to move on! (strong aroma of cheese their! haha!!)

[Reddy7]

Hi Mate,
I don’t consider myself a CG yet but I’m sure it won’t be long if I don’t stop because it consumes my thoughts constantly. Basically its not about me but it is a bit….

For me you have so far proved an inspiration to turn things around and not get sucked into the world of gambling I currently am trying to avoid….

All I am trying to say is I have read your diary from top to bottom the other day (a lot of reading) and its the best thing on here. I wasn’t planning on posting but reading the above I feel like I have to.

Please carry on your recovery hit that year and never go back. 7k is a lot to save in a year. You did say originally that when you got some days recovery under your belt that you would tell them that you made a mistake and fucked it basically. If they are on your back about it all you probably should come clean. A year shows your commitment to turn things around and its almost got you to that 10k mark you vowed in your head you would never go below.

That said I completely understand your thought process and am guilty of believing in my head gambling is the way to make my money back. (Albeit a small amount in comparison to some)

Just please don’t ruin a years hard work in an hour of madness. I will be very happy when I get to a year but at the moment 1 month on and the pain has gone a bit and very tempted to go back….

Good luck Adam wish you well!

***Edit/EXTRA:
A few hours after writing this I told my Mum. It is a bit different for me as I am younger and have no responsibilities and am not being pressured into moving out. Still I do have to save in the long term to get that deposit and the wasted hours and money gambling is not a positive way of doing it by any account. I told her and I feel load better. The 1month free I have had shows progress in my case and the fact I told her motivates me more. I wont gamble for her sake as well as mine. She said her EX was hooked to fruties which I didnt know about and that give me encouragement too.

Im bloody talking about me again!!!
About you I am sure your parents would get their head around the mistakes made especially after your 1yr of bossing it on the gamble free front! And the pain you have endured and punishment to yourself flogging your less precious LFC gear. I love Liverpool and make the commute most weekends from Nottingham to see my GF who is at the uni!
To me you are a Gambling Therapy Boss! This website should be paying you to be here and post! To get traffic on this site! Best of luck again mate. I dont mean to preach especially as you are older and have way more life experience than me but just hope my taps on the keyboard can maybe put a smile on your face! Wow this is deep!
Night man!

[Reddy7]

Hi,
Thanks for the response Vera by the way.
I think I am so risk averse which is my problem. I know too well about the risks of situations but just brush them right off and say they won’t happen to me! Hense gambling and hence losing!

I have been fighting hard all day but been doing this bad habit! Playing free online roulette to see what would happen if this was for real. I have heard things like this referred to as dry gambling.

I am writing on here to not go online eslewhere. I think I seriously need to consider K9 or something. The issue is tho that we have a family computer too and there would be no point just blocking mine….something for me to think about. Either that or I come clean to my sister with how serious I really think this is and get her to take control of cards and cash!

My head has seemed to be consumed with anxiety stress and anger since my big loss that brought things to light. It feels like I haven’t mentally relaxed for ages! I can be on this forum and Gamcare for hours each night….

Worked out a total of losses and winnings and divided that by 12months as a motivation and then 24months. Works out as a reasonable amount when you do that. Still tho I seem to think gambling is a way to reduce that and roulette and blackjack would be my answer. Deluded or what!?
By not gambling that is the only way to win I tell myself. I am going to try to believe and stick with what I write.

Time for my dinner now which I have probably burnt haha as I needed to vent on here !(especially as this is mainly my dirty little secret, don’t want to trouble my GF anymore with this).

See ya! Good luck everyone.

[Reddy7]

Hi,
Today marks 1month.

Its a Saturday and I have the rest of the night free but I will be trying very hard not to load up a site and put in my credit card details. I simply don’t have the money anymore to gamble with so would be relying on credit and that really is foolish so let’s not do that!

Been playing golf today which kept me busy, my mind was still on losses though!

I have sorted out my ISA with a direct debit of £200 a month now so will have money going straight to a good cause (my future!)

That said I was looking at clinical trials to get my money back! They pay £1000 for a few days of your time! Could be a good idea to get some money back and move on but could be a bad thing and ruin my life more than financial shortfalls. Who knows? …

Anyways 1month gone! 11 more to be a year and then over that period my losses can be diveded by 12 and seem way less negative and absurd!

Have a good Saturday night!

[Reddy7]

Hi Harry,
This is a post I will be following to aid my situation. Probably due to the fact that I too have come from a good background and had the option to go to private school etc etc (I chose not to as my friends were not.)

I look forward to reading what you write in the future. I try to keep busy after my loss of £1200 in a night but it still messes with my mind even a month on today.
Let’s make sure we both don’t go back in to the trap and over time we will be the real winners.

Best wishes mate

[Reddy7]

Just a quick update before I read in bed for a bit (probably will only get a few pages till I fall asleep).

Have been tempted today! I think my optimism in life is part of my problem. I seem to always think I will be lucky! I convince myself that it will happen. So as a result today when I got back from work I had convinced myself that if I made an account with a online bookies that I hadn’t self excluded from that it would be red and red 2 bets and money would be all back! Whole thing forgotten!

Sadly reality is that I’m usually wrong and it’s usually the opposite to what I convince myself and would be a few months pay checks out of pocket in my niave attempt to win back (chase)!

Anyways I’m gonna read my book which I wish I chose on my terror night where I admitted I had my problem after woods. I chose gambling….NOT TONIGHT!

[Reddy7]

Hi,
Not really thought about my losses today. Not really had the urge to go back to it either which is progress!
Feeling fairly positive and am going to put most of my spare money each month into my current ISA and my new help to buy ISA! This help to buy ISA should make it pretty much impossible to withdraw as you need a solicitor that can only withdraw when u buy a house.
Started to smile again today driving back home from work.
Over time things will be turned around…I just need to stay on track!

[Reddy7]

Hi,
I think it’s the 26th day since my big loss that spurred me to stop! Finding it really tough tho! Yesterday once Spurs beat Man City I just thought ‘why didn’t I have a bet on Spurs’ would have won a big chunk of my money lost the other day back! Unfortunately that would have resluted in me putting on a silly stake and obviously it might not have happened! I hate having these thoughts tho! Want to just get over it and not look back!

I really have been struggling to justify my money lost, getting nothing in return! I guess if I don’t gamble for the foreseeable it’s only a small amount over time….I just need to make sure I stick to that.

Felt OK all day until now where it’s really getting to me. Speak tomorrow…

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