[ready2change]

Thank you for your support it means a lot and your right better to leave the past in the past i suppose i just wanted to have a moan and get a few things of my chest and thats ok too.
You seem a bit brighter thank God and adaat you can do this your right again time is a great healer i just have to give myself time im taking strength from you cheers mate.
P.S. What a goal from stevie G on sunday wer playing the old laday next tuesday in glasgow and snopp dog wants to be our mascot haha

[ready2change]

Thank you for your support it means a lot and your right better to leave the past in the past i suppose i just wanted to have a moan and get a few things of my chest and thats ok too.
You seem a bit brighter thank God and adaat you can do this your right again time is a great healer i just have to give myself time im taking strength from you cheers mate.
P.S. What a goal from stevie G on sunday wer playing the old laday next tuesday in glasgow and snopp dog wants to be our mascot haha

[ready2change]

Thank u 4 the posts uncntrolled and I won a new life.
I havnt gambled since thursday but im really struggling lots of thoughts of gambling and im really depressed.
Im not suicidal i dont think im kinda past that emotion i was suicedal after every slip for a few years but i dont be suicedal anymore after a slip i once wrote out an 8 page suicide note and drove a few hours 2 my favourite place in the world Bundoran with the aim to jump of a cliff and die at my favourite gambling town and then i couldnt do it to my mother so i drove home again and threw the suicide note in a bin on the way home thats what gambling has done to me and there are other horrible stories.
Im scared i have to tell my female friend that i cant be with her and shes better of without me i cant be with her im a lost cause atm and i need to be on my own i will not take her down blind alleys i couldnt do it to her i care about so much and im dreading the phone call.
Why is valentines day next thursday but thats life.
Iv already lost a 4 year relationship with this disease and i cant start a relationship 4 days free from a bet it would be madnessand an insult to my really good friend.
I might be an addict but i dont play games with people im not a bad person im just a sick person .
Im that sick that this is the second winter iv went without any heat on but yet i gamble a couple of thousand in a day.
You could hang beef at my house a friend once told me.
I dont invite people around in winter.
Im crying inside i want to kinda give up and stop this living nightmare but im to stubborn i have to keep going whilst my parents are still alive anyway God love them they think im doing well they dont need to know theyr in their seventies and ilove them very much but unfortunately i loved gambling very much too.
Playing fruit machines in bundoran since i was 7 year old went there every summer.
Why was a 7 year old allowed 2 play fruit machine and other gambling games my mind wasnt developed enough to deal with it and my grandad was a cg and got a job in a bookies when i went to uni i lasted a year at uni wonder why.
Yep im feeling sorry 4 myself i just have tried so hard to beat this ******* dis ease over the years and im just ****** off with life.
But il hopfuly bounce back i usually do i just thought id be honest and share how im feeling
Its not easy!
Time 4 the serenity prayer

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