[Rdy4Chng]

Today has been a good day. I decided to finally open up with my husband about my problem. I will admit I did not disclose all of the details, but I did own up to the fact that I have still been going to the casino, even though he thought I had stopped. It was really nice to be able to share my distress with him and actually talk about it.

I have talked to him before and he often will defend why I did it based on all the stuff I’ve been through, etc. but today I kept saying, no – those are excuses. I have to take ownership for what I’ve done and not blame it on everything.

I know he is not happy with me but he is so understanding that he gets that we all make mistakes. I hope I’ve gotten across the point that it is more than mistakes but an actual problem, but I guess we will see with that.

Anyways, it felt good to share with him at least some of my problem. Baby steps and you have to do what feels right for you.

I’ve picked a good week to not be a gambler anymore as he is off for the whole week and it is for sure easier to not go to the casino and gamble when he is home. It will be tougher when he goes back to work. But if I can get through this week with him here, I think that will be the longest I haven’t gambled consecutively in a row in months.

Thanks for reading and thanks for supporting. I have been doing a lot of reflecting today and I am excited to stay here and share with you guys too. I really am ready for a change.

Stay strong! (I want to say “good luck” but I feel that reminds me of the casino, so I say “Stay Strong”. We stay strong together. )

[Rdy4Chng]

Enjoy your day! 🙂

[Rdy4Chng]

I’m sorry for your loss. Cancer is really the worst. Well so is gambling actually.

I am going to put the rest of the money in an account I can’t access easily. 

Thank you for responding. 

[Rdy4Chng]

Thank you for your response. I am going to ponder those options but I do agree, I cannot gamble anymore. 

The last line really hit home for me, I can not win it back. That’s what I’ve been trying to do and failing miserably. I do need to come to terms with the fact that I’m not going to get any of it back. I have to make it work with what I have left. That is tough as it could have been so much more, but I guess this is the consequence of my actions. 

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Today is day 2.

[Rdy4Chng]

I won’t go into all the details, as it is very complicated but the whole estate was left to me, and me alone. There are no other beneficiaries. I just told my mom before she died I would share it with my siblings. Not that that point makes it ok what I’ve been doing, but I guess it’s how I’ve been rationalizing it to myself why it has been ok to gamble it. It’s my money after all. 

The debts are a weird thing. She said she owed all this debt but I did the taxes last year and didn’t find this big debt. For a number of reasons the estate is stilll not settled and I will be doing the taxes next year then applying for clearance certificate. My big worry is that the debt will resurface at that point. 

I’ve been trying to do the best I can but all of this plus my grief has been overwhelming. 

I think I will put the remainder in a GIC account, at least I won’t have access to it anymore. I want to tell my siblings but I also wonder if I am telling them something that will upset them when at the end of the day, I may still be able to give them $$ and then they will have had to suffer this pain for no reason. I think sometimes when we feel guilt, we want to tell people to cleanse ourselves of it but in reality all we are doing is hurting someone else just to get something off our chests. 

I agree I probably do need to talk to someone but I feel that reaching out here was a big first step. Just being able to share it all as brought me some relief.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Today is day 2.

[Rdy4Chng]

I am just getting started in my recovery. Thank you for sharing.
I too have had A LOT of pain and suffering in my life; at my young age of only 36 I have lost both my parents, both of which died of Cancer. I was in a severe car accident many years ago where I broke so many bones I lost *****. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up. My brother is mentally handicapped.. I could go on.

I like to think of myself as a strong, independent person who can handle most things on their own. I’ve been struggling for almost 2 years with this problem that I created only just those 2 years ago. I’ve come to realize, as stubborn as I am, as smart as I think I am, as resilient as I’ve proven I am, sometimes, we do need help. I think even just reaching out here and posting takes courage.
Thanks for sharing and stay strong!

[Rdy4Chng]

This thread and your story are really speaking to me. I have a problem too. I am just coming to terms with it and I need to be a part of this group. I have been trying to not go to the casino and keeping track for the last month. Out of 31 days, I’ve gone 10 times. Every time losing WAY too much money and every time telling myself this was the last time.
I can really see your struggle. The longest period of time in that 30 days was 5 days. I felt so good about it too. Then on day 6, just like I was on auto-pilot – I went to the casino… Basically talking myself out of it the whole way there but still, I went in. Why are we like this? Why is it so hard to stop?

I am ready for change. There is no other way. We have to be accountable for our actions and we have to do what we say we are going to do.

Stay strong and just know your story is helping someone else. Once I get a bit more courage, I will do my own journal entry.
Thank you

[Author]

Posts