[Rdy4Chng]

Sorry to hear you have relapsed again. 

I am on day 14 and ALL I want to do is go to the casino. 

What a struggle it is.

[Rdy4Chng]

2 weeks. Wow. I’m proud of myself but yesterday and today all I want to do is go to the casino!

I want to go but I do not want to lose money, I do not want to start over from day 1 and i do not want to have to come here and tell you all I relapsed, but I do want to go..

I need to stay strong today as everything is in just the right place for me to go – I am alone, a bit bored, have a “little” bit of cash on me, have the urges, and since I have done well at not going its almost like I think I can *treat* myself to going as a reward.

So ridiculous..
I’m trying to stay strong but the urges are killing me today!!

[Rdy4Chng]

I made it to the double digits! This is the longest I’ve been gfree in quite some time. I should be feeling pretty good, and I guess I am on some level but on other levels I feel worse.

I enjoyed going to the casino. I didn’t enjoy losing money but I did like playing the games. And of course the thrill. I am genuinely missing going a little bit. And when I went, there was always a chance (*CHANCE*) I may win. Now that I don’t gamble, there is no chance to win so there is NO chance to get back my losses. That part sucks. Accepting it’s gone, I’m still working on this I guess.

Today I am doing better but the past 2 days I have really hated myself for ever letting things get to this point. I basically threw money away from one hand hoping to “win” money back in the other which in hindsight is SOOO stupid. I had money in one hand and I should have just held onto it. Ugh.

Thats what I keep thinking, ugh. uuugghhhh!

…But then I remember there is nothing I can do about it now except change the way I act in the future so I pick myself up and try to keep going. I have not gambled or set foot in a casino in 12 days, almost 2 weeks.

It’s crazy because 2 weeks is nothing really, I’ve been gambling for 2 years. But to me, 2 weeks feels like forever. Funny how time works. I want to be proud of myself for getting to 12 days but it seems insignificant compared to how much longer I have to go (the rest of my life I guess).

Hope everyone else is doing ok with their thoughts that come alone with this addiction. It really is a struggle.

[Rdy4Chng]

Thank you for your support 🙂

[Rdy4Chng]

I am on day 12 and I am still in the denial stage about the money I think. Not so much that I won’t get it back but just HOW did I let it get that bad?? I can’t seem to forgive myself or even believe that I did it. When I think of all the money lost I just shake my head. How how how?

And since I’m not gambling anymore, there is no chance to get it back. At least when we are gambling we *THINK* we can get it back. There is some hope (which I know is ridiculous because we always lose when we gamble, but you know what I mean), now there is no hope. 

Accepting the losses is a very tough part of this. 

Congrats on day 9 though! Continue to stay positive.

[Rdy4Chng]

I totally understand this. I am on day 12 and doing pretty well but I cannot stop thinking about going to the casino. I loved playing the games and I do miss it. I downloaded a slot game which is NO money and have played that a few times in the past 2 days. Probably not a good thing to do. I should probably delete it. 

Ugh. 

[Rdy4Chng]

Love that.. “here is to everyone finding the old you”.. I am for sure feeling that right now. Trying to even remember who I was before all I did was gamble is difficult. Being g free is helping me find the things I love again and now I have more time to do them becuse I am not holed up in a casino for hours on end. 

This post was inspiring to me. Thanks and keep going!

[Rdy4Chng]

It is a good mantra! I should take my own advice haha!
I am on day 9. Strong urges and lots of thinking about going to gamble or money I have lost but I am staying strong and not gambling. 

I am focusing on making my life better and keeping myself busy with more rewarding and fulfilling activites as I see you are too. 

Well done. My thread is “finally ready to be honest” if you want to read my story.

[Rdy4Chng]

I have also been having dreams about gambling. Had a dream I was playing slots with my sister and she won $1000 right beside me. Isn’t it funny I didn’t even dream I won. Maybe that was a sign??

[Rdy4Chng]

I have also been having dreams about gambling. Had a dream I was playing slots with my sister and she won $1000 right beside me. Isn’t it funny I didn’t even dream I won. Maybe that was a sign??

[Rdy4Chng]

Well today is day 9. That is a big achievement for, sadly to say. I’d say for the past year or so I had been going to the casino about 2-4 times a week. So to abstain for this long, is a big deal.

It hasn’t been the easiest week but I have just tried to keep myself busy and out of trouble. I did some work on Saturday right near the casino I would go to most often (there are 3 of them within 1 hrs drive from me). I got paid cash at the end of my shift. I got done early. I had the perfect chance to slip away for 2 hours without anyone knowing. I had money. But I sat in my car and thought about it and decided it just wasn’t worth it. Did I really want to throw my money away? Did I think I could really only be there for fun? Nope. So I just went home. And it was awesome cuz I had my money still. No regrets. No lies. No gambling hangover.

This week will bring a new set of challenges when my husband goes back to work and I am left alone for so much time. I’ve already had thoughts of going. What day could I go? How much money could I get away with taking? .. but I know I have to crush these thoughts. Being g-free is the better way to live.

I am being positive about my recovery and trying not to dwell to much in the past which is very difficult. I have A LOT of regret and shame over what I’ve done and how much money I’ve lost. Just literally threw it away. I can’t even figure out how I did it. It happened so fast I barely remember doing it. It really makes me sick if I think about it long enough if you want to know the truth. But again I am trying not to dwell. The money is gone. No getting it back. No point obsessing over it. Not good for the recovery I don’t think. Not at this point anyways. I’m still dealing with daily urges and thinking about the money makes me want to gamble, so I’m trying to not go to those places in my mind.

In the last 2 days I’ve watched 4 movies. It was fun to turn off my brain for a while and lose myself in a fantasy instead of dealing with my reality, even if just for those few hours.

Good night all and stay gfree!

[Rdy4Chng]

Thank you for your support.

[Rdy4Chng]

Overall today was a good day. I did not gamble and kept myself busy making salsa with a friend!
I have been having thoughts of the casino but the urges were less today. I have very little cash on me right now and my cards are out of my wallet.
Bank appt tomorrow to set aside what is left and get it out of my reach. Tomorrow will be day 7. It’s been a long time since I’ve been g free that long.
Looking forward to a good day tomorrow as well!

[Rdy4Chng]

Congrats on 14 days! Huge acheivement. Keep going!

[Rdy4Chng]

Congrats on day 3. keep going!

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