[Raynor98k]

Day 6,

Still feeling fine. Honestly, I might reset the day ***** to 0 once I get paid again. The biggest urges happen when I actually have money to gamble with. It’s weird, I do have money right now, but that money is for food for myself for the rest of the month. If I were in a casino right now with my paycheck, I would spend all of it leaving myself with nothing. However, when I have money but it is for food and other necessities, I have zero urge to gamble. It’s a nice feeling really. If I can somehow adopt this mentality to money in savings or retirement, then there wouldn’t be any issues. This may sound weird, but I think one of the reasons we can’t save money as CGs is because we have this warped reality in our heads that we don’t need to save because the “big one” is coming, and all our problems will be solved. Here’s the thing, regardless of how lucky you are and have been in the past with your life, math and numbers don’t care who you are. You have the same percentage of winning as someone else, and casinos/the government do a great job of only showing us the winners and not the millions of losers.

A bit of a realization from me: I play the lottery frequently. My reasoning for doing so mostly is because if by some miracle you do win, it is life changing money. If you win in a casino, it is most likely not life changing money. Even some jackpots on slot machines are pathetic in regards of the odds to win them. Now, this is going to sound weird, but I am actually extremely thankful I have not won the lottery (yet). The reason is because I am clearly bad at managing money now, and I feel like a lot of people that do win the lottery do not have good money management skills. If I won the lottery within the last 10 years, there is no doubt I would blow a lot of most likely all of it. I can’t imagine what I would be feeling in the after math. For not winning the lottery so far, I am grateful. Some kid just won the Mega Millions here for $431 million dollars, he is 20 years old. I am always happy to see people win, and I mean that. The only thing I hope for is that they are a good person. I hope this kid has a good heart and is smart with the money.

Anyways, I hope everyone is doing well. Maybe God (or another higher power) is waiting for me to get my act together with money management before he let’s me win the big one. Delusional I know, but I’m a dreamer. Casino’s are not the place to change your life. Casino’s suck the soul out of you and I will always be against them. If I can never place another bet in a casino (in person or online), I will consider that a success. I want to get paid again so that I can really begin recovery of acknowledging urges and overcoming them. I have betfilter, there is no casino anywhere near me, it’s going to be interesting what happens, but at least I am prepared for it. Hope everyone is having a nice day.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi Alliesmum,

Don’t feel too discouraged, you sound like you have a wonderful husband and family and that is a great foundation for recovery. I would just let your husband know that this is in no way his fault (for leaving the card behind). It’s hard to understand, but any access to money is like leaving a needle around for a drug addict. It is so hard to avoid temptation when it’s there, but I believe in you. Next time a craving hits, try talking to yourself a bit before acting. Really acknowledge you have a craving, and talk to yourself logically about your decision. Understand that if you choose to act on the urge, you will lose money. Be brutally honest and say if you do this, you are throwing this money away, money that could be used for paying off debt, saving for kids, etc. I find that having goals with money are good to have. Right now I have goals to save for a down payment on a house. Anytime I get an urge, I just remind myself that if I do gamble, I will get further and further away from my goals. Stay positive, and stay honest (good job with that).

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Day 5, still feeling great. I will mention though that I did end up buying a scratcher at the grocery store yesterday. Now, do I see this as a failure? No, I do not. I have never had a problem with the lottery. It is a different vibe I get from it all together. I’m not going to defend it as I know a lot of people on here will agree that any form of gambling should be avoided. It is however different to me as I am not being soul sucked by a machine and losing money faster than avocado toast stock (San Francisco joke).

Looking back, I cannot think of one time where I fully regretting playing the lottery. And it has never sparked my cravings to go play at a casino (which I can’t even do now anyways). San Francisco is pretty great in the sense that there are no casinos close to here, and the only card room (no slot machines) we have close is about 20 miles away. I have self excluded myself from these card rooms, and California is great because you can exclude yourself from every card room with one application. Indian casinos are a little different in the sense that you have to exclude yourself from each one. There is one that is about 40 miles away, but I’ve excluded myself from it. The next one is 100 miles away, and I just have never gone that far nor want to.

So, how to feel…if I’m being perfectly honest, I feel totally happy right now. No regrets. I actually won $40 on the scratcher as well, which I will use for food for the next few days as it is still sitting in my car. I know the outcome doesn’t matter, but it is what it is. I will say that my situation is probably a little different. I have never been to the UK, but if it is like other states here, they have slot machines in gas stations and restaurants sometimes (depends on the state). If that was here, I would think the urge to play them when buying a scratcher would be pretty high. Not sure I would agree with any form of gambling then. For now, if it isn’t a problem, then that’s okay with me, and it also has to not influence other problems (which it hasn’t). I think the most I have spent on scratchers in one sitting is $40 or so. I’ll take that over the 10k+ I’ve spent having my soul sucked. Hope everyone has a great day.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi Laura,

You are absolutely right about the two signature idea. The last thing I want is to be doing well for a few months and have a lot saved up, only to flush it all down the toilet in one day. I am always on the look out for limiting access to my money as much as I can. Having it in a retirement account (Roth IRA) did not help as it was easy to withdraw those funds. Not really sure what the best approach is here.

I’m done a lot of planning what I could actually do. The good news is I never use my credit cards anymore. I’ve been meaning to put them in the safe at my apartment, but I’ve just never really used them or wanted to. I do however use my debit card. This may sound extreme, but I was thinking of putting my debit card in the safe to limit spending (not just for temptation gambling, but in general being better with money). I thought I would withdraw $100 cash for food/gas and only take $20 with me at any given time, the rest I would leave at home. I know this sounds extreme, but I think it would help with budgeting in general until I get a better grip on my finances.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi I-did-it,

I’m glad I’m not the only one who is paranoid about being judged by shop clerks haha!

Yes, I know that feeling all too well. The feeling of seeing your balance number be higher than 0 on a site. But let’s not also forget that inevitable feeling of depression like you said. Next time a craving strikes, really acknowledge it, and then talk to yourself about it. Play out what will happen if you put money on a site. Do be honest and say I will most likely not hit a jackpot, and even if I do, I know I won’t stop. You have to have goals with your money or you will get no where.

The cool thing about quitting gambling is that all of a sudden, you start to have a lot of money lol. Sure you’re probably paying down debts, but it’s nice to eat out every once and a while and do something for yourself or friends/family. Not having to worry about money is a feeling we all deserve. I know the feeling all too well of not having enough money for food, so I have to dig through the change in my car to get a cheap burger somewhere. Or the feeling of going to a grocery store, and freaking out because I barely have enough for groceries. I always get this paranoid feeling that my debit card wont work, and my other cards are either closed or maxed. I don’t want that feeling anymore, it sucks. The excitement from gambling is not worth all the other strings attached. Take care

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Day 4, still going strong. I’ve actually been doing a lot of thinking about money lately. Specifically, I want to save up for a house. Now, I live in San Francisco, so that idea is probably a fantasy seeing as how the average home in the Bay Area is $1 Million. That being said, we make decent money here, and you can find houses for 500-600k if you go a bit out of the area. I would like my first house to be around 500k, that means saving up about 100k as a down payment. This will obviously take a while, and I would like to pay off my 18-19k of credit card/student loan debt first. I’m not discouraged, actually pretty excited to do so. It gets easier to break bad habits when you create new good habits. I just have to stay away from gambling because it will delay my goals longer. There is no room in my life or budget for gambling. Just have to be prepared for inevitable cravings and stay positive.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Day 3 and I still feel fine, however I have done a bit of exploring with my mind via role play. It is clear to me that the urges come back when I think I have money (I tricked myself into thinking I got paid again). I’ve noticed something though, the cravings aren’t just in my head, but also in my gut. It felt like an exciting nervousness hit my gut. That’s scary. I did however managed to talk myself out of it. I think it is incredibly important that we recognize we are having cravings. Once you do that and can remember what happens when you act on them, you can force yourself to do something else. For me, cravings seem to hit when I am bored. I have to keep my brain constantly stimulated it seems.

Anyways, I have installed bet filter, but I know our minds will try to find another way to get that dopamine hit. Luckily, there are no casinos around me that I can go to, and I am hoping bet filter blocks any site I go to. Another thing I want to start thinking about when these urges strike is that if I do act on them, I am betraying my girlfriend and friends/family. I am basically cheating on her. I would never betray her trust with another woman, so why is it that I feel it is ok to go behind her back and do something cynical? Gambling needs to have a negative view for me from now on. It’s exciting yes, a bunch of different emotions, but you know what else is probably exciting and full of emotions, robbing a bank, and you don’t see me doing that lol. There are many other illegal activities that I would never even give a second thought seriously that would probably give this high, that is why gambling needs to be framed as an extremely negative activity for me. Probably a bad analogy, I’m not thinking of doing anything illegal I just want to be clear on that :).

The point is, gambling needs to be framed as a horrible activity. It is not a social, fun, or worthwhile activity that the media paints it to be. It is poison for our brains, like alcohol. If anything, I want to remember the consequences of gambling when those urges strike, and I want to immediately remind myself that if I gamble, I am cheating on my friend/family and girlfriend. I am lying and being cynical. That’s not who I am deep down. That’s not who any of us our deep down. It’s time to get our integrity and character back. Hope you all have a great day.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi Charles,

You are absolutely right. Today I am going to install betfilter because it sounds like that is what the majority of people recommend. I am also going to google some casinos that I have not signed up for and reach out to their support to request a self exclusion. Day 2 of gambling free and still feel fine, but I want to be prepared for those urges because they will come. I just need to have blockers in place, and when I do get those urges just talk to myself out loud. Really take a look at what I’m feeling, and what will happen if I act on them. And be brutally honest, no more thinking “I could hit the jackpot”, because even if I do, well, you know the story.

Oddly enough though, I’ve never really had a problem with scratchers or the lottery here. Everything is cash only here, which I never carry much of. I would normally buy one or two scratchers and leave it at that. I think there are two reasons why I don’t blow my entire paycheck playing the lottery:

– When I run out of money, I have to run to the bank to get more and it gets tiring (I guess this is an unintentional blocker). There is no convenience to keep spending money freely.

– To me, and I feel a lot of problem gamblers are like this, they don’t want people to know they have a problem. So when I go back to the same store and buy more tickets, I don’t want to be judged by the clerk. Even bringing in a winning ticket right after I scratched it feels weird to me. I could go to different places (and I have), but eventually I stop because I come to my senses (another blocker)?

I guess i just need to distract myself for long enough when those urges hit. They usually show up at night when I want to stay up and “work”. I kind of wish I could just get rid of my computers, but unfortunately I am a web developer so I don’t think that can happen.

Anyways, day 2 gamble free. I feel fine today. I have money in my account for food and other things until I get paid again. I will install betfilter when I get home. Cheers

Best Regards,

Nick

[Raynor98k]

Thank you everyone for the responses. And I would like to extend my help to anyone else who is finding their self in a dark place.

Hopefully this is my last day 1 without gambling, but today I feel pretty good. Yesterday I had a deep cloudy disturbance in my brain. I think it’s because of the hours of trance state I was in, and the realization that I had lost a lot of money when I came out of that trance. Gambling is poison to our brains, but their is hope. The brain is an extremely powerful organ, and it changes all the time given the environments you put it in. I am not sure how you guys feel about meditation, but I am going to give it a try. I feel like I can change my habits through this, as well as changing my subconscious minds thoughts. If I had to guess, I feel that a lot of people on this site probably have negative thoughts about themselves running through their subconscious minds. You can always challenge these thoughts with logic, this is something they do a lot in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and I think it is extremely useful in any addiction recovery.

Anyways, this has always been the easy part for me. The next few days after losing my paycheck, I feel at peace as bad as that sounds. There is no temptation for me to spend money because I have none. I am thankful I have not crossed the threshold of digging myself deeper into debt. In fact, aside from a few payday loans I have to take out to get by the next few weeks, I am actually paying down my credit card and student loan debt every month. The hard part is when I will get paid again. I need to really understand in my subconscious mind that gambling is not socially acceptable. Even though it’s made to look like it on TV, gambling will never be acceptable. It is poison and a form of escapism, just like drugs and alcohol. If you can find a healthy activity that lets you escape to replace gambling, then you can kick it to the curb. Hope everyone is having a great day.

EDIT: I would also like to add that I firmly believe the best way to break a bad habit, is to create new good habits to replace them with. This is something I will be exploring as well. Take care

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Thank you for the welcome. It has become evident that I am not in the right mindset to handle my finances currently. Are there any techniques you can recommend to make it is difficult as possible to get my money onto these sites? I’m pretty safe from physical casinos as I have banned myself from literally everyone around me, but the online sites are the real killers. I live in San Francisco if that helps. Thanks again

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Thank you for the warm welcome. I have researched blocking software, and yes I believe that is a blocker I need to put into place. Anything that deteriorates myself from gambling is worth its weight in gold. Thank you again

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Thank you for the warm welcome. I have read up on game blocking software, and I really need to purchase it on my next pay check. Is betfilter easy to uninstall? I want to start putting blockers in place and the more solid the better. Thank you again for the welcome.

–Nick

[Author]

Posts