[Raynor98k]

Day 12,

I’m doing okay today. I haven’t had urges to gamble in a casino or online, but I have been thinking about the lottery more. I play the lottery pretty much everyday (small amounts), and I do not really have a desire to play more. The problem is that I may be experiencing what we call “brain fog”, some might call it depression. I’m not sad, but I’m just trying to think of things to do now that I don’t gamble. I don’t miss it, but gambling was extremely exciting, and I hope I can find something I’m passionate about. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my career, and really want to start a company someday. However, nothing seems appealing to me right now. I suppose this may be the hardest part about recovery, filling the hole that addiction left. I still play video games, but I want something that I am passionate about in a career (this has always been a struggle for me). I have a great job right now as a software developer, but something doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel happy doing my current line of work, even though it is helping people (I work with scientists doing Oncology work (study of cancer)). I’ve just always wanted to start my own company, but there is nothing that I am extremely passionate about. Oh well, as a wise man once said, it isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey. I guess I am just going to keep reading and expanding my knowledge until an opportunity comes my way.

Even though I play the lottery, I still consider this gamble free for me because it has never been a problem. I don’t do much in the form of entertainment, and I consider this my entertainment. I know the odds, but it’s still fun for me. Hope everyone is having a gamble free day.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

Great job on making it this far. I know some days are harder than others, but the urges and thoughts will go away the more you stay away from it. You have done great so far and seem to be in the right mindset. Keep going!

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Day 11,

Still feeling fine, although I have been thinking about the lottery a lot lately. I still do buy scratchers and it still isn’t a problem, but I have been viewing winning a large sum of money as a sort of bad thing lately. I have read countless stories about people winning the lottery, only to have their lives destroyed. I think this has a lot to do with people who play the lottery are not generally the best with money, so when they come into the possession of a large amount of money, they don’t really know how to handle it and go crazy. Also, the stories about family and friends acting differently towards you makes my stomach cringe. The worst for me though is if by some miracle you do win, you have to come forward to claim it here in the US. As far as I know, you cannot remain fully anonymous, and that would worry me. Next time I buy a powerball ticket, I will think about this. Hope everyone is having a good gambling free healthy day.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi Ryan,

Congrats on two major accomplishments: excluding yourself from sites (huge) and also letting your family know (also huge). Gambling addiction is a devastating disease with potentially huge consequences. You have taken a great first step into helping yourself change your habits. Beating an addiction of any kind requires you to form new good habits to replace them with. Urges will be there, but as long as you set up blockers and are aware of your thoughts, you should be okay.

I have been working a lot with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and find it to be extremely effective. Basically what has happened here on a molecular level is that neurons in our brains have formed connections based on continuous behavior. These connections release dopamine, and fire whenever we think about or see something that reminds us of the behavior (triggers).

Habits form (good and bad) through positive reinforcement. If we do any activity, and the outcome is better than the expectation, dopamine is released. This explains why gambling is so insanely addictive. Even though we can be delusional in thinking about a big win, we know in the logic part of our brains that we will most likely lose. Anytime you win, it just reinforces this thought process and more dopamine is released. This is our brain saying, “Hey! Remember this because this is important!”. However, our brains have a pretty big flaw with the reward system and perception. We continue to gamble because of the anticipation of a big win. Our brain just thinks about the win and awesome feeling, but totally disregards the losses and despair which is ironically hurting our chances of survival (the exact opposite of what the reward system is designed to aid with).

Long story short, these connections will fade away the longer you do not give in to the urges. There is always hope. Have your blockers in place, and the next time you get a craving, just talk to yourself a bit. Decide firmly that you are not going to act on impulse, but instead weigh your options and then make a decision. Best of luck Ryan

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

I think what needs to happen is I need to do something with the money right away. Pay bills, pay myself, set money aside for food instantly when I get the money. I have $1000 dollars in my safe at home for emergency fast money, but the rest of my money I will transfer immediately to my online savings (which takes a few days to withdraw from). I guess the real trick is having a plan for your money before it comes in. Gotta stay one step ahead of your urges/habit. Hope you are doing well.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Day 10,

No urges to report. This may be a shorter post today, but I believe the reason I have not had any triggers is because I have no money. I have not crossed the threshold of racking up gambling debt with credit cards, so that may be why there is no impulse to use my cards to play online. The real challenge will be when I get paid again next week. I already know it is going to be difficult saving up money for a down payment on a house. I believe my real day 1 starts when I have extra money, but I need to come to the realization that extra money does not mean blow money, I should be saving for the future. Hope everyone is having a good day.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi TTA,

Congrats on making it this far, you’re doing great. The fact that you came here and started a thread is a HUGE step towards recovery. My mom filed for bankruptcy 6 years ago (non gambling related), so I have some experience as to how difficult that can be. On the plus side, you can say good bye to credit cards, something that I am in the process of doing. I am not sure what chapter of bankruptcy you filed for (I am familiar with chapter 7). Here in California, that means that you actually get to keep your assets, and get rid of all you unsecured debt. This can be credit cards, auto loans, even some IRS debt. In fact, many inspiring people throughout history have gone through bankruptcy. Abraham Lincoln, Walt Disney, to name a few. I would look at it as a fresh start. You can always bounce back from this, you’re basically just giving the middle finger to credit card companies and other lenders (and believe me, they deserve it!). Credit card companies are the biggest vultures on this planet. Society has painted bankruptcy as something horrible, when in reality, the only people that want you to think it’s bad is banks and lenders. They want people to think it’s bad, because what actually happens when someone files for bankruptcy is they lose. They lose big time. You deserve this win. I am actually going to congratulate you on this decision. Well done TTA, I am happy you get a fresh start. I would do the same in your shoes. Stay strong and keep posting.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Thank you for the kind words i-did-it, and thank you for being active in my thread. It is really great having someone to talk to.

Day 9,

I still do not have any urges. I have money that I could use for purposes other than eating or necessities, but I just don’t even want to think about opening another site online. I’ve opened probably 20 accounts in the past, and the funny thing is I have never withdrew any money. I might exclude myself from some sites today just to be safe.

I have been doing a lot of research on addiction and brain chemistry, and it seems that dopamine is released when the outcome of an event is greater than the expected result. That line right there shows how sinister gambling is. We all expect to lose (maybe not on the surface, but deep down, we know the odds are against us). So when we win, we get a massive dopamine hit. And the brain is actually quite stupid with this, because the reward system is a survival mechanism. Anytime it finds something amazing, it releases dopamine to get our attention. “Hey! Remember this because this is important!”. However, our brain is really bad at processing the same activity and giving it a negative score for every time we lose. Our brain literally told us this is important to our survival (when we win), but it totally ignores the fact that we are hurting our survival every time we lose. Funny how that works. The brain is an amazing organ, but it does have it’s flaws. A primitive reward system is one of them.

If you guys are like me, you might also suffer from low dopamine receptors. This leads to depression. The brain was not conditioned to get massive spikes of dopamine like you do with gambling or other drugs. I read that cocaine spikes dopamine levels by 600%…600%! And the amount of time it takes to hit you is based on how it is consumed (injected, snorted, etc). I am not sure how much gambling gives off, but I do know that healthy habits (such as exercising), gives off a max of 250% dopamine, and that is gradually over time. No wonder people with low dopamine receptors can get addicted so easily.

And you guys want to know the most addictive substance on Earth? You may have guessed it, and yes, it is sugar. Sugar is 10 times more addictive than cocaine. That’s why there is sugar in literally everything in a super market (almost everything). Sugar is also closely followed by Nicotine. This is why it is so hard to quit smoking. It can be done, but it takes a lot of work.

My point is, everyone is fighting their own battles, but we may have a common theme under the hood. I feel like many of us have low dopamine receptors. The good news is that when you introduce healthy dopamine producing activities into your life (exercise, healthy diet, produce), you can create more connections and receptors. It just takes time, but do know that everyday you say no to your urges, those bad connections begin to unplug themselves, and the urges will get weaker over time. Keep going everyone, I believe in you all.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

It can be hard to look back on everything and get down on yourself. I think the most important thing that you have to do when moving forward is that you have to forgive yourself. Understand that your mind and decision making ability was high jacked. This is not an excuse, but the truth.

There will be plenty of more opportunities in your life time, in all aspects of your life. My favorite quote of all time is “luck is being prepared when opportunity presents itself”. I relate this to learning as much as we can, and working as hard and smart as possible. I think you have a great opportunity right now with helping people that really need it. To me, that is worth so much more to us than a big paycheck. Don’t get me wrong, money is important, but there are always good paying jobs out there. I try not to stress too much about money because it comes and goes constantly. If you set goals for yourself about where you want to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years, and make a plan, you will achieve them.

I’m an advocate about self education, and I use Udemy a lot to learn anything really (that’s how I became a software developer). I do not have a degree, just an interest in building things. It is cheap to take these courses (only buy them when on sale), and they are taught by industry professionals. If you want to learn anything, they most likely have it.

http://www.udemy.com

Or you can just look things up on youtube :). Have a great day

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

Great job on your progress so far, really well done. I can relate to the belittling comments. We have done a lot in the past years that we regret, but please know that our decision making was high jacked by our bad habit.

For some insight, my parents divorced when I was 6. My dad went on to re marry and basically moved on with his life and her kids, leaving me and my brother without a father. I attribute this to my negative subconscious thoughts about me not being good enough. While I do not say these things out loud, I do feel that way sometimes. These thoughts probably did not help me with gambling and most likely made it a form of escapism for me. I am currently changing my inner voice to a more positive version by conditioning my subconscious.

Anyways, please do not feel guilty about the past. Everything that we have done has been necessary to get to where we are now. We now have a ton of wisdom because of it, and the future has never looked brighter for us. You will break this bad habit, and you will become whatever you wish to become. Stay strong and keep up the awesome work.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Day 8,

Feeling really good today, although I did have a pretty big headache last night on one side of my head that progressed to the other side when it woke me up this morning (first time I have woken up from a headache). I do not think this is recovery related as I have gotten headaches pretty frequently in the past.

I have been doing a lot of research on brain chemistry, specifically, what happens to someones brain when they become addicted to something. And more importantly, how to heal the brain from addiction. There is a lot of good news on this topic that will be very uplifting to everyone here, but the long story short is that the brain can recover and is constantly changing. Neurons in our brain have receptors that link together by which dopamine and serotonin travel (the chemicals that give us that “high” feeling whenever we do something pleasurable). I read that addiction is a disease in which the person addicted perceives pleasure in a negative way. This is because of all the years of repetition, it just becomes natural to us.

Now the important thing to all this is how do we go about healing ourselves? Well, we know we are creatures of habit, and when we do something for long enough, neurons form connections in our brain. The reality is, we cannot “fix” these connections. They will eventually fade away the more we do not engage in the activity. The most powerful thing you can do to break out of a bad habit is to create a new good habit. Instead of saying “I am going to stop gambling”, try coming up with a good positive goal such as “I want to pay off my debt so that I can travel the world (or some other hobby/interest)”. Urges will come, but you are strong now and recognize that these urges are part of the recovery process. You know what will happen if you give into these urges. Divert your attention to something that matters to you. Me for example, I am learning Japanese so that I can travel to Japan someday.

Closing today’s post, I know how you feel. I know it all too well. But let’s look at the other side of the coin. You are still here. You have the power to change your destiny. Here are some very useful and relevant videos that you can watch to understand what is going on here. Because as cliche as it is, knowledge is power. Thanks and have a good day.

Ted talk on addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqhzFd4NUPI

Very powerful and strong talk about what addiction is and how to heal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z6w5IxZX2U&t=107s

Subconscious training (I did this last night and it has already shown tremendous benefits, please try it sometime): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty6MKNLnqAo&t=2360s

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

Its an android galaxy s6. It looks like there are some apps on the store, but I’m not sure what ones are viable. I do need a phone though, maybe I should just contact as many casinos as I can and exclude myself. Thanks

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Day 7,

It has been a whole week since I have gambled in a casino (online or in person, not including lottery). If you read my previous posts, I have never identified the lottery as a problem because it has never been a problem for me. Casinos are 100% a problem, and will always be a problem for me. Any form of gambling that makes it easy to drain your bank account in private will be a problem.

As far as urges go, nothing still. No altered moods, no obsessive thinking, no crazy thoughts. Betfilter is in place on my laptop and working, however I am a little concerned about my phone. I read reviews on the betfilter mobile blocker and they looked pretty bad. Right now I am looking for an option to block gambling sites for mobile devices. Any recommendations will be helpful. I know when I get paid again, I will want to gamble, so I am trying to make it as hard as possible to do so. I am going to pay myself first and put money away in a savings account (it takes a couple days to transfer it out of there). Going to try to keep as little in my checking account as possible. Even if the urges do hit, it will take a few days to transfer money out of my online savings. I have a reminder set on my phone to post here everyday, so I’m hoping even if I do decide to transfer money to my checking account, I come to my senses either later in the day or next day. I’m feeling pretty good and confident though. It’s nice to have a sense of hope and the thoughts of a good future. Hope everyone is doing well in their journey.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

Congrats on day 22, that’s awesome! And good job on not giving into the urges, it’s pretty awesome what we can get with money we have from not gambling.

Just remember as in life, good things take time. Humans naturally want things now. This is why the urges have not gone away. Your brain does a remarkable job at remembering the big wins and easy money, while at the same time tossing out all the more common memories of losing everything and despair. Great job so far, just keep talking to yourself when urges come. Really play it out in your head and let your brain know what will happen, because we all know what will happen. Keep it up and good luck.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi Jay2k,

Congrats on recognizing you have a problem so early (and doing something about it). Many people go through a big portion of their lives gambling, only to realize it is a problem some 20 years down the road. You have seen the immediate affects of gambling. It sucks, it blows, it’s the worst. It sucks your soul out and robs you of your character and integrity. The good news is, it can be stopped.

I find the best way to break a bad habit is to create a new good habit. Being smarter with money has helped me a lot. I’ve made financial goals for myself, and made strict budgets adhering to these goals. I suggest you make some long term financial goals for yourself, because you are incredibly young and have time on your side (which is the most important thing to growing wealth).

First step, admit you have a problem (you have done this). Next step is action. GA never really helped me that much, but talking to people sure has (maybe it will be different for you). Action items you should take right now are self exclusion. Spend a day going to casinos/bookies around you (without cash or card) and just fill out self exclusion forms. Go to security and tell them you want to exclude yourself. Every experience I have done this has been nice, they take this seriously and will help you. It’s relieving to walk out of a casino knowing it is your last time there. Next step would be to block yourself from online sites. This has been a killer for me lately, but I have betfilter installed on my devices now, and have contacted support on pretty much every gambling site known to man asking to exclude me from playing there. Once you do both of these, things will get better.

Another important step is to come up with a money plan. Surrendering your finances to a trusted love one is a recommended suggestion on here and in GA. Currently, I have very strict spending limits on my debit card, and have cut up all my credit cards while I pay down the balances. Most days I just carry a little bit of cash for gas and food. Different techniques work for different people. The important thing is that you put barriers and strategies in place instead of just saying “I’m just going to be better with money” or “I’m never gambling again”. Breaking an addiction requires a lifestyle change. You have to commit to change or things will stay the same. Stay strong and know that you’re already WAY ahead of others in stopping. Good luck and keep posting.

–Nick

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