[Raynor98k]

Hi Billy Bob,

 

I don’t think I can go without a smart phone. A lot of the work that I do is dependent on it, and I would say I am on it just as much as my regular PC. Not sure if this is an option.

 

In regards to the lottery, I do not play everyday, but I do see that even though it is not hurting me financially, it probably isn’t helping. It’s hard, we have a group pool at work, and I probably spend $2-$5 a week for that pool. We don’t go crazy, usually buy a couple tickets a week. We’re a pretty small office of 6 people, so it is a little hard to avoid. That being said, I am willing to do anything to prevent myself from emptying my bank account through these stupid online garbage sites. The worst part about all this is that my information has to be on at least 30 sites by now (including Social Security number), and that’s a little scary when I think about it.

 

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi Charles,

 

Thank you for the resource. I actually went straight to this page when I found the website got updated. Most, if not all of these products have pretty bad reviews on Google/Apple Store, which made me hesitent to try them (I always look at reviews before buying). Are you familiar with any of them in regards to mobile

devices? Thanks

 

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

You have been making incredible progress, and that is awesome! I love that you were able to identify that these awesome new shoes was worth about 20 minutes in a casino. Realistically, it’s probably more like 5-10 minutes. How pathetic is that? These guys are vultures and prey off the weak, but I am so happy that we can all see that. Well done on your gamble free time, I look forward in continuing to read your thread.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hey Everyone,

So this weekend was my birthday, and my girlfriend surprised me with a trip to a well known gambling area. I posted this a while ago, but decided to remove it as I didn’t want to promote making a decision to gamble. I tried to get out of it, even told her I believe I have a problem with gambling and it was addictive, but everything was paid for and she wanted to go. So, I decided that just for that weekend, I would allow myself to play. I gave myself a budget (which I withdrew prior). Here’s what happened:

We got there Friday, and we went to a buffet. It was amazing and the best part of the trip by far. All you can eat crab and everything else you could imagine. I paid for both of us even though she offered. This was in my budget that I didn’t really plan out (more on that in a bit). I took $500 in cash, but didn’t really think about leaving myself more in my checking account. After the buffet and drinks, I have about $200 left in my account, but still had $500. I brought this money to gamble, so I was okay losing it. We played a bit and my girlfriend said she was going to go to bed, but I could keep playing since it was my last night in my 20’s. Well, I think you all know this story. I stayed downstairs, proceeded to lose my $500, and then withdrew the $200 remaining and lost that as well. I went to bed really depressed.

Woke up the next day with $2 in my wallet. This was my birthday, and I told my girlfriend I lost my money last night. I told her I was upset with myself, but I wasn’t going to let it ruin my birthday. She wanted to play a bit, so I went downstairs with her and she gave me $10 to sit on a machine next to her. I hated taking that money from her, just hated it.

I played it off like I was having a great birthday, but I was actually super depressed about the whole day. Not having money sucks, I think we can all relate to that. Thankfully, it was my birthday, and she paid for everything, but I still do not like having people pay for me. I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there the next morning.

I appreciate everything my girlfriend did, but I told her on the ride home that I have a gambling problem. I didn’t go into details, but I let her know that it is damn near impossible for me to handle myself in a casino. I don’t think she quite understood, but it’s fine. It’s hard for someone who has never gone through an addiction to really understand what it is like.

It’s not a big deal to me if she understands, because I am not gambling anytime soon. In fact, I knew how this would play out, and I am right back here (also planned that out). I am fine financially, actually in better shape this month then the last 7 months. I have no more loans other than credit cards, and I am looking forward to paying those off. I have absolutely zero desire to gamble now, but I did break some of my values this weekend (don’t act on impulse and don’t jeopardize your financial goals). I am looking forward to getting back on track and back into the groove of before this trip. Nothing is going to change in terms of my commitment. Even though this was planned, this is still my Day 2 (about to be Day 3) gamble free. Hope everyone is doing well.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

Glad to see you are still living gamble free. I gambled this weekend, but I knew it would happen (birthday trip from girlfriend). I’ll write a post on my thread about it after this.

I get exactly what you are saying. I have always viewed money in a negative way. I associate so many bad things with money, that I really do not care for it, but have found myself trying to force caring about it for my futures sake. I feel like my lack of respect for money made it easier to blow it away on that senseless activity. I live in the US, and it really disgusts me at the massive wealth inequality here. The biggest culprits are the conservatives that hide behind religion. I am not a religious person, but I do believe the bible does teach good lessons. I also believe that Jesus was a real person, and I try to live my life like him. It sickens me when people who claim to be religious are only out for themselves, and they are so blind they cannot see that their greed is hurting others. I believe Jesus would be poverty level poor if he were here, because he would be constantly giving his money away to help others. I don’t think he would be too concerned about his stock portfolio, but people think otherwise.

Sorry, I had to rant about that for a bit. I don’t think I will ever be wealthy, because I like to give to people constantly. If people are really suffering, I try to help. We need more of that, this world really needs more of that. The main problem is that the way our current economy is setup, you are treated as a god for the amount of wealth you have. You could have stolen that money, or been born into it, or just screwed over a bunch of people to get it, and yet we treat rich people like they have everything figured out. Society has a bunch of things backwards. I wish wealth was determined by one’s honesty, integrity and generosity. Truly pure/good heart’d people will never be on top economically, because corruption does not play by the rules. Something’s gotta give, but who knows what that something is. All you can really do is try to make the world a better place. Love always wins in the end. Take care

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

I think you are doing great, but I wanted to ask about the lottery win. What sorts of things would you not be anxious about if you won the lottery? I am curious because I buy a ticket every other day, but it’s not really about the money for me. It’s the “what if it’s meant to be factor” that I want to find out, and this is a cheap way of doing it (as long as you don’t go overboard). The only thing a lottery win would bring you is money, but the old saying goes “more money, more problems”. I believe this to be absolutely true. I am finding through budgeting and hard work that earning your fortune instead of winning it is so much more satisfying.

If you are anxious because of money problems, I would recommend taking a look at Dave Ramsey’s channel on youtube. I just recently started watching him a few months ago, and I wish I found him sooner. He is very smart about money and has “baby steps” laid out for you to follow. I have done baby step 1 (build $1000 emergency fund), and am currently on step 2 (pay off all your debt). This is the hardest and most painful step, but it will be incredibly rewarding when it is done. I will be able to look back and say that I got rich on my own terms, not because of the pull of a handle or push of a button. That, to me, is way more valuable than just coming into money. Just my thoughts, hope you are well and congrats on the gamble free life you are living.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi Tyler,

I am glad you are finding this site helpful. Truth be told, I knew I had a problem for years, but it was only until I took action (reached out to this site, put up blockers, etc) is when things started to change. It sounds like you have other things going on in your life, but you recognize that you are the most important thing, and you want to help yourself with this issue. For that, I applaud you.

I posted this on your other thread, but I will ask if you have excluded yourself from nearby casinos? I ask because this is an incredibly important second step you can take. It is important you start to put up your blockers now when you have a clear mindset, because when you start to have urges with no blockers/plan in place, that’s when it’s easy to slip back to old habits.

Getting over this addiction was very eye opening to me. I started to learn as much as I could about what happens to the brain when someone becomes addicted to something. I wanted to learn as much as I could so that I could understand what was going on. If you are interested in this path, I will save you the search. These two videos helped me the most:

This is a TED Talk from Dr. Pamela Peeke about the behaviors of addiction. She talks most about a food addiction, but the bottom line is that every addiction is formed the same way. It can be alcohol, drugs, gambling, other behavioral addictions (porn), anything really. It really opens your eyes that you are really not alone. Everyone is fighting their own battles.

The second video is my favorite. It is a lecture by Dr. Kevin T. McCauley about the brain and recovery. I like this because he goes into in depth detail about how dopamine is released during activities and the actual amounts. It’s scary how much gets released for addictive activities. I also enjoy his talks because he is an admitted sugar addict, and I feel I can relate to him. See, even doctors can be addicts, that’s a little comforting in a weird way. It’s a little long (90 min), but well worth it. The video can be found here:

I suggest self excluding (if you haven’t already), and then start to do your homework on what addiction actually is. It is comforting to know that, although we have a brain illness, it can be reversed. The brain is always changing, and it is a truly fascinating organ. Take care and keep posting.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi Peter,

I have thought about the amount of money I have lost in the past. While I do not have an exact estimate, I believe it to be between 150-300k. The exact amount doesn’t matter, but what does matter is that I understand that I was not meant to keep that money in my current state. I do not think about the “what ifs” because my destiny was not meant to have that money at that given time. I see it as a lesson about my own thinking and behaviors, and if you look at it as a life lesson for you individually, then I believe it is easier to swallow.

Money comes and goes. Poor become wealthy and wealthy become poor overnight. It happens all the time. It’s funny, I play the lottery on a regular basis, and I am actually thankful that I have not won in the past. I know if I did, those lessons would hurt a lot more. I am thankful for everything I have. I am thankful that I get to walk outside and see the beautiful day in the morning. I am thankful for my mom and my wonderful girlfriend. I am thankful for my health. I am also thankful for this forum and the people in it. Everyone is fighting their own battles, but we all have some common ground.

I actually had an inheritance of 50k last year, and I will say that money did not last long (not all to gambling, but a nice portion). It was from my grandma, and she was my world. Always supported me, always loved me. While I am a little frustrated about bad decisions with the money, I look at it as a lesson. I was not meant to have that money. Even if I did, I would trade it in a heart beat to have lunch with my grandma one more time.

The point is, once you set some goals and values for yourself, you start to appreciate things in life a little more. I was really bad with money, and a compulsive liar (it was easier to lie then tell the truth). I decided as a value, I was going to be true to myself. Every decision I make from now on, I do not act on impulse, but talk to myself and am honest. There is no reason to lie to myself. I think that is what a lot of the people on here have come to terms with. They are done fooling themselves and want change. That, to me, shows that they care about themselves, and they know they are good people. No one on here is bad. We have done dumb things in the past, but who hasn’t? Just know that your decisions and actions that you have made in the past is not a reflection of your true self. Your brain was high jacked, but your heart never left, which is why we’re here.

Final thought: money comes and goes. At the end of the day, it’s just numbers. You can earn back every cent you lost if you wanted to. I want to, and I am planning to. Life isn’t about making money, it’s about being grateful for things you have, and enjoying the experiences. If you try to make the world a better place, you are making the most of your time, and that is the most important thing to me. Take care

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi Liz,

Thought I’d stop by to offer some support. I am sorry to hear about your friend’s reaction to you opening up to them about your problem. In my opinion, their answer was very immature. It falls along the same lines as someone looking at a homeless person and saying “they should just get a job”. They don’t know what their past was like, or their current situation. Everyone is fighting their own battles, and although your friend may not have an addiction, they should be able to show a little sympathy towards you. Just my 2 cents.

Anyways, I believe in you. I believe in all of us. Getting over an addiction means creating a lifestyle change. I’ve never really had goals or values before, but I added a couple values:

– Never act on anything out of impulse (except survival situations)

– Be true to yourself

I do not fight urges. I understand that urges are part of the recovery process. The more you do not give into them, the easier it gets. Whenever I get an urge, I put it front and center, “Oh hey, I am having an urge to gamble. Let’s role play this really quick and see what will happen”. I then realize that whatever money I wager, I will lose. Doesn’t matter if I win, I will give it back because the system is designed that way. I then bring up one of my goals: owning a house. I tell myself, “I know that whatever money I risk, I will lose. That will put me further away from my goals. Acting on this urge will also violate my value of being true to myself. I am not going to be in secrecy anymore.” By the time I run through all of this slowly, the urge fades quickly. Just some tips I have used that have shown success. You can do this, I believe in you. Make some goals and create some values. What kind of person do you want to be? Then, talk things out. Be aware of your thoughts. You can create a new life for yourself, it just takes a little bit of planning and some work, but you can do it. Take care

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi Tyler,

Really well done on recognizing that you have a problem. Sadly, a lot of people either never make it here, or come here when they hit complete rock bottom. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you, so you are already way ahead on your road to recovery.

The first thing I would do is what some people already mentioned: exclude yourself from surrounding casinos. I live in San Francisco, so this was relatively easy for me because the closest casino is about 20 miles away. After that,. the gap gets larger. I recommend spending a day and driving to every casino near you (without cash/card) and excluding yourself. You can walk up to the front desk or security and they will help you. In my experience, they have been very friendly and take this very seriously. Do this for every casino close to you. This is step 1 of your blockers.

Step 2: download game blocking software. I use betfilter and have found it to be very effective. It’s about 60$/year per device, but anything to help you stop gambling is worth it’s weight in gold. I recommend buying and installing this on every device you have. I know it has helped me a ton.

Step 3, arguably the most important step: lifestyle change. To get over a bad habit (addiction), you need a complete lifestyle change. This means you need to develop good healthy habits to replace the bad habits with. I’ll give you an example: I am awful with money (not gambling related). I never had a budget, never had goals, just bought whatever I wanted and ate out a lot. The term “death by a thousand cuts” was probably created because of me. It was never a big purchase that killed me, it was the 1000 $30-50 purchases that did. So I decided I was going to be better with money. I make a budget every 2 weeks (every paycheck), and know exactly where my money is going at all times. I keep things in check with my main goals:

– I want to be able to buy a house (I’m 29)
– I want to be financially independent

Anytime I want to make a purchase, I weigh the pros and cons. The cons are almost always tied into my goals, and because of this, I have gotten a lot more disciplined with money. But the better question is, how does this work with gambling urges? If I get an urge to gamble (very rare now), I do these steps:

– Acknowledge the urge. This is extremely important. You hear a lot of stories about people “fighting” their urges. I am against fighting urges, because when you tell yourself “you need to stop gambling” or “I will not gamble” all your subconscious mind hears is “gamble”. I like to think logically and rationally about all thoughts now. One of my other goals/values now is to not act on impulse to anything (unless it’s for survival). When you get an urge to gamble, bring it front and center. Tell yourself “Oh hey, I’m having an urge to gamble. That’s fine, it is part of recovery, let’s play it out in my head really quick” which leads to the next action…

– Roleplay/Fast forward. I know what happens when I gamble. I know I cannot stop. So when I think about gambling and hitting a big jackpot, I tell myself “It doesn’t matter if I win because the system is designed to keep me playing until I lose it all. It is a trap and I know I will lose whatever money I risk.” I then tie this perceived outcome to my goals values in the last step…

– I want a house, I want to be honest, no secrecy. For myself and my family. If I gamble, I’ve already established I will lose. Less money equals less money for house, so that goal would be delayed. I would also do this in secret, and I am not doing anything in secret anymore. I am honest all the time. Because of these values/goals and this way of thinking, the urge fades very quickly. This is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and I find it to be extremely effective in combating any addiction. The more you do not give into the urges, the less powerful they will be.

The last piece of advice I would recommend is to stay active in the forums. Reading other people posts and responding to their threads has helped me a lot. I have not gambled in 35 days, and since then I have done all the above and only had an urge one time. It was quickly gone because I decided to post on here before acting on anything. I would recommend staying active here, and if you want to seek a counselor, I would highly recommend that as well.

Just remember, what you have been doing (sneaking off to casinos) is not the real you. The brain is extremely powerful, but very primitive still (especially the reward system). We know you are not a bad person, and you know that as well. We have created a bad habit that we would like to change. It doesn’t matter what we did in the past, as long as we can learn from our mistakes. You are already on the right path, and you have the tools to stay there. Stay active, stay aware of your thoughts, but most importantly, stay true/honest to yourself. Good luck

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

I will admit that I have been reading your thread everyday (stalker much? lol). I read a bunch of threads everyday, and it is hard to keep up with your posts because of all your success :). I am sorry you still have the flu, I have managed to dodge bullets this flu season so far (I am knocking on wood right now). I hope you feel better, but most importantly, I am glad you are being completely honest and doing things for yourself. You are absolutely right, when we are in recovery, the most important person is you. It is okay to be selfish during this time. It is also important to let loved ones know if it becomes a problem for them. We don’t want to shut off the world, but we do want to do everything we can to help ourselves.

Being gamble free feels pretty great. It feels like I got a huge raise because I have money now. That money is going towards creating a bigger emergency fund first, and then paying off credit cards and student loans. After that is done, all money is going towards saving for a house. I do still play the lottery, and have probably spent around $80 the last 35 days (which is nothing compared to what I used to on online gambling). I’m not advocating playing the lottery, but I am against doing things that you know are not a problem to you. I have never spent more than I wanted to with it, and it has never created an idea in my head to go gamble more. As long as you are honest and true to yourself, life gets pretty easy in my opinion. Keep going!

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

I’m doing well, thanks for checking up on me. I am sorry I haven’t been posting as much as when I started. I am, however checking these forums everyday and looking to help people. It’s a good reminder to keep the past in the past.

I’ve honestly lost track of the last time I’ve gambled (35 days?). Feels pretty good. I’ve had zero urges except that one time about 10 days ago. The main thing for me is to remember the plan in case those urges try to surface again:

1. Acknowledge the thought
2. Talk about it/role play it out in my head
3. I know what the outcome will be, so does that outcome agree with my values now?

Values:

– No acting on impulse for anything (except survival)
– No secrecy, only honesty. Do it for loved ones and myself
– Goal oriented (saving for house/retirement/financial freedom)

Since acting on these urges would violate all 3 of those values, it’s an easy pass. I think the problem a lot of CG’s have is that when they get these urges, they try to bury them or ignore them. They really fight hard and say to themselves, “I will not gambled! I’m not going to gamble!” But the reality is, all your brain and subconscious mind are hearing is “Gamble”. I encourage everyone to be more mindful about their thoughts. If anyone gets a thought about impulse behavior, I would like for them to acknowledge it. Bring it front and center. After they do that, talk to themselves about it. Play it out in your head and then make a firm decision based on what you know is going to happen. I want to see people make promises that they will not act on impulse. This doesn’t mean they can’t act on things, it just means they have to think about it from different angles before they do it. I believe this, as well as other lifestyle changes and blockers are the most powerful methods to stopping any bad habit (addiction). I suggest everyone try it, but different methods work for different people. Hope you are doing well, and thanks again for posting.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i_quit,

Thought I’d stop by and give you some words of encouragement. I have been gamble free for almost a month now, and during this time I only had one urge to gamble (a few days ago). The urge was brought on by one of my triggers: staying up late. I wasn’t tired, so I decided to stay up and watch a movie, but then I started to get these ideas in my head. I immediately recognized them and started talking to myself, reminding myself that I am not acting on impulse anymore to anything. So I talked about it. I said to myself, “I see I am having this urge to gamble, but I know what will happen if I put money on a site. I will lose my money, but more importantly, I will be going behind my families back. I also am saving for a house, and losing this money will put me further behind that goal.” I said this and then came to this site to write a response post to a thread. After I made the decision to come on here and write a post, the urge just dissipated. It was a reminder that I was recovering, and having urges is part of that process. The more you deny these feelings, the weaker they become.

It’s great that you are recognizing your thoughts. Next time you feel out of wack or in a funk, I would suggest taking a 10 minute walk just to clear your head. If not that, then some other activity that allows you to not act on impulse. My plan for any urge moving forward is:

– Acknowledge it
– Talk about it/play it out in your head (including outcome)
– Do something else (recommend walk or post on here)

You’ll start to get really good at recognizing your thoughts, and it will start to become easier.

A few more things I recommend if you are not already is to start exercising and eating better. I know these two were never a high priority for me, but the more I think about my health, the more it gets me fired up to just go on a bike for 30 minutes after work or something simple. Eating healthy is also super important, especially to help the brain recover. I would recommend taking Omega-3 supplements (same oils found in fish). This is pretty much brain food and will keep you feeling sharp.

Also, I’d love to chat sometime, but I haven’t even used this chat feature (I’d like to though). I am in California, and it is 8:20am here now. I am mostly available in the evenings (7-10) or early in the morning (7:30am-now). Let me know if you want to set something up. Keep going, you’re doing great.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi i-did-it,

Great work on staying away from gambling for this long. Remember, these feelings are just part of the recovery process, they will weaken in time. Any type of addiction does take a while to cleanse because those connections are so incredibly strong in our brain. The more you say no, the weaker they get, and then new connections will form based on new activities you pursue. This is why I say it is incredibly important for a lifestyle change when breaking an addiction, but it sounds like you are doing okay there. I have taken up exercise and reading, and it is pretty amazing. For the longest time, I had no idea what I wanted to be. I just knew that I really enjoyed learning about a bunch of topics. I guess this is why I took up reading so easily. Instead of wasting money on gambling and being secretive, I took my girlfriend out for dinner this weekend and bought us some books after. Felt pretty good. Stay strong and hang in there, these feeling will pass.

–Nick

[Raynor98k]

Hi Johnny,

I agree with everything you have just said. Everyone’s situation is different, but my problems really arise when 2 conditions are met:

1. Being isolated/by myself with no human interaction required

2. Easy access to money

The second point is probably the hardest to control and is usually there in our lives. Whenever I get paid, I pay my bills for the 2 weeks immediately, and then right after transfer the rest to my online savings. It takes a couple days to actually get the money back, so I found this to be a good blocker for the time being.

The first point is really 100% in my control. I would agree with you that any form of gambling online is 100% forbidden for me. I see massive red flags because I can do it by myself/in secret, and it is super easy to put money online. I know of the sites you talk about, but never got into it because they jack up the price to buy tickets. Going in person is not an issue for me because of what I mentioned earlier. Even if I do spend all my money on the spot (maybe $20), the urge to go to the bank to get more only to go back and buy more fades quickly, especially if it is from the same clerk. Also, in my opinion, the lottery is far less addictive then machine gambling. No lights, sounds, or constant fast action. It just has never been a problem for me, but then again, everyone will handle situations differently. The bottom line is you just need to be honest with yourself. Take care

–Nick

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