[Rayman10]

your story is all to familiar, starting small and then going in excess. its your advice that stopped me gambling for 18 months, however i recently relapsed and instead of losing 1600 like you…. i crazily had an adrenaline rush moment and lost 10000 in two nights….

Remember u telling me that we cant gamble…. we cant take losses…. the pride of admitting defeat is to much..so we chase ……. even a 5 dollar bet is to much…thats the gambling demon tricking u to come back…. u need to move on…. dont let the past affect your preset… u need to get out there…get freinds….enroll in gym, let another hobby be your best freind.

what helped me a lot is to remeber the sick feeling i get when losing everything and assosiate that with any act of gambling , gambling is not adreanline pre fun, its sickening , 

hope you went to your GA

 

[Rayman10]

hey buddy its been a while….just wiritng to let you know that ive been doing a bit better…took ur advice ..just wanted to know how are things on your end ….hope things are fine …best wishes .
Ray

[Rayman10]

hi there, ive had the same problem as you for years . you must realise that there is no way you can beat gambing, there is no such thing for an addict to set a limit of 50 .. it doesnt exist…. after losing that 50 there is a rush of adrenaline that makes u chase that loss until u damage ur account….. YOU must stop associating gambling with pleasure and only Associate it with the Disgusting empty feeling u get when youve lost it all…… any time i see or hear about a casino i remebered the time i HAD LOST IT ALL and how i felt inside…ive basically self excluded and condition myself to feel pain and sadness anytime i see or hear about gambling …and so far i am gaamble free for a year…. NOW self exclude ur self from every casino ….AND REMEMBER dont forget the depair u feel when u lose…. forget all the time u have chased and won… those times are just gambling fooling you to come back…..please take my advice

[Rayman10]

was 2 months gambling free….trying to build my self up again…..got some decent overtime last month……things looking good…. had some some change in my pockets about 60 dollars…instead of going home i found myself parking outside the casino……(i know i should be self excluded from everything )…..found myself on the roulette wheel again..wanted to turn back…but my mind said wtf….u have 60 in ur pocket…set that as the limit…..lost the 60 usd pretty easily……now that was my limit….but the thought of losing just 60 dollars had my addiction soaring back…i reached for my bank card….lost 100 usd trying to win that back…..lost another 500 usd trying to win it back…ended up losing around 3500 usd ……after i swore it would never gamble again….it happened again…exactly like it happened before…

[Rayman10]

i relapsed once again and badly, i just have to keep on trying…i actually relapsed today….as of now i think i have been defeated by gambling,.. i shall live to fight again…just dont have the spirit right now to even tlk abt it..im hardly alive

[Rayman10]

i have been clean for almost a month now, now it was very hard, the mood swings the guilt and the cravings. with each week its getting a little better…There is couple casinos that i havent been to and havent self excluded myself and i actually had cravings of just driving past and having a small gamble….but i resisted it…and those cravings are definitely less now….now the more time passes the better my feelings become..however i dnt ever want to forget the anguish gamble has caused me…because months down the line one can say “i feel great ..i might as well have a small gamble”…. instead ill come back here and look it my posts when i was down and distraught…and let it remind of how sickening the casino really is.

[Rayman10]

Hey its strange to because I have never gotten dreams during my last recovery…. But this time it’s actually a recurring dream of winning back my losses… The strange thing about the dream though is even though I have won back my losses I’m saddened by the fact that I went back to play and feel even more like neck deep in an addiction… I think I was really hurt by this relapse… I was clean for two MOnths..swore I had it under Control..then one of my old buddies who I didn’t see in years asked me to play some black jack… I said Yeah I’d just go and spend a 100 bucks… And that was it… Rational brain off …. Crazy ray back on the scene

[Rayman10]

well its been about seven days since my relapse, now ive just woken up from dreaming of playing roulette in the casino, slowly cravings are actually creeping into my thoughts and even my dreams and its a bit unsettling. im just trying to be patient and give it time . payday is comming at the end of the month and thats going to be start of restoring my savings. With that said the memories and guilt of the lost are at their high point right now because my mind is craving to go back and correct it…so i started doing productive things to better myself…ive taken up back my guitar…started back hitting the medical books for my post graduate program …and taking it one day at a time.. my ultimate goal is to never go back…how are you doing??

[Rayman10]

today is day 3 since my relapse, and i must say it has been restless….sometimes i get my mind totally off it and then the nightmarish guilt comes right back piercing through me, sometimes i will just watch myself in the mirror and laugh…now the positives i have currently is that i am not in debt….i have raped my savings and i have put a lot of plans on hold but i dont owe any money due to gambling..and will be able to pay my bills from my salary once i dont follow the beast..now i have absolutely no cravings for gambling because its just that grief for my losses and bitter feeling towards casinos…but its 3 months down the road when i finally start to the see the light…one more binge can now be the end of it all….i was here before once now im here again…but i know when that glimmer of hope comes with time… im not going back…even though if i think im a level headed enough to finally gamble responsibly., as my freind has said ” my rational brain switches off and the addiction takes the driver’s seat. The addiction is one greedy bastard”….could not have been said more appropriately…..

[Rayman10]

you seem like a very level headed person, even though u lost that 1.9K and 250 , you have self excluded yourself and didnt go berserk like i did when i initially lost 1.5 k a couple days ago and lost close to two paychecks in one hour trying to win back all my losses on that roulette wheel (my main poison). Stay strong buddy and i really do hope its your last day 1 and also the last time i start over as well. you are currently helping me on my thread even though you’re also fighting up with your personal struggle …thanks a lot. remember DONT go back …money doesnt come easily thats just not how life works. later

[Rayman10]

i cannot begin to tell you all how much i appreciate you all for taking the time out of your day to help me, these words mean so much more coming from you all than when i say it tomyself, makes me know you all went through a struggle just like myself…. its true…during my last binge i went with just 100 Dollars and made it into 1000, i left satisfied but promised myself that was i, but i went again the day after and made 500 dollars, feeling even more satisfied i said let me take my revenge with this money 1500 K ive gotten back…….i lost the 1500 won and that should of been it right there, my mind told me to walk out …but i said hell no..i gonna have my revenge….i ended up blowing the entire 4000 of my recent paycheck……trying to get back my money….all because of chasing…. has anyone here ever come clean about this to their parents or freinds…im so ashamed ..i dont even think i could…i want to try and recover before i do that…im so ashamed of myself and i think they wouldnt understand

[Rayman10]

i cannot begin to tell you all how much i appreciate you all for taking the time out of your day to help me, these words mean so much more coming from you all than when i say it tomyself, makes me know you all went through a struggle just like myself…. its true…during my last binge i went with just 100 Dollars and made it into 1000, i left satisfied but promised myself that was i, but i went again the day after and made 500 dollars, feeling even more satisfied i said let me take my revenge with this money 1500 K ive gotten back…….i lost the 1500 won and that should of been it right there, my mind told me to walk out …but i said hell no..i gonna have my revenge….i ended up blowing the entire 4000 of my recent paycheck……trying to get back my money….all because of chasing…. has anyone here ever come clean about this to their parents or freinds…im so ashamed ..i dont even think i could…i want to try and recover before i do that…im so ashamed of myself and i think they wouldnt understand

[Rayman10]

i self excluded myself from everything today, i think im going to confide in a couple people because for the moment im having problems with sleep, work everything.. i have a lot of self doubt right now…because i was so sure about stopping ….proven wrong . What i cant seem to do is let go of these losses…il think about it and it will eat me up inside , i think that has a big role to play in be relapsing, i wanted to win it back…chasing the loss….how do i let go of these losses and count this money dead….i was once involved in robbery incident where they stole my car…my insurance was on third party and lost around 15K…however that lost seemed like nothing..i just moved on with my life…and always said it was material and small…however losing from gambling i cant to seem to just put it aside …..i feel like im responsible for just throwing it away.. and guilt is consuming me

[Rayman10]

Guys after two months without gambling i relapsed in a binge of gambling……. its almost like a cycle where i am clean for a while…. blew two months of my salary totally….im so disppointed in myself…made me feel like id never be free from this terrible affliction

[Rayman10]

Yes that’s the thing.. It took so little time for my melt down just a couple months until everything was depleted… And this happened even after I swore I wasn’tever going to gamble again… I just went with the intention to spend 100 and started to chase wildly.. Hoping to win it all back… Before I know it I’m 10000 k down…..its so scary how u could just throw it all away thinking you’re in Control of the stupid games. It’s been one night since my big loss… It feels horrid… It’s just playing over and over in my head the horror of it all

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