[Rayman10]

As someone here once said, LET this slip be the greatest education about oursleves that we learn….

We are all in control , WE just need to get to our deepest roots and confront our deepest fears , its okay to loose and walk away, its the right thing not to ever indulge in such a self destructive practice. 

My main enemy is feeling that a win would make me happy, That has proven itself…wrong and wrong 100% of the times…..because thats the addiction telling me its okay to chase my losses. WE have proven too ourselves that we cant Gamble… so let us let go of our pride and lets stop guys…come on..  No other substance in the world can RUIN us so quickly  as gambling. TO me now problem gambling is worse or just as bad as a heroin , cocaine, alcohol addiction….

We shall all live to fight another day 

BE gamble free my freinds and see you tommorow for a long tedious day at work.

[Rayman10]

Its been 2 days since the big loss ,
Feelings are bareable
However im currently dating someone and i stood them up today for dinner, because i just dont want to be seen in public…
I feel withdrawn and not strong enough to go in public unless its absolutely nessacary.
I can really see how this addiction could you me withdrawn and begin to affect your relationships with eveyone in your life

[Rayman10]

when i was 23 i was involved in a Robbery , my first car was stolen at gun point , I had the insurance on third party… didnt get back a cent…the car cost 15K, 

I DIdnt feel a thing about losing the car..i was just happy to get away from being shot… happy for my life … i told myself the car is material and ill buy another one in time

Just like the car is material , What i lost is just material and can be made back

However we folks need to stop gambling… bottom line or else putting it off as a monetary loss makes no sense… We need to put everything in our power to stop….

Some of us can do it with just sheer will, some of us need all the help in the world

The bottom line is PEOPLE , gambling IS a big fat lie, dont be fooled by the stories where u can make back ur loses and then stop…. Dont be swayed by those stories… even on this forum ..there are many stories where people made back a large sum of what they lost only to loose it back and more….. Gambling is a lie… if today someone told me i would win 50 K gambling … I DONT want it…. that win will be the beggning of the end… i dont want that dirty money

[Rayman10]

today i sat down and looked at the postives 

1) I still have a decent  job , but this will be lost if i continue to underperform due to gambling

2) I didnt take out any loans or owe nething , This will change if i gamble again, im hoping at the end of the month i dont blow everything again. i keep telling myself i will not

3) im still young (30) and in good health 

SO now i just need to occupy my time in a healthy way, and avoid that one day of relapse, because all it takes for me throw away eveything on ONe or two binges…. ive started running today.. However i have been underperforming seriously in my work , my boss has started to recognise , He asks me everyday if im on drugs because i Look zoned out all the time…. yes sometimes i loose concentration due to my depression and reflecting on the losses….  I NEED to get back on top of my job… its all i have left… Keep the advice comming.. Becaue from tommorow if im not back ontop of things.. my boss will evetually ship me out… ALL i could think about is failing tommorow due to lack of concetration …

[Rayman10]

HEy how have u been doing ? have u been able to stop, you story is very sad, just like mine…. I was once like you but playing on roulette mainly lost all 50 K of savings , i lost all but never got into debt …. I stopped for 18 motnhs.. i managed to revive my savings a little,,,,, but then i started sports betting for EPL and champions league and depleted everything i have worked for again.this year last month .. Im basically living just for my salary at the end of this month so i can pay My bills …i Proised myself i wont gamble again and had 2 relapses since… One was just yesterday … SO youre not alone buddy… WE have to take back control …because we are in control .. We just dont know it

[Rayman10]

Woke up today wishing that everything was all just nightmare, but again reality hits me in the face when i watch my empty bank account .

Went to bathroom, watched myself in the mirror , counselled myself.

“I will not gamble Today”

[Rayman10]

Woke up today wishing that everything was all just nightmare, but again reality hits me in the face when i watch my empty bank account .

Went to bathroom, watched myself in the mirror , counselled myself.

“I will not gamble Today”

[Rayman10]

I Eventually fell asleep last night after Extreme restlessness , Got about 3 – 4 hours of low quality sleep, i was really shellshocked last night after the loss…..

The small rest and these messages made me feel less distraught. Today is again Day 1 … of my recovery , i was so sure last time was the last time id be in this position… but here i am..ive come full circle… IVE literally gone through hell over the past ten days…and just when i was starting to feel like me again… LOOk what happened….
I honestly went to just hANG OUT…saying id put a 20 in roulette and just spin very small bets …. however before you know it i was 1000 down in 2 hours and the chasing and adrenaline filled madness began

WHERE DO I START FROM…. i have a job that demands full focus and i have a million things piling up one me , How do i put all this aside and Focus ? cuz right now all im doing is laying down and moping around….. i keep telling myself it makes no sense to keep dwellig on it…. but my mind has been hijacked by thoughts of worthlesness , replaying the events and fear of losing al self control

[Rayman10]

thanks for the advice buddy, im sucking it all up to inform my mother tonight about it…. i must,

will keep you all posted about my recovery process

[Rayman10]

well i have self excluded from online casinos only and installed software, No one has a tab on my finances, … i have only come clean to my best freind ….but i cant say that i have told an immedicate family member anything yet…. im to ashamed…i really dont wanna disappoint my folks … i basically have my savings accesible through my debit card which im currently depleting and is just a couple bets away from being completely empty….. MY mind is so clouded after todays lost… because im usually a strong willed individual and i promised myself that was it a few days ago….. But i realise im just a full fledged addict …not different to a crack addict  who needs a hit…. Im feeling very low …

[Rayman10]

hey sara, so when i was just starting to come to terms with everything i was driving home from work today and got cravings for a win again….. I went again today…Lost about 1000, my recovery process has been hijacked by lack of willpower to stop… i feel numb, detched from the world and i feel like im not even in control of myself anymore…. on top of everything i have a high pressured of job where i  need to mantain focus and im just in shambles at the moment ….. im literlly shaking at this moment …. want the eath to swallow me up 

[Rayman10]

i stopped cold turkey, when i dropped all my pride and admitted to myself that i haave been defeated, my main problem is fixating on the losses and wanting so much revenge …also the thougt of winning is so addictive, i think that im smarter than the house, which is wrong …… 18 months ago i just stopped and focused on my work and job and paid out all my debt by extra hours of work …. i associated the smell and look of the casino with disgusting feelings and not any glamour , 18 months down the line i felt in control again…myfinances was looking better, llife was liveable, i forgot about all the pain gambling caused and wanted to just have a 100 dollar gamble… i played safe and coverted my money into about 300 usd… and instead of walking i lost it….now losing triggers a feeling of momentary madnes in me and deposited 1000 to get it back and from there it spiralled to th point where i depleted a lot of my savings again… 

[Rayman10]

Its been day 3 since my relapse and i still cant seem to stop reliving the experience and thinking of  the money i have lost, i am scared because anytime i think of the money i lost i begin to obsess over the things i could of boughtwith it, i watch the poor struggling to eat, i look at the orphaned children and im such a terrible human being for being so wasteful, im really fighting the fight right now… cant wait till the cloud lifts and clarity finds a way through

[Rayman10]

i never know an addiction that could ruin someone in such a short space of time. Just last month i was gamble free and finacially recovering and 2 nights was all it took to hit …i want to bury myself in a hole atm

[Rayman10]

i never know an addiction that could ruin someone in such a short space of time. Just last month i was gamble free and finacially recovering and 2 nights was all it took to hit …i want to bury myself in a hole atm

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