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Awwww ((Sherrie)) thank you. You cannot know how this made me smile when I read it I smile to see you feeling happy my friend. Poetry gave me a way to express myself and I am glad it does you too. Keep working it girl —– you look good when you do Pumkin
Originally posted by bettie
Whenever I read "Inability and Unwillingness to accept reality" i never understood how that applied to MY life. I guess that begs the next question, how does one become able and willing to accept reality? I find reality so painful it is unbearable, hence the "escape".
I have tried to seperate my gamble-free life from the drama filled secret life I still live. I see now what a big mistake that has been, even though it’s not been a secret here. I have tried to be as truthful as possible here, to do less would be pointless.
I feel fragmentated, like I have 2 or 3 split personalities. Sometimes I have no clew who’s showing up to run the show for the day.(((Bettie))) I can so relate to those words above. I admit here to you that I have been sooooooo tempted to run to "take a break" etc. in the past week. Many many times it has been a close call. The pain bettie — it is important to realize to survive you must 1) reduce pain and/or 2) increase coping skills to deal with pain. What does this mean? Dealing — you have a relationship that brings you much pain over and over — what are you afraid of if you end that relationship? Could it be worse? My therapist actually asked me that when I said to her I could not divorce my husband —– she said why not? and what are you afraid of? and it was eye opening to say the least. We do have other possibilities — it is our fear and minds and our self doubt that block us from exploring what could be. Just awakening to know there are other possibilities is a start. Funny about the personalities too — at one time i counted eight for me lol. So i started naming them and talking to them — name #1Throwaway Baby — the child given up to adoption — Name #2 Stupid Victim Girl — the girl that trusted and was taken advantage of Name #3 Abused Woman — the woman that didnt think enough of herself to leave her abuser…….etc They are all part of me Bettie — but now I can understand and comfort them. I can help them be stronger — they couldn’t stop what happened — they didn’t have the skills or experience to do so — but they can now know that different paths can be taken — that different choices can be made and we can all be safer and happier and build new realities. Thank you for sharing today Bettie — it allowed me to share this here with you and in doing so helps me too. Sending good thoughts your way — let them in. Pumkin
Haha Sherrie I LOVE IT!!!!!! Gambling is a ?#&^$ lol
Haha Sherrie I LOVE IT!!!!!! Gambling is a ?#&^$ lol
Nice Reds Pumkin
Hey Levi — Happy New Year to you 🙂 Pumkin
^ Nothing….stayed home and chilled
> Back to work — avoiding actually working lol
v Who is one of your role models and why?Hey ((V)). On this first day of the new year I want to say thank you. Your wise post to me opened my eyes that YES I do now believe that "recovery is possible" (haha I think this has become my new mantra now thanks to you!). Oh and I am not being deluded this time V — I know relapse is possible too — but …….RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE TOO! Wishing you the best in the new year to come my friend. Pumkin
Happy New Year ((Bettie)) Pumkin
Happy New Year (((Sherrie))) Pumkin
Happy New Year (((((((Hope))))))) Pumkin
Hi ((Cat)) — Keep coming back my friend. Keep what is working — change what isn’t — add more help if you need it. You are doing a great job! I’m glad you say you will not beat yourself up over this — no sense in doing that it won’t help. I’m also so proud to see you come back here and working recovery right away again! It’s never easy and you are an inspiration — exploring your life, changes, desires fearlessly. I believe 100% that the only way we fail is to give up — and as long as you are not willing to give up cat you won’t fail Stay strong my friend and believe recovery is possible! Pumkin