[phillip2235]

Hi Kathryn,
CONGRATS ON 2 YEARS.  You are an inspiration to me.
Have a great time at the party.
Phillip

[phillip2235]

Thanks Vera and Pumkin for your words.
Sometimes i think back and i do remember when i was young maybe in my teens looking forward to the next day.  Looking forward to going to school, hanging out with friends, buying a comic book.  I even remember one time maybe when i was 14 wakeing upp looking out my window and saying to myself what a beautiful day.  I do remember i time where i didnt even know what gambling was. I wonder how my life would be like if i never have gambled and became a compuslive gambler.  I guess you can’t change the past.  I really want those feelings i had , care free feelings, feelings of innocence.  I guess when you grow up, you need to be an adult.  Instead of being an adult i decided to not face it and just drown myself into gambling.  Well enough…..today is day 8 i will no longer be a prisoner in this cycle.  I chose not to gamble anylonger.  I will not gamble today…tomorrow…and hopfully not in the future.
Again i really appreciate everyone here…i really appreciate this site…i really has help and will help me in becoming gambling free.
Have a great and gambling free day.
Phillip

[phillip2235]

Hi Lizbeth, everyone.
Liz, i get bored so easily …… what do you do when the urge hits?  I’ve been trying to find things to do to get my mind off gambling but nothing can take the place and nothing can give me that rush. I think because i have gambled for so many years i don’t know what normal is anymore.  Friends and family ask me to go out but after i go out with them to the beach, eat, etc….i still feel bored….i really need to change my mind.  I really need just to tell myself that i can never be happy if i continue to gamble.  It might make me feel alive at that momment but it will distroy me long term.   If i continue to gamble i would dig deeper into the abyss and never know what it is like to live a noral healty life.  Please help me control my urges and keep away from gambling.
Today is day 8…i will not gamble today…i will not gamble tomorrow….i will not gamble today…i will not gamble tomorrow…gosh i feel like being in elementary school when my teacher will make me write something 100 ***** to teach me a lesson.
I will not gamble today…i will not gamble tomorrow.
I will not gamble today…i will not gamble tomorrow.
Have a great day all my fellow CG……wish everyone the best

[phillip2235]

Hi Gordie, Pumpkin, everyone.
Gordie, yes I MISS gambling!!! How can i not.  I read your post about online poker….i was an online poker addict.  I would run my bankroll for 1k up to 25k some***** and then of course like any addicted gambler lose it all in a day.  That happened numerous *****.  I can’t gamble…no matter how much i win…there will sonner or later be the same result….lose it all back and then everything else.  I think i baned myself from every online poker site…..the sad thing is i would write them ask them to permently ban me then email them back months later asking to play again….sad……then wheni cant play online any longer i would drive 2.5 hrs in the weekends to gamble at the casino…first poker then when it became to slow of a game for me i would go and play blackjacks….then got bored place some slots etccc….i really was outta control.  Well today is day 8 let’s see how long i can stay away from this addiction.
I will not gamble today….tomorrow and hopefully the future.
Thanks everyone for all your kind words.  Hope a have a great day

[phillip2235]

Monday June 6 Day 8
Feeling ok….had a gambling free weekend. One day at a time…i can continue to do this.  Miss the action the rush, sometimes my mind wonders and think of the purpose of life.  Those thoughts we usually push out by the rush of poker, blackjacks, slots. but no more i have to face all my feelings now.  Hope everyone have a good day and a great week…..one day at a time. 
I WILL NOT GAMBLE TODAY OR TOMORROW and HOPFULLY NOT IN TH E FUture

[phillip2235]

Good Sunday to everyone,
Hope everyone is doing great…hopfully gambling free.  It’s day 7 for me today.  It’s still hard not to think about the high and lows of gambling but i’m just glad i have a place to go to talk when im thinking about it.  We all are human we make mistakes hopefully we learn from our mistakes, even if we make the same mistakes again, oh well life goes on.  There are muderers, ******, etc……..lets not be so hard on ourselves for being addicted to gamlbing.  I’m going to tell myself that life is what i make.  I will NOT gamble today…i will not gamble tomoorrow and will try my hardest to not gamble in the future because there is no good that can come out of it.  If i win i will continue to gamble until i lose it all back.  I will then stop but it would be hard because i miss the rush…same cycle.  I must stop this cycle……i must put barriers in place to make it harder for me.  Please god let me make it thru day 7 and have a good day 8.
Thanks everyone….this is the only place where we understand each other.  I appreciate everyone and hope everyone the best…..whatever happens life goes on.
Talk to ya soon
Phillip

[phillip2235]

Hi Lisa,
Hope you are ok…sorry to hear what happened last night. 

[phillip2235]

Hi Geordie, Reeny, everyone.
I was like a zombie yesterday, everyone keep asking me if i was ok…all i can say is yes just stress.
Going thru something like withdraw i guess….can stop thinking about different suits of cards, slots, sports,poker, etccc……..every hr i just think of the rush.
I will not let this control my life….the moment of rush i get from winning or hitting a jackpot or winning a poker hand or winning a sport bet WILL not solve the issue i get from losing everything bit of the winning back and everything else in my account.  I will never be a winner at gambleing because I am a gambler.  No matter if i win millions i will lose every bit of it back becuase i’m not just gambling for the money but for the RUSH, the ESCAPE.  Casinos are not there to be my family or my friends, it is there simply to take all of my money.
Saw something online yesterday.  A women won $13 millions dollars playing slots then not only did she lose it all back she ***** $513000 from her inlaws to lose back $14 millons.  I think she’s going to jail
No matter how much a CG wins it will all go back to the casino because we are CG.  No matter how big the jackpot is we will sonner or later lose it all back.
 
I will NOTTT let gambling continue to control my life….today is day 6.
Thanks again everyone.
Geordie,
Did u get any sleep?
 

[phillip2235]

Hi Geordie,
So far so good been trying to keep busy……evertime i think about it…..just imagine the result….thanks again geordie and have a great night..
 
I CANT GAMBLE

[phillip2235]

Hi Hoops
Thanks for your post, it really feels good to know im not alone.  Friday is hard for me to……hope we both have a great, peaceful weekend.  We just have to remember the feeling after losing it all, that empty lifeless feeling. 
Hugs
Phillip

[phillip2235]

Thanks for the support Charles,
It’s almost noon and im think im going to make it ….for the past 6 weeks i have gone to the casino every friday and stayed till sunday….this weekend will be gambling free.
One day at a time…..i will not gamble with my money, my life, my sanity, my family…i will not distroy everything that matters to me…i will not distroy my love ones, the people who support me….i will not give into that evil urge, the urge to turn me into a zombie of a person…i will make it till day 6 gamble free.
Phillip

[phillip2235]

Day 5 today is Friday and i usually go to casino today….god please help me stop thinking about the cards and get me thru this day.  i have it within me to control this urge

[phillip2235]

thanks geordie,
i dont know what i would have done without finding this site hope to contiune coming daily to write my thoughts and feelings…i hope to make life worth living one day.
 

[phillip2235]

Good moring everyone,
Today is day 4….wanted to drop a post before work.  Saw digity of death of HBO last night…really put things in perspective.  It was a documentary about people dying and the pain they go thru…..I’m so thankful to be alive.
Have a great day everyone……again thanks for a place where i can go instead of the casinos.
Phillip

[phillip2235]

Thanks Geordie for all your words……writing does help.  Every time im tempted to go gambling i’ll try to come on and write my feelings and read my past post.  i really am greatful to have found this site.  This is day 3….been thinking about gambling but going to come here instead of the casinos.

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