[PeanutFeathers]

Hi everyone..it’s been a while since I posted here. A lot has changed, but then – nothing really. My husband lives in Hawaii now, I am still in Vegas and we are separated.

I went to visit him 4 months ago and realized he is betting a lot on sports.

I realized he still has the addiction. We didn’t talk about it I stayed for a week only..

He has been distant…and then tonight he messaged me that HE IS OVER LIFE. That he can’t stop gambling, no matter where he lives. He said he makes $4000 and loses $2000. And that he is going to swim with the sharks.

I responded to him and was able to get another response in which he said that he owes $500 to a sportsbook guy and that he doesn’t have enough. That this has happened so many times and he borrowed money from his mom and his boss and paid them back but that he can’t ask again. he said it will never end and that he is lonely and doesn’t care about anything.

I have sent him several messages and called him 4-5 times, he is not picking up or responding….

I am worried about him – it has now been 3 hrs since he last responded to me and I don’t know if I should call someone?

His mom never wanted to accept the fact he is gambling, and we argued about it many times 2 years ago. That was when we talked last.

Other than her, I can call his friend who I saw 3 times 4 months ago and we never spoke since.

What should I do?

[PeanutFeathers]

Thank you Velvet…I come to this thread and read your post every couple of days. I would get really down and cry and I would come here and read it again and again. It has been hard. Like time does not help. I miss my husband every day and I still can’t believe what happened. It seems unreal and the pain is very real. I know how pathetic it is to come here and basically not even have words to say because my situation is not changing. Maybe it is for better. That he left me. And maybe I am more free than most of the families here who are dealing with CGs. But I wish I wasn’t. I wish he let me fight for us. Oh God how I wish. And I know wishing and regretting and thinking about the past doesn’t change anything.

He responded to my message 2 days after I sent it. He said he wanted to respond sooner but that he didn’t know what to say, that I caught him by surprise. That was it. I want to message him I love him every day. And I am fighting it. He won’t say it back and he won’t respond. My marriage is over and it feels like I am dying inside.

Thank you for sharing your story it must have been hard. I am sorry you went through that and I am grateful for your kind words towards a stranger like me.

Compulsive gambling is manipulating with me too because it really made me think my husband was unhappy with me and that he just left me. I just remember the good things not the bad ones and most of the times I don’t consider the fact he had or he still has a problem. All I can think about it how he left me over a message and how I probably will never see him again.

I know there is nothing that can be done here anymore and I don’t even know why I’m posting. With all the people here who need help because they still have a CG in their life I am the last one here who needs advice because my CG is gone.

Love,
Peanut

[PeanutFeathers]

Thank you again for your messages. I have not been feeling well and I know I should take care of myself but this whole situation is making me very depressed and I just want to isolate myself from the world. The fact that my husband just turned around one day and said he was not ready to be married and that is the whole reason for his gambling and eveything he did just killed me. He just turned around and changed his mind overnight and we never had a conversation about it or saw a therapist. When he ended our marriage over a text he said it is a decision it took over a year to make and that it was the hardest decision he ever had to make but that he just cannot be married and he can’t work on fixing our marriage. All I have is love for him and I don’t think it’s fair we never even tried to work on this relationship. I know he is a gambler and he feels the guilt and he made this decision because he thinks he hurt me too much and because he is justifying his gambling with him just being too ”immature” to be married because a marriage is easier thing to escape than gambling. And it sounds good and ”makes sense” in other people’s eyes. Or maybe I am wrong.

I know him not living in Las Vegas helps a lot and the fact he lives in a paradise now is probably good for him and he is getting better. I am afraid he feels happier because he is out of Vegas and thinks it is because he is out of the relationship. We loved each other so much. I do blame myself for not knowing more and not reacting better in some situations. I wish I didn’t kick him out. I wish I didn’t. I wish I didn’t yell and cry and scream when he gambled out money or didn’t pay the bills. I wish I told him we don’t have to get married in church last year and that we moved somewhere instead. He wanted us to move to Hawaii but the money situation was never good and I was too stubborn about saving for the wedding in church and the party. It ended up destroying our marriage. I feel like it’s my fault and that my actions made it so much worse and made me lose my husband and made him give up on us. It feels horrible.

I cannot stay in Vegas anymore. Too many bad memories and no family or friends. Deep down I hope he would come back one day and then my family and friends (and you guys lol) tell me I have to let go and take care of myself and tell myself it’s over and it just kills me. I just wish my hopes would be justified but I guess they are not. Just the thought it is over for real is making me sick in my stomach, I can’t eat and I don’t feel like living. I am writing this message literally crying my heart out. My chest burn from pain and it feels horrible.

I miss him so much and I probably made a mistake sending him a message yesterday. I said – ”The words cannot describe how much love I have for you and how much I miss you. Please don’t feel the pressure of responding it’s okay I just wanted to say it.” And then I added I will keep him posted about the insurance change that I am going to make this week.

He did not respond. I didnt expect him to, I just wanted to tell him I love him because I do and all I see is the positives in him and how amazing he is and I wish he knew that and that all I want for him is to be good and I just want to help him.

And knowing he doesn’t want me in his life anymore is horrible. Knowing it is probably over for good is…the scariest and the worst thing I could imagine. Not seeing my husband ever again.

I am sorry this is a very emotional and irational message. Thank you for reading…

[PeanutFeathers]

Velvet and Lily,

Thank you. After spending a day crying (even at work) and feeling lost and hopeless I came back to this forum. I look at other people’s posts and I know my situation is what it is. My CG left me and I should ”move on with my life and work on myself”. I even don’t have any updates. We don’t really talk I just sent him a Happy birthday message and he thanked me and said he hopes Im doing good.

There is not even stuff to write about. I am just broken. The time is flying. Today a friend of mine sent me some of his social media posts and he looks good..He looks happy and this probably sounds horrible but that broke me. I haven’t stopped crying. I love that man so much and in those pictures he looks like the man I fell in love with. What hurts is thinking that we are definitely over and that he is better without me and not gambling.

It sounds horrible and selfish. I am just devastated. I don’t want it to be over. I don’t want my marriage to be ended over a text. No one knows how much he gambled and how it took over his life so much and how it affected our marriage. Now it just seems like he is better off without me.

I know I can’t text him I miss him because he made a decision and he decided to end it.

I can’t help but wish and hope he would be back but I am terrified he won’t be….

[PeanutFeathers]

Dear Lily and Velvet,

I appreciate your messages so much. I was waiting for messages like yours and someone to understand this mess I am going through. Thank you so much for commenting…

It took me some time to respond because I am confused and sad and have been very depressed. It is hard to even write about it because it immediately causes the tears in my eyes. It’s my husband’s birthday tomorrow and a year since he gambled our money and officially ”relapsed” after his recovery. Time flies and the wounds don’t heal fast. I don’t know what to do. When he ended our marriage over a text message I told him I wanted to work on it and that it’s not fair we never had a chance to work on our marriage and try to fix it. He said we tried which is a lie.

We had some smaller problems like every couple does but we never talked about ending it or anything like that. Everything changed overnight.

I told him he can’t be my friend after how he treated me and how he ended it over a message. It hurts too much. He did contact me his mom was in a hospital (nothing serious) and I was supportive in my text messages and he thanked me. He then sent me another message a couple of days later with some results from the tests they did on his mom and was happy with the results and thanked me again for being there for him. I don’t know what to do.

It is a rollercoaster. One day it hits me he just left me and that he doesn’t love me anymore and then the other day I think about his gambling and I analyze his behavior. Then I think he maybe did gamble because he was unhappy with me and it is the worst thought.

I don’t know if he is gambling in Hawaii…. is it possible just to stop like that? I know he smokes a lot of pot there now, his mother is very pro-smoking pot too and I think that is the way he is getting away from facing the problems and another way of getting the high for his addiction.

I really don’t have too many friends here and I have no family. If I move somewhere else I don’t think he will come and live with me because I know how proud he is and if he decided to ”let me go” he will probably stick to it no matter how much it hurts.

And I will have to live with a fact my husband just ran away from me without ever really talking to me about anything. Gambling changed him completely. He never went to strip clubs but when it hit him hard and when he blamed our marriage for his gambling that was where he was going to. And it hurt a lot.

The last week in Vegas that he spent with me he sounded like he understands his addiction, told me he went to strip clubs because that is where people with problems go and it is a very sad place. He sounded like he knows he has a problem. And when I tried to remind him of his promise he gave me at the airport he said (over a message) – I don’t remember, I was a broken man. He also said that our relationship is in the past and there is no going to the past and that he can never go back to where he was last year and that he is better now.

I am sorry I am talking about the details, I really don’t have anyone to talk to who would understand..

thank you…

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