[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
… I have been having lots of thoughts about gambling here and there …
                  … So much going on in my head I don’t know where to start …
 

Good morning Bettie,
Good to hear that you are not gambling, that the problems of the day are not weakening your resolve.  Even with your having thoughts about gambling and the new opportunities that are now surrounding you, you are taking the time to think about making that next bet, e.g."we all know where that would lead. It’s never "just 20".  In coming here and sharing your thoughts you show that you do know where to start; start each day with becoming more aware of the decisions that you need to make, and the right choices that will eliminate additional problems.
During your next visit to a type of place you used to visit and that now has the poker machines, make sure the reason that you are going is to have a drink or dine, not test the waters; have a look, only a look, at the machines from the "here" at you table and not from at the "there" where the problem awaits — keep "your" distance, even if sitting right next to one of these machines; they are only machines, the problem lies between you and your choices.  Make sure that the reason to go out is to enjoy the more normal way of living, and not to veer off in the addictive lifestyle that we are prone to do.
It might seem strange for me to give such advice at this point in time, but learning form the lessons of others is better than living with the consequence of your own mistakes; if only we, if only I, could follow this advice all the time we would be much better off. Nevertheless, I do find it strange that the poker and interactive lotto machines in the places that I do go to for to enjoy the more normal adventures of life do not affect or tempt me while when I found myself "caught of guard and under the right wrong set of circumstances" I did not use the same awareness or control.   Don’t let your guard down, gambling is all around us and not every circumstance can be controlled, but by keeping aware we can more easily distinguish between the right and wrong set of circumstance and act, or react, accordingly.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Chubbycat

… Never give up on you because you are living recovery …
Good morning all,
It is good to wake up to have not gambled another day, and to as Cc posted above, to wake up living in recovery; being in the process of rebuilding and reclaiming my life instead of still lost in the full grasp of this addiction without any hope or place to turn.  I gambled and although that does matter in how I feel and what I need to do to help in preventing this type of behaviour from repeating itself, my gambling the past week is not what recovering is about. As Harry pointed out in his post to me, "Recovery isn’t about gambling, it’s about our thoughts, behaviours & characteristics that we that we learn to challenge".
I am beginning to now understand that I need to add to my abstinence from gambling and to my efforts to practice the "Steps which are a program of recovery". I need to concentrate equally on living in recovery as I have on being gambling free; I need to work a different and broadened program, an enhanced way of recovery that can better change my ‘thoughts, behaviours & characteristics".  I need to take to heart the cliches and quotes that others, and myself, often post. Quotes like the one I repeat from Harry’s closings, e.g. "Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny" — these types of inspiration and guidance are for us to live by, not to be used only as witty sayings to decorate our desk or refrigerators, or our post.
I am finding that I may have took too much pride, a character fault, in my accumulation of gambling free time, and that that pride turned out to be as damaging as any complacency that could have been building.  Misguided feelings that with the strength found in my clean time alone that I could be like ‘normal’ gamblers. That by giving into the promise of the gambler’s elusive dreams, and to the vanishing hopes keep alive by an unwarranted and self enhanced faint in recovery, plus the enticement of thrills and excitement embellished by the gambling industry, I could "help" my recovery work better for me. To help recovery give me the life I was dreaming of and holding onto instead of only the actual better and more normal way of living that I was already experiencing and enjoying; I was grasping and searching for more then the blessings found in seeking only knowledge of the spiritual will of my Higher Power and the power to carry that out. I selfishly and with envy, other character faults, wanted my recovery to return somethings that was lost, that is dead to me, something that I was seeing being restored in others whose marriage and family life was still part of their lives.
In closing I offer what is an unneeded apology for my venting alone with much needed thanks for this site and the opportunity and place to express my thoughts and to babble. Posting my thoughts  here is easier than just sharing them live at my GA meeting where there are time restrictions (either the needed ones or imagined ones) and where it is easy to get sidetracked by the sharing of others and their problems. It is also better in that I can return to written words that when only spoken at a moment in time seem to slip away. Again thanks to all that have posted to me, and all that have shared their stories in their own post and post to others, it helps to look at things through the eyes and hearts of others.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. Live recovery, it will help you to live gambling free.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Kathryn

Dear Dear Larry, … … …
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
 
Good afternoon Kathryn,
I am truly grateful for your reply to my post telling of my recent "adventures" in life; your words and the kindness expressed only shows the type of person that you have become in your journey as well. We here are all good people combating a disease that can easily control our lives and people like you gives us the inspiration to carry on.
We may start out believing that we are as stated in GA literature, one of the "many compulsive gamblers that thinks of themselves as morally weak, or at times just plain ‘no good’ ", but we steadily leave that thought behind as we learn that we are actually good people with a sickness, and that we can suppress that illness and learn to control our actions and lessen the power that gambling has over us. Nevertheless at times, like in my last episode, this may prove to be more of a challenge then we hope for or can handle, but I believe that we can still overcome if we ‘keep on keeping on".
The quote that you use in your postings says a lot about our lives and our recovery; life is a great adventure made up of countless individual ones. Ones that we enjoy and appreciate, and some that we regret or pine and suffer over; but each one is part of life as a whole, each day makes the adventures that Peter Pan sees as being Life itself our own life. A life that is worth living and one that is worth the efforts and striving we do to make it a better and more normal one. We can become “the best there ever was!” by living each adventure and keeping faith; “The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.” ~ Peter Pan — the same goes for recovery, we should not doubt that either. 
God’s speed.
p.s. As for your not being able to sleep, you had this problem some time ago and recovered; try looking back for the reasons then and the thing that you did to overcome it.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315

… Today I will continue with my journey …
Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.
Good morning All,
I maybe should be replying to each of you that have responded to my telling of a return to gambling, both here and in emails, but I would most likely only be repeating myself so I am here to thank each and every one of you – it means a lot; thanks to those that have posted their care and support and those that have read my account of my failure to fulfill a pledge (a pledge that on the second day of my gambling spree was posted as a lie)  and may have had a a private thought or said a private prayer for me.
It reminds me of an early post to Justin’s "My Daily Pledge" where I said that I might as well make a pledge, that I had lied so often about my gambling one more would not make a difference; yet added that hopefully that my pledge that day would not turn out to be just another lie. Thankfully the pledge did hold true over a few years, and the day last week that it became a lie did make a big difference.  The lie I posted in my pledge for that day hodls more regret than my gambling does — I should have not posted that lie.
One of my biggest fears about my gambling episode was if found out I would me thought of as a fraud or weak person. After having some time to think, and after the relief of going ahead and telling about my gambling this past week, I see that these thoughts were only part of my addictive thinking where I was trying to justify even more gambling — I had gambled so why not gamble some more and act as if nothing had happened.
 
I am not a phone person so my using this site has been a great help to me in my being able to "attend many meetings" that I could not have attended in person, and has also given me the power of a virtual phone tree. And in posting again it is again proving to be a great help. I am reliving those past couple of days too much, and getting things off my chest is the only way that I know of to correct that.  Unfortunately I also know that coming here and posting or calling the Help Line or my fellow GA members most likely would have done no good. It would not have changed things. The right thing to have done was to have connected with others before I gambled, not after, but I did not want to "not gamble" at the time, I wanted to gamble. There are a lot of reason for this that I have been going over, but it comes down to the fact that I let the power of the addiction take over and once that was done I was Hell bent to go.

It was a long drive home giving me a chance to think, both the addictive thoughts and thoughts about the right thing to do. It was not until after I reached home and started reading some of my past posting to my GT page that my thinking began to return to more normal thoughts. Another thing that helped me come clean was a GA member’s sharing of where he tells new members about his gambling again after starting GA and keeping it secret before he came to his senses; I have often given new members of GT similar warnings when they talk about keeping their addiction from their spouses, but still had this bad idea in mind before telling all to you and others — keeping secrets do cause up to do a lot of stinken thinken.

Anyhow, I believe that I am back on track now and will begin rethinking some of the ways that I have tried to keep me free and strengthen my resolve so that I will move forward away from my new clean date and not to change it again.

Again thanks to all of you, all of my fellow gamblers, it is good to know and feel that I am not alone and that I can reach out to others knowing that you are having and expressing the same thoughts that are written in the  poem below, one that I have posted in the past and that holds much truth :
Fellow gambler, take my hand;

I’m your friend, I understand.

I’ve known your guilt, your shame, remorse;

I’ve borne the burden of your cross.

I found a friend who offered ease;

He suffered, too, with this disease.

Although he had no magic cure,

He showed how we could endure.

We walked together side by side;

We spoke of things we had to hide.

We told of sleepless nights and debts,

Of broken homes and lies and threats.

And so my weary gambler friend,

Please take this hand that I extend.

Take one more chance on something new,

Another gambler helping you.
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315

Originally posted by paul315
Yesterday, October 17, 2012, is now my clean date …
I  had some extra free time on my hands this week and chose to go to Tunica Mississippi and the casino strip there. I stayed at the same casino I did when I when I whet to a concert that was cancelled. That evening with nothing to do I reached out to Bettie in the weekend chat room and in doing this I received the help that I needed to not gamble at that time. But this time I went to gamble, I planned to gamble, I did not find myself in a situation that I did not plan and had no desire to reach out. Once there I gambled all afternoon and most of the night Tuesday and all day and evening on Wednesday. The only reason I stopped early was that I had no more access to money. Strange when in my room the rest of Wednesday evening I thought of the time in the chat room with Bettie and the memory of that conversation helped me come to my senses. When I gambled my last dollar earlier on I had thought that I would just withdraw my limit again Thursday morning and continue my gambling spree. Instead in the morning I withdrew a little to have for my trip home, checked out a day early and came home.
When home I struggled all day until last evening about telling or not telling, about keeping my wrongful actions secret. I guess that it being the 10th month and the time for us to review Step 10 at my GA meeting encouraged me to once again practice this Step and I "promptly admitted it". The efforts I have been making at working the Steps eventually returned me to my desire to stop allowing me to break away from the power of the addiction and the "stinkin thinkin" in some way; why I did not practice all the Steps before I gambled again I do not know but it will have to be something that I need to work at and correct now.
Today I will continue with my journey and will not only read and review the GA Steps, but I will once again work them with the initiative and enthusiasm that I started with three years ago. Today as prescribed in Step 1 I will reaffirm my choice and work at strengthening my desire to stop gambling, not to think that I might be able to control it; today I again "admit that I am powerless over gambling – that my life has become unmanageable" and will closely and fearlessly examine how this effect me and what I need to do to keep this truth fresh in my mind and actions.  Complacency needs to be headed off before it can add to the power of this insidious and baffling addiction. 
God’s speed. Keep working at staying strong and on track.
Larry
Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.– 10/19/2012 10:48:12 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315
"To recover from one of the most baffling, insidious, compulsive addictions will require diligent effort. HONESTY, OPENMINDEDNESS, and WILLINGNESS are the key words in our recovery."" When it comes to gambling, we have known many problem gamblers who could abstain for long stretches, but caught off guard and under the right set of circumstances, they started gambling without thought of the consequences.""Step 10 – Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."

Good evening all,
I have posted the above quotes found in the GA book of guidelines and principles many times to different members here; and have worked at keeping them true in my own life for some time now. But tonight I am quoting them again as an opening to how the two warnings and the subsequent challenge applies to my own life today.
Yesterday, October 17, 2012, is now my clean date; for the past two days I found myself on a gambling binge that changed the time of my last bet – I can no longer say that my last bet was August 13, 2009, a  date that I was proud to proclaim.  Nevertheless, I can still say that today I did not gamble, today I did not make one bet, not bet one cent, that today is still part of the ODAAT progress that I have been working on for the past few years.
Admitting this is hard, and admitting it at my GA meeting will be no easier even with my opening the door to "promptly admitting it" here and now. But I can only admit my wrong and move on, I can only once again realize that I am "powerless over gambling" – that gambling has made my life unmanageable. And not only has this addiction made my life unmanageable before I began my road to recovery, but the power of it apparently is still working at making my recovery unmanageable as well.  Thankfully however, it has not diminished my desire to live gambling free, nor weakened my belief and faith that a "Power greater than myself can still restore me to a normal way of thinking and living".   So this evening I reaffirm my decision to "turn my will and my life over to the care of this my Higher Power.
What when wrong was that like in the warning quote above, I found myself in the right set of circumstance and unguarded, or being more truthful, found myself intentionally letting my guard down. I have been fighting this thought and urge for the past weeks, the thought that I could gamble and not be drawn back into the addictive side became stronger than the knelled that I could not.  For the second time in the past two weeks I have not had to budget my time so as for me to watch my granddaughter, but this time I used this extra free time to make plans to gamble. I set aside any plans or thoughts to not gamble, I rented a car, reserved a room, gathered together a substantial amount of cash, and drove 300 miles to spend a few days (all day and most of Tuesday night and all day and evening on Wednesday) in the abyss that I had once escaped (I was afraid to gamble close to home in fear that someone would see me).
I lost the money I took with me, I then lost all the money I was allowed to withdraw from the ATM, and then I went on to lose the cash advances I took on my credit card; the restraints I had placed on these actions were no longer in place, and once I made that one "next bet" I could not stop. I went through the same uncontrollable steps that I followed when I gambled before I started recovery — nothing pertaining to the addiction and the world of gambling had changed.
Thankfully this morning when I woke up instead of withdrawing today’s allowed amount from the ATM to gamble some more, I checked out of the room a day early, got in the car and drove home, once again being the recovering compulsive gambler that I am, a CG working at not gambling (I once borrow the phrase "a CG that doesn’t gamble" from Gordie, but now see that to say that I am working at not gambling to more accurate — we can arrest the addictive disease but we can not cure it).
In closing I ask that you forgive me for letting you down and for my not being able to continue with the continuous gambling free time that I had accumulated. I know that by my being able to come here and share my experience and my wrong doing that I have already forgiven myself for this new instance, yet I am still working at completely forgiving myself for the hurt I caused others when first crossing over the line; perhaps this weakness in not being able to "let go" was partly the reason for me to gamble again — I still think that I might be able to go back and make things right "if only" everything fell into place, including the phantom and elusive sufficient finances that the "big" win could supply. I have a lot of work to do.
God’s speed.  One Day At A Time
Larry
Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.– 10/19/2012 1:28:25 AM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

 
… this has turned into a week of loss …

Good morning Bettie,
I am sorry for you loss and your hardships, both are hard to face and deal with, but death is the one that if final life as we know it here on earth; hopefully an afterlife will reunite us with our loved ones in a better world.  
Times like this brings to mind the words of the song "Mercy, Mercy, Mercy". In the introduction Cannonball Adderley expresses the thoughts behind this title: "You know sometimes we are not prepared for adversities, when it happens sometimes we are caught short. We just don’t know exactly how to handle it when it comes up. Sometimes we don’t know just what to do when adversity takes over …".  During this time for you I am using this song as a prayer for Mercy, comfort, and understanding to you and the others that are feeling this loss.
God’s speed. Stay strong. And well done on not adding to this adversity and unchanging part of life with wrongful actions that you can control; it doesn’t change the sorrowful feelings coming from a week of loss, but it does prevent having bad feelings coming from a different loss in the days that follows.Larry Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

… 7 years ago that I hit my "jackpot" …

Good morning Bettie,
It has been a while since I posted to you, but thanks for the call and the concern during my recent trip.  You may not have been there with me to see and share some time with, but you were there with me just the same, your were as in your posted poem, "with me when I needed you". The support and past post from you and others here help me keep my guard up when the circumstances are right for gambling. Sitting next to a poker machine in a bar or resturant, or seeing the casino outside my hotel window, are circumstances where being on guard is the best defence.
Hope all is going well for you; even with memories of past adversities and lost loved ones, and the ongoing trials of today, we can still be doing well and progressing in our renewed life. Keep looking for the wisdom, asking for God to "Grant you the wisdom to know the difference" between the things you cannot change (and do not need changed), and the things that you can (but are reluctant to try). The jackpot you hit 7 years ago has no comparison to the JACKPOT that you hit when you found this site and started on your journey of recovery, and started to enjoy its benefits instead of throwing the winnings away as with the gambling one.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. Keep feeling the closeness of the "Friends you have never met".Larry Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by vera

 
Talking about "lifelines" …

Good evening all,
For those that know me, I am home and well. Had a good but tiring trip, but not back to the same ol same ol; starting with tonight, off to spend my usual Thursday night with my granddaughter – and her parents. ; not all same ol things are bad.  Thanks for those that were concerned about me, sorry I could not get in touch with you; but the thought of you and your post that are in my mind was a "lifeline" to me and my sobriety.  Will tell more about my trip Saturday or Sunday; work tomorrow so will not have much time for things others then getting things back together. 
For any new members that do not know me, my name is Larry and I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet way August 13, 2009. Welcome to GT, a place where you can learn to stay gambling free too. It takes a real desire to quit, and a lot of work in following through with what you learn from others. Stay strong and be faithful to your resolve.
Later,Larry Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Kathryn
 … today is my belly button birthday …To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
Good morning Kathryn,
Happy Birthday!  It is a nice present to yourself to find a way to post today. 
Enjoy the rest of the day; and keep on living gambling free, something that allows for such celebrations.
God’s speed. Stay strong.Larry Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
 … if that memory is true it will destroy all the good memories …

Good morning Bettie,
Hiding out is not good, but I can see where we want to a lot of times; we just don’t want to have the truth smack us in the face. But apparently you are not hiding out entirely, or are easily found by your friends, you are peeking around to see and read about the things that are bothering you, you are keeping aware of what you and others share with each other. This in itself will go a long way for you to let go in near time.
Let go of what, is the question to face?  As taught in the Serenity Prayer, we need to seek the wisdom to be able to tell the difference between what we should hold onto and what we should let go.  Everyone has good and bad memories of those in our past, but somehow the good memories can be separated when they outweigh the bad ones, and we live knowing that our times together was in truth good times.  But, when good memories can not be separated from the bad, when the bad overpowers all of the wishful good memeries,  the ‘good’ ones are not memories at all, they are only illusions that we put together in unfulfilling hopes that the truth will not seem so bad.  A hard choice to distinguish and make, but one when reached will provide better results than us not facing the truth. Either facing or denying the truth does not change what happened, but denying it, or hiding from it does change things, it changes us; it keeps us from being us. 
God’s speed. Stay strong. Let the Steps and the principles of recovery guide you in all aspects of your life, and let practicing them lead you away from being held captive to the triggers that the gambling addiction feeds on.
Your friend,
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.– 9/5/2012 2:21:43 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by vera

‘hope you’re safe Larry!

Good afternoon,
Yes I am safe. My talk about the hurricane hitting the New Orleans area must have left the impression that I was there; in fact I am miles away in St Louis. But nevertheless the thoughts and sediments are comforting. the calming thoughts and the hopes for my safety may not be needed for my being caught up it that storm, but will be used for combating the storm of this addiction.
I do recall my being trapped during the landing and aftermath of Katrina, and think about my concerns during its approach. My only concern was that the local casino had closed; I was hopping to spend hours on end feeding my addiction and had no thoughts about preparing for the real situation.  In the past hurricane warnings seemed to merely be an invitation for a "Hurricane Party" (the name of a strong rum drink). But after I crossed that line of becoming a CG, I couldn’t care less about quenching a thirst or being with other revelers, or in preparing for the upcoming days that I ended up having to face without power, fresh water, adequate food supply, reliable phone use, and even a safe and dry place to sleep; my only concern was for the closing of my anticipated safe haven, and how upset I was when those plans went under alone with the lands surrounding me.
Thankfully I survived the next five days and was rescued at the end of an evacuation process by my daughter and son-in-law, the mother and father of a new seven month old child, a baby that they choose to leave with her grandmother in order to come and get me out of harms way. Their sacrifice and efforts that ended up being a 4 day journey resulted in a great relief to the refugee type surroundings that I was living in, and although their facing the hardships and dangers of driving into that "war zone" was somewhat foolish, the love and concern that they had is much appreciated. But that adventure in itself is another story. As for their actions, I can only say thank God and thank them, and may God continue to bless them and my granddaughter (the storm did allow me to see her a few days sooner then a planned trip I had the following week for my belly-button birthday, so there was some good hiding in that hell-on-earth).
Thanks again for the thoughts, and be assured that for now I am safe and out of harms way, mainly the harm of compulsive gambling.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep your guard up and the preparations for any type storm at hand. 
 p. s. Information on the Issac’s effect on myself and Bettie: I will get the affects of the storm on Fri/Sat, with Bettie in Chicago seeing the heavy rains the following days — a hurricane is far spreading.
and a note for Velvet:  Normandy may not be Bali, but the food is just as good if not better; enjoy the black flower (buckwheat) crepes, or galettes, and the Fresh Fruit Brulée with Normandy crème fraîche — bon voyage, and bon appetet.
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.
 — 8/29/2012 8:10:10 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Kathryn
… life does manage to take over …
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
Good morning Kathryn,
Yours and Maverick’s conclusion that without gambling life has a way of taking over, not only filling the void that is left when we stop gambling, but giving us a legitimate need to juggle the precious time that that was stolen in the past. Being gambling free truly allows us to live the great adventure of life itself.
Your experience with the ATM is a great example of how us being accountable to someone other than ourselves can help keep us from facing temptation head on; when we have to make that extra effort, even for a normal transaction, we are allowing a normal way of thinking to guide us.  I am thinking that this builtin step is automatic for those that are banned from gambling; such reason for an extra approval shows how important the effort you took to renew your self-ban was, your taking actions on your own at that time is what broadened your safety zone. Like you said, we can get around any barrier and gamble if we want to; but the extra deterrents that are in place, and the priority we place on living and using our time and energy, in far better better than the hassle and planning it takes to do wrong.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Enjoy life.
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.– 8/26/2012 3:37:02 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by sherrie

Do you remember type…type….delete? …

The "type…type…delete?…"  above is well known by me, there are many occasions where I do the same thing. I type out a post, review it, and delete my words because in reading them back they do not relay my thoughts, or take on a different meaning than intended.  I also find myself just typing out my thoughts to get them on paper with the intention of deleting afterwards, or type then out in a separate area to keep as my own journal or diary. In any case the delete key is a good addition to any word processor.
I have also many times hit the delete key accidentally, or have lost text by making other mistakes, or by glitches in the computer. When this unintentional delete happens during a post that may be a little insensitive, or one where I might be polluting this place with my negative thoughts, I think of it as sort of a divine intervention, that my negativity was miraculously erased, and just leave it at that and move on to another post. During other times when my post are more "pure", this is just an annoyance that we all contend with, and I merely retype my words.
The other part of the quote above, "Do you remember", actually caused me to remember quite a bit about some questionable post; maybe not the actual times and names, but of instances where I found that I needed to go back and apologies to someone for hurtful or wrong remarks — perhaps even a time to Sherrie that I can’t recall offhand, or worse, a time that I should have and didn’t. Times that I had to practice the teaching of the GA Step 10 within the pages here, i.e."Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it". 
I also remember vividly a time that my entire post was deleted my Harry because my the perception in my words, "the likes of him", and the narrative before and after them coming across as being too judgemental and hurtful. My making that post is not the issue for me, at the time it was what I had to say and it in context was not a false statement or wrong view; but it did cause me great concern in that the truth may have hurt someone to the point that they just gave up and never found the relief to a problem that they were facing. And oddly to me my subtle yet sincere apology without any reference to the deleted post was also deleted for some reason — I was "persona non grata" that day.    So yes, I do remember.
I also remember a post that was positive, one that was intended to come across like a wind blowing "as gentle as that sun, yet strong enough to help in blowing away the clouds that are keeping us from enjoying the suns rays". This post was also to Sherrie when she first started to close her topics, and it was intended to encourage her to continue using GT and to post to others even if not keeping a thread running in her own topics. And now I am posting this to encourage her even more to post and participate in everything that GT offers. And to let her know that we all post things that cause us to have second thoughts, and things that we might even have a need to apologizes for afterwards, it is not uncommon when emotions are involved. And to also let her know that anything she might post to me will not cause a loss of this recovery buddy, of this fellow gambler that shares in about all that you have been through or may be struggling with.  
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind."~ attributed to Dr Seuss. 
I normally close with God’s speed and stay strong, but today I will again close with love and my sincere desire to see all make it past any struggle, and with hopes and prayers that they can live gambling free.   xoxoxo
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.– 8/21/2012 3:52:53 PM: post edited by paul315.

[Author]

Posts