[paul315]

 
                  Two  Month  Key Ring                    
Hi, my name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was on August 13, 2009.  Through the help of God and my Fellow Gamblers, I have reached a two month milestone and received Gamblers Anonymous’ Day Glow White key ring.  As with my red and yellow ones, I will use it as a reminder that it holds the key to my recovery.  And while acknowledging this milestone, I am celebrating being gambling free for another day and extending my commitment by pledging not to gamble today – it is A One Day At A Time process.
I am now living a better and happier life by: enjoying friends and family instead of making up excuses; not denying myself other activities so that I can rush to the casino for overextended stays; shopping for essential household items for cleaning and upkeep – and using them; shopping for food so that I can prepare meals instead of just eating out of a can or microwaved container; and not having every single thing that I see reminding be of a theme from a slot machine.  These are enjoyments that come natural to most everyone, simple pleasures and necessities that are absent during a life of compulsive gambling. Also absent was the money needed for such things, I now have some money left between my paydays to allow this, and money to pay off my past gambling debts – six more months and this part will be over. 
I can once again say "Life is Good". 
Larry

"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.
 — 10/13/2009 3:33:48 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn

Hi All,
 …the good news, actually the best news is that today i havent gambled for 4 months.  …
… In the grand sceme of things its just another day, i didnt gamble today.  I wake up each day and say those words, and do my best to live each day as it comes, …
Kathryn xx
Fighting the good fight…One day at a time
Kathryn,
You are to be commended of your achievement.  I like the way you phrased your announcement "… the best news is that today i havent gambled for 4 months.  …". You could have merely said, the best news is that i havent gambled for 4 months; but, your acknowledgment that "today" was part of your achievement, alone with your additional comment of "In the grand sceme of things its just another day", speaks well of your understanding of how to stay gambling free.
I have found this truth to be my strongest defense — our journey must be One Day At A Time.  I also know that when others, such as you, reach a notable milestone, that knowledge of this gives the rest of us encouragement and faith in our own beliefs that we too can reach our goal. Thank you for letting us share in, and benefit from, your good news.
Best wishes and God’s speed on the continuation of your journey.Larry"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

Kathryn,
Just read your statement to Linda about your being here everyday making a difference, so I thought that I would make use of my daily visit to say Hi. 
I find that my daily visits here are my greatest help, and that my Daily Pledge is the best reminder that I can have to be diligent in my efforts.  Other then the acknowledgment to my compulsion and my desire to be gambling free that  my Logging-in provides, the help I get from your, and those of other’s, frequent posts is essential to my progress.
Thanks, and best wishes on your journey.Larry"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315My Answers to Gamblers Anonymous’ Twenty Questions:

" … I answered yes to more then the seven that seams to be the cut off, so I guess that I am a compulsive gambler in need of help. … To tell the truth, I didn’t have to take the test to know. …"
Revisiting Gamblers Anonymous’ Twenty Questions:
 
During each GA meeting we are encouraged to constantly review the aspects of their program. One of which is the "Twenty Questions"; I had understode this to mean, ask the questions anew with answers pertaining to your now "gambling free" life vs. your past one. These results would show the progress you have made.  In fact, this may be what this process is for.
Last night at a meeting I answered these questions still using my past as the bases.  The results were the same as my first test, the conclusion had not changed; I am still a Compulsive Gambler.   And as I said in my first post, "To tell the truth, I didn’t have to (re)take the test to know".  However, retaking this test did reaffirm my need for my continuing daily commitment and pledge, not to gamble today, and my need for the support I find here.
Thank you Fellow Gamblers for taking my hand, for understanding, and being my friend.
      "Fellow gambler, take my hand;

       I’m your friend, I understand.

       I’ve known your guilt, your shame, remorse;

       I’ve borne the burden of your cross.

       I found a friend who offered ease;

       He suffered, too, with this disease.

       Although he had no magic cure,

       He showed how we could endure.

       We walked together side by side;

       We spoke of things we had to hide.

       We told of sleepless nights and debts,

       Of broken homes and lies and threats.

       And so my weary gambler friend,

       Please take this hand that I extend.

       Take one more chance on something new,

       Another gambler helping you."

 
 
Larry

"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.
 — 10/6/2009 2:01:52 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by cat1177

Larry,
… I know that you said that you left your wife and daughter "for them"…how has their life been better because you are not in it?  Because you believe you would have destroyed them with your gambling?  Or because you believe being an American would have hurt them more than not having a husband and father.  I am just curious – trying to figure that out. … 
Bloom where you are planted.
Hi Cat, my name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was on Aug 13, 2009.
Thanks for your post, I saw your new topic yesterday but didn’t get around to post to you.  I have read your post and find variations to the reasons and outcomes to all of us and our shared problem.  And though our gambling problem is shared, you will find the suggested directions for traveling on our path to successes to be just as varied.  One must-do-action we all have in common is to proceed One Day At A Time.  We need a daily pledge and sincere commitment not to gamble for that day.
To answer your question above:  First, no, their life, nor mine, has not been better by my leaving. I am thankful that they have moved on; I have not, the gambling outgrowth from my depression has prevented me a normal life.
In the part where I mention the concern for my family, I was trying to show the added stress that the resentment toward them put on my already stressed out state, not to imply that I left for their safety.  I ran because I could not deal with my depression and feared for my own life — fear of it ending by my own hand, not by others. I should have sought counseling.
My depression or leaving was not because of my gambling, my compulsive gambling manifested itself later, after an additional stressful event, and continued to grow the following few years. During this period I didn’t bother with trying to get back with my wife, I was lost in the world of gambling and the relief it gave.  I see now that therapy for this depression, would have eliminated my "need" for leaving, and may have even prevented my gambling compulsion; or brought it’s dormant tendencies out during that counseling and allowed me to address it before gambling took over my life.
Thanks for giving me the opening to vent some more.
Best of wishes and God’s speed on your journey. 
 
 
Larry

"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.
 
— 10/4/2009 12:48:57 PM: post edited by paul315.– 10/4/2009 12:50:50 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Kathryn,
I am finally getting around to reply to your post to me back on Thursday, August 13, see topic below.  My reply can be found on in my journel page dated today.
________________________________________________________________________________________
Hi Paul,
"… Your family in France, are you in contact with them?  It seems that you have a lot of loose ends that are playing on your mind and these are obvious triggers in reading your post.  I would like to know a little more about them, have they been to the US since you arrived there, are you planning to divorce? …" 
________________________________________________________________________________________
Best wishes on your journey.
Be prepared for a long post.
Larry"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Hi Paul,
"… Your family in France, are you in contact with them?  It seems that you have a lot of loose ends that are playing on your mind and these are obvious triggers in reading your post.  I would like to know a little more about them, have they been to the US since you arrived there, are you planning to divorce? …"
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
 Fighting the good fight…One day at a time
 

Added pre-script: be prepared for a long post.
Kathryn,
I am finally getting around to reply to your post above. I have been kept occupied by responding to other post, it is a lot easier then replying to those about myself.  Those responses, addressing problems similar to mine, were however directed to me also, and has helped me to reach this point of addressing some of my own problems and issues, even if just for now with unknown, but just as real, friends. 
 
It has been over seven years since I left France and have seen my family. Seven seams like a small number when you type it, but when you think about all that is encompassed in that number and of everything that could have been shared during that time, that small number turns into a life time. It may be true that "only time will heal" but time and miles can also destroy.
  
I met and had a brief affair with my then-to-be wife, Annie, during her visit to the States and New Orleans. Three years later, after a long distant courtship via the mail and Internet, I went to France to "visit" her and my new daughter, Maeva.  I stayed, and we were married. Ironically, she wanted to, and we were, married in Vegas (during my only non-gambling visit there). I did however, gamble one afternoon in Mississippi while visiting other parts of the States while they were at the pool, I guess, now as I see it, as a "reward" for my gambling free time during our honeymoon.  For the next three years we lived a happy life in France. I was a stay-at-home house husband, my main responsibility, and one of my greatest pleasures, was taking our daughter to school each morning and picking her up in the afternoon. A couple of my fondness moments with her was during my first time of walking her to pre-school and she so proudly showed off "her Papa" to  her classmates (I later learned that she had been teased about being fatherless) the other was when I was told about her "take-to-school toy", an American Beanie Baby with Stars n’ Stripes that I had sent her, and one with which she was characterized. The small stuffed toy was worn and faded, but still it brought her comfort in being away from home each day. My granddaughter here in the States, at the same age as Maeva then, has her "dogdog" to take to her pre-school for the same reason.
During my day I did normal everyday chores and made almost daily shopping trips to the local fruit and vegetable markets and bakeries.  These common events and duties (if you can imagine an English-only speaking American undertaking and sustaining life in a foreign country as common)) came very natural to me and my lack of French did not hinder me in the slightest way.  I also ventured out on my days alone at home and visited the small nearby  attractions and "villes".  During some of these outings I also visited and gambled at the ten or so local casinos. 
My attraction, to gambling was not a "compulsion" to me at that time, but, looking back, it was an unhealthy attraction and had been such for years.  I also recall that, though the casino visits were not a "secret" mission, they were not a topic of discussion during "what did you do today, Dear?", and I also know that the money that I selfishly gambled could have been better enjoyed for family events — prior to this new family life, the money I gambled was my "discretionary spending funds".
During our time together as a family, when Annie was off work and Maeva did not have school, we lived ordinary lives with normal daily happenings: Maeva’s playtime, her social time with her friends and her taking different lessons and classes; a few nights out for our own social life; occasional visits with friends; and, a few gatherings with Annie’s co-workers.  Of course a lot of these "ordinary" events were not so ordinary to me, but were entirely new and exciting experiences being shared in land with a much different look at life then that of the overly fast pace one that is dominate in the US. Sorry for getting off-track about gambling here but, just a personal observation and note along this line: Overtime and "IMHO", I did notice the gradual changes in the slow-paced lifestyle and erosion of "family-time" brought about by (what I term as Americanization or Capitalism) the extended shopping hours and inclusion of more and more businesses being open during holidays and on Sundays whereby families could no longer be together on these days because one or more member now had to work. — Now back to gambling.
We stayed home a lot, took short one-day adventures (my favorites being frequent evening B-B-Q’s on the beach and the International Firework Competitions on Friday nights during the summer months), went on a few week-end excursions, took our vacations, and simply enjoyed life — notice that there were no casino references in the family activities.  During one family trip I did go off one afternoon on my own to the casino in Switzerland while the rest of the family went to the lake beach; this was to fulfill my desire of visiting exotic casinos. I can now recognize this abnormal desire as nothing less then another straw added by me while on my path toward compulsive gambling.  
 
Then came 911 and the attack on the US.  This event changed my life, I can only speculate to the reasons it affected me in the way it did. I didn’t know any of the victims or their families, nor did I have to deal with the consequences in a up-close or personal manor. I know that mine was a quite normal reaction, and that the attack affected many, many, people around the world, some more then others and some less; and that this unbearable intrusion on my life was no different in intensity to that of others ("Bad is bad, even when it is "better than."), but my being away from the target, safe in a foreign land, so to speak, gave me a guilt that weighed heavily on me. I could not sleep, I had to stay up late and be awake early each morning for the live news from the States, and then stay glued for any further events throughout the day. 
I did experience a lot of support and compassion form my local friends and from family and friends far away in the States, and even from strangers here recognizing me as an American  — I never saw any of the resentment from the French that the American news portrayed as existing during the Iraq invasion. (on the contrary, the French I came in contact with, still hold America in high regard for their liberation during WWII)  I did ,however, notice a hidden concern, shown by my wife through our conversations, of resentment directed toward her (she has Arab features) from some of her high-school students that knew that she was married to an American.  She had quite a few students that were from ArabMuslim cultures, and they did have and showed resentment toward Americans. The concern for the safety of my wife and daughter caused me additional stress. This and the guilt I felt put me in such a depressed state, that I thought I had no option other then to run away to save my life and that of my family. There was no want or desire for me to leave on my wife’s part, and I truthfully did not want go, I felt I had to leave, that I had no choice; If I had only sought out counseling at the time I would not have left. And on this same note, if I had received counseling after a closely following tragedy, Hurricane Katrina, I may have been able to return then. With counseling at those times, I really believe that I would not be in the compulsive state I am in now. I would still have had the unhealthy attraction to gambling, and that might have brought me here eventually, but this I will never know.
After deserting my family, all the time I spent away before I realized my mistake, the miles and ocean between us, the pull of my local family and friends, plus my foolish pride prevented me from returning.  Now our divorce is almost final and our only contact, other then between me and our daughter for her birthdays and holidays, has reverted back to the email; email that once kept us together way back when, but now keeps us apart. My daughter feels deserted, and I can only hope and prey that she will have a better understanding later on in life.  My memories of our life together and my love for them, although still ever constant, are slowing becoming "worn and faded" like Maeva’s Beanie Baby, but also like it, they still provide me comfort and a reason to continue.
 
Well Kathryn, you said you would like to know a little more about my French family. I took this as concern and that you were not being nosy. But, be careful what you ask for. Writing the things you are about to receive in reply, is a tremendous load off my mind, I only wish it was me awaking from a bad dream instead.
The effect Katrina had on me will have to come at another time.  There is one good thing about today, it is my Day48 of being gambling free, this is not a normally recognized milestone, but I wanted to close with a happy thought.
God bless you and best wishes on your journey.
 
 
Larry

"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.
— 9/29/2009 11:29:43 PM: post edited by paul315.– 9/30/2009 12:47:49 AM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

G,
Thanks for you comments and concern.  There is no measure to the help that I receive here, nor to the warm feeling of not being alone.  As to the time frame to reach the doing great stage, one of my initial impressions during my first GA meeting was of the longevity in being gambling free that some of my fellow gamblers announced — this scared me, although their success is a great incentive, the fact that this is a life long program became evident.
I may have taken some leaps in sitting up barriers, but it was imperative that I take them.  However, in following the program each step is very small and cautious.  In my post to runninggirl, I may have come across as having an easy time on this journey, but I am well aware that I am vulnerable to the pitfalls and that my struggles only seam less then others.  This knowledge was further reinforced today, just hours after my post, by the message in Kin L’s Reflection for the day email, Todays Gift. His email is copied below:

 Have A Wonderful Day Of Recovery !!!
And The Start To A Great Week !!!

Ken L GRCG ODAAT
Today’s Gift – 09/28/2009
 

 

From:

"Ken Lambon" ken.lambon@rogers.com
 

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Reflection for the Day

"How does The Program work?" newcomers sometimes ask. The two answers I most often hear are "very well" and "slowly." I’m appreciative of both answers, facetious as they may first sound, because my self-analyzing tends to be faulty. Sometimes I’ve failed to share my defects with the right people; other times, I’ve confessed their defects, rather than my own; at still other times, my sharing of defects has been more in the nature of shrill complaints about my problems. The fact is that none of us likes the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, and the confession of shortcomings, which The Steps require. But we eventually see that The Program really works. Have I picked up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at my feet?

Today I Pray

May God keep me from laying out my defects by comparing them to someone else’s. We are, by nature, relativists and comparers, who think in terms of "worse than. . ." "not quite as bad as. . ." or "better than. . ." May I know that my faults are faults, whether or not they are "better than. . ." others’.

Today I Will Remember

Bad is bad, even when it is "better than."
 
You are reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

Again I apologize for rambling on, but all of this is a great help to me.
Best wishes on your journey.
p.s. In you message you advice me to "work alot, excersise alot, sleep alot, and eat well", why not also to eat alot ?  lol
Larry

"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.
— 9/28/2009 1:56:25 PM: post edited by paul315.– 9/29/2009 1:44:19 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted on Fresh start page in responce runninggirl Re: Day Two is Still a Day Away by paul315
… I need to read back on your thread a bit to see how things are progressing for you in your life.  I hope all is well …  I’m sure that like me, you’re starting to enjoy life as it is meant to be enjoyed. 
RG
This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.
 
Things are going pretty good for me on my journey of being gambling free. So good in fact, I have a slight guilty feeling about the ease of my struggles compared to the extreme hard times of some others.  I do share many of the same difficulties and fight the same urges, but so far I have been able to struggle through the difficulties and control the urges.  I also realize that, although I have been able to face my adversities head-on the challenges are nevertheless strong and unceasing, and are just as real as those of others. I can only pray that this success is not just a fly-by-night venture,  but will prove out to be a lasting one. For like you, "While I hate what I have done to myself by gambling, I love this new awareness that the recovery process has brought to me" and the enjoyment of normal everyday activities and interactions with friends and family – again like you, I am " starting to enjoy life as it is meant to be enjoyed."   My compulsive gambling has robbed me of these pleasures, plus many other things, for the past few years.
My first couple of weeks in the program were very hard in that I was flooded with a barrage of emotions associated with remorse: guilt, shame, sorrow, regret, anguish and any other adjective describing the anguish that I went through.  On top of this, when going to my first GA meeting I believed that I was going to have to face humiliation and embarrassment; and, that I would be ridiculed when people finally learned of my foolishness and weakness.  I also had the same fears that I read about here of facing criminal actions for writing an extended series of bad checks.
I can only thank God for the strength I was given, and my fellow gamblers here and at GA who provided all their input and support (my 3G’s Team – God, GT, and GA), whereby I was able to examine by options and take the proper steps – in addition to the GA Twelve.  Although I was humbled at the GA meeting, I did not feel the humiliation and embarrassment that I feared; we were all on equal footing with the same issues.  My family and friends accepted my condition with love and understanding and encouraging praises for my courage – I do have one brother who reacted with derisive remarks but he is a negative sort of a person and his criticism only gave me his unintentional support. I am also involved in an ongoing and distant separation from my new family, and while they now know of what I have become during our separation, I need to deal more with the unintended consequence of my gambling on them.
As for the bad checks, I was able to work out a plan directly with the check guarantee companies instead of collection agencies and the courts, thus avoiding facing prosecution and even higher legal fees.  I guess that the extravagant fees that the check guaranteers are receiving (in addition to the high fees already collected by my bank) is more advantages to them then selling off the bad checks at a discount to a collection agency.
Well this is how things have been progressing in my life.  To reach this point, I have a constant prayer in my heart, I go once a week to GA meeting, spend countless hours on the GT site and a couple of others, and walk in fear each time I am at a nearby casino.
My very best wishes to you on your journey.
Sorry for the extended posting but this documentation is good therapy and help for me.
Copy also posted to my Journal page.Larry"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

As I have posted before, "my post are to help me, not just to communicate with others; So I am also copying this from a post to Chris of The Truth, the whole truth, Nothing but the truth by luidachris, because writing it hit me hard, especially the Fellow Gambler poem, and has given me more encouragement.  
Re: The Truth, the whole truth, Nothing but the truth
Chris,
I just left you from the open forum, it was good talking with you and the others.
I hope I didn’t come across too strong about the Higher Power, but I find we all need one.  GA had the incite to add "(of our understanding)" to the "humbly ask God" parts of the Twelve Steps.  Our understanding can range from the Christian God, to Buddha, Mohammad, or any other High Power of the beliefs of others – including the "Self" being the higher power for the non-believers of any culture.  One thing for certain, it is the "Self" that has to do this task, we can only gain help and strength form the outside powers, be it religion, family, friend or groups.
At each GA meeting opening ,we recite this poem:
I sought my soul,

But could not see,

I sought my God,

But He eluded me,

I sought my brothers and sisters,

And found all three.

The people at those meetings and those of us here are the "brothers and sisters" referred to, and God refers to any power that may exist in each of us.  Use your "all three" of these to help you.
Another poem listed it the Safe Harbor web site is:
Fellow gambler, take my hand;

I’m your friend, I understand.

I’ve known your guilt, your shame, remorse;

I’ve borne the burden of your cross.

I found a friend who offered ease;

He suffered, too, with this disease.

Although he had no magic cure,

He showed how we could endure.

We walked together side by side;

We spoke of things we had to hide.

We told of sleepless nights and debts,

Of broken homes and lies and threats.

And so my weary gambler friend,

Please take this hand that I extend.

Take one more chance on something new,

Another gambler helping you.
Here, the Fellow gambler and Friend, is both, our brothers and sisters and our higher power. Take our hand as we take yours to make it One Day At A Time.
Best of wishes on your journey.
Larry"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315

______________________________________________________________________________ 
"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – No matter how long in the program, I realize that without help and strength I might have to (but prey not) relive a new Day Two.

I have again changed my Forum Signature from that shown above to the one used below. I am still aware of the possibility of my slipping but, I have now gained a more positive outlook and when I read my old closing, it seams a bit negative.  My first change was to use my real name, Larry, although my screen name, paul315, still gives me hope. 
 Larry"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

Originally posted by fandangos
 
… well done on your 40 gamble free days, that is a great achievement, … 

Also posted in reply to fandangos
Carl,
The "40 Days" comment in your post took me by surprise.  I was well aware of my One Month milestone, and even my day 29, but time has been passing at a fair pace and I was not conscious of the number of days that I had been gambling free since then.  I have calculated it a few times in the Daily Pledge thread of justin_SouthAfrica when making my daily pledge on his page, but the only day that I keep a mindful eye on is today.  Nevertheless, seeing the higher numbers is a good feeling and with the help of my 3 G’s, God, GA, and GT, those numbers will keep rising One Day At A Time.
Best wishes on your journey.
Larry

"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – No matter how long in the program, I realize that without help and strength I might have to (but prey not) relive a new Day Two.– 9/24/2009 12:17:20 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by frozen

Hi Larry, so did you ever self-ban from Missouri Casinos?
 

No, I have not self-banned. I still harbor the fear that I might still go and then be arrested for trespassing. It may sound strange (and I might be sub-consciously fooling myself and I do not suggest this for anyone) but in a way I am using my "not self-banning" as another barrier.  At this time, I really think that I would want to gamble to challenge the system, even aware of the consequences you mention, more then my desires to gamble for gambling sake.  So far, thanks to the 3 G’s – God, GT, and GA, my conviction to live gambling free has remarkably overcome my "normal" urge to gamble; and adding this strange outside urge at this time is troublesome.  
I too have had many marathon sessions and large dollar losses at the casinos, so I understand your feeling you describe. Thanks for refreshing my memory of these suicide missions; the renewed knowledge of such catastrophes adds to the down side of compulsive gambling.
Another bit of information about self-banning here is that if you play the Lotto and win an amount that requires payment by the lottery office, that payment is denied the same as larger payouts at a casino.  Although I have played the lottery in the past, it has never been a compulsion. I mainly only played when it first started and later when the payout was in the high multi-millions.  As a testimony to my gambling free commitment, I have not purchased a single ticket or scratch-off since my last gambling day, Aug 13 2009, even when the Power Ball was at $200 plus million.
Best wishes for your journey.
Larry, aka Paul315

"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – No matter how long in the program, I realize that without help and strength I might have to, but hopefully not, begin a new Day Two from time to time.– 9/17/2009 11:59:56 AM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

 – Day Two Anniversary
Yesterday I wrote about my one month anniversary of being gambling free, today it is one month for my Day Two.  I know that every day can represent an anniversary of some kind but I am mentioning todays because it ties in with my topic title and my sub-goal toward being gambling free.  My main goal is to stay gambling free today – this is so that I can achieve my objective of living gambling free; the sub-goal is not to have another Day Two.  I had to have a second Day One because I slipped during my very first day due to an overconfident and presumptuous attitude that I only had to "join" the program and then I would have control. I am happy that I found out how ridiculous this was at the earliest stage, and that costly day may have been my life saver.
Also, having an anniversary observance of Day Two at the next milestone marker seams quite simple — all I have to do is not gamble One Day At A Time and the rest will just fall into place.
So I pledge not to gamble today and prey for the strength and wisdom to keep this pledge.
Larry, aka Paul315

"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – No matter how long in the program, I realize that without help and strength I might have to, but hopefully not, begin a new Day Two from time to time.– 9/14/2009 10:28:31 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

 – One Month Anniversary
Hi … My name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler.  My last day to gamble was August 13, 2009.
While I am very pleased that I can make this statement today, I find it hard to believe.  I can not start to name the times that I hopelessly said that I would not gamble for one month, or for one week or even a week-end. I have also tried, and failed, to condition my gambling  until a certain event, like the next full moon, or I would only gamble it I won a hand of Solitaire, or until my next payday.
The problems with those past attempts were that; one –  they were giving me the option to gamble again, so when I slipped I merely resumed gambling earlier then planned, not failed in my goal (although, I did on occasion keep my word not to gamble until my next payday, but, when I often failed at this goal, it cost me even more in the high overdraft and returned check fees); and , two – the time frames I set, even the "one week" or "few days" restrictions, left open too big a gap for outside influences to weaken my reserve.
Now, I only say, and solemnly pledge, that I will not gamble for today. This total commitment not to gamble, even for just that one day, completely removes the "until" time that was to allow myself to gamble again; and, it greatly restricts the time frame left open for all the outside forces to interfere to only 24 hours (this shorter 24 hour window is further reduced by filling it with other actives, and the outside forces are hindered by the barriers I have put in place).  
Far me to be able to begin by Month 2 tomorrow, I have to continue to be gambling free today; to help me accomplish this, I pledge that I will not gamble today.
Thank all of you here for the support and engorgement that I have gained through all your post and your sharing of your means to combat this disease. In return for your help I can only offer these few words of advice, "make and keep this same Daily Pledge, and travel your path One Day At A Time".  Again, thank you.
Larry, aka Paul315

"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – No matter how long in the program, I realize that without help and strength I might have to, but hopefully not, begin a new Day Two from time to time.
 — 11/3/2009 11:42:10 AM: post edited by paul315.

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