[paul315]

Good morning Kathryn, just a few line to say hello and let you know that even though I may not respond to your post, they are nevertheless enjoyable and helpful.
You mention that you have a lot of rabbits. There once was a guy here in the States that had the same problem with turkeys until he started our Thanksgiving Day and started serving the now traditional turkey feast.  Maybe you could start a similar Australian celebration, but with bunnies — if Austria ever had a TGD holiday, it would let the ‘roos breath easy for that day just like the cows do here. Larry"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

Good morning Kathryn, just a few words to say thanks for your daily accounts, they help me stay in tune with the "real life" and keep me aware of the one I now enjoy and the reason for my Daily Pledge.
Life is good!Larry"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

"Reasons To Quit" vs. All the reasons why!
There is a song that claims "all the reasons for quitin’ dont outnumber all the reasons why", it also list a few of the "quitin’ reasons" and acknowledges the fact that they do get bigger each day. The addictions to quit that are sang about does not include gambling, but although gambling is not mentioned it fits in just the same. In the song the characters fail to grasp the need to quit, they just keep "… Havin fun and never thinkin’; Laughin’ at the price tags that we pay; and, we keep roarin down the fast lane like two young men feelin no pain …". These addicts know of the problems and the consequences caused by their addictions and I believe that they actually feel the pain it causes (they just "keep roarin down the fast lane like two young men feelin no pain"), they just choose to keep on their destructive path. 
 
I am telling myself the things below because, although I post a simple pledge each day and even encourage others to do so, I feel that some days the simple effort might be from habit – -or more precise out-of-habit; the habit part is not bad. I have added a few words from time to time to change it up, or I may comment on other pledges; and, I read all the post for that day – noting the days-free notations and different styles that shows them to be a concentrated effort. This does help keep my post a concentrated effort as well, but my writing these analogies of travel below (they are to long for my occasional comments in the Daily Pledge thread) makes me more aware. Thanks to all who may read it, and I hope that you may also get something out of it.
 
Fortunately for me the reasons to quit finally outnumbered all the reasons why and I was able to put gambling’s fast lane behind and go forward on a normal path toward the real me. There are a lot of forks in the road, but I know that they all lead to a dead end. And at each crossroad I have to decide which direction is best for me; do I keep going forward or do I venture off in a different direction, or even perhaps turn around and return to a fork thinking that it may have been a good route after all?  I do not have a road map for my journey, only a destination in mind. True there are many travel guides and road sighs with warnings of the road conditions or distant attractions, but what actually lies ahead is not shown. I have to continue on my journey using what I can trust the most; my knowledge of the detrimental past and faith in the direction that I have been traveling, so I choose to go forward – I again choose and pledge not to gamble today.
On my path there will be pitfalls and bumps in the road; but as long as I continue on my forward journey and deal with these obstacles as they arise, and not try to avoid the difficulties that they present by returning to the false and fleeting comforts of my past mistakes, I will still be progressing. There will also be detours, but these charted deviations will only help me, if I follow them and not plunge ahead into the pre-warned-of troubles.  And, if I do reach a section of the road that a detour should have been posted, I will have to travel that part in a more cautious manner, keeping in mind all of the safety measures I have been taught.
So for me, I have put gambling’s road to destruction behind me and will keep on going forward.  And like the AAA is there for automobile trouble , my GGG is here for me when I run into recovery troubles. I am also reminded in today’s "Reflection for the Day" to remember that any success I have today is not mine but God’s? for:

“Nothing is enough to the man for whom enough is too little,” wrote the Greek philosopher Epicurus. Now that we’re free from gambling, and are building our self-respect and winning back the esteem of family and friends, we have to avoid becoming smug about our new-found success. For most of us,success has always been a heady brew; even in our new life, it’s still possible to fall into the dangerous trap of “big-shotitis.” As insurance, we ought to remember that we’re free today only by the grace of God.

Today I Pray
May I keep a constant string-on-the-finger reminder that I have found freedom through the grace of God – just so I don’t let my pride try to convince me I did it all myself. May I learn to cope with success by ascribing it to a Higher Power, not to my own questionable superiority.

Today I will Remember
Learn to deal with success. 
God’s speed to all my Fellow Gamblers on our joint, yet individual, journeys.
 
Larry

"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.– 11/18/2009 6:30:33 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

MONTH 3 – DAY 2
In writing about my one month milestone, I first posted comments on the day before. For the second, I followed up with a post on the day after.  To day I will also fellow up on yesterday’s post, but in a different tone then the one in October.  (It is obvious that Day 2 has a significant association to my recovery, but I have again evolved into a more positive view of it -I now close my post with "Day Two is another day behind" instead of the "Still a day away" in past closings and in my topic title; I was going to close this topic and start a new one with the "day behind" change but realize that there are more changes to come, so I will just stick with this old one.)
This morning I was reading the email, Today’s Gift – 11/14/2009, from Kin L. The last line of his reflections: "…Today I will be gentle with myself, knowing that I’m exactly where I need to be – free.", reminded me of a time some years ago when a friend was going through Primal Scream therapy. She had me read a few books on the process to help me understand her feelings – I already understood her, so I guess my reading was more her way of sharing her problems.
In one section of the books, the subject was about the type of life one could have by following this process. She could not understand it when I told her that I did not have to search for that goal, that I was already there – I was free of these primal burdens.  At the time I had no idea that my future would hold psychological problems for myself. Now reflecting back, I can see that we (I) can all fall from our life of control into one of turmoil, and how we all need help to overcome it once we fall.
All of this leads to me being able to say that once again I can point to a page in a book that talks about being free and say that at this stage of my life  "I am exactly where I need to be – free".  I left out the "exactly" adjective of Ken’s post because I know that I have a long way to go.  I still need the help of my 3 G’s to stay free and progress further on my journey to return to a better life..  Above I mention the significant association of Day 2 to my recovery, my vague reference to this is progress for me, when I am ready to accept the true meaning of it, I will once again be exactly where I need to be.  Until then I will enjoy all the blessings and freedom that has been bestowed upon me, at least the ones that I can manage to hold onto and not throw away.
God’s speed to all my Fellow Gamblers. 
 
Larry

"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.
 — 11/17/2009 3:09:50 AM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

90 DAYS
Hi, my name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler, I placed my last bet on the morning of August 13, 2009.  This not only refers to a bet I placed at that time, but with the help of my 3 G’s, God, GT and GA, it also refers to my very "last bet".
I tried countless times in the past to rid myself of the compulsive aspects of my gambling only to "slip", or FAIL, each time.  During these past attempts I tried to do it by myself using poorly though-out reasoning and elusive plans and schemes.  I have no idea how long ago my "start date" for recognizing my problem and trying these novel ways was; ways to control my gambling and not to end it. I do know that on the morning of Aug 12th, I used Google to seek out a better way.  I found Gambling Therapy, read a few post, saw hope, and signed up.
A few hours later on that very evening, I went out and "celebrated", foolishly thinking that
since I started a recovery program that I could gamble and control my actions; I slipped. After that all-night disastrous binge, following through into the next morning, on the afternoon of Aug 13, I came back to the GT site and searched deeper and with a more sincere and determined mind set. I met a lot of others here and was introduced to Gamblers Anonymous. Since that day, my "official start date" 90 days ago, and my first meeting at GA a few days later, my Fellow Gamblers have not failed me nor have I slipped again.
Using methods that work, and depending on others while adhering to a strong and daily commitment, My Daily Pledge, strengthen by the help of God, I was able to put gambling behind me. I was able to start on my journey, not going away from my compulsion, but rather heading toward a brighter future.  Once on this path, my journey opened my eyes to a renewed relationship with God and to other aspects of my life that was in need of repair. As stressed in GA, we have to "work the steps" every day, using these tools for both our recovery and for other self improvements; to depend on prayer and meditation, not just ourselves, to return to a much better and gambling free life; and, to do it One Day At A Time.
The help and encouragement I have found here is immeasurable.  The topics with all the discussions and feedback concerning ways to stay gambling free may differ between each of us and individual practices and beliefs may change from time to time, and may even deviate from the principles of the different help groups, BUT, this stuff works; it keeps us aware of our needs and goals; it keeps us on a progressive march (even during various slips or detours it always keeps us going in a forward direction); it gives us the help we need and allows us at the same time a possible means to help others; and, if we continue to use it, will give us back the life each of us deserve.
At the begaining of this post is my "90 Day" key ring from GA, and like my other ones from past milestones, it may look empty but it holds the keys to my success.  I have to use these keys to unlock the locks, but I need each of you to help open the doors so I accept this offer: "…And so my weary gambler friend, please take this hand that I extend.  Take one more chance on something new,  Another gambler helping you", and extend the same in return.
In closing, I take the hands of all my Fellow Gamblers and make my Daily Pledge – I shall not gamble today.
Larry"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn

Today i have not gambled for 5 months, 154 days to be exact!
Life is about falling….living is about getting up!
Well done.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

Good morning Kathryn,
Just read your post on Gardening and had to think of cat1177 , "Courious Cat" and her closing "Bloom where you are planted".  I posted a copy of your thoughts to her in case she still visits this site.
Your analogy also reminded me of an old movie favorite om mine "Our Vines Have Tender Grapes", where the theme is about the care we need in growing up, or in our case, our re-growth.
 Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

Originally posted by vera

Great barrier from gambling WORK/BED/BED/WORK!!!!
It is like I have posted before. If you do it ODAAT, most of the day is taken up by Sleep, Working, and a few other time consuming requirements, thus reducing the window of opportunity for gambling to a more easily combating time frame.
And if you do find a little extra time it is; POST/WORK/POST/BED/POST/WORK!!!!
 Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

Good morning Kathryn, sorry to hear about your back.  My last back ache came from sitting at the slots for too lone, so use your condition to remind you to stay away – now that their is a weaken area, the slot chairs will just aggravate it more. 
Of cource now I am subject to Corporal Tunnel Syndrome form sitting at the computer for extended times, but at least I could aford my cushioned mouse pad and keyboard to help prevent it.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

[paul315]

Good morning Kathryn, and it is a good morning here, after about three week of December type weather (but with rain not snow) we have a nice "October" day. It has been raining so much here that the mighty Mississippi has once again flooded the streets bordering our Gateway Arch — this is the eighth time this year that that section of town, and another one up river, has been closed. Too bad(or not) for the gambling boats that I used to visit at those locations, they have to close for a few days.
Thanks for your reply, it has been a while since we have exchanged post, but I read you often. As for attending or not attending GA meetings, like you say we are all different. I go mainly to strengthen my commitment not to gamble, my effort to go is the reinforcement, not necessary the the step-process or the mandates — I do however come away with a better understanding of my addiction and the knowledge that there are "real" Fellow Gamblers out there that share in being a CG, for this I do recommend it for others to try and will continue my participation.  Like you I find this site, as part of my 3 G’, my strongest influence. 
My secrets were not secrets per se, only reluctance to how they might encourage others to take some "not-wise" chances.  But as reminded by the Helpline moderator, I need to do what will help me without worrying about the perception of others.  It is a cold remark, but what others think or perceive is their problem.  Each of our postings here, like our attendance at GA meetings, do influence others, but we must do this for ourselves, not our loved ones, families, or friends – in the end they too will benefit in our new being, but not without us acting on our personal need. 
As for my boast that I am doing good, I am truly thankful that I can humbly make this claim, I have worked hard to achieve it.
Thanks for listening, and to expand of the GA closing to sharing, I will be back, but not back to gambling.
Larry

"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.– 11/4/2009 10:12:59 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

OPENNESS:
I was on the Advice Line talking about my fashioning my post to be less controversial.  I find myself keeping some things to myself that in themselves do not cause me harm or temp me to digress, but these actions and thoughts do veer away from the true Gambling Free creed.  Yes, I am still gambling free, my last bet still being Aug 13, 2009,  but I do find myself disregarding some of the restraints placed before me.  I do not disagree with or challenge their validity, I only find that I can function better at this stage of my recovery without them.
I admire members like G (working at it,female g) who is completely open with her disagreement to the "Stopping-Not-Controlling" mandate –not her practicing it, but her openness about it –, and to tell the truth, or to be open, I believe that it just might work with a few, but know that I am not one and would not recommend it for anyone, and as in the case with G, try to discourage it; and, I also admire Shakey with his "Comment Meeting Type" Addicted to internet poker and need help" topic open for general discussion and his "No Comment Type" (VERY) Dear Diary  private one, where he speaks of matters that may go against the tide or seem off base and ask for no replies.
My actions go against GA’s guideline for members, in fact each of by deviations are contrary to this section:  The Yellow Combo Book pg 17, par 3,  Don’t test or tempt yourself. Don’t associate with acquaintances who gamble. Don’t go in or near gambling establishments…
Well now for my withheld comments:
First I would like to say that one of the casinos that I was addicted to has put in place another barrier toward temptation for me.  I have been visiting them during my Gambling Free Journey to collect on cash back rewards and meal coupons. Today I had my last "free" meal and withdrew the last funds in my account. I am still doing this at two other casinos, but they will soon put an end to their temptations also.
I will still visit for their buffets (my paying directly now) but they are separated from the action and desiring to gamble after eating has not been a problem, at least for now and if it ever is I will stop.  I do have to go into the casino to collect my money (and I do consider these funds, around $1500 during the past few months, mine; The money that I gambled went into a variety of places, casino profit, overhead and operations, payouts, and very lastly, my account – percentages in that order, but the casinos do somehow claim that around 98.8%  is paid out in winnings.) but I do not find any draw for me to gamble. I do have my player cards attached to my GA keyring for a reminder, but there is no struggle for me to walk in, withdraw my funds, and walk out – in the past I would gamble about 10 times as much in addition to this amount. 
In addition to collecting my cash back amounts and dining, I still go to a casino once a week to be picked up by my daughter.  This is something that I will not stop either. I also still see friends who gamble, but they are considerate of my position; I even know a GA person who is a dealer at a casino — but I also have friends who are AA and tend bar.
These are my secrets, they are not bad in my eyes, but withholding them has been bothering me.
My other worry is that I am doing too well, I have no desire to gamble, even while being in the fiery furnace I feel protected.  This seems to me as my being boastful, but I am only being grateful.  Without my 3 G’s, God, GT, and GA, and the individual members, I would not be at this stage.  To counter my feeling on this I keep one of Ken L’s offerings handy:
 
Today I Pray
God, please tell me if I am banging my shins on my own pride. Luckily for me, the Gamblers Anonymous Program has its own built-in check for flaws like this – the clear-eyed vision of the group, which sees in me what I sometimes cannot see myself. May I know that any kind of success has always gone straight to my head, and be watching for it as I begin to reconstruct my confidence.

Today I Will Remember
Smug "success" can become a setback.
Well, that’s my story and I will be back.
Larry

"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.
 
 — 11/6/2009 3:30:40 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

 WARNINGS!
While sitting here reading today’s post the local City Wide Disaster Warning System test are being conducted.  The sirens blare and the announcement is made to all in the community over loudspeakers.  This time it is only the monthly test but it gets the attention of most who hear it. 
In addition to these public service warnings for disasters, we in the States are bombarded with warnings on cigarette packaging and ads, warning on alcohol, warnings on wearing seat belts and helmets, even warnings and notices to "Save the Planet"; but the only warnings we have that vaguely advise us of the perils of gambling, are subtle announcements and notations from the gambling establishment themselves — no clear warnings of the Clear and Present Dangers of Gambling.
I may or may not have heeded any more stimulating warnings, if they existed, before I was trapped; but I do now listen to and follow the prominent warnings that we who have fell into that trap receive from those who try to help us recover after the fact.
Thanks to these Fellow Gamblers and organizations, I am doing OK, nearing my three month milestone, and enjoying a better life; so thanks to all of you for your warnings and help.
Larry

"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.
 — 11/2/2009 10:17:39 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Collateral Damage
Last week I had a ruff day, I was finally doing the paperwork for my divorce.  In doing so I had to get some financial information from my wife.  The information she sent came as a blow to me and kicked in some guilt feelings.  She is now reduced to working part time and had to mortgage her home. Now the mortgage payments and fewer hours has thrown her deep into the financial crises that many of us face. 
Her information brought to light an added aftermath of my gambling. If I would have only addressed my depression at the time instead of escaping from it by gambling, blindly allowing time and inattentiveness to destroy our relationship, there is a good chance that I would have returned to our home and the two of use would now be in a better position to face this problem together.   Now I have to live with the knowledge that, though maybe not entirely directly, compulsive gambling also added to this problem of her’s.
Another realization of how later results of gambling affects my current life came about this same week.  This example is far less serious with a whole lot less impact then the events above, but, nevertheless it is an added consequence of my gambling.  I wanted very much to attend the wedding of a friend in New Orleans.  For me to go I would have to take off work an spend extra money for my trip.  With my current tight budget, that is set up to pay off my gambling debts and bad checks, I could not afford to absorb the extra expense and loss of income without putting me in a next-to-nothing financial position for the next couple of months.  I am afraid that having to live from day to day would give me too much of a temptation to gamble again, to try to supplement my reduced income.  Another temptation that it would place in my path would be gambling while in New Orleans, gambling for gambling, not for the chase of elusive winnings.
The year between my leaving France and my family, and Hurricane Katrina forcing me to Saint Louis, is the time that my compulsion reared its ugly head.  During this time my visits to the down-the-street casino became almost daily and playing the video poker machines in the bars and restaurants was a daily happening with multiple visits each day, eating away all of my income, time and sanity.  
While the casino would not be a draw for me, I think that the poker machines in the bars might prove to be a problem. I got to where I would have what I called my $10 drinks.  For each drink I had, and this was quite a few most days, I would pay a couple of dollars for a drink and the other eight would go into the poker machine.  When I won, if it was a small amount, the winning would go back into the machine; if a larger amount, I would walk down the few blocks to the casino and gamble it away, plus a lot more by casing a check to win back what I lost. Therefore, my past gambling has denied me a pleasant trip to a friends wedding.
I know now that I will probably encounter more after affects and will have to deal with that guilt as it happens ; The Collateral and Resulting Damage of gambling is a dreadful truth. 
 
Larry

"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.– 10/27/2009 4:28:20 AM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn

Hi All,
 did i tell you…..its purple!!!  Can you tell Brea likes purple…
… We had a good day, i also got the material for our dining chairs, its the same colour as our couch, well, almost and i think its going to look great. ..
Fighting the good fight…One day at a time
I just scanned over your post, didn’t read every word, but, did you say that the material for the chairs was purple ? That is a good color for a car, but I am not sure about a chair!
It is nice to have a normal life.  A few months ago my first thought upon hearing a story like yours would have been, "What slot machine has that theme?".  Now I am wondering, what color is the fabric and the couch?
 
Larry

"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.– 10/16/2009 3:09:44 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Also posted on the "FOR VERA" thread.
Re: FOR VERA
Originally posted by vera

"… He really does not see gambling as an illness and cannot understand how anyone in their right mind would put money into a machine and expect to get it back again.
He goes crazy over the credit card debt and says " so what" that I am paying almost all my salary. " You can’t have your cake and eat it " is his attitude, so "pay up and shut up"!
I do blame him partly for my dilemma because I begged him about 4 years ago to help me quit. I went to GA and asked him to go to GAM ANON but he said it was my problem, not his. I begged him to hold my ATM card. He "forgot" and gave it back. I asked him to come for walks, meals, cinema , short holidays etc, but he did so with such derision that the lack of enjoyment would drive a miser to gambling.I think he prefers me to gamble! …"
all the sevens
I am sitting here reading the part of your post to me about your husband and a couple of things come to mind (not counting my thinking about how much time I spend being logged-on).  First, your disappointments in his reactions to your situation is shared with us in a civil way; Opposed to some remarks that seam to lean toward  "spouse bashing" — afterall, we did force our spouses, friends and family members into having to react to and live with our lifestyle choices.  Perhaps your disappointment in his attitude is based on your need for support; and his reactions may be "tuff love" or self preservation.  Whatever the difference, keep working it out together.
My last statement leads into my second thought on your remarks.  While reading the post here I am taking a break from compiling the last of the documents needed for me to file for an unwanted but necessary divorce, you on the other hand, have someone still with you – keep working it out together.
As I have written before, gambling was not the cause of our separation, but my succumbing to the escape from the causes that gambling offered, did contribute heavily to our forthcoming divorce.  I wasted far too much time being away from both our home and our problems, while acquiring and giving into my selfish gambling compulsion, to allow for any conciliation. I guess you can say that I gambled my life away — there is a whole lot more then money that we allow gambling to take from us.  Things that cannot be replaced or paid off in a year or two.
Keep on your journey to a gambling free life.  When only two of the sevens appear, this is one place where you can and must keep trying.
Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

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