[paul315]

Good morning Kathryn,
Saw that we were logged in at the same time and thought I would just say hi and thanks for sharing your life — the happiness that can be obtained by staying gambling free.
Stay strong. Keep active.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

First I am happy to say that all is going well in my life and that I am living gambling free. I continually work toward this goal and do everything possible to keep me on track. This include sharing advice and information from all the visit here and at my GA meetings, as well as with some outside our community.
A recent event I was involved with has given cause for me to look deeper in to my recovery and the GA program that I have associated myself with and has been a tremendous help to me. As I mentioned above, I put a lot of effort into "working the steps" as they say in my GA meetings, at least as far as I can understand of this process.
In having a closer look as some of my past dealings with others, especially while I am coming across as a member of the CG community, I am reminded of of the GA Unity Program and one of it’s principles, i.e., "Gamblers Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the Gamblers Anonymous name ought never be drawn into public controversy." While working on my own problems I crossed this line and have unintentionally and regrettably caused harm to others with some ill formed remarks. Sometimes words as they are perceived by others can be cutting and just as harmful as any direct actions.  For this I am sorry I am wrong.
And where these may be construed as vague words and not direct actions, I can only hope they come across as sincere; they come from the heart and are a result of deep thought and concern guided by some of the other principles of GA: "Continued to take personal inventory and when we are wrong, promptly admitted it." and "Make direct amends …., except when to do so would injure them or others".
These words may never reach the ones that they are intended for, but they reach me and will help be in becoming the better person that being gambling free is guiding me toward.
God’s speed.
Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

"BE PATIENT! The days and weeks will pass soon enough, and as you regularly attend meetings, abstain from gambling and follow the guidelines on this page, you will experience continued recovery." (From the GA Yellow Book)
Hi, my name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was August 13, 2009.
I am happy to report that my continued patience has led me to being 7 Months Gambling Free.  This has been accomplished in spite of the temptations from the gambling industry that I, and all other CGs, have to face and overcome daily. For recovery is a One Day At A Time process; actions must be taken and repeated every day for us to stay on course and realize any results. For us to wear our "Badge of Honor".
Milestones and personal charting is good for statistical and recognition purposes, or to show others that continued progress is possible – and while most certainly recognition helps build our self-esteem, the accumulation notices are more helpful to others. I for one need to know that others have made it, giving me reassurance that I too can make. 
Such recognition is needed for us to feel a closeness to our fellow CGs as much as us sharing our stories do. It does us good and gives us a feeling of pride when we see how far we have advanced in our recovery.
Thanks and God’s speed to all.  Stay strong. Keep aware. Wear your hard earned badge proudly, be it in recognition of a day or a lifetime.  
One Day At A Time – They Add Up …Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Kathryn

 
Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.
Good morning Kathryn, good to see that you are back safe and sound; in more ways the one.
Also good to see that you were able to live up to the expectations of your closing lines, being the person that you are.Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

How do you make a profile signature??

Good morning Bettie, my name is Larry (screen name paul315) and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was Aug 13, 2009. I haven’t posted to you before but have been reading your sharing. 
In answer to your question above; in the right hand corner of the orange heading there is a option for Your Profile, click on it and follow instructions.
You can also find other instructions throughout this site and in all the post from others, ones concerning your future profile of being gambling free; most of the information is repeated many times by each of us, but repetition is one of the better ways of learning, so keep reading and posting -participate. Bare with us and learn from the lessons of our mistakes, and even some of our accomplishments. 
God’s speed. Use your Higher Power to give you strength and guidance.
 Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

[paul315]

— 2/27/2010 1:53:29 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn in reply to "What are you thankful for today?"

I am thankful xxx

Good morning Kathryn,
Like you, I am just thankful.
Stay strong. Keep aware.Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn

Im sure you had an even better time for not gambling … 

Good morning all, my name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was Aug 13, 2009.
You can not imagine how good those words sound to me today. It is not that I doubted that I would not gamble on my trip, but I knew that I was to be in an environment that I could not control in the past few years. I was not concerned with being around the casinos, I could just not enter them (after a struggle with any urges), but, the bars and restaurants with the poker machines that I would be going into as part of my trip, were on my mind during my drive down.  I haven’t given gambling much thought in a while; by this I mean, I have not been thinking about gambling, I do think about my not gambling. 
Once there I just jumped into the Mardi Gras festivities, photos of movies can not began to show the immense size of the parades and floats with a marching school band between each of the 20 to 30 floats the each hold about 50 "krew" members. (the bands march each mile, while the krew members ride and throw beads and trinkets); or the amounts of people packed along the 3 to 5 mile parade routes. It takes the larger parades 8 hours to cover the entire route, plus a few hours of staging  – not to mention the months of preparation. I have been part of a small walking parade, the Krew de Drew, with carts and not floats, that takes 3-4  hours parading a couple of miles through the streets of the Quarter; this small independent parade is larger then most parades for other celebrations in other communities throughout the world. I know there are other large events with one parade for a holiday, but these huge Mardi Gras Parades in New Orleans (as well as in Rio and Nice) last for 2 weeks with 2 or 3 parades going on at the same time within miles of each other.
So yes Kathryn, it was a better time not gambling. Not only money wise, but just being in a festive mood without resentment for loosing money.  During the last couple of years in New Orleans before my evacuation after Katrina, a $3 drink in a bar would cost me $10, and a meal would cost an extra $10-20 as well; the change would go into the poker machines with any substantial winnings lost at the casino down the street – chased by more money.
This realization hit me even harder when after 3 years of being away, a couple of old bar mates, commented on my change. I also notice I passed by places that I had only gone into in the past to play a different machine, I was passing them by without any thought of stopping. Then I was thinking my luck would be different in a new place, and as I now recognize,I was driven by a compulsion to play every machine in the French Quarter.  A friend and I did start out once to drink in every bar, but that was alcohol stupidity, not compulsion.
The most amazing part for me was that once I was going about normal activities, my fears of the machine’s pull were replaced with a feeling of pride and appreciation for a program that was allowing me to think about what I was doing, instead of a compulsive sickness stealing all my rational thoughts. It was not easy, there were times that all I would have had to do was turn on my bar stool and drop a quarter or dollar into the machine, times when a friend next to me would do just that; but thanks to my conditioning, my non-gambling mind set, those times were not a threat. Rational thinking and not stinkin thinkin keep me from my repeating my past mistakes.
I could not have done this in October when I wanted to return for a friend’s wedding, I knew this back then and had to force myself not to go; gambling’s temptation would have been too great at that earlier time. That decision gave me encouragement to keep on working on recovery, and time for me to progress further. I still have a daily process to tend to, a lifetime of awareness, but the rewards are worth the efforts.
 Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

[paul315]

Hello P,
I am back and I am OK; and, thanks to my Higher Power and people and places like here, I am still gambling free.
LaterLarry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

[paul315]

February 13, 2010 –  6 Months Gambling Free! 
My name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler. I placed my last bet on August 13, 2009.
It is my 180 Day Milestone and once again I get a key tag to add to my set, and as I have said before; It may only be a piece of black plastic with gold lettering, but it holds the keys to my recovery.
My first month in my recovery, and being a member here at GT and at GA, was relatively easy, like many at this stage, I was broke and could not gamble. However, I recognized that I needed help for me to stay gambling free after the obvious restraint was gone.
 
My second month was the beginning on my true efforts, but the reasons were not true. The reasons I kept attending the GA meetings and visiting GT were that while I did recognize some benefits, I also recognized that I was not strong enough to admit to my new Fellow Gamblers that I had slipped, either while facing them or by just not showing up or not posting.  I found by reading post from others and hearing the sharing about the efforts of others, that it takes a lot of courage and strength to admit that you slipped – or as I believed in my earlier stages while trying on my own, failed. Fortunately thought, I somehow knew that with the right frame of mind that I could use that same energy to control my urges and stop the progression of my gambling.
 
The third month was a little harder for me to keep my mind on track. I had worked with the creditors and family members that I owed to set up payment plans, thus giving me some extra cash to have on hand. Thankfully the barriers that I had put in place prevented me to instant access, I had to go through precise steps to get my money and in doing so gave me time to rationally deal with the urges and had to work daily to keep these money barriers current. I did not let an amount build up on hand that I would have considered enough to gamble with, I only keep "pocket change".
I was also feeling that I might be strong enough, and have enough sense, to gamble "normally"; to fall victim to complacency and my unconcerning thoughts, and chase my elusive dreams ones again. Thanks to all here and at my GA meetings, and to my working the steps of recovery, I overcame this period. I have now replaced  the feelings of complacency with those of being comfortable; it is a different feeling of contentment, one that does not cause stinkin’ thinkin’ – instead, it supports rational thinking and gives peace of mind.
 
During my fourth month I began a concentrated effort in working the steps, in changing my character flaws. Until this process, I didn’t give any consideration as to what character traits I processed, either good or bad. Character was just a term that you used to describe others based on how you perceived them; if they pleased you they were of good character, if not they had poor character. Now I recognize that I too have character that others can judge. I can now honestly look at myself and notice my virtues, or lack of, and make efforts to build and reinforce the ones that will help, and attempt to remove or control the faults that hinder. This is not an easy task, but it eliminated my doing some wrongs that I had sunk to being at ease with, and it has brought back to life the conscience that I was suppressing.
 
During the next  two months, I noticed that I was not having the urges that use to haunt me.  I started to notice that I no longer saw everyday common images as slot machine themes. During my gambling and earlier stages of recovery, everything I looked at reminded me of a slot machine. I still think of this some, but as a past memory, not a driving force, when I hear about someone thinking about and being attracted to their favorite machine; I had no favorite, they were all my down fall. I knew every pay out for each bet amount and combination that showed on every machine.  I would sit and think that the machines should just have blank screens, it would make no difference to me; in fact there were many times I just hit the buttons with my eyes closed, playing like a blind man. Only my blindness was within my thinking and controlled by my addiction.
During this past month I have also found myself being closer to the God I believe in and depend on for strength and guidance. I also gained the strength and confidence in myself to do things that I enjoy without fear of ending up at the casino, I can go past or be next door to a casino, I can sit next to a machine in a bar or restaurant, I can stand at the checkout of the store next to the lottery tickets; I can live.
I know that there are some, maybe many, that do not share the need for God or a Higher Power of any dimension; but I have found that for myself, and have seen that for others, such a tool is needed – one can not accomplish this task of overcoming an overpowering influence on our lives without a connection between our innermost selves and a greater spiritual principle. This principle may be derived from a vast amount of sources, but the source has to be greater then our own will power – a power that has already proved to be inadequate. (IMHO and contrary to a popular saying at GA, it cannot be the door knob either, the Higher Power has to be greater then us) But I digress, this is a topic more suited to my Ways & Means topic page.
One thing that helped me in dealing with the ever present and available gambling surroundings is that during my recovery I find myself at a bus stop inside a casino parking garage every Thursday.  My daughter picks me up there each week for a visit with them. I spend the night and am dropped of at the same casino Friday mornings.  Prior to my recovery process, these times were a complete disaster due to me "visiting" the casino, not just waiting at a bus stop. Having to conquer this temptation has provided me a habit forming way of being able to ignore the gambling lure, just as I can ignore other things out in the world that I have no interest in.
I do have alternatives to my being near the gambling, I could stay home or I could depend on others.  My daughter has offered to go out of her way and pick me up at a more distant stop; and a friend offered to come and pick me up and take me home so I would not have to go near the casino (he is a recovering alcoholic and knows about temptations). I appreciate and am thankful for both offers, but I can not let them, I can not push my responsibility off on others – their offers were more then help and encouragement, they were putting me in a bubble. However, I did use their encouragement and support to face this situation by knowing that I could call on them; and in forcing myself to live the life I was seeking, I was able to combat the temptations around me and come out a better person. I did not do this to tempt or test myself, I did it to be able to live my life. 
 
Thanks to all of you, thanks to my God, and thanks to organizations like GT and GA, I can say; my name is Larry and I am a Recovering Compulsive Gambler.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware.
Larry

"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.– 2/13/2010 6:52:59 AM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn  (Feb 10, 2010)

… Today i have not gambled for 8 months, and although it is just another day that i dont gamble, im giving myself a minute to drink that in. …
Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

Good evening Kathryn,
I was just reading some back post and realize that I missed your 8th Month Milestone. A great accomplishment for a great lady. Thanks for sharing your "gambling free" life with us, your post lets me, and the others here, know that there is better way of living ahead of us.
 Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn

Hi All,
My mojo is still a little shakey, …

Originally posted by meglee to Jess

Hi Jess
Thanks so much for your post, I’m so glad you checked in on Kathryn’s thread in ‘journal’ – she’s amazing – the support she offers to others is an inspiration too. … 
… Kathryn, Ah i love it when i can (almost) make you bawl! haha. Us kiwis can do that to you Aussies pretty easily anyway eh? LOL! …
Hello Kathryn,Just thought I would say hi, and that where you feel that your mojo may not be working for you, it is still working on others as evident by the above remarks.  Many here, myself for one, feel the powers of your presence.Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

[paul315]

Originally posted by missing_Laura
… Hope all is well.  I usually log on to see your first posts of the day already made. …

 Good morning to you also Laura, my Friday post are a little later then ones for the rest of the week; also making my coffee a little late.  I spend every Thursday afternoon and night at my daughter’s watching over my granddaughter, or playing as she calls it, and do no get back home until Friday morning. 
I have been doing this most every week for over the past four years, beginning a few months after her birth, and after I was evacuated from New Orleans after Katrina.  I have only missed a few nights, mostly when they were out of town, and once when I was sick. Regrettably, I also missed two other times; times when I called and lied to them about not being able to make it  — Times when I was too caught up in gambling, and it was to late for me to make the bus connection. What made this even more pathetic was the fact that my daughter picks me up at a bus stop at another casino near her, one where I used to gamble at for a couple of hours before I was picked up, but I had completely lost all track of time at the one on my end. 
My posting this story as part of my reply to you, was prompted by my working Step 8 today; Listing and making amends to those I have harmed.  My time with my family is not part of any amends I owe them, this is for enjoyment.
I also used the reference to Katrina because of a flashback I had of the few days of turmoil I had to spend after that disaster.  The Haiti earthquake, being much more devastating, and pictures of the pain and suffering the people there are going through, was a sharp reminder of the Hell the people of New Orleans went through. Here again I was fortunate, I only lost a few material items and was discomforted for a few day staying inside my apartment without utilities; others lost everything and had to live on the streets for a week without food or water.  And the people of Haiti are going through much much worst — They are in my prayers, and I hope the prayers of any reading this.
And, please – Try to do more then prey.
Larry

"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.– 1/16/2010 6:48:48 AM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

 January 13, 2010 – Five Months Living Gambling Free!
 
GA doesn’t have a key ring with a particular color for this milestone, so I will use a heading in a color that is a favorite of my granddaughter.  But it does not matter that there is a lack of a symbol or color, the achievement to me is just as mindful.
Even after such a relatively short time, it already seems like a lifetime ago that I was held captive by my desperate attempts to satisfy my compulsion. If it wasn’t for the balance of my gambling debts, the gambling desires that creep in on occasion, or the ever present knowledge that I will always be a RCG, and the memory of what gambling did to my life, I would think that I had always lived this now somewhat normal life; normal yet a little different then others. Other lives where one does not have to control ongoing urges or think about the possible lurking harmful ones, or live with the the consequences of giving into past urges. I know that I am not alone in this way of life, that there are many other Fellow Gamblers and many others with different, yet equal, addictions that live the same life; nevertheless, my having to walk down a cautious path makes my now normal life seem a little out of the realm of things.
 

I am no less happy or secure in my renewed slightly abnormal life, just mindful that the one I escaped from still awaits if I let down my reserve and do not keep aware; if I don’t keep dependent on the help and friendship of my 3 Gs – God, GT, and GA. To this tribunal, I must also add myself, for only we can make the choice not to gamble and must make it One Day AT A Time. 
This brings me to another great help, the use of the Topic "The Daily Pledge by justin_SouthAfrica; if any readers of this post happen to follow the ones in those pages as well, you will have noticed the absence of post from Justin. I miss his daily account and pledge and ask that all of you take my hand, as he has asked daily in making his pledge, and join in prayer for his safe return.
 
Fellow gambler, take my hand;

I’m your friend, I understand.

I’ve known your guilt, your shame, remorse;

I’ve borne the burden of your cross.

I found a friend who offered ease;

He suffered, too, with this disease.

Although he had no magic cure,

He showed how we could endure.

We walked together side by side;

We spoke of things we had to hide.

We told of sleepless nights and debts,

Of broken homes and lies and threats.

And so my weary gambler friend,

Please take this hand that I extend.

Take one more chance on something new,

Another gambler helping you.
 
God bless you all.

Larry

"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.
 — 1/13/2010 6:53:20 AM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn

… Today it has been 7 months since i last gambled, im proud of myself,

We are proud of you also!Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

[Author]

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