[paul315]

Originally posted by Alan292012… it is like a disease …
Good morning Alan, my name is Larry and I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was October 17, 2009, the time of a gambling binge when I found myself in the right set of circumstances and unguarded; caught up in a CG’s perfect storm after over three years of being gambling free. 
Welcome to this part of GT, the part of participating, posting and reaching out for help. You became a member of GT a few months ago; but, it take more than joining a "club", it takes participating in a program of recovery and the supports groups such as GT that help and support us in our efforts,  to overcome the power of this compulsive gambling addiction — this baffling and insidious disease that makes our lives unmanageable.  We may not be able to get rid of this disease, but as found by members in other recovery programs, "Compulsive gambling is an illness, progressive in its nature, which can never be cured, but can be ********".
Keep coming back and using the services of GT, and using the help and advice of other members, read their post and search for the answers that will help guide you to becoming the old you.  You have already receive good advice from Janey concerning self-abuse, her comments are well founded and it would be good for you to think about it in a rational way. By participating here and being active in your recovery you can also find additional good advice on other ways and means to combat this addiction. You have to diligently work on making changes to you character, thinking, and attitude, not on caring out thoughts of self mutilation to your body.  Look for a support group such as Gamblers Anonymous in your area and get the live help that can be found in these groups as well, do all you can to "get rid of" this disease – to put it in remission and keep it there — "you have to go after recovery, it does not come to you.
God’s speed, use your Higher Power to guide and strengthen you.
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by cat438
… I look back and think when I started recovery I did not think I could get through a week without gambling.  I have progressed that now I am thinking about months … 
One day at a time my sweet lord…
Good afternoon Cat, Vera, and all others,
April 1, another beginning of another month, another day in our ODAAT journey. Yet somehow when the 1st comes around it causes us to think more and have acquire more hope and strength.  It takes days to make a week, weeks to make a month, and months to make a year, and it all starts with our desire and a determination to make it through each day into the next. Our advancement or accumulation of gambling free time is accomplished with the virtue of being patient:
"BE PATIENT!  The days and weeks will pass soon enough, and as you regularly (follow the requirement of your program of recovery)  attend meetings, abstain from gambling and follow the guidelines on this page, you will experience continued recovery" ~ page 17 of the GA Combo Book.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep active and true to yourself.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

… Reflection for the Day …

Good afternoon Bettie,
Thanks for the thoughts about the Easter Bunny, and here is another but a little different one:
"Easter is like Halloween. Both of them are accompanied with candy and strange creatures. The only difference is that our parents train us to think an enormous rabbit with gigantic teeth and lays eggs is somehow cute instead of dangerous".
A bigger thanks for posting the "Reflection of the Day" and bringing up thoughts of Ken L; hope your, he, and all here have a Happy Easter, one that also gives us all the wisdom that you learned from a "scary" rabbit.  Keep avoiding the "stinken thinken" — and the stinken rotten eggs.
God’s speed. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie… I am frustrated by the last letter I got from leave adminstration …
Good morning Bettie,
What ever frustrations you face remember to do your best to not answer yes to the GA Question 18 again, i.e. "Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?".  And some general office advice that I keep handy at work for use in everyday dealings with the games that others had to play; "Don’t Let The Bastards Get You Down". (the b word will most likely be edited, but it is what was once considered a child out of wedlock, and more appropriately a name given to those that act as if they did not have any proper upbringing no matter what the circumstance were.)
God’s speed. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315
…  Gambling is all around us, its temptation reaches out in many ways …

3/14  (March 14 – a day with less meaning to the rest of the world that list today as 14/3 or 14 March) 
Since I work at the Science Center today’s date is one with special meaning – Pi Day; although I am not scientifically centered, the activities at work are centered around this mathematical formula, even in the gift shop I work. The first 100 decimal digits of pi, or p, are  3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510 58209 74944 59230 78164 06286 20899 86280 34825 34211 70679  are only the beginning of an irrational number that continues into infinity (I only can remember the first five decimal places within the recognized shortened 3.14 term); computer generated calculations have so far reached 2600 billion decimal places.  And for a lot of interesting and time consuming information search out all of the actions taken by others in relation to pi — one that I found amazing, both in it and in that someone went to the trouble of compiling the necessary words, is in the poem set to the tone of Edgar Allen Poe’s "The Raven", in the Cadaeic Cadenza – "One A Poem, A Raven" (3.1415) where every word used has a number of letters corresponding to the sequence of numbers in pi  – see http://www.cadaeic.net/cadenza.htm. The story can even be seen as a metaphor to our addiction.
  
This reminds me of the fact that gambling is all around us, and that the irrational, insidious, and baffling addiction of compulsive gambling can also remain with us over our life time once we crossed over the line from "normal" gambling – "an addiction that can be arrested but not cured". It is hard to understand how an addiction can remain with us in a dormant stage, but this fact is proven again and again by futile attempts to return to gambling after a period of time of abstaining when we lose track of the power of the addiction and find ourselves unguarded in the right set of circumstances. However, we can remain gambling free by keeping focused and on track. We do not need to calculate a certain point in time that we can gamble again, we need to accept that we are CGs and that gambling makes our lives unmanageable, and then do all we can to combat the illness every day so we can better enjoy life.
And speaking of enjoying life, to celebrate Pi Day, and my recovery, I will enjoy a piece of  real "pie" today and try not to count the indefinite amount of calories that it contains.
God’s speed.
Larry
Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.– 3/14/2013 4:35:57 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Dear Lizbeth, I too am sorry for your loss. In ***** of adversities the best words I can think of is Mercy, Mercy, Mercy; may God have mercy on his soul and on all that share in your grief.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Good morning Velvet,
Taking a moment to add my thanks for your help in my finding enjoyment without gambling. You are truly an angel to many here; as quoted in the post of meglee  ,"We are each of us angels with only one wing… we can only fly by embracing each other", and your plumes know no bounds. 
 
Originally posted by Velvet

 …  your recovery is all I want to read – there can be no greater thank you than that … 
An update to my thanks, one speaking of my recovery; my recovery has helped me stay gambling free,  I went to my GA meeting and am working again on Step 7, yet still balancing out my single wing journey with wings of others.  
God’s speed.
Larry
Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.– 3/13/2013 11:57:49 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Paul GT

…I will still be doing some volunteer hours …

Thank Paul for your professional help and the time and service that you most likely have already volunteered during your employment.   We are grateful for you and the other at GT for all you do.  If not for the support the hours that we volunteer to work on our recovery would bless productive.
God’s speed.– 3/7/2013 1:19:03 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
… had you gone looking for it or had you found it before? …

Good afternoon,
To begin, the posting from Bettie above was about a video I shared with her, but the questions applies to my recovery as well (and yes Bettie to both of your intended ones, I had seen the vidio before, but had to look for it again).
Thought I would add a post to this topic today in a way to bring it further up in the que, a way for me to vent, and to also try to discourage any others of any thoughts of a "one off" bet, and encourage them to keep working on progressing on the way to recovering form this addiction.
I just exchanged with my ex, the mother of our daughter in France, a lot of things that I felt needed to be brought out in the open again after time has taken its toll ,said without any alternative motives, and things that I hope will not cause any hopes or renew any regrets for either of us, but still things that need to come out at times.  And coincidentally, during the same time responded to live chat message with my daughter on Facebook that proved to be beneficial, things about a different subject but still relevant to our well being.  Journaling and sharing is part of a good therapeutic process.
On this front all is well and I am doing a lot better since I started looking for recovery and a truer happiness again after finding it a few years ago only to interrupting it during a time of being caught unguarded. Giving into the power of addiction can cause for more work and more effort than just accepting a learned life of not gambling for anything. Since my last bet I have found that temptation is more prevalent, or at least seems to be, I guess it has always been around and I was just blind to it. But last week temptation was attached to most every action. On my weekly visit with my granddaughter here at home I thought about going early and eating at a buffet, but my thoughts when to gambling instead. In the past a meal, an unneeded an unhealthy one, would have been the only reason for going early, but since I poked the monster and awoke the powers of the addiction, it intruded on innocent plans with thoughts of also gambling, a much more unhealthy and completely unneeded involvement. So I had to just go at my normal time with only a few minutes to wait to be picked up by my daughter; not being able to live a more normal life without special attention is something that I have to once again work at to enjoy, and on ways to channel where the provider of enjoyment would be better focused .  (For those that don’t know, the bus stop where my daughter picks me up most every Thursday and drops me off every Friday is at the entrance of a casino). And  as a warning of caution to all, gambling again for any reason carries worst consequences than just the loss of money and a clean date, its requires a greater effort to return to a gambling free state of mind, and gives more power to an addiction that was becoming somewhat dormant.
These thoughts carried on during the next few days but thankfully each time I said no to gambling it gave me more strength to say no again; I still interrupted any diet restrictions I have, but I eat at a nearby restaurant and not one connected to a casino. Today my only thoughts are on enjoying life, going to my GA meeting tonight, and waking up again with the determination and desire to stay gambling free, and perhaps even less sorrowful of past mistakes and a determination to stay glutinous free.  Gambling is all around us, its temptation reaches out in many ways, but the temptation can be put behind us and can become a warning instead of an enticement.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware and on guard for circumstance that can cause temptation.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by dchoye
… The casino will also be there …

Good morning DC,
Well done on your gambling free *****, and well done of allowing rational thinking and you Higher Power to have control over this addiction the past week. By using the help found in reaching out to our HP and taking the time to think you are right, "There is no need to feel a compulsion to gamble".  I had the exact same experience a few weeks ago, and I too reached the same conclusion. I was on my way to gamble again but when reaching the parking lot, a lot that held countless cars was full, so I drove off; an unusual intervention that overcame the power of the addiction.
As you have came to accept, during our passing through the shadows of this valley of death we need to lean on the staff that keeps us from slipping; the gambling industry will always be there and tempting us 24 hours a day. But we can overcome temptation, if it is their temptations and not us tempting ourselves; that temptation is brought abut by complacency and thinking that it is only "me" and not our working and following a program of recovery that is making a difference.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep being active in your recovery. Keep enjoying your family and friends, an immeasurable benefit of living gambling free.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by runninggirl

… My prayers are with you today …
Good morning Bettie,
Doubtful that you will read this today after the drugs kick in (Starbucks with an extra jolt), but my prayers are with you also.
God’s speed and comfort.
p.s. Also happy that this leg of our winter storms did not hit there as hard as predicted; it missed us too, so I am heading out for breakfast where I will have a "cuppa" for you.
Larry
Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.– 2/27/2013 2:02:29 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
 
 … I googled Gambling Help and found GT …

Good morning Bettie,
I should perhaps add another G to my 3Gs, not as part of my Higher Power, but because I too used Google and found GT; Google was a tool I used in searching for help, and continues to be a tool in my efforts to keep aware and to find additional help, inspiration, and encouragement.  I too was blind before I "crossed over to recovery", but my God gave me the insight and courage to search Google, find and join GT, and as a result I also learned about GA — Gee what else can I say, but thank God for answered prayers not even prayed (at least by me), just a suppressed prayer coming from something within, and from others that saw where I was heading no matter how hard I tried to hide.
Hope that you are surviving the winter storm that hit Chicago last night, it passed through here yesterday after burying us in snow and ice and closing my work; it was a good day to stay home, but I have to go into work today, I can’t call in because of last weeks Mardi Gras hangover(s), I have to make up for the cost of my trip.
God’s speed. Stay strong.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
… Feels odd to be refered to as a "mentor" …

Good morning Bettie,
Today is the anniversary for the day that your started to become a "mentor" three years ago in addition to ir being the beginning of you making a change in your life.  Three years of working on recovering from the power and grasp of the addiction of compulsive gambling, three years of progressing and making your life better and more normal. All may not have been a bed of roses, or the place where you find yourself today may not be where you want to be, but your life is better and you are still benefiting from all the gambling free time that you have accumulated during this time. Well done, and keep working at progressing.
I know for me the day I accepted that I needed help, that my life was unmanageable, and the day I recognized that I was even on the verge of having ending it, is the day that I celebrate everyday as I am also celebrating the day at hand. August 13, 2009 represents my rebirth, October 17th is only a day that I use in GA, and more important one that is a reminder to me that I am vulnerable if I fail to keep my guard up or become complacent or cocky or find myself just not giving a sh*t.  So celebrate this day,"your birthday", and be proud that you have advanced so far, and feel good about you being the mentor that you have been to many.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep helping others as your are helping yourself.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
 … Hope you had a nice trip …

Good evening all,
For any of the recent new members who may not be familiar with me, my name is Larry, screenname paul315, and I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was October 17, 2012.  A bet made after over 3 years of being gambling free due to finding myself caught off guard in the wrong set of circumstance.
As Bettie mentioned I have been away but am now back, back after my yearly trip to Mardi Gras. It was a nice and uneventful trip, especially uneventful on the gambling side, and just a few fleeting-somewhat-eventual moments that were actually uneventful also.  Nevertheless, it was a good trip and time, but it is still good to be back home. 
There was one bar room conversation that gave me a related outlook on my gambling. One of the bar flies (alcoholics) was commenting on another one saying the he had too much to drink. His presumingly humours reply was that you can not have too much to drink, you can only have enough; enough to make you pass out.  This reminded me that I too never gambled too much, at least not too much according to my addition; I only gambled enough to ruin a good portion of my live in many different ways.  So even during a time spent surrounded by other people’s vices and addictions, I was still made aware of what gambling holds, and how when looking back, enough and too much goes hand in hand.
God’s speed. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bonkers
.. i dont know how i can ever repay thier help they gave …
Onwards and upwards
Good morning Bonkers,
Good to hear form you and that things arg going good, in spite of the illness and hectic work — some of the everyday disappoinment that still happen when we don’t gamble, but in not gambling we can handle them better.
In recovery the ones finding the help they need do not have to pay back anything, instead we have found that we pay forward to others that are coming for help after us. A catch phrase started by those in recovery, yet has somehow now filtered into other activities, even in commercials for the lottery here in the Sates; but nevertheless "Paying it Forward" is all that we can do when paying back is not expected or even possible — it is like moving "Onwards and upwards, and not back.
Enjoy your time in London.  I was fortunate to have seen two shows there, the theatre offers a much better form of enjoyment and any needed time of escape from our worries than gambling ever did or could.  And get all you can out of your outreach meeting, keep aware of what you need, where you are, and how you got there — stopping gambling is not hard, staying stopped is what ***** our diligent work and unwavering desire.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. And stay thankful while paying forward what way freely given to you.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

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