[paul315]

Another post by me to this topic, twice in two days, a record for me for this thread.
This post is to copy a poem I post occasionally post that has been a great help to me. The new topic, Poetry Corner, for original poetry inspired me to copy this one here, and for me to post mine in that space.
 
Fellow gambler, take my hand;

I’m your friend, I understand.

I’ve known your guilt, your shame, remorse;

I’ve borne the burden of your cross.

I found a friend who offered ease;

He suffered, too, with this disease.

Although he had no magic cure,

He showed how we could endure.

We walked together side by side;

We spoke of things we had to hide.

We told of sleepless nights and debts,

Of broken homes and lies and threats.

And so my weary gambler friend,

Please take this hand that I extend.

Take one more chance on something new,

Another gambler helping you.
                                   – anonymous
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie to paul315, aka Larry

… With "Fat Tuesday" pending …

Bettie, thanks for the post. I will use it as a reason for me to post to that thread, but will reply here as well. This year I will not be going to Mardi Gras like I have for the past thirty-some years, I decided instead to stay in town and attend a concert by an old, old time favorite of mine, Merl Haggard.  I am mentioning this because the last time I tried to see him he cancelled; and I remember you staying on line with me in the chat room that night keeping me in my hotel room and not roaming the halls of the casino floor — you were a great help, again Thanks.
Enjoy your punskies, I hope they are at least half as good as the beignets in the French Quarter at Café du Monde.   "Laissez le Bon temp rouler".
God’s speed. Stay strong and true to yourself, not a fwb.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

… With "Fat Tuesday" pending …

Bettie, thanks for the post. I will use it as a reason for me to post to this thread, my first topic that I seem to neglect. But neglect is not the real case, I am just not the type that post about everyday activities; perhaps another type character flaw that I need to correct, I find great benefit in reading about the lives of others.
This year I will not be going to Mardi Gras like I have for the past thirty-some years, I decided instead to stay in town and attend a concert by an old, old time favorite of mine, Merl Haggard.  I am mentioning this because the last time I tried to see him he cancelled; and the concert just happened to be out of town at a casino theater in Tunica Mississippi. His cancelling placed me in a situation that I had not planned on; it left be with time and money on hand at the mercy of the connecting casino instead of my being there for the enjoyment and entertainment.
I am tying my story into Bettie’s post because her staying on line with me in the chat room that night allowed me to stay in my hotel room and not roam the halls of the casino floor — she was a great help. Reaching out for help before gambling, and not after a return, is the best way to stay gambling free when urges or opportunities arise.  Thanks Bettie, and thanks to the other I have depended on and turned to at such other times. 
Back to Fat Tuesday – Mardi Gras.   Mardi Gras, the day before Ash Wednesday, was used as a day to enjoy some of our favorite everyday things before Lent when Christians were to observe sacrifices and abstain form normal everyday enjoyments through self-denial to remind them of the sacrifice made by their God. Through the years, however, Mardi Gras has evolved, or digressed, into mainly a time for many to do outlandish things and push the limits of conscience or morals on this day – a day of debauchery instead of reflection; most of the time only following through with doing the same things during the season of Lent as they had done on each day before — it was now only a party to "Laissez le Bon temp rouler" – let the good times roll.
In recovery my last "Fat Tuesday" related to gambling was a Wednesday, August 13, 2009. That day was my biggest day of letting all go, and the one that led me to letting that day and the gambling go also and begin living a better way of life, even after forty days of just abstaining. The forty days during this "Lent" time started changes in my life and character that has helped me work on Recovery and me move forward from that time on. 
I still enjoy and think of today’s Mardi Gras as a time to let the good time roll during this yearly celebration, but thankful, the good times do not include gambling — there can be no yearly or occasional "one last time" to let the dice roll. And I will miss the " beignets"- donuts, this year but I can cook them for myself (or settle for the inferior and copy-cat ones locals tyr to imitate — Not).
God’s speed to all.  "Laissez le Bon temp rouler"; but only the gambling free good times.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

… I had a dream. I went to the casino …

Good morning Bettie,
Hope you had a peaceful night and did not wake up to any real life nightmares.
I see gambling dreams as a way our addiction tries to invade our subconscious since our awaken self is fighting it off; dreams or urges will not harm you, they can only make you stronger and keep you aware. 
If I were to try to read your dream, I would see the payoff without playing, as the reward you have experienced through recovery.  Keep hitting the right buttons in your recovery and stay away form the machines.
God’s speed.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

… flat out said "higher power" is God, Period. … 

Good morning Bettie,
My Highest Power is God too, but in the beginning "I sought my God and he eluded me"; then I gave in to a Higher Power that could help me turn my life around — "I sought my brothers and sisters and found all three".
The Higher Power that I came to believe in and understand and that was my way out, is my 3Gs; my god is God, but that relationship involves a variety of other things.
"I sought my soul, but  could not see. I sought my God, but He eluded me. I sought my brothers and sisters and found all three" – preamble to the GA Yellow Book.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

… Once a week is enough …

Good morning Bettie,
Another milestone, a year on working on your recovery.  It is a event that we can recognize, but only you can appreciate the true magnitude of this accomplishment; only you know what it takes for you to hold on to the fruits of your labor. Others can offer advice and support, and share in the steps that they have to take, steps that they need to continue with their recovery; in their desire to help others, they may even feel that their way is the only way. 
When I was living in the control of compulsive gambling I did not have the strength or mental ability to say enough and go about a normal way of thinking and living.  Recovery taught me that I could finally say enough and begin to make choices for myself. Gambling took control of my life and denied me the opportunity to be me; recovery allowed for me to take it back, but it can only guide me not control me — control is control. 
However, honesty, openmindedness,  and acceptance leads the way to recovery; be sure your "excuses" are factual, again something only you can do; others can only support you and challenge you.
God’s speed. Well done on "your" accomplishment. LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

Well it’s finally here.
6 months gamble free!
… My one year at GT is just around the corner too …
bettie

Good afternoon Bettie, well done!  Well done on reaching this 6 Month milestone; and even more, well done on sticking it out for the year.  You could not have reached this point in your live if you had not have continued with your recovery; in fact, without the work that you have accomplished through recovery your wish to be dead may have come true –"The idea that somehow, some day, we will control our gambling is the great obsession of every compulsive gambler. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of prison, insanity or death".  (the insanity part might still be a bit questionable  — lol)  But seriously, when you first posted with your topic title it was scary, that fact is too true for many. I too am glad that you are not dead and that you took the second chance to be happy and used it to combat our "great obsession".  I now only see your heading as a reminder of the overpowering control that the addiction of compulsive gambling can have on each of us.
 
Continue on your journey One Day At A Time and you will find that a lot of things will "finally" happen: " BE PATIENT!  The days and weeks will pass soon enough, and as you regularly attend meetings, abstain from gambling and follow the guidelines on this page, you will experience continued recovery". 
God’s speed. Stay strong.
Your friend,
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

February 13, 2011 –   18 Months Gambling Free
Good morning all,
It has been a while since I have posted to this topic but today is a good day to post to myself. It is good to have reached this milestone; not a milestone recognized with the mementos handed out at my GA meetings, but one for me nevertheless. For me it is a good time to reflect on the difference that being gambling free and working on recovery has made. 
But first I would like to welcome any newcomers that I may have missed in the past few days due to unforeseen events, and apologize to any others that I have not replied to. To the newcomers; welcome to GT, my name is Larry and I am a compulsive gambler. My last bet was August 13, 2009 – 18 months ago. Use this site and the stories and advice found here to help guide your actions for you to be gambling free also. Find a recovery program or plan and stick to it.  It works if you work it, it wont it you don’t.
To reply to another post asking how being gambling free has changed my life; I would say that my being here is the biggest change. I am here accepting the truth that I am powerless over gambling and that my life had become unmanageable, and that a power greater than myself could bring change about. I am here working on this change instead of denying my need for it, or justifying any hesitation or willingness to do what it takes for me to overcome the overpowering addiction of compulsive gambling – one of the most baffling insidious addiction known.  It is a big change from the old addict that I had become to being a recovering compulsive gambler living a gambling free life.
 
The past week with ongoing events that have surrounded me for the past year has made me realize another change in my life. My brother died a little over a year ago, his daughter a couple of months ago, and now his willow has followed in death this past week. The change in me that I have noticed during these adversities is that I faced them head-on. And on a brighter side, this same change was also manifested during the many more joyful occasions that surrounds my life. I am now able to “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” – Romans 12:15. In the past I would have attended these funerals with a resentment for them taking from my time at the casino, and taking my money for flowers –that is if I had not have gambled it all away beforehand. Thanks to my recovery I was able to do the right thing for others and myself’; I was able to grieve and weep with my loved ones.
And like I pointed out above, I have also been able to celebrate and enjoy life and its glories adventures — rejoice with those that rejoice. I can partake in family and friends events without making up excuses lies to cover my absences or rushed departures. I can now enjoy the pleasant things that life holds; gambling no longer controls and replaces my happiness, or steels from the happiness of others, with the growing and continuing problems of the past that invaded most every department of our lives.
Another change in me that I can feel every day is that I no longer have to lie; I no longer have to live in fear of being found out, I no longer have to hide or deceive.  I can be the person that I was intended to be.
And yes, there are some regrettable things that I can not change, but I have changed in that I can accept this and not live in guilt or self-pity; thanks to my Higher Power, I have the "serenity to accept the things I cannot change". "If onlys" still haunts me but, they or now memories, memories that may even still form a tear, but I now have "closure"; I do not dwell on the uncertainties of life, I rejoice in the adventures that do exist. 
These are an outline of the benefits I have experience through recovery. They do not detail the everyday little things that bring on a smile or "butterflies in the stomach", the enjoyment of the beauties and wonders of nature, the bathing in God’s marvelous ways, or even the tears of happiness; they merely point out that I am living a far better life.
God’s speed to all. Work and practice your recovery. Let go and let God.  Live a gambling free life.  Live life.
Eighteen months — One Day At A Time.
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 2/13/2011 3:09:30 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

Compulsive gambling is not the addicts problem, but rather his solution for some serious underlying problem.
Interesting thought, don’t u think? …
 … if i was bent on doing it I would … …
… what are we suppose to do for the rest of our lives? … live in fear of relapse. Waiting for that one moment that wipes out days, weeks, years of recovery? …

Good morning Bettie,
You do give us some interesting thoughts to think about in your post and your replies to others.  Your replies to others give us guidance and encouragement to go forward. Your post gives an insight into the troubles that our addictions can plague us with.  Reading your thoughts today gives me a reason to "ramble on" – I find that journaling and using others as a sounding board keeps us thinking and examining our lives.
I look at your take on compulsive gambling, "(it) is not the addicts problem, but rather his solution" and find another interesting thought. It is the "addicts" solution, not "a" solution. The addicts reasoning and driving force is centered on feeding the addiction, not resolving any problems; using the addiction is an escape, not a solution. Once we recognize our addiction, accept the we are being overpowered by it, and start a recovery program, we can use that recovery to address any underlining problem.  Another thought is that addressing the problems in not necessary removing them, but is dealing with them in a logical and rational way that adds to the quality of life, even if in a small way. On the other hand, succumbing to the compulsion will greatly add to other serious problems, or even to a premature death outside the possibilities from any maintainable health condition.
And yes, if you or I, or any other CG, were bent on gambling, we would; however we are bent on recovery and continue to do everything that will lead to that end. We will even try doubtful ways that can do no harm, or in more positive terms, attend services that just might help.
I came to the conclusion at the beginning of my recovery that for me living in fear would not be much better then living in addiction. In fact to my way of thinking, they may even be more equal than most can see; both provide for a falseness, living in addiction a false release, living in fear a false existence. Living in recovery and leaning on a Higher Power provides a way to live that includes enjoying the better things of life, even as we walk in the mist of our enemy.  Nevertheless, stepping out into this world requires the right stuff that comes at different times and stages of individual programs – rational and logical thinking, and accepting where we are in recovery, comes into play again. nothing is easy or cut and dry.
And even if a moment of relapse occurs, it only changes a clean date; it does not wipe out any of the time spent in recovery, not even one minute of each of the One Day At A Time accumulations. This is not an opening or reason to push the envelope or test our resolve, it is a reason to carry on; we each have another bet in us, but not necessarily another chance at recovery – this is another gamble that we should not take.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Thanks for giving me the opportunity too ramble.
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 1/29/2011 3:28:09 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie… i am a gambler, why not take the chance for something better? … (Aug 2010)
… 5 months clean. Miracles do happen …

Well done Bettie!  It is good to see that the gamble you took in August is paying off; one thing for certain, the compulsive ones before sure didn’t. Taking that chance here offers a much better return as foreseen in this stanza below.
… And so my weary gambler friend,

Please take this hand that I extend.

Take one more chance on something new,

Another gambler helping you … 
And your post are inspiring, even if some of the words may be taken from others; the important thing is that your remember them, use them, and share them – we are not alone.
God’s speed. Stay strong.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

… He proceeds to tell the customer that "My" banker can take care of that for you." … 

Good morning Betty,
I am a little behind in reading some of the post here but felt that I might try to give you a different view of a past statement above. I do not have the feel of the entire scene, I am not walking in your shoes boots, so to speak, so cannot know the moment, but I have heard the commercial about "When EF Hutton speaks, everybody listens".  From this end I can see your boss recognizing you as the one with the voice of authority, as the banker with the knowledge and experience to help someone that he cannot; or just doesn’t care to.  As in the subject in "Today’s Gift", celebrate who you are and try to look at presumed digs, or even obvious ones, as complements on your expertise. Feel good about what you have to offer, being capable of doing what others may not be capable of, or just unwilling to make the effort. 
From a different post on a different subject, but alone the same line of my pointing out what you have to offer, I would like to complement you also on the growth in your recovery and the wisdom that you share with others. You statement to Marla today, "Abstinence from gambling is not recovery. The clean time does give us the opportunity to work on the reasons why we gamble. Without this knowledge and working on the whys I doubt any of us will truly recover and move on with our lives", is words we all need to follow in out daily efforts. Keep up the good work.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Celebrate life and your achievements, let the negative thoughts go.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

 
Originally posted by bettie

… I won’t cover my bosses *ss like the assistant does now so he really doesn’t want me (in that position) …
…  Even though he doesn’t like me he needs me and he knows it …
… I just don’t know what to do! …
 
 
Goof morning Betty,
First it is good to see that your post did not have to tell of doing other things when you are in this position of not knowing what to do; good to see that you are staying gambling free and that your work in recovery is letting you look at the other aspects of your life in a clearer way.
Kissing a bosses *ss is not the same as doing what is natural in protecting a business and promoting it; something that you seem to be good at and have been doing over the past years. Sometimes being promoted into a management position can stifle this qualification and make life more miserable by having to deal with conscience instead of horse’s rears. Working as a supervisor takes away from the duties at hand and in fact involves covering up mistakes, not necessary the culprit, but the mistake to preserve the business.  I am speaking from my past labor/management relations experience in a union and know that some people are just not cut out to be the one needed to do the nasty task. I myself turned down advancement and promotions into a management positions more than once; I could not see myself doing what I was confronting others of doing while protecting the rights of the workers and promoting good business at the same time. 
Give a lot of thought in keeping doing what you are good at and are recognized for. The recognition may not come in the form of an advancement and symbolic title, but recognition earned is better than recognition paid for by conformizing integrity. 
Today’s email from Ken L below may be about relationships with our life partners, but it can also apply to our working environments and our making ourselves emotionally absent from our true happiness. Be aware of your fears and turn them over to your Higher Power – you can even say, "Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn".
 
.
  Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Our problem is that we expect to feel secure.

Many of us have had past crises and problems, yet our worries and anxieties continue in the present. We believe that our situation causes our fears and we say, "If only things were different, I could relax." Yet even when everything is going well, we still get anxious that something unseen is amiss. When we are immersed in our fears, unable to let go and live life joyfully, we may become emotionally absent from our loved ones (or ourselves).

Our problem is not that life is insecure. Of course it is. Our problem is that we expect to feel secure. We put great energy into achieving control and having everything "just right," but quite naturally we end up without control. Then we think something is wrong. Instead, we can choose to turn our fears over to our Higher Power. We do that by talking about our fears, taking the steps we can, and trusting our Higher Power for the outcomes. Then we return to emotional contact in our relationship.

Tell your partner something you fear and turn it over to your Higher Power. 
You are reading from the book:
 
The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum
 
 
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn

…. he replied, "your problems are my problems and im so sorry for doing that to you" …
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
Good morning Kathryn,
Good to see you have a "new" man in your life; or is it just the same one seen in a different light. Whatever the reason, the experience must have been a wonderful feeling – a live Hallmark moment even. (I am guessing that the Hallmark Greeting Card Company has sales down there) 
God’s speed.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn

thats my update for now …
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

Good morning Kathryn,
It is good to read updates from you, as Colin writes in is introductions,"You will also be reading the success stories", your stories of you adventure in life are the pinnacle of this fact. True they tell of problems and adversities, but they are a success story that lets others know that a gambling free life is reachable.
One thing that I am glad that I do not read in your sharing is news about any direct problems you are having due to the floods in Australia; for an area the size of France or Texas to be flooded where it has to have some effect on everyone no mater what area they live, it is good that your area is staying dry.  You are even having to travel to bath in mineral waters, lol.
God’s speed. Stay strong.
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 1/4/2011 8:40:35 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

Home from the party, all is well.
… He complemented my boots …

Happy New Year Betty.
Was "boots" a typo; did you mean Boo*s instead, or did he really have way too much to drink?  lolLarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

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