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Originally posted by bettie
…I made my 9 months …
Good morning Bettie, Well done!
Well done on making "your" 9 months, on living gambling free during the past days and learning how to continue in "your" recovery. I wish I could tell you with certainty, or even "most likely" that you were going to make it to a year, and eventhough I see in you the desire and needed changes — the "progressive character change within oneself", for you to make it; I can only offer support and encouragement and tell you that you can make it, that you can continue your work in recovery and stay gambling free. Some days you may have to abstain from gambling when an urge or situation tells you to gamble, but the days in between these times of struggle you are living gambling free and enjoying the benefits of recovery. "BE PATIENT! The days and weeks will pass soon enough, and as you regularly attend meetings, abstain from gambling and follow the guidelines on this page, you will experience continued recovery."
If you feel that you are not working your recovery, or that you are lacking in some areas, take a fearless inventory of yourself and use that as a guideline to go further. If others are judging you or feel that you are lacking, don’t let their negativity drag you down, keep working your recovery, and, if possible, help them work theirs; they may only be reflecting their shortcomings.
You talk about attending meeting and not wanting to give up your life to keep to someone else’s standards. While I believe that "meetings make it"*, I too share in your need to also live life during recovery. My addiction controlled my life and prevented me from enjoying it, and now that I am in recovery to gain my live back I cannot let recovery control my life either; my recovery guides me in the right thing to do, but I cannot let it control me or I will be in the same predicament, only with a different master. This is how I feel and what is working for me, you or others may need more "live" meeting to help strengthen or provide more guidance, and a sacrifice or extra effort may be needed to gain this, but, you are the one to make this decision.
Again, well done. God’s speed. Stay strong, keep working "your" recovery.
Note:
* An additional comment on meetings was part of my post in the The topics group Forum concerning technology: i.e., The Gamblers Anonymous portion of my recovery ask that new members "attend 90 meeting in 90 days"; there is no way that I could have made "live" meetings, the logistics were not there for me. I know that I was able to make 90 visits to the casinos in 90 days, but here is where the other side of technology came into play; the casinos are able to operate 24/7 without any of time or operating restrictions that GA meeting sites (and as I now realize, myself included) are forced to deal with.
I also feel that my continued use of this technology provides the time in meetings that I now need to continue in my recovery. While I recognize GA’s need to only stress and promote their program, I feel that an individual can add to this program without diluting it by using things that cannot be presented in the GA meetings; this may not be recognized as working recovery by some, but the outcome speaks for itself. I will also add that these thoughts are in no way meant to take from or challenge the GA program, it works, it is just that I feel that additional help that compliments GA is available and usable.
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 5/20/2011 12:24:44 PM: post edited by paul315.
Originally posted by bettie to Larry (paul315)
… I see all the flooding associated with the Mississippi and can’t help but think of you …
Thanks for the concern Bettie, I am doing good and staying dry. The floods here in the immediate St Louis area are contained to flooding out the road between the river and the arch and at a few other communities nearby. The big problems in this area are a few miles away, but that may change and we are still vulnerable — the last huge devastating local flood was in ’93, like you said "amazing the power of nature".
I remember when the flooding at the river roads would upset me, it caused a couple of casinos to close; now I think more about the destructive force that causes real problems. Knowing the the many casinos in Tunica out side of Memphis are closed for a few weeks is a little relief to me; I am taking another trip to New Orleans and with the flooding I have one less temptation to face when I pass the exit leading to that area. (I do respect the loss of jobs for the employees, both all the casinos and hotels are closed, but not for the loss of revenue to the gambling industry. I also hope that any having a gambling problem in that area will take that opportunity to help them during the closure.)
Hope all is well or getting better for you, and that you will continue to gain strength in your recovery. The power of our addiction is as much a threat to us as the amazing power of nature is to things out of our control.
God’s speed. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.Originally posted by Kathryn
Oh boy am i struggling, … Im only going to say it once…I WANT TO GO!!!!!
Good morning Kathryn,
I can not imagine how you must feel with your husband going to your old club; I have feeling about people I do not even know when I see them going to the casino at my bus stop. My feeling are ones of resentment more than an urge to join them, but I do think that if they were close to me the desire to be with them might replace the resentment. At that time the proper thought would be not to harbor selfish thoughts, but to be acceptable to them having a good time, even if without me; after all we can not join them in every activity; there are things that can not be done together.
Adding a CG’s urge to gamble to a desire to be with a loved one does complicate the situation and is where we must use rational thinking and the strength that we have gained in our recovery program; we must take the time to play any gambling actions trough from the beginning to the end, to let us clearly see what the outcome would be. It would be mush better to welcome him home than to blame him for dragging you off to your demise (even when it would be you going by your choice, not by his will).
Maybe you saw his declaration a few months ago that "your problems or my problems" as a commitment for him to not gamble anymore, and maybe my "man’s view" that he would not involve you in his gambling anymore is entirely off base; but even if he is not living up to your expectations, be thankful that he is sticking to not asking you to be at his side or going to the bank for him for more money; recognize that the urges are coming from you and not from him tempting you or placing you in that situation.
You saying "I WANT TO GO" only once, has to be countered by your saying "I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT GO" over and over again. Stay strong and ride the urges out, the urges will not harm you and will subside. The real hurt and resentment may take a little longer.
God’s speed.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.Originally posted by bettie
… We are as sick as our secrets …
Good morning Bettie,
You are doing good with your work in GA and following its guidelines. A part that I take and use from their principles is the words "of our understanding" and " to practice to the best of our ability" these principles. (the best of our arability does need to go past our comfort zones or tiredness). In using "my" understanding extending it to Step 9 "… except when to do so would injure them or others", I can see your point in not wanting to hurt your mother or brother; as long as you are doing it to protect them and not from fear. You are being quite open with your sister, your group, us here, and even your GF; you are not living a secret, at least not a sick one.
Post about your pinning here, and we will share in your success. You might even remind your sponsor that she too is invited and that you hope to see her there.
Also, I will again say that I find your replies to other most enlightening and thoughtful. I am glad that you are not keeping you learned knowledge a secret from others that need it.
God’s speed. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.Originally posted by bettie
… I have 7 months clean today …
Good morning Bettie,
Congratulations and well done on reaching this milestone; you have reached this Seven Month plateau on the eve of your belly-button birthday by overcoming the immature actions of a CG, by advancing ODAAT.
Enjoy your gambling free time today and your Birthday cake tomorrow; being able to enjoy the little things of life is what recovery is about. (Even though the cake may no longer be so little with "all" the candles it has to hold –lol; but the light that they shine can not out shine you — lol, this part is a serious thought).
God’s speed. Stay strong. Stay young in your years and grow old in your days of recovery.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.Originally posted by bettie
…There is no way I can stay offline! …
Originally posted by Levi
(thank you so much Saman, Help and Bettie and Carole) who saw me through the worst of the rocky ride and fully distracted me with good chat and support! … I am still gamble free!Good evening Bettie, I for one, and I am sure there are others, Levi for example, that are happy that you are online during critical times during our lives. Levi’s post reminds me on a similar time we spent online together.
By the way, went to the "make-up" concert Wednesday. It was ok, more than ok really. I went with my son and had an enjoyable time together. I am glad that I finally made it, but both Merle’s and Kris’s performances were a reminder that we should retire at some point in our lives. Their time is not necessary here yet, but their voices are near the edge. Nevertheless, the evening was great and the concert was entertaining and worth the wait.
In addition, my being there and making it through songs that seem to be based on my feelings without me breaking down, goes to show that I am improving in the guilt part of my past. Living ODAAT also puts time between the heartaches — I am glad the Merle didn’t sing "The First Time We Met" though; the line that "your memory is stronger than time" still would have done me in.
Thanks again.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep reaching out.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.Originally posted by bettie
…Larry, if we stayed away from every place that had gambling I couldn’t buy gas or grocery’s, as they have lottery terminals there. All of our PC’s would have to go to the trash too …
Good evening Bettie,
I have brought up the same reasoning when my sponsor told me to fine another way to visit my family; although I doubt that he goes out of his way to shop at the few stories without lottery tickets.
And if all members took that "suggestion" a face value, we could not even meet in the same room with each other. lol
And you are right, it is you; it is you that is dealing with your addiction, and if I may add, you are doing well.
God’s speed. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.Originally posted by bettie
… Well, thats my take on it …
Good morning Bettie, Happy Mardi Gras to a friend with real benefits.The purple, green, and gold associated with Mardi Gras represent, Justice, Faith, and Power respectfully. I point this out because we in recovery use the same values of these ideals to reach our goal. A lot of us use GA as a guideline to help, its program or philosophy is one that works; but for myself I do not share in it being the only way — the values of the MG banner express much of the same principles, but with fewer words. However, just as the PGG lacks words, the phrase in itself also lacks organization and consistency for all. GA provides this needed organization and consistency, true I also find them to be protective in their beliefs and quite reluctant to recognize any other views; but I also find that "it works if your work it, it wont if you don’t. The other programs that I have looked into (I have not actually tried them) seem to share in the same principles of GA except for the lifetime commitment and the constant reminder that we are CGs each time we introduce ourselves as such. For me I do not find this to be a problem and even use it in my first time introductions to new members here. Another difference is that I find most of them, especially the ones ran by an individual or self-servicing organization, tend to down GA and its program; whereas GA merely stays mute about other programs without trying to degrade them — maybe to a fault, but if they sent disgruntled members off to another program, people would just bounce around until they found one that agreed to their failed ways, and not a way that works. "Principles before personalities" is another GA philosophy that works — it if is practiced by our "Trusted Servants and Sponsors" — I feel that some are so busy trying to promote the 12 Steps of Recovery that they forget the Unity Steps.All this said, I will close my early morning "conversation" with you, (I got up too early and your post brought out my thinking about my take of GA) — I will also point out here that if I did not practice another of the GA principles in my following the suggestions of their program, I do not think that I would be as committed to going to meetings as I am; that expanded principle is, "of our own understanding", use of this qualifier helps me overlook the things that I may be at odds with while still believing in the concept. My use of this principle in some of the GA suggestions is also a reason that I have only had a temporary sponsor, one that has to hide from the gambling world and can not condone me going to the casino buss stop every week so that I can see my family — after all, everyone knows that we should not "go in or near gambling establishments", least we be doomed. I feel that I may be ready for a sponsor now, but in the past I did not want the personal confrontation or challenge to others feelings. And strangely enough, I also feel that I could be a sponsor to someone now, even without having one for myself. (I discussed this at the conference I attended last week, and was surprised that a few did this themselves — I guess that I am not such a rough after all.)Below is a copy of an email Ken L sent the other day on GA sponsors, maybe your group does not fit into the characterizations of the members addresses there, but unfortunately that is where the individually takes over; the same individuality that you feel you are being admonished for. God’s speed. Stay strong. Stay true to "your" recovery and yourself; but don’t give up the use of a support program.
Today’s thought from Hazelden is:The art of life is to show your hand.
–C.V. LucasNewcomer
I’ve been thinking about talking to another sponsor. Not to replace you – our relationship is important to me, and I get a lot from it – but in addition to you.
Sponsor
We’re lucky to have such an abundance of sober experience in this fellowship. There are many of us, and we can get to know people with various lengths of time in recovery, different experiences, and different styles. Knowing others and having the willingness to let others know us is one of the keys to growing in recovery.
I support your wanting to enlarge your support system by taking on a second sponsor. There may be someone, for example, with whom you want to focus on spiritual matters.
Your expressing your desire for additional sponsorship gives us an opportunity to take a look at our own relationship. You may think that I won’t be able to understand a particular issue that’s troubling you. You may be worried about how much you’ve already shared with me – many of us in this fellowship are new to letting others get close, and we may feel anxious about it. Problems with relationships are often at the heart of problems of addiction. Whatever it is, I’m open to hearing about it, and I won’t criticize your feelings or walk away. I’ve been there myself. Thank you for being willing to talk with me about your needs and plans.
Today, I am willing to be honest and open with a trusted person.
You are reading from the book: If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin
Larry
Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 3/8/2011 1:21:44 PM: post edited by paul315.