[paul315]

Originally posted by luke*

… Didn’t gamble but wanted to so badly …

Good morning Luke, my name is Larry* and I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was August 13, 2009. You have been here a few day but I would like to welcome you just the same and say well done of achieving the gambling free days that you have — recovery takes time, it is a One Day At A Time process.
I would also like to try and encourage you to get past your "judgement day" and make it to all the following days being gambling free; encourage you to once again call a friend before you give into an urge, call and just talk about the not so important things, things that in reality are the most important things, and the things that our compulsive gambling has taken from us, including reasons to laugh.
You made it through other days wanting to gamble but didn’t, you can make it through more of these days too. Work at not gambling each day as you live them, and not only the days that you want so badly to gamble, but the days where gambling may only be something to do out of habit, boredom, or false hope that you could once again try to control an addiction. I have found that after I accepted the fact that I could not gamble for anything, that I could not gamble at any time, the hard days were easier to get past than the not-so-hard ones; the ones that I did not have urges planted ideas that I could gamble, that I could control my gambling.
Use your days to work on changes to less admirable character traits, like ***** and deceit, character faults that the addiction feeds on. Now that an attempt at meditation has let you find your Higher Power (music is not just entertainment, the right music can act as a a source of knowledge, thinking, and comfort), use your days to improve your conscious contact with that Power through continued meditation, and even prayer if need be, a more secular one that ask only for knowledge and strength, not salvation or forgiveness, or the Serenity Prayer that offers guidance in getting through daily life. Meditation does not have to be done through physical acts that can cause backache; yoga or prostrating oneself are selected tools to help in opening the mind, meditation is using the mind and concentrating on knowledge, if certain actions distract you in this effort, put off the physical rituals, not stop the mental exercises.
Keep logging in, reading, posting, participating in all of the services offered here, working diligently and and taking actions daily; use what others have to offer in different ways and means to keep you gambling free and to show you the way to a more normal and better way of life.
God’s speed, use your Higher Power to guide and strengthen you.
* While my name is Larry, my screen name is Paul, a name with a spiritual connection the represents a man changing his way of thinking and living.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by sunny123
… i will try to enjoy this way of living.. which is called recovery.. and i am not doing it to stop gambling.. i am doing it to re-discover myself … 

Good evening and Happy New Year everyone, so far its has been a great year (no joke intended), and I can only look forward for it to continue to be one that I do not add any disappointments or hardships to by gambling; by not gambling for anything "i will try to enjoy this way of living.. which is called recovery" — Thanks Sunny for sharing this insight in your pledge today. The meaning of this simple phrase has been the jest of some ideas being interchanged in recent post and I am happy to see another way of expressing that I live and benefit from my recovery, I do not hide behind it or let it control my life; guide and influence yes, but not control.
I recognized another instance of this way of living as being part of my life last night while entertaining options to celebrate the coming of a New Year.  I had planed on traveling downtown for just a bar-burger and listening to a band that I enjoy, but like many other things in life their schedule was changed, and I did not have any desire to hear the replacement. After that change I considered going to a couple of bars right across the street from me and just have a drink or two, again after waiting around I had no real desire to go out just because it was New Year’s Eve, so I stayed home, fixed my own burger, listened to some music online, and retired early. The realization that I was enjoying living in recovery came to me this morning. I did not try to justify my staying at home on a night for celebration by using the excuse that the local bars, as most here do, had live interactive Lotto machines (pseudo slots that are allowed by "loopholes" in the laws governing the State Lottery). I did not have to hide behind my recovery and depend on it to keep me from gambling like I had to early on in recovery, I did not go out because I din not feel like it; a distinction that might be hard to recognize, but a big distinction for me.
A member recently posted about being afraid on not being allowed to attend a wedding because of barriers, this too was part of my recognizing that I was doing things because it was my choice, and not because I could not face the world around me that is saturated by the gambling industry.  During the first months of my recovery a friend was being married in New Orleans, another town where poker/slot machines are in every bar and restaurant, and I could not go; I did not have the strength to fight off any temptation, I had to chose to stay home, I had to do one of many of the "everythings" that was required for me to stay gambling free. Today, because of recovery and it giving me strength and knowledge, because of my accepting the fact that I can not gamble when every urge or temptation strikes, because I am now free to choose, not free form the addiction, only free to make rational and logical right choices, I can say that I am enjoying this way of living. Instead of going out and doing something because it was a tradition, something that I would have not enjoyed that much, I instead when out for a New Year’s Day brunch before work; something that I, unfortunately for attempts to control my weight, do enjoy. And something that my recovery has provided me with the ability to do, the buffer was close to a casino and yet I had no desire to try my luck as part of starting off a new year — ergo, it has been a great year so far.
There are some in recovery that have yet to learn that they too can live a life of not gambling, that they can work of change in their lifestyles, attitudes, and characters, so that recovery is no longer just a tool to stop gambling; for we do not need recovery to stop gambling, we have each stopped many many times in the past without recovery, we need recovery to be a way of life, a tool to teach us how not to gamble again and show us that we can live in the mist of the beast .. which is called gambling. 
I am not being complacent, overconfident, tempting fate, or downplaying the powers of my addiction, I being comfortable in living a better and more normal way of life, I am working, practicing, and benefiting from my recovery, I am keeping aware of the things I must do, and the one thing that I cannot do. Another member has asked how some have accumulated certain amounts of gambling free time, diligently doing these daily affairs is one answer to that question for me.
God’s speed to all. Stay strong. Keep aware. Keep working on recovery and soon you will be living it.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by vera
A pact is an agreement. It’s not just an agreement to ***** the days that we don’t gamble or regret the days that we do. It’s a mutual support for all who choose to live a life free of misery and self destruction …

…As we begin this year, this month, this day, let’s resolve to focus on NOW. If a Pact helps us to do that that’s wonderful! If it hinders us that’s fine too! We can unite in our differences as well as in or similarities …
… May 2012 be a G-free year for all! 

Today, while still New Year’s Eve here but already January 1st in other parts of the world, including where my heart is, I will join this Pact to offer my support to all that use this site and working on their recovery, and the many the others that are still in the grasp of this compulsive addiction. Today I reach out my hand with Vera and unite with my Fellow Gamblers.
God’s speed to all, to all a Happy Gambling Free New Year.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Good morning Bettie,
There is no opening with "Originally posted by bettie" here, I really don’t know what I can say about anything in the part of your life that you have been posting about. I can however, say, keep working on your recovery and practicing the Steps that allows us to transcend and separates us from the power that compulsive gambling has over our lives. Keep working at the changes that are keeping you gambling free.
I will also add that I have found that the principles of the Steps of Recovery also helped me in all aspects of my life; when our character traits are looked at and corrected or enhanced, change in other areas seems to just come about over the same course of time. Keep working on change, and let the new you be carried over beyond gambling problems.
Christmas Day is around the corner so I will also use this post to wish you the very best and enjoyable Christmas; and as I have found myself expressing more this year, Christmas is not just about gifts, the reason for the first Christmas was to bring about change. Enjoy all that is there for you this Christmas, concentrate on being the changed Bettie that all of your friends know, and not the secret one that only exist in the mind of another.
And not to be completely out of character in my post, I will close with some words Originally posted by bettie, "I guess I won’t be missing out on too much after all", words that hold a truth.
God’s speed. Stay strong. "Follow the Steps in your daily affairs" — page 17, GA Combo Book.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by kathryn

My fellow Americans (yes, i know im not american but ive always wanted to say that) …

"Ich bin ein Berliner" was once said by an American that was not German, yet he was able to put himself in the mist of the troubles that others were having.  You can surely do the same here; your saying "My fellow Americans" shows the same empathy that you have for those having problems concerning gambling; the oceans and boundaries do not separate us, they can not overcome the passion that joins us together.
And who, knows, with all the past migrating from America and other parts of the world with a desire to live "Downunder", you might have some American, or even English or another country’s, blood in you.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Happy Christmas, " ‘Ave a good one, mate".LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315
 
 Tis the season! …
 … the holiday season is upon us and while all is well with me, it is the time that others who are combating compulsive gambling realize a little more first hand just how much trouble gambling has been causing them in their life and the lives of those around them; one recent post by a new member reminded me of this, e.g. " I spent my last ($’s) at the casino. It was meant for Christmas presents for my daughter and wife …"

 
 
I will now post some more about the Holiday Season starting with some words copied from a past Christmas post by Velvet in the Friends & Family Forum, "It is my belief that most, if not all CGs (in action) do not enjoy Christmas. It is a gathering together of family and friends. Expectations of good behaviour are too high for the CG. Expectations for getting everything perfect are too high for  (the non-cgs). Christmas is a time when it has become the practice for presents to be given in abundance and the CG, if he has any money left, will not want to part with it because it is all important for the winning gamble".  I added the inserts because I for one am one of the exceptions for those not being able to enjoy the Holidays; now that I am practicing what I have learned in my recovery, having a gambling free Christmas is once again an enjoyment. (Read her past posts concerning Christmas in the F&F section on each December 25 for a few years – it can be a helpful and learning experience)
But, when I first read Velvet’s post I was much newer to the program and was still struggling with the thoughts of celebrating, and her words were reflecting the years before. The struggle that year was not because I was not able to join in on the activities, nor that I did not want to because it would have taken away from my gambling time — I was after all abstaining from gambling at the time; the struggle was because I felt guilty over my actions during the past years, and I did not feel worthy of having a good time, of being part of normal activities.
I now know that I was worthy, even during my active gambling, that it was my being controlled my an addiction that was the problem; I have always been worthy of and not denied any of the good things and blessings of life, I was only separated and blinded form them by my actions.
At this time of year there will probably be a few more new members, and old members returning (we had three in my meeting last night), when they find that they are caught up in a situation of not being able to fulfill their hopes, and the dreams of their children; like stated above "Christmas is a time when it has become the practice for presents to be given in abundance". However the best and most wonderful present we can give our loved ones, and ourselves, is a life of being gambling free, and a brighter look at the Christmases to come; the material things are good and enjoyable to give and receive, but, being able to participate in the complete celebrations, and sharing in the the knowledge that we made an honest effort and not just tried to fulfil an expectation, is a far far better gift.
 
So to all that are adversely affected by gambling at this time of year where seasonal stress can tear us down, reach out and use all the help and support you can get. Santa may have his elves to help him provide presents for all the boys and girls; but, we have our program of recovery and our Fellow Gamblers to help us. Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, and a Very Happily Gambling Free New Year.
Stay strong. Keep aware. And "Don’t Gamble For Anything".
"God bless us every one!" — Timothy Cratchit
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

 
Tis the season!  It is also an opportunity for me to be a little more personal and post more about my enjoyments rather than just things about the ways and means of recovery. 
However, even though the holiday season is upon us and while all is well with me, it is the time that others that are still combating compulsive gambling realize a little more first hand just how much trouble gambling has been causing them in their life and the lives of those around them; one recent post by a new member reminded me of this part of the gambling addiction, e.g. " I spent my last $’s at the casino. It was meant for Christmas presents for my daughter and wife …".  I have more thoughts about this, but will post them later; for now my post today will be about recovery allowing me to enjoy participating in celebrations with my family.
A few nights ago it was my granddaughter’s Christmas play and one again I was able to attend without having to rush of to gamble on the way home, or to make excuses and even not go. The play was not the enjoyment, in fact it in a way showed that life without gambling still had disappointments — the church members, or at least the ones that are willing to participate, mostly lack of talent, and yet I am sure that their families enjoyed their parts as much as I enjoyed Katie’s. The enjoyment was in seeing my granddaughter face when she looked out and saw me there, and being with my son and daughter for an evening out.  Not all enjoyments or disappointments are  breathtaking or earth shattering, but as an active CG, any degree of any emotion can give reason to gamble and result in missing out or escaping that part of lives many adventures; on the other hand my sobriety is a present that goes on and on.
This year is also special because my granddaughter’s desire to help me plan for a gift that her mother wanted. I normally don’t pay attention to any "list" at all, and buy something that I find to fit in with and be of interest to the ones I give to; in fact I have intentionally not got anything on a list, feeling that I am giving a "gift" not a helping hand – my personal thoughts on my giving, not on other’s ways.  This system has worked for me all through the years and I have yet to get something that they were not thrilled with, or had to return.  So this year, part of my gift to my granddaughter was to let her plan the gift for her mom. I took the present to her that night so that my daughter would have it early on Christmas morning, it is something that will be helpful in her fixing brunch for all the family, and my granddaughter’s giggles and happiness the whole evening about our surprise was a gift to me.
Another special feeling about Christmas was that I was also to get my daughter in France something that she was completely surprised with and just as happy to happy to receive; she was home when it arrived and rushed to open it without waiting for Christmas like I had hoped, but at 15 I guess that Santa no longer exist anyway. As I mentioned in an early post here, she is not happy with Christmas this year, but I hope that my gift will make it a little more enjoyable. I saw on her Facebook page a lot of interest in photography, with a lot of her photos being displayed as well, not only the silly themed ones, but some of her good work. Last year she got a good camera, this year I surprised her with a lens that she would not have bought on her own. It can’t soften her having a Christmas without family, but hopefully the surprised gift will let her know that I put in an effort to find something for "her", and not just send a package because it is Christmas.
So all in all it has been a good beginning to a season of joy.
God’s speed, and Happy Holidays. And an early Merry Christmas to those that believe.
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 12/20/2011 4:28:06 AM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by vera

Sounds as if you are going through a rough patch …

Life does have it ups and down, but the adversities and disappointments that life presents in normal living are just that, part of life and its adventures.  Outside of having to once again face the consequences of my actions, life for me remains much much more than the one that compulsive gambling had control of.
With that said, I am also dealing with some minor interference in the way I have became used to. My time ad work has increased some and while that is good as for more money coming in, it takes away form the free time I am becoming used to. This is not a complaint, the work hours are still far below a normal work week and are nothing in comparison to the many hours others have to work, it is just that as retired person, I am still being controlled by the requirements of a part time job, and the few extra benefits that it provides, a contradiction to my independent nature and the idea of being retired.
The reduction in my leisure time does not bother me as much as I am putting on, but the time that is being taken from me to spend reading and replying to others here dose bother me — to the new members that I have not welcomed, and others that I have not offered encouragement, I take this time to recognize you. 
I am having to starting work earlier a couple of days so I can not take time to read all the daily post,more less respond as frequent that I have.  I do not even have all the time i like to read each of the inspirational articles that I have become used to. I can still read them in the evening but these actions have became part of my morning meditation and a preparation for my daily pledge. I have missed doing these same things on occasion before, but the cause was of my on doing and my being away enjoying life, now it is because of an outside, yet actually needed, influence and is having a different effect on my thinking.  It is not a huge problem nor a noticeable threat to my sobriety, but it is nevertheless a cause of some concern and a challenge for me to make the right adjustments.
Like I said above, just some minor inconveniences, but some things that I need to sound out so that they do not become major reasons to find relief for, relief from something that needs no relief in places that can only cause real problems. A relapse doesn’t just happen, things build up and accumulate to allow the power of addiction to move in; my hurt feelings and guilt about not being with my daughter, and with the truth being told, her mother included, added to even minor changes in my lifestyle could become such a reason. My being able to talk about it destroys any reasons to gamble, nipping them in the bud before they can do harm.  
God’s speed.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Kathryn

…  my gambling will be dredged up again …
 

Good morning Kathryn,
Most of us here dredge up gambling each time we post; each time we have to face another difficulty we are the first to say that if not for our gambling we would not be in this situation.  Here it might be a little easier to talk about and the reactions will not be directed back to us in accusing or judgemental ways, but here we each are a CG and share in recovery and problems. At home when the problem comes up we may not find support and comfort being shown in the same way; our loved ones after all are non-CGs, and can not have the same empathy that is shown here.  You are taking responsibility and being open, you are once again facing the consequences of your gambling; your husband is again facing the consequence as well, but he does not have or seek the support group you have. Like you said, it will not be a fun night for him either. 
There is one bright side about the situation, it is one from the past, not a new one; when we start recovery and stop gambling the only things that happen instantly is a feeling of some relief, and an end to any new problems — dealing with the past ones still take time. The last part of the ODAAT reference in the GA guidebook says, "Don’t try to solve all your problems at once"; it is a way to work recovery, make amends, and pay off debts, not just a goal to not gamble for only that day.
The adventures of life are not always fun, some are scary and unhappy, but they are what life is made of.
God’s speed. Stay strong.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315
… I will post more later …

Good morning,
As posted before, my Thanksgiving was good, it changed from being a temptation to gamble a few days before because of  the thought of being alone, to a day of joy and staying gambling free and one of celebrating with my family. However, the time in between my dilemma and the celebration, and a part of the time following, brought on even more challenges to my recovery and my emotional being. Life is good, but it does have its ups and downs.
The day before my daughter told me about fears concerning her marriage, fears that I hope will prove to be without merit and caused by an onslaught of feelings of insecurity and a change in hormones, added to the stress of an extra financial burden and demand of time that they are facing in a immense remodeling of their house; but nevertheless fears that were affecting her and ones that caused me to feel helpless and hurting for her. At least I believe that I was able to advise her correctly in telling her to not let the issue build and fester, to talk to her husband about it and get help. (I know that hidden feelings and suppressed depression caused me to live in and face pure Hell, and I did not want her to have to endure such damaging after affects.) They were able to talk about her feelings and she is seeking outside help through their church. This was not easy for them, but I think that things will work out for the best. I know that it helped relieve some of my feelings of being inadequate to save her from pain and distress, maybe a selfish relief, but one that benefits them as well. Thankfully, even with the pressures of everyday life interfering with a festive mood, they, my granddaughter and son, and myself was able to enjoy the day for what it is meant to be, to be thankful for what we have.
The part that hit me hard the day after had to do with my other daughter in France, and is something that I do not feel giving her any advice can help. Although it is something that she is living with and has to unfortunately face, and is something that I hopefully and prayerfully will find that she can learn to not let control her future. But for me it is a truth adding to my regrets and a rekindling of the guilt that I have been dealing with. I know that my addiction caused me to act irrational and in unnatural and unhealthy ways, but addiction also works at transferring guilt to us.
I was in the process of purchasing a Christmas gift for her, something that I knew that she desperately wanted. Just when I found a great deal and told her mother about it, I was informed that my daughter bought it for herself that very day, that she could not wait for Christmas, and worst, she was not looking forward to Christmas, that it meant nothing to her anymore. I was pleased to hear her reasoning that to her it was a day to be with family, but to know that I was a reason that her family could not be together hit me with a fierce stabbing feeling.  I have not been there for the past few years but she had her grandparents with her to help in not being alone, and she still has her mother, but things are tense between them all this year and there will be no family gathering. How do I live with this?
Through my program of recovery I know the answer is not to return to escape but to continue to practice and work on my recovery, nevertheless the question and its reason is still bearing down hard on me; all the principles of recovery and living can not take away the sting. But I also know that" this to shall pass", maybe not in the most comfortable way, but in one that will not cause her lasting harm and one where I can continue to enjoy the benefits of living a better way of life if I stay on track; this burden is but another consequence of my addiction and my not seeking help in time, and one that I can overcome with the help I now know is there. God give me the knowledge and power to carry out your will and reach this end. 
May the spirit of Christmas future shine on this Christmas present. LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by runninggirl

Life is good indeed …… …  It felt so good to be there and be able to help. The small joys … it’s lovely when we’re present enough to enjoy them.
In posting here I am trying to keep what started out as my main journal fresh and current. I do not know where writing my post will lead, but to start with I would like to comment on RG’s story in her post to me where she had the presents of mind and body to do a good thing. When we are lost in our addiction we sometimes, if not always, do not realize the corporeal damage we can do to others, or the inability that our addiction puts on us to act in a humane or grateful way. We are not ourselves and we can not be the person we are meant to be at the given moment. And even after we come to terms that we are CGs and that we can not gamble, some still cast aide and disregard the need for us to "be there" for others. We fail in living up to our resolve and are limited in partaking in the good life.  Runninggirl, you are living a life that we all should strive for. Well done.
The life is good part of her post stands mostly on it on, "life is good indeed"; that is, if we live life as we are meant to and not try to outline every step that we wrongfully "wish" to take, and just as important, try to plan the lives of others to match our own plans — "Man plans, God laughs". For a CG when we venture back to our old ways and disregard the road map that is needed to live life, we feel that life is not good. However, life is still good, it is us that have a need to adapt to a better and more normal way of living.  To paraphrase a past message by the Dalia Lama concerning entering into the new millennium; living in recovery and a gambling free life in itself will be nothing special. As we enter into this renewed life things will be the same; there will be nothing unusual other than the absence of and additional consequences of  our gambling. However, if we really want life to be happier, more peaceful and more harmonious for us and those around us, we will have to make the effort to make it so. This is in our hands. The good life is up to us and comes from our work and efforts. 
During the past few days I have read the accounts of compulsive gamblers "slipping" and going back to their old ways for one reason or anothe, and the post of some being disgruntle and upset over the normal actions of others or traditional events that seem to go against their beliefs or ability or willingness to accept what is. I feel that a subtle reply to these post here will be less comfrontational and judgemental so I will post my feeling as to how their actions relate to me and direct some comments that I need for myself to me instead of looking as if I were "preaching" to others.
I for one know that if I were to have similar attitudes or the unwillingness to adapt that I would just say "F***-it" and return to the escape that gambling had to offer. I could not stay gambling free if I did not deal with the everyday problems of life in a way that I have learned through the work in my recovery. The challenges and temptations of the world would destroy me if my addiction was still controlling my life. Without my surrendering to the addiction and accepting that I had to live a life with proper guidelines and conditions my life would still be controlled by gambling.  This is not to say that I am letting recovery control my life, one control can be as harmful as any other, but that I am controlling my own life by following a spiritual pattern in my life. To quote from GA, this spirituality "can be said to describe those characteristics of the human mind that represent the highest and finest qualities such as kindness, generosity, honesty and humility". I have also found that spirituality also includes characteristics that represent the highest qualities in moral, civil, and social ways of living ones life. I do not think that we can partake in the questionable ways of the world or sins of the flesh and still be able to concentrate of living a better way of life. We are accountable for our actions and the consequences for wrong doings can destroy the good that our work in recovery has provided. 
There are many different things in life that can set off negative thoughts and actions, some of which I have not had to encounter, and to be truthful I do not know how I would deal with them at that precise moment. However, I do know that I have to keep working on my recovery and change in my life and character so that a foundation can be established that will allow me to stand up against any unforeseen or unneeded surprises. If I do not accept what I have to do for today, and do not go further in working toward additional strength for the future, I will be denying myself and loved ones of a more normal and better way of life. 
I also feel that, like the ones that come back with the courage to share about a relapse or slip, if I ever had to deal with something that I was not prepared for and thought my only way out was to escape by return to the false comforts of gambling, that I would still be in recovery. And although a slip or stumble in that journey would bring about a relapse and break in continuous clean time, I would be progressing and be far better off than not starting or returning at all. I admire and take from the courage of those having to face things that seem to be overbearing. I also have faith in their efforts that they will go beyond abstaining and just trying to recover to the time that they evolve into living through recovery and enjoying the life that is meant for all to live. In addition I can, and have learned from them. 
As told in the beginning I did not know where this post would lead, but it is something that I needed to write out and am ending up actually posting. Many times I only vent out my thought and not post them because just typing out my thoughts is a great help to me; journaling is a strong tool to use in recovery.  I also see that my posting on the need for strength and the need to prepare ourselves for turns of events might just be what I need to deal with what I started our to post about; but writing so much now could distract form the real post to keep my main journal up to date so I will post more later.
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 11/28/2011 1:19:15 AM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Good morning,
I hope all of my American friends enjoyed Thanksgiving Day, I know I did.  The morning started with me meting my family downtown for the Thanksgiving Day parade. It was a treat watching my granddaughter enjoy everything, and to see her smile at me when I walked up. And it was a good feeling for me to know that my being a couple of blocks away from the casino made no difference to me. It was however a subtle reminded of the past when I was there instead of with my family and gave me some mixed thoughts, but no desire or temptation to stop by afterwards. And surprisingly enough the casino was not a sponsor of the parade, or have a float entered like they do in other events; the family atmosphere was not polluted by gambling influences.
I spent the day before cooking by contributions to the dinner; I make the homemade dressing for the meal, the others give way to convenience and throw together a box-mix, not that bad tasting, but no where the same as a traditional effort to cook the best. I also made a pumpkin pie from scratch, preparing fresh pumpkin instead of something out-of-the-can; again not a bad way, but not my way for a special occasion. I do have to give credit to my son who cooked most of the other dishes the old fashioned way using fresh ingredients and real cooking techniques; prepared boxed mixes and instant mashed potatoes just do not make the grade. And although my daughters "turkey" was good, it was a turkey breast, no legs or wings, or no giblets to make the gravy; no reflection on her, but I passed up the canned gravy using my need to watch my diet as an excuse while stuffing myself with the other food.
All in all it was a good day with no thought of rushing through to watch the big football games (American football, and in some parts of Canada and a few other areas),  or head out for the ridiculous early lineup for the midnight beginning of this years Black Friday shopping extravaganza; another over-commercialized contribution of corporate greed at its best. Another attack on family life when one or more of its members are forced to walk away form their family and subject themselves to a self-induced form of indentured slavery by working the unnatural hours to make ends meet. And the same disruption to family life when the shoppers that seem to have a need to save a few dollars of things that they would not have for the most part bought otherwise. Enough of the soap-boxing, again all and all it was a good day and a continuation of the better life that being gambling free provides.
I have a lot to be thankful for, the good that I enjoy and the happiness I receive, what I am able to give and share with others, and even some material things that make life easier and more comfortable.  Life is good.
God’s speed to all.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
No luck involved …

Good morning Bettie,
No luck involved is exactly how you are at the place you are today, you have reached this point by accepting and working at reaching this point. Your true strengths and abilities are more powerful than the less positive thoughts that you hold onto.
I even see your manager recognizing the good you do at work. If the goal for the whole branch is being lowered, it to make her look good; in keeping your goal the same is recognition that your work and the higher results are needed for any hope in meeting the lower goals. If you were allowed to think that you did not have to work as hard, the whole branch, and the manager, would suffer. You seem to be the strength of the office as well; they do not want to depend on luck either. Just my thoughts, but I have seen this happen so many times in my work experiences.
God’s speed. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by icandothis

… We share our human stories of stuggle and triumphs to discover our own insights and also hope that others will see themselves in our stories and they will benefit as well …

Good morning all, and thanks to Ican and Carole for encouraging me to post more to my page.
Events of the past few days have made evident how much influence the people here and at GA have on my recovery. I found stories shared here and the teachings at a recent GA conference to be just what I needed to stay gambling free and not return to gambling for escape.  One of the quotes from Hazelden that I keep at hand speaks of what I had to do: "the trick, for me, is not stopping gambling, but staying stopped and learning how not to start again".
Celebrating Thanksgiving Day in the US with my children is an event that recovery has returned to me as a great enjoyment; there were a couple of years that gambling caused me to throw this opportunity away, and now that I am back to living a more normal way of life, this is one of the most enjoyable benefits.
This year my daughter told me that there was an urgent need for them to be out of town and not have dinner at their house; they had to be out-of-town and be with my son-in-law’s family because they could not make it here; the change was due to a serious medical condition of an uncle. My selfish needs overcame my understanding and acceptance of things outside of my control, the good in the act of love by my daughter to others was set aside and thoughts of filling this void and hiding this hurt started to take over.  I found myself making planes to gamble. 
This started with my planning to go out of town to have a Thanksgiving feast at a hotel or restaurant, to celebrate in a fashionable manor. This changed from just making a short trip, to thinking that a casino buffet would be a good place to enjoy dinner by myself, a place that catered to singles.  This in itself did not present the problem, but the web sites I looked at looking for a place, planted thoughts of gambling just a little in addition to the meal, I was falling for the temptations and making planes for a relapse.  
Thankfully, in reading the post of others and reviewing some material on relapses from the conference, I came to my senses and was able to overcome this urge and foolish thoughts; I switched to looking for a local restaurant, one not associate with a casino serving a holiday meal, after all I go out alone often. 
And now the part that, although not as important as my change-of-heart, is nevertheless one that represents a great feeling. A few days after all the conflicting emotions and my finally making the right choice, my daughter informed me that Thanksgiving Day plans at her house were back on; I can’t say that this was a reward for my making a right choice, it is just something that happens in normal everyday life; it is just as much part of the adventures of life that the disappointment was, only that my work in recovery showed me that I was able to handle both — but admittedly accepting this latest news with more enthusiasm.
The reason for the change in plans is not the best, but still shows the love that others can have and share; at first the uncle was wanting to spend some of his last days at his brothers home, now my son-in-law’s dad is making the trip to be with his brother, the uncle is not up to make the one to their home.  And strangely enough, I wish that my daughter and her family could make that trip also; I am not what this day is about, it is what we each have to be thankful for, and how we are able to share it in unselfish ways, that had always made this day of observance important to me, and once again does. Without recovery, there would be no reason for it.
God’s speed. Life is good. "Recovery is priceless".
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 11/15/2011 4:02:24 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by carole8755

… You don’t post a lot about yourself and what you’re up to, so it’s difficult to get to know you …

Good morning Carole and all the rest,
First Carole, I will take this opportunity to repeat that I am proud of you and the actions that you and Otella took to start a new GA group; well done, your efforts will be a great help to others.
Thanks for your asking about me, you are right I do not post much about myself; but me as a CG am no different than the rest of you, so getting to know yourself will help you know me, at least that side of me. The side that I was before crossing over the line and the renewed side after I started recovery can be found in my limited accounts of my life, but perhaps I should post updates more ofter, but although my life has changed and has become better, there is not many new events that happen on a daily basics.  I do the same at my GA meetings, while the others share in their everyday lives telling about their families add the good times or the problems that everyone is going through, I spend my time talking about recovery and the efforts I take and the new way I find that help me. I do add a few line about the happiness I fine in the time I spend with my family and the enjoyment I get in watching my granddaughter grow, but as to other events, I do not find my going to work a few days a week that eventful — other than the fact that thanks to my recovery, I can function in this way. Nor, thankfully, I do not have any personal or family problems that I have to deal with on a daily or recurring basis, other than the past ones associated with the addiction. This is most likely because I am not that knowledgeable to the events in the lives of my brother and sister and any of their problems, we see each other on holidays and an occasional marriage of a nice or nephew, and alas a few funerals.  The life of my daughter and son here in the US that I do see regularly is going well and good, and saying all is well seems to be all that I do.
Regretfully (a regret and guilt that I work at daily but still deal with even at this stage of my recovery) a part of my life that I would like to share with others here and at GA, I am isolated from; my French family is miles and years away and I do not know much about their daily life. So talking bout what I loss all that time would be too great of a challenge to my recovery. I find that dwelling on what I caused is different than dealing with the consequences; if I were to dwell on this tragedy in my life I think that I would be gambling.  I do not know if this is just my suppressing too much, or me only being open to the truth that that life is over and I think that at this time it makes no discernable difference. However, the thought still saddens me, and I still live on the hope that it may not be. 
My way of posting and sharing does not however take away form my appreciation and help I find in all the sharing that others do about their families, their sharing is a great part in my escaping from my gambling years and becoming aware that such things do exist in a normal life. I have made the people here and at GA part of my extended family, and maybe if I would narrow my own view on what I think is important to share, I would tell more stories as well — perhaps another character trait that needs to be looked at. In the mean time I can only be happy and grateful that the adversities that I do have to face are few.
I was planning to post to my topic on the 13th, for reasons I will explain below, but your post, and the topic of today’s "Thought from Hazelden" –"Now is the moment to … begin whatever project we have been putting off" has me posting today instead.  I was waiting for Sunday because it will represent, with the help of my 3Gs, my 27th month of being gambling free, 810 Days ODAAT.  This plan was put in place during a GA conference over the week-end. In that conference a speaker made a commit that I did not agree with entirely, but in following one of the many sayings of recovery, "take what you like and leave the rest", I not only left what I found to be a negative type statement, but I turned it into a positive action for me to take. The statement was an innocent one intended for us to be more direct in our help offered to a few members that often slip and return; that our applauding each new clean date (part of the ritual at some GA meetings where members introduce themselves and state their clean date before sharing) could be an encouragement for them to just try and not do.  I see this applause as a recognition of their courage to come back and be honest with their actions, not just a way of being polite. 
This comment also made me realize how much such recognition is important to me. Now that I no longer receive a token that represents monthly milestones like before, now that formal recognition only come yearly, I need the weekly applause that I receive, the recognition helps me; not taking form the trust they have found in me and the faith in myself that they helped form, has become another tool for me to use to not return to gamble. Therefore my post today is me recognizing my efforts and patting my self on the back — this is done with humility and accepting the truth and fact that it was not "me" doing it, it was my program and my fellow gamblers. No man is an island in themselves, therefore, either is no island  made up a single inhabitant — the whole community of fellow gamblers are part of our recovery island.
I will also use this post to say "Well Done" to each and every one of you for each and every day that you each live gambling free or working toward that end. I to post this recognition to each member, but the days are too many for me to keep track.
With all this said, and all of my once again venting on my thoughts of recovery, I will close with saying the my live is going well. I am looking forward to my 3rd gambling Thanksgiving in the US,and my 3rd gambling free Christmas; each day is a new day bringing about a new university foe many events and adventures.  I am working at a job that supplements my retirement and allows me to live better than some, yet not as well as others. I am able to take a short time off now and then to visit my other hometown New Orleans, but still cannot be a more distant or a world traveler. I am in fairly good health, a couple of the old man problems relating to blood pressure, cholesterol, and arthritis aches, and of course the problem of being overweight that is also shared by others here.  I am sort of a loner compared to a earlier life of going out all that time when single, and of doing family things that we did regularly when living with a family, but I do not see this as a bad thing. For me it is a good life, and the times that I do venture out for entertainment or socializing is often enough to keep me form becoming a real recluse or sociopath.  For the GA seminar I rented a car and took advantage of it to visit a few old haunts here in Saint Louis, outings that only made me realize that I do not need the daily socialising or interface, that my limited time out makes the times I do go out more enjoyable. I do this each time I fine a real need for a car and rent one, and perhaps my not having a car at my disposal every day limits my going out more often, but this did not slow me down before, this is just the way I have revolved. 
All in all, "Life is Good".
God’s speed to all. Stay strong. Live life and enjoy all of its adventures, and grow in any of its adversities.
.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[Author]

Posts