[paul315]

Originally posted by markf

That is how long it has been since my last bet! …
… I had lsot the battle of a 15 year addiction and finally admitted defeat …
 

Good afternoon Mark,
"2 years, 2 weeks and 2 days " is something to be proud of and something where ackolagement is worthy. Well done! And well done also on your closing sentence. "I will continue to remember and focus on my positive future without gambling.", as a positive  follow up to your this topic title. Proclaiming a desire and need for continuous work is the first step in reaching 2,2, 3 and all the following milestones.
Seeing your statement about admitting defeat is a reminded to me that I too had to surrender to the addiction and admit defeat for me to have any hope in recovery and a better life; it is working for me also, and for about the same amount of time.
When I see someone that has not posted for a while, or read the lines, "I have not been on here for a while", I look back at their posting history to try and see a pattern that may help me in my recovery also, because most of the time the return is for reason other than telling of a gambling free life,i t is to tell how they relapsed and made things worst for themselves. However your story is a positive and refreshing gift to all, and one that you can problem use yourself in regards to reading post. You past views on reading and posting can now be influenced by some good news.
In your case, while my reviewing your past participation here was not need to remind me of you, it did bring to light that you have not been as far out of contact with us s you think. You have steadily posted about different views and of different milestones in your recovery, and your life; it has only been a month or so between those and your recent post where there has been no word from you. You have been an ongoing help to others, and apparently yourself as well.  In fact it would be good for all to read your past post (Click to list all topics containing posts by markf), and to know that we can overcome and learn to live an enjoy life.
One of your topics concerning getting through the early days ignited my thinking and allowed be to be more mindful of the days the followed the early ones. And your speaking now about the distress felt when reading about relapses, tells of feelings most of us have in coming here often or on a daily bases; but the subtle empathy you show when expressing these feelings, outshines your thought of being away for awhile, and seeing the pain that fellow gamblers share in someones struggles can be a challenge for them to stay gambling free, to be able to tell about their years, months, and days. 
Keep coming back as often as possible, keep participating so that other can benefit from your experiences, and hour warnings. In closing I hope that all is going well with you and Evie, and that you can still be a father to her, not just someone lost in the grips of this addiction.
Again, Well done.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep posting, keep taking action.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by eg123
… I find it so hard to let the money go!! …
This can be done and life is there for all of us!
Good morning EG,
Well done on your 10 Days being gambling free, on your not letting go of not just your money, but of what you have gained my being gambling free. We need the gambling free time to make the changes that will keep us gambling free; interrupting this quality time only strengthens the addiction as it attack our desires and resolve. Recovery works if you work it, it don’t if your wont.
I realize that your statement, "I find it so hard to let the money go!!", is pertaining to you letting go your losses, but it is hard to understand how you are so unwilling to let go of money that is already gone, yet insist of letting go of the money you have in hand by gambling it away also.  When we stop gambling, stop chasing losses, stop throwing away even more money in futile attempts to have some money, we find that it is more productive to work for the money we need, and more logical to accept the fact that when the gambling stops that the amount of money we have will increase. This can be done.
Keep working on your recovery, and working for your dollars, hard work is what will replace the money that the gambling industry now owns; and hard work will return you to a more normal way of thinking and living. Life is there for all of us.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. Let go and let God.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Vera, is this an April Fool"s joke that there is no April Pact?
Is so, don’t keep us in looking behind us for the fish on our backs for to long.  (The fish refers to it being Fish Day in France and Italy)LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

… I really wanted to gamble-but …
…  I need to get on with it.
 

Good morning Bettie,
I really wanted to gamble last week too. Or to "play" the lottery as my addictive mind was trying to convince me that I would be doing, because the lotto was not an addictive action in the past, and after all "buying" a chance of a guaranteed payoff of a fortune for someone was not a gamble, it was an investment. Talk about thinking irrational and being brainwashed — even a news commentator told the TV audience that it would be foolish not to buy a ticket. But thankfully like you my rational brain, and my renewed self overcame the temptation and urge. I am still gambling free, and free of "game" playing, not just the game of the lottery, but the game of going back and forth with gambling and not gambling; at least at the moment and for today — it is a freedom that is acquired ODAAT.
My rational thinking and my essential mental barriers helped me make a right choice, my sharing my secret with others helped bring the truth to light and showed me the whole picture, not just the dream of another addictive action. It was not just "no money = no gambling" that stopped me; I had money thanks to my not gambling, it was "no-giving-in equals no gambling" that stopped me. It was practicing my program of recovery and what I have learned and accepted that brought be past another crossroads.
The rest of your post is interesting also; what an oxymoron to be called "fatty" and "thin skinned" both. lol.   But nevertheless, being fat (and I know, for I am) does percent a health problem, an increase in the cost of living, and even calls for a more expensive recliner, and can even influence our social lives; but it does not call for being made fun of, and more importantly and something that we can control, it does not have to be a reason for us to succumb to and be greatly affected by the immature acts and comments of others. We can still live and not have to hide, or have a need to apologise for or justify our being. We are still a person within our flesh, and a person that is part of a world consisting of fatties, skeletons, and every other descriptive forms of human life that people come up with and let feed their hate and immaturity.
Sure it would be good and beneficial to live at a lesson weight; for the right reasons. But to try and satisfy the narrow minded perceptions of others, should not be the guiding force — we will never meet the unreasonable and prejudiced aesthetic expectations of many in the world. Just do the best you can to take care of your health, your being, and the you that shines trough your "thin skin"; and let those that live outside the real world of all mankind wallow in the s**t that excretes form every thought and breath coming from their fat heads.
You are Bettie, your weight is not a problem that can destroy who you are in the same way that our addiction to compulsive gambling can destroy us, work at putting the childhood memories and taunts behind you, and the "adult" slurs in their place, and perhaps a reason to cause yourself even more harm through compulsive gambling will be put to rest also. You need to get on with it — get on with what you are doing now by not gambling, and then you will be able to live a gambling free life even when you have money, or when the fat heads of the world get to you more than they should. They are not going to change, but you can.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Be you. 
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 4/1/2012 4:00:17 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315
… it has been a while since I posted to my journal, but I feel like it was time for me to be writing and to get a better focus on events … 
                 and,
Originally posted by cat438 in her topic
… I have to say that one thing that really bothers me is when I come on and find that someone has had or is having a rough time. I wish that I could erase all their problems and gambling urges …

Good afternoon all,
Sorry about the extra long post, but where you do not need to read it, I needed to post it.
Cat’s post today in her "i can do this" topic told of my feelings during my daily visits, it too bothers me when I see the problems of others and I wonder if I can in some way encourage them to work harder at their resolve. I use part of that post above and the rest can be found on her page.
Although I want to remove this addiction from them, and even to carry their cross myself, I also know that there is nothing that I can do to whisk away the problems or pain; the work, action, and mental process, that is needed to provide for this transformation is entirely on the one that is struggling.  We can only provide support, understanding, advice, and love, that is coming from a fellow gambler.
And while sadden to hear about the problems of others, from the stories of the newcomers to the stories from established members that share in the consequences of a relapse, their attempts at being a normal gambler and the fresh accounts of how this addiction can still take control is a warning that I need to reinforce that I made the right choice to stop gambling. Thanks to the ones that come here to share in their problems, I do not have to venture out on my own to the abyss and hell that I left.
These stories of the perils and devastation has also caused be to look deep into what I am doing different and at what things that are not working for some others. I know that we are all different and that different processes will work better for some than other, but there is also some fundamental things that can not be brushed aside. Like others have done with theirs, I have reread all of my post in my own topics, and have reviewed quite a few post that others have made on their topics, and of the ones I have made to them. All of this to awaken in me the right program for me to follow, a program that can remain fresh and change when needed, and one that I will not fall into being complacent and overconfident in following — for it is my work on, my acceptance and us of my HP, and the daily practicing of my program, that is allowing me to live gambling free; it is not "I" that is doing this.
In conjunction to my renewed awareness I am also finding that my replies to others have been longer and more open than even my normally long ones in the past. Hopefully those there that my post are directed too will understand that all of my post are directed just as much to me as to them.  During the past days where I am starting to feel the pressures of knowing that we are all just a next bet away from being once again completely overpowered, I am doing all that I can to prevent me form being another one that makes that next bet, that makes the wrong choice.  In reading the post of others I find key words and phrases in their stories that start me to thinking about what I need to do. I have found that it is best for me to write out what is needed for me in my replies to others instead of an update to my journal. In doing this I hope that none are feeling like I am singling them out or being unsympathetic to their pain; I truly hurt and care for each and every one here, and those that attend, and come and go to my GA meetings. I seem to fit pretty well into the purpose of GA and my association with them , e.g. to stop my gambling and to help other compulsive gamblers to do the same, and the the mandate to carry the message of recovery "to the compulsive gambler that who still suffers".
    And a slight deviation to the above:
I have felt at times that I may be spending too much time in my participation here, not in working my recovery, but in getting involved in the post of others; that if there were a Question 12 for Recovery Addiction similar to the GA question concerning prioritizing use of money, "Am I reluctant to use "recovery time" for normal events of life?", what would be my answer? However, I feel comfortable in that my answer would be a change form my first gut answer of "Yes" to a more realistic one of "No".
In working a similar GA Step 4 for gambling and taking an inventory, in connection with my activity in recovery and participation here, I have found that the time that I am spending is quite natural for me, and something that I need to do to replace the lose of the meaningful task I had before I retired.  I spend much more time in negotiating contracts and representing employees that I do here. My work there carried me far past the expected normal 8 hour days, where my visits here only make up a few hours each day. In my taking inventory of my life, and my attempts to try to figure out "why me" and knowing the reasons behind my compulsive gambling, I have came to the conclusion that my need to be active in the problems of others and working on ways that might help them, and my subsequent loss of that avenue for feeling good due to retirement, had a part in this addiction having an opening in my life.  Not only has my participation here help in my recovery, it has renewed that drive, and has eliminated that part of what made me an easy target and victim of an addiction.   
All in all,  the time that I spent at gambling during the past years has been replaced with the normal activities that I suppressed during the time of being in action. The time and effort that I spend here has replaced the enjoyment of my past activist life. And despite my need to continue addressing the other reasons that the addiction feed on, I find that "Life is good".
Thanks for reading. 
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. Stay active. Keep evolving and progressing in your recovery and life.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie… I am falling back into old bad habits and old bad patterns of thinking …
"God, Grant me the serenty……."

Dear Bettie,
Just as we can fall back into old habits we can also climb back up to the new ones that we are establishing. Alone the lines with your reference to "patterns of thinking", it is our thinking that will carry us to this higher place; we can change our ways of thinking, and or ways of acting upon the resulting more positive thoughts, so that our spiritual makeup will overcome the addictive part of our being.
With all the post and replies that you make here, I am thinking that you have read Harry’s welcoming to the new members also. But have you also planted his closing remarks in your mind to help you progress in your recovery. I might as well reinforce the fact now for you at what many refer to as another Day One after someone returns to gambling; recovery is a program based of progress not perfection; I personally see it merely as a "clean date", not Day 1 of our journey.  Harry’s use of the quote in his signature closing is a reminder to all of us how strong and influential our thought just are: "Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny".
You are already using parts of your spiritual being and character in the things that you do for others, the spiritual and positive characteristics that are manifested in your sharing your life with others, e.g. the kindness, generosity, honesty, and humility, but these high qualities also need to be allowed to guide you in your owe life; start "living" who you are, not just using it for the benefit of others, or for merely enduring the struggles of life’s everyday adventures.  You have already surrendered to the powers of your addiction, now let yourself surrender to who you are. You have the Serenity to except what you cannot change, now use the Courage and Wisdom that we also prey for in our recovery and work toward in the GA Step 11. There is no reason to feel sorry for yourself and stay on the pity potty, "poor me, poor me" does not cut it, and does not proclaim the person that you are, nor is any reasons for your negative thinking represent what others see in you.
Keep working on your recovery, keep working the Steps, not working through them, but working and practicing them everyday, — "Follow the Steps in your daily affairs";  they are a guideline and a process to follow, not something to read through and check off after we make a list of how they might relate to us at a certain time.
If the typical candlelight ceremony in used at the closing of the upcoming Chicago Conference where each one steps forward and forms a circle begining with the one with the oldest clean date and ending with the one with the newest one, you will still be part of the circle. And when the candles are lit one at a time starting with the first person, yours will be part of the light that shines out to all. And when they are blown out in unison, it shows that no mater how much time it took for us to reach a certain point or to light our candle, we are all living gambling free One Day At A Time and are all just one bet away from being the last person in line; not one to look down on, but the person that completes the circle where there is no begining or ending..
God’s speed. Stay strong. See you in Chicagoland.
p.s. The thoughts expressed in the message sent out by Ken L also represents the need for positive thoughts and actions and provides us with the encouragement to move forward:
 
Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Fantasies are more than substitutes for unpleasant reality; they are also dress rehearsals, plans. All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination.
–Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

Our minds mold who we become. Our thoughts not only contribute to our achievements, they determine the posture of our lives. How very powerful they are. Fortunately, we have the power to think the thoughts we choose, which means our lives will unfold much as we expect.

The seeds we plant in our minds indicate the directions we’ll explore in our development. And we won’t explore areas we’ve never given attention to in our reflective moments. We must dare to dream extravagant, improbable dreams if we intend to find a new direction, and the steps necessary to it.

We will not achieve, we will not master that which goes unplanned in our dream world. We imagine first, and then we conceive the execution of a plan. Our minds prepare us for success. They can also prepare us for failure if we let our thoughts become negative.

I can succeed with my fondest hopes. But I must believe in my potential for success. I will ponder the positive today.
 
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.
You are reading from the book:
Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey– 3/25/2012 2:56:59 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
… my real birthday-the 20th …

Good morning Bettie, today is the 20th! 
             
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Good morning,
In the past couple of weeks my normal uneventful life has been interrupted by events that I do not like or need. They are the same things that happen to others everyday and are not directed towards me and they are just part of the adventures of life that everyone goes through in living; but they are also things that for the most part I have been allowed to escape.
My son-in-laws father has been in intensive care for over two week now for something that started out as a backache and evolved in to kidney problems, blood pressure problems, bleeding ulcers, and blood clods; each problem feeding on and contributing to each other. The problem for me is the feeling of being helpless when it comes to dealing with the hurt and anxieties of my family. I know that I am there for them and that they can lean on me, but I also see how my granddaughter is hurting in her clinging extra tight to me, and can see the fear in her eyes when I leave her; she is feeling the potential loss of one papaw, and thinking the same about me when I leave. It is a hurt that a child has to deal with no matter how much assurance is provided; but if only I could take her hurt, it would not be as bad for me to deal as it is for her, but the hurt that comes to me from not being able to take hers away is one that is much harder for me.
The next events are less bothersome but when added on to the more serious events I can still feel the pressure mounting. I am having to have a lot of dental work done during this same time and the added expenses and inconvenience to my daily routines are also disrupting my uneventful life; nothing serious, but still an unwelcoming change in my life.  And to add to this, I am having new pains in my knee that I tore a ligament in a few years ago; another unwelcoming or needed event.
Then there is the minor aggravation of the problems with my Internet connection, still having troubles and still having to go through the long trouble calls, being put on hole, transferred form person to person – and the waits on hold until they get to me, and all the repeated procedures that each one has me go through. I am to the point where I m telling them what to ask me to try before thy have a chance to make it down their list. Thankfully, this is one that may have been eliminated yesterday by an on site visit of a technician; he found a series of little things in the new wiring and connections that added up to interruptions for no particular reason that could not be pinpointed  through use of phone calls. And the good news was that thee was no charge to me, it was problems caused by inattentive installers from the beginning, not in my in-house wiring or connections. But, this solution too has yet to be proved to be the answer in the days to come. But at least I am able to be online for this venting and just getting things off my chest.
Now for the real hurt, the one that will not heal or can not be readily relieved. In a online conversation with my daughter in France I was talking to her about some concerns that her mother brought to my attentions. Her reply,"you have no right to reproach me, you left me when I needed you and I do not need your preaching to me now". Talk about a knife to the heart, these cutting but honest words are what tares be apart today. But with that pain being brought out into the open I can also see the good that it may have done her. She was not lashing out to me to hurt me, she was expressing her hurt. So after my tears have dried I am grateful that she feels comfortable enough and strong enough to speak her mind and get things off her chest. She had to go through grievance counselling as if I had died when I left, something that for the child she was at the time had to be even more of an unwanted experience then any of my trials today.  Being nonetheless of a heartache, our conversation did end with her telling be that she was glad that we keep in contact and that I still cared for her. What little I did teach her a a child is showing in her ability to express her felling; my problem is just the rebellious nature she is also expressing, my problem is her being a teenager and growing up; and my true problem is that I have missed out on these normal adventures in her life.
Well that is it for today, as another member recently posted in his journal, it has been a while since I posted to my journal, but I feel like it was time for me to be writing and to get a better focus on events.  One thing that I am happy to say is that my current answer to GA’s Question 18 remains the same. I can still say No to "Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?"; I am still practicing and living my recovery. I am benefiting form working the Steps, form the strength and guidance coming from my Higher Power, and from following the teachings of the Serenity Prayer, not only in my recovery, but in my life as a whole.
God’s speed, and thanks for listening.  
  
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 3/13/2012 12:30:38 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Kathryn
… I come to this site every single day, without fail, and read what is happening in others lives.  I am reminded daily of where i never want to be again, i am overjoyed by others triumphs when i read how they have overcome an urge that day and are so proud of themselves, as they well should be, and i always read something that sticks in my head, that reminds me of just how far i have come …
… Wherever you are in your journey, this site will guide you, support you and help you.  Sometimes our greatest fear is ourselves and our inability to be open to the possiblilities.
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
Good morning Kathryn,
Your first post to me included the words "I am 63 days clean today", you were a relitively newbie at that time too and your advice was not intemadating to me then, and your postings as an "old-timer" and any BS that you might include in them are not intimadating to me today.
Your words from this current one above describes a formula that can work in anyone’s recovery — if they followed through with daily actions as well; "we have to go after recovery, it does not come to us", and routine visits to sites such as this one proves to be quite a beneficial action.  I for one know that this routine works for me, and I can see from the post of others, some that only post on occasion telling us of their triumphs and their being able to live a more normal life. And sadly from others that venture back after they have failed to keep taking any actions telling of their renewed remorse and devastation; ones that add to the daily post of those still struggling and reminding me of where I never want to be again.
When I first joined this site it was the stories of others living gambling free and expressing their "boring" stories that was most helpful, and still are; these stories of the accounts of others staying clean led me to believe that I too could return to some ‘normality’ in my life.  At that time, while the post of other newbies allowed me to know that I was not alone, and the included stories of struggles and ‘slips’ were the ones that were intimidating to me; here I was trying to stop my wrongful ways in a world where it seemed others wanted me to join them in their struggles, it seemed (or more actually at the time, I wrongfully perceived) that "They wanted me to drink gamble. And i didnt want to. Simple as that.". 
Now I see the sharing of struggles for what they are, they are ways to get things out of our system, to not let any change, argument, or stress build up to the point that we run to gambling as an escape. I fine this in my GA meetings as well; a small portion of the time is in "preaching" the Steps, most of the time is spent in sharing lives and proving that we can live a more normal way through all of lives adventures, the good and the bad. We are mainly left on our own to, through our desire and willingness to stop, and our willingness to reach out for help from others outside the meeting for advice and guidance, to work on recovery and how the program can work for us . I nevertheless still seem to advise more than share in my life, but I believe that this stems from my union days of representing employees having problems in the work place and negotiating better working conditions. However here it is more like providing thoughts and possible solutions on the ways and means for others to follow in achieving better living conditions; there is no negotiating with our addiction, it will not conformize, so I am left to encourage others to work around and not succumb to the overpowering controls. I may lack in sharing in my own boring life, but like you I feel passionate about what works for me and have a desire to share that.
Keep on sharing in your boring live, a life that could be the scrip for a soap opera where other do not fine boring in the least, and keep on letting other know of your success in recovery, a success that can only be seen as encouraging. Any intimation perceived by some can only be coming from the overpowering, baffling, and insidious addiction that we are combating, and that is fighting back to keep control through manipulating our thoughts and fears — it is the power of the addiction that is intimidating.
Again I use the topic of others to express my thoughts, some that may have extended past your topic, but your openness about your feelings and success allowed me to vent a little; thanks.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. Keep on being active through reading and posting. Don’t let the *******s wear you down.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
News-news-news~ …

Good morning Bettie,
Good to read your post about good news; when we are gambling free being able to tell about good news has a way of pushing aside the negative thoughts about bad news related to gambling that seams to limit our ability to see the good things of life.
Enjoy your new ride, both the car and your journey, may they both be trouble free.
God’s speed. Stay strong.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by carole8755
… It is what it is …

Good morning,
It is good to be back in the swing of things, and back to actively working on my recovery through visits to GT and my fellow gamblers. It is good to read the post of others, and the replies to some of my post. The quote above from Carole’s reply says it all, although she is talking about struggles, I see the same slogan representing the conclusions of my many thoughts during my long drive home.  Her choice of words added to some others from Sonny in her topic, "i need to be in recovery all the time.. and keep working on it", reinforces the truth behind my recovery.
This same truth was reinforced to me the past couple of days during a long drive where I had nothing to do but think and evaluate my own recovery. While driving past the exits for a large grouping of casinos the idea that I could control my actions now that I have gained the strength to control my addiction became part of my thoughts; and not just thoughts that I could gamble normally, but thoughts that since I was able to put these temptations behind me after not being active in my recovery for the past week, that I could continue having control over my addiction without any active work, or at least be able to sluff off on my daily reading and posting and my weekly GA meetings.
However, I still had many miles to drive and more time to continue with my thoughts and the same conclusion that Sunny reached also came back to me, I too "need to be in recovery all the time.. and keep working on it". I stopped gambling on August 13, 2009, but I had stopped gambling many many times before yet found myself back in the middle of the abyss shortly after each time I stopped; each time that "I" stopped without a program to keep me stopped. The difference between the previous futile attempts and this last time was that I also accepted that without the help of a Higher Power and without my following and keeping true to a program of recovery, that I was powerless over my addiction and that I would only continue the cycle of stopping and returning without this help. The difference was accepting the fact and holding to the truth that I could not gamble for anything, and the only way to do this was by diligently and faithfully working on and practicing the principles of a recovery program.
The final conclusion was one that I had been following all alone, that it was not "me" that keep me from gambling, like I said above, I had stopped many times before, but my not returning to gambling was due to my working at my program of recovery and the changes in my life that came about through practicing the principles and following the guidelines. It s true that "Meetings make it", meetings in the form or my work here and my regularly attending GA is what I need to stay gambling free.
God’s speed. Stay strong.  Stay active, and don’t use adversities and problems for reason to forget your resolve, and to justify the wrongful choice to gamble — to choose to cause yourself and those around you additional harm; you can get past any problem a lot easier without the added devastation coming from making bad choices.
p.s. to Carole, I am still having problems with my new Internet service, but "it is what it is", and I will persist in getting it straighten out.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Good evening,
I am home from my "pilgrimage" and ready to go back to my daily routine, a few days work, visiting with family and friends, an occasional outing for entertainment, and, my daily work at staying gambling free. I had an enjoyable time but missed sharing it with those that went with me in the past; my going by myself this year in a way reminded me of the song "All my Rowdy Friends Have Settled Down", especially the last line, "yeah me and my rowdy friends have rowdied on down".
I was able run into a few old cronies that still hang around some of the places I used to frequent, but we mostly just talked about things we did in the past instead of "doing". I also watched parts of a couple of parades, but again without someone to share that with the standing around for an hour or two waiting for them seemed pointless. I did however still enjoy the festivities in the streets, watching the revelers in their small groups and individually show off their costumes, and joining in on following them a block or two until I reached a different watering hole. So the trip was still what I needed to just get away for a while, and the tempered celebrating of the season was just as fulfilling as the times during the past, just rowdied down some.
One thing I found a bit coincidental on my return was that the first post I read was the one above from Laura. On the way back as I was driving past the exit for the Tunica Mississippi Casinos I though of a past post from her where she mentioned the fact that many "old timers" after a couple of years posting here would leave for different reasons. As I was driving past this mecca of casinos for the Mid-South, the thought came to me that I had been OK without my daily visits and perhaps that I should take a break from my "working" on my recovery.  You are able to think a lot on a long drive, and by the time I got home I was able to understand that the reason that I was able to bypass the tempting exits was the time that I have spent during the past couple of years, and that for me to be able to not turn off during any future trips I would need to continue with the daily work I do to keep my recovery fresh and strong enough to allow me to live gambling free.
So, while I may have accepted settling down from participating in the events of my wilded days, I can not settle down in my recovering days; age has worn down the normal attractions of my youth, but not the addictive attractions or temptations to gamble, for this I need my fellow gamblers and my program.
We need to stay strong and gambling free to be able to continue to let the good times roll — Laissez les bons temps rouler.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315
 … I am having my morning coffee …

Good morning all,
I am having my morning coffee at home today, and while posting from home as well. It only took a few minutes for yet another serviceman to replace the defective modem; however, before that he did have to wast extra time to make all the same preliminary test that had been made many times before by the other two installers, and at least a dozen different agents over the phone.
Now I only have to send back two other new modems that are being delivered for some unknown reason, just part of this weird experience and process. But all is well, I am doing good and still enjoying my gambling free life in spite of all the small aggravations. Having my daily routine and excess to the Internet that I have become dependent on for most of my communications and everyday life, did cause me to think about how I would spend the time in the past; not having urges, just the realization that the gambling industry was able to cause me harm at the same time of separating me form my world — at least the faults of the communications business did not cause any harm.
I will also take this time to make an advance notice; starting Saturday I will again be away from Internet connections, or be limited to access most of the days, but this time by choice. I will be roaming the streets of New Orleans during Mardi Gras, and a few days after, enjoying the opportunities to live a more normal way of life, a freedom that recovery and being gambling free has provided (even if Mardi Gras festivities and normal living might come across as being contradictory). 
Laissez les bons temps rouler  —  Mais, pas les matrices!
God’s speed. Stay strong. Don’t let the small stuff get you down.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by finding_Laura
stopping by to share in a cuppa and catch up … 

Good evening, and to use the words of Laura just "stopping by to share in a cuppa and catch up".
However, I am having my morning coffee in the evening and at Mickey D’s so that I can use their Internet connection due to a disruption of service at home.  Not a big problem but an annoying one just the same. And sense I do not have a Happy Valentine story to share, unless I dig one up from the past, I will just tell my technical story of woe. (Just the same I hope many others are enjoying this day of celebrating the love of a significant other .)
An introductory ISP contract with the company also supplying by phone service was up, so instead of just allowing the cost to increase without any better benefits, I thought I would upgrade to get another year’s saving. No problem, just had to place the order, and a few switches would be turned on and I would have faster connections at a cheaper cost.  Wrong.  It turned out I would need a replacement modem and a technician would have to flip a switch on the line pole outside my place, and I still was awaiting delivery of the new equipment (the order for service and the equipment shipped on January 29) still not a problem. Wrong. When the lineman showed up he had to run a new line from the pole to the house to replace an outdated one, one that would give me "better" phone too, why ??. During this time I would loose phone service for a few minutes and then would be able to set up my new equipment; that is after it was finally delivered later on. In the meantime my old Internet service was disconnected.
Well, after the lineman did his job, I not only had no equipment as yet to connect, I also had no phone service. The lineman checked out every thing he did and his gauges showed that there was no problem with the new line , that the problem had to be on my end — it was just a condense. Even when I pointed out to him that he was in the junction box marked A and not the ground floor, he said it made no difference that the same line went to both. And then to add to the delay, he could not come inside to check out the service at my phone plugs, I had to call and place another service call — with the same company. Fortunately the other service call was able to be completed today so my only problem was that I was without phone and Internet service for one other day. But unfortunately I had no way to make the call; it is absolute insulting that the instructions for requesting help with phone and Internet problems tells you to "CALL a certain number when your phone is out, and to "LOG ON" to a web site when you have no Internet service. So I had to go to a neighbor’s to make the call, and after being on a fairly long time with the automatic answering and voice mail robot and pressing a serious of buttons, I was placed on hold to wait for the next available representative who I had to repeat all the information I gave to the computer.
The other serviceman came as scheduled and found the problem, and it was not on my end either, it was on the connection that was mistakenly made to my upstairs neighbor and not to me, the first installer messed up like I knew he did. Again no problem, just another delay. Wrong.
When I proceeded to hook up my new modem it did not activate, I went through all the trouble shooting procedures a few times and then called the help line — going through the same long wait and a couple of transfers; and having to listen to the god awful music and continued suggestions that I go on line to the FAQ to correct the problem myself.  This time it turned out that the sales rep listed the wrong service, although I received confirmation for the right service, and I had to reorder the right service; thankfully the equipment that I had received was good for both types.  And that this would call for another lineman’s to come out and make another connection and then for me to go through installing my modem again. And that this new service, one for a service that I already ordered but was messed up somehow, would only take 3 or 4 days to complete. Wrong.
This time it was me saying wrong, asking for a supervision and waiting for them to be reached, and then repeating all the information, and in my resorting to playing my sympathy card about me and my daughter being in different countries and the only connection we had was the Internet, I am able to "expect" the service to be completed tomorrow.
Well my coffee is finished, I posted my pledge not to gamble during this aggravation during an earlier visit here, and I am back from a doctor’s appointment where she had a look at my heart , well actually for a check-up for a change in my blood pressure medicine, and not for a broken heart. But I do find it ironic that I was with a woman for an affair of the heart on Valentine’s Day after all. lol.
God’s speed, preying that this connection is always open without any difficulties. (And knowing if the connection was ever broken, it would be from my end, and quite easy to correct if I so choose)
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Good afternoon,
My name is Larry and I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was August 13,2009; my last time that betting crossed my mind was yesterday, Super Bowl® Sunday. The "Big Game", as we are restricted to calling it without proper recognition, and at times even paying royalties, is one of the biggest gambling days for the States, our championship playoff game for American football.
It is not that I thought about placing a bet yesterday, it was that while watching the game I thought about my betting experiences with sports, and my gambling in general; in fact Sunday was the first time that I can recall that I enjoyed watching the game instead of just waiting for only the final score no matter which team won or loss, or as a fellow gambler says, "not watching the game, just watching my money running up and down the field". And I didn’t’ care about which team won yesterday either; even if I were still a betting man.
In the past I was watching such event because of all the hype and its command of air time that the whole proceedings presented. I never was an avid fan of watching any sport but the hype was always interesting and my greatest attraction for any of our sporting events; the same type hype that the gambling industry uses in tempting and encouraging people to gamble, and I can see how it works in both cases.
Just as getting overly involved in watching sports was of little interest to me, "betting" on games was of little interest also. I would enter the office or bar room pool where I could win 100 times my buy-in, but for placing a bet on something with only the spread as an edge was not for me; the only sport that I did "bet" on occasionally was horse races where there were odds, not just the spread between the horses finishing, and then it was only on the horse with the highest odds — the big win was the attraction for that kind of bet. Even when I gambles at the card games at the casinos, I would be playing the side bets (the sucker bets) offering a jackpot payoff; same with roulette  and craps for the few times I would make bets there, I would always bet the same one number that would pay 35 to 1, or on the high risk dice sequences that had the higher odds. And this was even before I crossed the line.
I now see that this desire to win big only added to the glitz and attraction that casinos had for me while building an unhealthy attraction for gambling. And of cource, when I was desperately seeking an escape form depression, instead of seeking help, I turned to my attraction and its entertainment; and of course this escape allowed the addiction to take hold.
So thanks to my recovery I was able to enjoy the "Big Game" in a more suitable way, and thanks to the game and all of its many delays and time-outs (60 minutes of play time takes almost 4 hours), I was able to read and reply to a few post here at GT at the same time; and had time and reason to think about by addiction and how it came to take control of my life, and how I am taking back that control. In connecting all of my thoughts and actions together and in learning from something that holds little interest,  I will be able to once again say at my meeting tonight, "Hi, my name is Larry and I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was August 13, 2009", my "Super Thursday".
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware.
p.s. to comment on the game commercials as other’s have, my favorite was the one with Clint Eastwood; mainly because when he talks I am reminded of his iconic movie line "A man has to know his limitations", and how it is related to my keeping aware of my problem..LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

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