[paul315]

Originally posted by Kathryn
 
… Ive been here, as usual every day, reading posts … 
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
Good morning Kathryn,
It is god to know that as I am reading post here that there are other that do the same, others that know that working on recovery, even if only reading or meditating on the truths that will keep us free. Nevertheless, I will say that your daily post in the past helped me tremendously, you let me know that life without gambling was possible, and that the adversities of life were not a reason to return to our abyss, but were merely part of the adventures of life that we would survive.  This is not an attempt to get you to start posting daily again, what you are doing is right for you, you are living gambling free; and your dropping in every 5 pages or so keeps you aware of your need of support and where it can be found — and lets us know that you are still around and doing well.
When the past comes back to bite you, you now do what is right and talk about it, and in truth the past in not coming back, it is still the past, such reminders of it is only you using everyday events to remind you of where you do not want to return. When I first started reading about your life, you would have stressed for days over telling Hubby about what you had done, or about the results that finally showed up, and about his unacceptable reactions; now you tell him upfront, and it looks like he reacts in a better way too. Recovery is making your life better.  I was just reading this morning about "life is life" and where life is about attitude; 10% can be accredited to events, and the remaining 90 goes to how we react, how our attitude guides the outcome.
And strange that you mention mattresses today. It is Memorial Day in the States, and I am watching all the mattress sale ads on TV, it is no longer a Day of Remembrance, no longer a day for families to be together (one or more of every family is enslaved to the store owners that honor greed instead on those that gave them the freedom to live); today is a day to push mattresses (and the casino ads are promoting the same).
God’s speed, Stay strong. Keep aware. Rest well knowing that you are doing good.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
 … Al Capone lives! …

Good morning Bettie,
Capone is dead! The illegal acts the he perpetrated and the mysteries glory attributed to his wrong actions may still live in the minds of some, but he is dead, and his wrong actions are dead to most; just as the excitement and wrongs of gambling are dead to compulsive gambling in recovery, or should be.  From what I have read video poker is illegal in Chicago bars, the "behind-the-door" activities may exist, but like legal gambling it is up to us to say no — and your going into one of those places would not be a problem, you are not a regular. I will also point out, when you used to get those cold beers at the casino, you went in alone most of the time, you fought off any qualms you had about that, you have the same right to be in a bar if you wanted. Not tying to make arguments, just trying to give reason to think about in you ridding yourself of the insecurities you are battling.  An no, you did not strike me as the Wall-flower type, so you might want to forget one of the toast I mentioned in closing my last post if you do happen to visit the local bars. lol
And to add to the stories about feeling included.  My GA group has a social type club as well; some of them regularly meet at a coffee house or restaurant before each meeting, and they go out after to the same coffee house or to another member’s home. I have never been "invited". But I do not feel left out, yet I am aware of the fact. They talk about it openly and it doesn’t look as if I or anyone else is excluded, it is just that I have never had a formal invitation to join in like I get for other reminders of the more formal GA sponsored events and gatherings. I am guessing it is because I have never inquired about it, or have never invited myself, or perhaps that they know that I use public transportation and the places they frequent are not very convenient to me so it would be no use to invite me — but in a way I feel the invitation should still be offered if that were the case, and it would be my choice to go or not — I do get around all the time to other places without to much trouble. I also feel, and may unintentionally show, that my GA meeting are not a social club for me so  I do not feel left out of that social life, yet it has become part on my social interaction with others; my going to the meetings is to help me remain gambling free, not to make new friends, yet I have gratefully made some, just as I feel that I have here.
I find the same situation concerning our GA phone list. The others all talk about a call they made or received and their daily involvement in each other lives, and they do often mention in general terms for anybody to call them whenever a need arrives, but I have only received one supporting call at the begining of my joining GA. But on the other hand, I have not called them either when I felt a need to talk to someone; I use the services of GT instead, and the GA members do know of my daily use here and may feel that I am excluding them in this part of my recovery. So I see some reason behind my being left out of the phone calls, and feel that it is more on my part than theirs. I have called other to congratulate them on their anniversaries, and I do call the new members that attend to welcome them back and let them know that I am available, but most of them unfortunately do not keep coming to enable a continued phone connection, or just do not use the phone like me.
I am sharing this to let you know that you are not being singled out, it is the way of most any group or work situation, and all of us see and feel the same thing at times — just as Al Capone and his wrong doings live in the minds of some, wrongful insensitivity and lack of common decency or courtesies lives in the minds of others; both of which are wrong on their part, it isn’t you doing something wrong.
Nevertheless, It is really just as much our responsibility for us to include ourselves in the events they openly talk about as it is theirs; if the gatherings were exclusive to only certain ones they would keep it secrete, or let you know at the time you enquired.  I would also like to say, in our meeting in Chicago, I found a very likable and enjoyable person in you, or persons if Carole or Reds read this, we all four seemed to hit it off well. Maybe it was because we were able to be more open to each other here before the meeting and did not have to worry as much about what someone new or strange would think.
However, the final fact is that you are working on your recovery, and that in recovery, as hard as it is for all of us, we need to concentrate on "principles before personalities" the principle of our recovery program, not the "its the principle of it" in regards to being part of the in-crowd or not.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Think positive.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
 
… It gets sunny and warm and I want to go to the casino and drink beer! …

Good morning Bettie,
You thinking that you have to go to the casino on a warm day to have a beer, Whats that all about?; what wrong with a bar bar, or a blues or jazz one in my thinking?
We in St Louis, and people in other cities I am sure, keep hearing about all of the old neighborhood quint bars in Chicago; and there are most likely some newer ones with character as well.  All of these watering holes that serve cold beer from around the world are there for your cooling off pleasure. And Chicago doesn’t even allow video poker machines in bars.
Cheers!, Bottoms up, Santé, any toast but one related to betting on the next round.
Larry

Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 5/25/2012 3:54:00 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315… still dealing with a greater problem, letting go of things of much greater importance that I do not have any control over, or letting go of only hopeful dreams that remain is more like it.
But in recognizing this I believe …

Today is one of the times  that my belief and faith in a better and more normal life needs a lift, one where I need to  look at the progress in my letting go more that the hopes of things to come.
Today is my daughter’s birthday, my French daughter that I have not seen since I left her and her mother, since I opened my life to the world of compulsive gambling, a lifestyle and obsession that prevented me from resolving  issues before it was too late. It was way much too easy to escape my depression and insecurities than to face them and get the help that was needed; and now that I have faced those issues, too much time and too many miles keep us separated.
But today I have also realized that I am learning to let go a little more, to let memories take the place of regrets, to find "closure", if not just more of an acceptance of facts.  In writing to her and expressing my wishes for a happy birthday I brought up memories about the birthdays in the past, memories that I had let fade to some extent. As some here might be aware of, it was a few years after her birth that I reunited with her mother and first met my daughter. During my first visit to France we celebrated our daughter’s’ 3-and-a-half year birthday in conjunction with one of her mother’s.  I remember it and the others that I shared in; these fond memories somehow replaced the regrets of my missing out on the later ones (no sad tears today). Recognizing her birthday today as her day was just that, and was not about me and my regrets. A change and a beginning of my being able to be a little more happy when thoughts of her or her mother come to me. Some pain is still there during certain times, or when seeing or hearing certain images and sounds that remind me, but at least I am beginning to see these episodes as good memories and not reasons to be sad or depressed. 
Life is good, and alas, it does go on; a sometimes sad, but yet a more often paradoxically happy truth. 
God’s speed.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

I have been fighting the deamon …

Good evening Bettie, Carole, and Reds,
Just got home from work and an early dinner at a neighborhood family Mexican restaurant to take advantage of the Cinco de Mayo activities.  Reminded me of the Friday night dinner and fellowship we shared in Chicago at the family restaurant there.  Had my fill of the Mexican cuisine (although they had a limited menu because of the "holiday" — reminded me of the "its Mardi Gras" excuse they use in New Orleans to explain a lessor service), and had my fill of  Margaritas as well; since you were none with me, I had to drink four on my own (they were somewhat small, not the large ones served in Chicago). Good thing I have a late start at work tomorrow so I can sleep off the demon buzz.
Take care and God’s speed my friends. LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Kathryn

Hi Debbie,
Recovery does have to be selfish….
… when i was gambling, my mind was never in the present, always in the future, how to gamble, where to get money, etc etc….
My experience is that it took me a long time to find myself in the desperate state that bought me to GT that fateful night, it was/is going to take me a long time to sort myself out. I am definitely getting there, in fact, im pretty close. In saying that in no uncertain terms am i saying i am cured, i just have a bit more peace of mind and i am comfortable with the no gambling Kathryn (in fact, i like her quite a lot!) I feel that the ‘real’ me has finally emerged from the rubble that was my surrounding wall, my gambling wall that i hid behind, brick by brick i have bought it down …
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
It has been a while since I have posted to my main topic, my online journal, but in reading some of the post of others I found the thoughts above that expresses where I am in recovery more than a few of my own updates of my life.  Nevertheless, things are going good for me, I have had few frustrations like everyone else but nothing that has proven to be devastating or beyond my ability to deal with. Still a few minor problems of experiencing bad service and poor quality in workmanship’s and disappointing products, problems such as with my Internet provider that requires too much time on the phone — "Peggy" is not that helpful at times (those in the States that have seen a certain commercial about tech support will know who I am referring to, others can look here for the humor in it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRLwKw9up3s). Also having to deal with insurance issues that involve a recent hail storm and a car I had rented at the time — had to talk to "Peggy" again; but this is now being worked out and my part of the cost should not be too much, hopefully (?).
And I am still dealing with a greater problem, letting go of things of much greater importance that I do not have any control over, or letting go of only hopeful dreams that remain is more like it. But in recognizing this I believe that this burden will not have an negative effects on my life other than the pain and regret  I feel at times; pain that I know I can deal with and am working with, and regrets that will also diminish and are, to quote my daughter that is somewhat too wise yet too cynical for her age, "regrets are ******* useless".  Everyday problems and surprises are not near the problems that I allowed to build when in my depressive state, or the problems resulting from the control of my addiction.
These are the negative things that are in my life, however, they are not the important things in my life. The happiness and freedom that comes from not giving in to any urge or temptation to gamble, even the so-called little enjoyments that brings a smile or laugh, far outweigh the problems that would have once sent me in to trying to escape. The involvement with my family and friends that are around me is greater that the deceit and lies that kept me away from them before, the positive things of life replaces all of the "more in life" that I searched for and did not find in the world of gambling. The awareness and changes in my life that keeps me gambling free, also lets me see everything that is excellent or praiseworthy, lets me experience the great adventures of life.
All of this rambling to bring me back to a report on my recovery. I find this easy to do today, I only have to repeat the words of Kathryn I quoted above. And not only my using her words to describe my state of recovery makes this post easier, my reading the post of the others here, both in current post and those waiting for me in older and archives post, my listing to their problems and struggles, using the advice I found, and my gaining knowledge of the things that have and are working for others, has made my recovery easier. In learning from the past and accepting that I am not different than any of them, that "just because I stopped gambling doesn’t mean that my cat will not be ran over" — a quote from another member, that I too can not be a normal gambler and that I must not gamble for anything, my using what I found from others and learning from my own past, I now find life to be good.
God’s speed to all. Keep aware. Stay strong. 
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
… I had gambling thoughts yesterday but didn’t feel well enough to go …

Good morning Bettie,
You are doing good, and it is not your feeling bad that is causing you to make the rights choices. When your addiction had complete control over your actions and choices, you would have been at the casino come hell or high water, you would have gambled away the money for any medications, and would have had an imbalance stop off at the casino on the way to a hospital. No matter how you physically feel now, your are feeling good enough about yourself to not give in to the addiction or harmless urges.
God’s speed. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Kathryn
… Im pretty upset still …
            and in your follow up post,
…   i must remember that compared to not so long ago, this pales in comparison!!!…
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

Good morning Kathryn.
It is good to see a post from you, like Velvet said, your post are a good read for us, you show that life and all of its adventures can be dealt with in normal ways; may not necessary be the right ways, but normal ways. Your sharing brings what we too can have to life. 
To me your renewed life was emphasized with you telling about your upsetting experiences without mention of any thoughts of gambling in the same post, only about getting through the moment and the lessons learned. And then later you talked about how you realized that in the past you would have reacted differently. Experiencing the normal things without conflicting thoughts of an escape by gambling shows progress; knowing afterwards that things might have been different without recovery is staying away from complacency.
Good to hear from you, keep on being active in your, and our, recovery.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep living life as it comes.  LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Velvet

… I would love to have been at the conference to meet you …   

Good afternoon all,
It is good to be back home after an enlightening and enjoyable conference, and a very truly and wonderful experience of meeting with some others from this group. It would be good to meet with others from around the world and across the oceans, but alas, that is not exactly very feasible. And while there is no way in actually sharing in the personal fellowship that was experiences (any similar thoughts will just have to be left chance  —  it may not be feasible, but strange things do happen), what can be done when we have an opportunity to attend meetings and meet with others, is to try and share in what was learned.
A couple of thoughts and lessons stuck out in my mind and I will try to express what I learned, or just comment on thoughts that I formed under the cover of IMHO, in post to my topic in the Overcoming Problems forum. Becoming aware of our situations and keeping aware of our surroundings will help in keeping us gambling free.
Outside of the events of the conference, the other events on my life are also going good. My health is good, good for an aging man with a couple of ailments that require medical maintenance and that watching my diet would also help. My family life is enjoyable, or is advancing in parts that may still be estranged. Friendships are no longer strained, and a life of a hermit is not a definitive description of any social involvement; still a loner, but not one to hide and segregate my self from others. These are character qualities that were harmed or suppressed during my compulsive gambling period. 
Life goes on and life is good; being aware and open to it is a blessing. It is good to prey for the will in my life to be manifested and to see the results, better than praying for what I believe should be and facing disappointment and a loss in faith when my demands are not met. Is is good to let go and let God, to let fate replace our plans — it is good to plan for the future, but disastrous to try to plan the future.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. Live free.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie
… this mini conference had been the glue that had kept me from totaly abandoning recovery …
 
Good morning Bettie,
I am sure your words to Carole told of each of our thoughts when meeting up this weekend; it was a privilage to put faces to the names and the personilityes that are shown in our internet meetings. Even with learning of parts of our lives here over the Internet, the other parts that can only be seen when looking into the eyes enhanced our virtual friendship and carried it froward. "BFF" is lost to those only using such terms to only voice a casual abbreviated cuteness; our meeting in person was a way of putting the actual words and real feeling into focus. The meeting of the four of us at the conference spelled out the importance of having Best Friends Forever to help us in our recovery. Recovery is an individual act that depends on us reaching out to others.
Now that the conference is over and that the thought of it being the glue that kept you from abandoning recovery has served that purpous, you can now use what you learned and experienced as the glue to keep you actively involved in saving yourself from unneeded additional abbreviation and problems that is brought on by trying to escape trials and adversities. The normal everyday events of life happen even when we are living gambling free, but in living gambling free, we are not adding unnatural burdens to our lives. 
Use the felling of being hopful, and the fact the you actually did some things that you had thought not possible, the fact that all is not lost, be reason to irenforce and strengthe you in your comback, courage for you to abandond the control of your addiction, for you not to  abandon the process that will allow you to be the person that you are meant to be.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. Keep the you that I met alive and well.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Kathryn
… Not a lot to report, just living………oh its lovely to be able to say that … 
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
Good morning Kathryn,
It is good to hear about how it is so lovely to say "just living"; about your being able to experience the words of your quote from Peter Pan,"To live, that would be a great adventure".
When others are searching for what good there is in living gambling free when they are still struggling with other natural and everyday problems, they should just open their eyes and mind to see all of the bad stemming from gambling that is now missing; in our just living, when we do not have a lot to report, during the times that I refer to as being uneventful, the good returns and the benefits of change is manifested in everything we do and go through — Life is Good.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep sharing the adventures of your life.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by flyorra

hi ty all again. i feel ****ty today, can’t seem to feel good at all. i have an incredible ability to make no sense what so ever. anyway, there are a heap of different slot games on facebook i have used as a substitute. it takes some mental effort to play slots, so now that i am resting in bed and very tired i don’t bother playing. i am upset how the world seems perfect.
… everytime i quit gambling i get sad and depressed and want it all to end …
i consider myself emotionally crippled from what abuse i have gone through in life, sick of blaming myself for everything. i am suspicious, sceptical, i know too much that is the sad thing about it, i know what i have been through, it’s a matter of tolerance not of fixing what is broken. see the honest man’s honesty is slowly running out. i searched my whole life looking for books about emotions, there are a few, if any, and they are short. emotion rules me just as much as the physical. knowing we are the victim of life, because we are a soul, we have this vehicle, we are aware that nothing makes sense in the bigger picture. i am so sick of not understanding, i understand nothing right now, i don’t want to turn to a psychologist or a pyschiatrist to pass judgement on me i have been there done that, there is so much bull**** in the world, nothing is what it seems, i want to be bleeding until i am all bled out, everything in the establishment brings me down. what i want is impossible and not possible. i am different, i am only half human, my other half brings me down, in a world where i never get what i want, no respect, people are dictators of my life. happiness has no true value to me, you can’t hold onto it and say "i am happy" that is false, you literally are never happy by nature of happiness, it is not you.
i need help
Good morning Flyorra,
You feel depressed every time you quit gambling, or maybe more accurately, each time you attempt to quit but still gamble; so that it might be your ongoing conflict in your desires that is the problem, not quitting. You stated the similar feelings when you joined GT, "i am out of control and addicted to gambling … I am in a lot of psychological pain because of this addiction"; but at that time you were speaking of part of your life that had been proven without challenge.
Now that you are working toward a renewed more normal way of living, each time you quit you challenge the good that awaits you by returning to the psychological pains of gambling.  I have looked at your topics on Facebook and at your web page, in these parts of your life you put forth a real effort and show a tremendous ability to think and organize, and to seemingly follow a more positive path toward a happiness that is yours.  In gambling you, like the rest of us, let the addiction fence out these talents and finer character traits; in gambling it is easy to forget the real us that can still make rational choices and use logical thinking in these other areas.
Put the same learned and positive aspects you use in connection with other than gambling issues to help you to make the right choices and take the right actions in this important part of you life.  Stop the psychological pain of gambling by not gambling, and the depressed state you go through in going back and forth between gambling and not gambling could very well be eliminated.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Use the talents and the good that is within you to progress in this most important part of your life.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by franco1… i wish i didnt wake up ***** .
Good morning Franco,
Wishing not to wake up is a serious sign for a need to actually wake up; wake up to the truth and facts concerning this addiction. Take a look at the questions that Charles brings to your attention and do something to have your answers reflect positive steps in your recovery. It is also a good sign and time to discuss such thoughts with professionals that can provide help in this area.
In dealing with the gambling issues we can not allow the problems of everyday life, or the difficulties we are to encounter in correcting our past mistakes and making amends for our wrong actions and choices, to be what governs us in choices between what doing what is right and attempting to do further wrongs; is is wrong for a CG to gamble. it will only lead to growing and continuing problems, we must be diligent in our efforts to remain gambling free and use rational thinking in taking the proper actions.
Just as your housing administration had a need to force a safety inspection, you have a need to force yourself to inspect the things in your life that is causing you harm, or as GA recommends, "make a searching and fearless inventory of yourself; except that you have had enough, except that you can change by making the right choices, by not giving in to any urges to go on a gambling binge, or to make any next bet.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Take actions to live gambling free.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by cat438

… I did not wish to take Vera’s title, but thought I would try something and see how it goes … 
 … All I am going to say is that just for today I will not gamble … 
One day at a time my sweet lord…

APRIL – ODAAT  (aka "April Pack by vera")
Thanks Cat for continuing this form of awareness, or as Sherry posted "carrying the torch this month".  Not only for Vera and  those that join in, but also for the ones that might just look at the title and are made more aware of the fact that they have to do something, that they have to take some action (if only by acknowledging that just for one day that they will not gamble), to be able to make it to the next day, next month, and next year.
I felt the same reluctance as you when I borrowed from Justin’s the topic "The Daily Pledge by  justin_southafrica ", and continued what he started by using a similar one.  I only know that using his helped me, and my using the renamed one still helps me, and hopefully any others that may read it.
So this April, I join you, Vera, and our other fellow gamblers that reach out for, and to give, help and support. Today I will say "just for today I will not gamble", and have hope and faith that this goal will be carried out each of the days in April.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. Keep April a gambling free month in each of your lives.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Levi

hey! things are holding up ok in my world …

Good afternoon Levi,
It is good to here that things are OK in your world; when we take back control of our lives, our world does project a brighter and more joyful look.  One of the reasons is that "our world" has became smaller and less cluttered without the consequences and problems that we had to face when the gambling world was part of it.
Keep broadening your world and limiting the outside one of the gambling industry; shut them out and continue to experience the better way of living.  One thing that might help in keeping your world OK is to not just sigh up for a Colling Off Period at the online site that causes you concern, but to chose the option to close that account outright, and then install a game-blocker that will restrict you form reopening it or others. Holding on to something you have a fear of, or keeping it open in hopes that you will be able to return someday, will only strengthen that false hope and work at playing on the fear while destroying the real hope that is there for you to stop gambling altogether.
God’s Speed. Stay strong. Take strong and decisive actions against the gambling world; take strong and decisive action in favor of your world.
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

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