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No gambling today. Its 3 30am but i can pledge for this coming day there will be no gambling. When i have an urge i need to remember they pass if given time and if i dont act impulsively. Wow maybe March will be gamble free,day by day
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Hi again its 3 30am and i cannot sleep. Have the flu and i have to work tomorrow. Wow i will have to be very aware tomorrow of things as i know insomnia is never a good thing for me when i am overtired i overeact. Well better go try to sleep again. I had tried untill 2 and nearly went insane so i got up.
I am so happy that i am gamble free, i think that depression is lifting a bit yehoooooooo. Want this recovery more than anything.
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Thanks Deb. I got through. I am so pleased i didnt gamble. What i would be going through now. Ugh. Never want to go back just have to get through the stages im impulsive urges. Sometimes they hit with such force and sneakily work on weakening me. I wont go back. Not this time. I want real recovery. Its my priority. Nothing at this time is more important. If i dont have recovery I dont have life.
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Thanks Deb. I got through. I am so pleased i didnt gamble. What i would be going through now. Ugh. Never want to go back just have to get through the stages im impulsive urges. Sometimes they hit with such force and sneakily work on weakening me. I wont go back. Not this time. I want real recovery. Its my priority. Nothing at this time is more important. If i dont have recovery I dont have life.
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Hi Lizbeth. Im so sorry for the loss of your husband. You can be proud you were with him in this journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Im having bad urges at the moment… looking for strength, praying for sanity
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Thanks Sherry for your support. Today got better. I didnt gamble. I worked on recovery and i was mindful all day of watching my thoughts and being kind to everyone i came in contact with today.
I need patience and I know that things will get better.
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Hi Kathryn
Thanks for posting to me. I hope that things get sorted with hubby soon, i think you are incredibly strong. i admire you. How you have come this far and faced this addiction head on. How your husband still gambles amazes me. After all you have been through with it. So good you took your boy to a rock concert. i remember you took your daughter to see Britney too. You are a good mum. You will be a good example to them now that you have come through addiction and out the other side smiling. I am still so glad we got to meet.
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Hi Cat just saying hi. Hope you are having a good gamble free day or night whatever it may be when you read this. Thinking of you this morning and all my GT friends.
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Hey Izzi that is amazing well done. What a fantastic achievement
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Hi Bettie
Sounds like the nieces were fun. Hope you recover quickly Bettie. Might see you in chat again one day soon
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Just for today no gambling. Hoping for a gamble free March but in order to get that i have to get through just today.
Happy today not to be gambling despite things falling apart. Maybe things falling apart is just a way of rebuilding a new me. A new P
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Hi Lizbeth
I am sorry for what you are going through and i am thankful that in your time of hardship you are posting to me wishing me good thoughts. I knew someone going through the anorexia thing, they wouldnt eat when their illness progressed but they did manage to have some really thin chocolate. High in calories and was at least something. They seemed to like this because they couldnt get the food down but managed with little bits of chocolate. Happy you have your grandson, children and animals always lift the spirits i think. I love them.
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congrats on your days ready well done
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Thank you for your support. Lizbeth thanks for thinking of me when you are going through what you are. Laura thanks for your post it was good to see you again. bunkers i enjoyed our chat sorry it couldnt have been longer. I can we can do this. things arent going well for me right now but i know they will get better. At least not gambling. I know it seems small my problems but the depression and mental issues I have gone through in my life are like a disease also. Mental health problems cause a lot of suffering though people on the outside can not usually see or identify them because it is not like having a broken leg that is obvious or a condition that is seen by the eye or understood like a physical illness.
I have struggled for so many years with depression and it was going ok there for a while but it is back with a vengeance. The good thing is i am not adding to this by gambling but it is coming out now i am not gambling. The smallest of things lately have been hard. Each night i go to bed and i hope to wake in a better frame of mind. I do lots of meetings and try all the postiive self talk and things to make me feel good but its not something i can snap out of. The reason i havent posted lately is why post when i feell this, why post when this is the reality of things. On a good note my boy loved his room. The change was welcomed and he is happy and enjoying life. I love seeing him happy. He is so full of wisdom, the things he says some days just blows me away. I try to hide as much as i can my down feelings as much as i can. i still feel doing this is better than him seeing me in misery. **** it till you make it they say and if i act like i am really ok maybe one day it will click who knows. the good thing is when i go to meetings i can be real. here i can be real but i kind of feel like its depressing to even write a post like this. I also feel a tad invaded as a few friends from GA i am aware of know that i post here and i just feel like i am venting to the world. I do keep a personal journal at home now which i will start writing in again today. I am not a social person i never have been but the meetings i go to i really look forward to. I love being in a room and just listening to the stories of transformation in peoples lives and also of their courage.
I really am grateful for so many things in my life and i try to be aware of what i need to be thankful for every day. Being grateful has not taken my depression away though or reading postive books, or going to therapy. Its a battle some days it really is. I know it will ease up its just worse at this period. Since my last relapse it really has done my head in. It hurts too much and I am just fighting myself really in so many areas. I dont know who i am i really dont. I have been in addictions for so long i dont know who i am without them. Guess i will find out. If i have enough courage and determination to get through this, though courage and determination dont have a lot to do with it if you are a compulsive gambler, its just doing it a day at a time and not gambling for today. Thats all it is, if i did it yesterday i can do it today. I have to not listen to me so much and listen to others. I have become my own best friend and my own worst enemy. My head is a funny place to live in.
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