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Thanks cat and all who have posted to me
Its late, i cant sleep so i was happy to log in and see a chat available. Its funny how i have hesitated in chatting and opening up. I think i can solve everything, that i can figure things out. I went on chat, Harry had a way of helping me see triggers after my just on six months clean i relapsed, i thought there was no trigger, but Harry helped me find it. I can see now that it was there as plain as day as the week before i hadnt been able to sleep worrying about the future, things beyond my control. I also received something at just the right moment, i was pretty much in despair, and a little coincedence happened. Well, maybe not a coincidence hey. I was losing hope lately but i have had help from my friends across the seas. I have gone back to counselling, I am going to meetings, i am trying my hardest to put one foot in front of the other. In future i am going to share my concerns with people. I will talk more and not be so closed. I need to do this to help myself. I have to try different things, I have to find a way. I dont want to gamble again. I really want to have a life and i promise myself i never never want to go through what i just have. It has been almost unbearable. Im trying to find positives. Im desperate to help myself and im doing things to make that a reality.
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Hi again friends
I am definately paying for what i have done. It is hard and it is going to be hard. I believe that this amount of madness is actually going to eventually be beneficial to me. Trying to look at the positive because the reality is its a very negative situation that i have to face. Small steps and small progress has been made though in actually a very small amount of time. Though the relapse was recent and it was beyond words even. I cant even begin to say it. I am doing counselling and meetings, straight on to it. My counsellor made me feel sane for a minute. In those moments i was ok. I caught a glimpse of hope. I have fought this addiction long enough. I no longer fight. I totally surrender.
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Thank you for your posts my friends it is so good to read here again and to post. I have been away for some time. You were all missed. I still thought of you all though. This is going to be tough, its not easy, it hurts… it will pass though, i just hang on to that hope.
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Congratulations Bettie, did you say you have a pinning coming up. Well done! That is wonderful, you have done very well with your recovery. Im starting over, its painful but its reality
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Congratulations Bettie, did you say you have a pinning coming up. Well done! That is wonderful, you have done very well with your recovery. Im starting over, its painful but its reality
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Hi Debbie
Thank you for your post on my thread. I see your life has changed so much for the better, i really do appreciate your encouragement and support. It is a very bad time for me but as they say, this too will pass, im waiting.
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Hi Carole
Thanks for your speedy reply to me. I am so proud of you Carole and the progress you have made in your life. You have made such huge and positive changes, Im not in a great place right now but i am back
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Well i can join for some of September, starting this day i guess
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Dear running girl
I hope i never catch up to you and you always stay five weeks ahead of me. Im back, its hard. Very hard now to refocus and let everything go. Lots of pain lots of damage none like ive ever seen but it was told this would happen. it is progressive. I am so pleased to see you back here too and you are doing a wonderful job. I have really missed everyone here. Seeing your clean time made me happy.
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Hi Bettie
Thelma or Louise haha.. just saying a little hello and goodbye really, well not goodbye just not posting now, but i will be on chat some time.. been nice knowing you Bettie, if i could insert a little bat here i would ……….
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Hi K, feeling very ashamed and discouraged at this point, five and a half months and i flushed it away again.. just want to say i wont be posting but i will be in chat, thank you for your friendship over the years
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Well i am lost for words today
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Hi thanks Laura, lovely to see you again, i have missed you here…
Well, i am being tested, feeling good but being tested with boundaries and they are just coming up more and more.. i can get through them, just learning to be true to myself its a good feeling
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I hope you are ok too Libbie.. just as you are worried about Libbie Vera i was worried about you, asking the same thing of you to come back and post.. i knew you were around in chat but hadnt seen a post. Hoping that the both of you are ok on this journey and that no matter what is happening still come back.. though i also know what i am like when i decide not to so really i know you will all come back when you are ready to.
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Well… I am learning things. I am learning boundaries. I am learning not to be a people pleaser. Have been that for a very long time. Lightbulb moments lately. Wow. This iz good.

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