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Nice to see a post and wishing you a good outcome for Friday Vera. At least you are not gambling, that would be more pain on top of this.. glad you are here Vera. All the best for the case
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Oh apologies RG i just realized you didnt open this thread.. I guess if you want to post you will.. I go through many stages of wanting to post and not post as you all know so i totally understand if you dont.. just saying hi
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Hi RG how are you going today.. I hope you are doing well. Miss seeing your posts, of course im selfish and now that i am back i want everyone else to be.. typical hey. I know you are doing well and i am glad you have come back , just dont see many of your posts anymore. Hope to see you soon and that you are having a good day
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Thanks Carole… Im amazed at the facade i can put on.. Its funny people often say to me people know when you are ****** it when i say i can mask my pain well but i really can. I have learnt from a young age to mask negative emotions or feelings. In a way its good it allows me to get through the days, still get through work and get complimented for it, and the affect on family is they think everything is ok which isnt a bad thing. Why should anyone else suffer but inside i am suffering badly. I do have hope of recovery, there is hope where i almost felt none. One baby step at a time and i know i will get stronger and life will improve. I need patience to get through the days. I want my life fixed now and i want to move on. There are still positives.. there has been a massive shift in my thinking. Though i still feel the devastation and guilt and have to suffer the financial consequences and sleepless nights. Things have dramatically changed in the way i look at recovery. I see the possibility of it happening for me. I see that i can now have a life. I feel like this time i am going to make it. Or ive gone completely insane.
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i didnt gamble today
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Hi Lizbeth
I hope that you get better soon.. I think you have been really brave on this journey since the passing of your hubby. I love what you do with your grandson he is really lucky to have you and i know vice versa. Get better soon.
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Well.. things are feeling a little better. i got compliments from my boxs and i was told what a great job i do. It made me feel a little better to hear that. Havnet had many positives of late so that was nice. I am just here with fans going, its hot today, and i am having some food and i am thinkng that life will improve. i believe in myself and i have no idea why. I never do, i have been totally devastated and to the bottom of the barrel and now i feel it is possible to stop so maybe thats what i needed in a really weird painful way. Its a cruel way to learn and its taken roughly six years for me to believe it but i actually believe i can do this
I think ive gone mad
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I hear some people say they know it was the last time when they gambled. They knew it was the end and the beginning of recovery. Strange for me to say but i know this is the end of my gambling. I know that i can recover and i will
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Hehhehe i had to laugh at that post cat, it gave me a giggle in my day and can i just say you are not alone. I will start with you because i have grown and grown. scales i think are *****.. i wish..
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Thanks Cat, i did see that i know you meant sweet hehe.. well i am here with the consequences. Wading through the mud that ive created. I find it hard to believe it. I am in a fog and it is hard to get through the day. I am in emotional agony but i have to hide it from the world but i can be real here and at GA and at my counselling sessions. I put on a face to minimise the affect on others. **** it till you make it has gotta be better than being how i really am at this point. So to the outside i seem ok, Inside my heart is broken and i am crying. I feel unsupported and i feel alone. First time i have felt like this. I know i have support here and GA but i feel alone. I know this will get better. I have created this experience. I can create better days. Its just getting through the now that is the challenge. My head is crazy but i am here. I will recover.
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I dont think i have ever felt so tired. I am having so much trouble moving at all. I have to do what i have heard and **** it till i make it. I have to just keep going and moving through the minutes and hours and just keep on doing what i have to do till i start to feel semi normal again. Ugh this is going to take some time. You make your bed you *** in it. I know i just have to do it. Doesn’t make it any easier though. Suffering from **** swings, social anxiety, and just plain exhaustion at the moment. I feel like i am in concrete and cannot move
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Wow i love this RG, i love it. I hope you are doing really well today. Its going to take a sloooooow process for me to get well this time but its happening, its started. No going back
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Dear RG
I really loved what you posted to me. Thank you so much it is just what i needed to hear today. Talk about relating to those words. So glad you are back here too RG, keep on running down this road running girl, im just behind you.
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Hi Carole
Thanks for your post. I am trying to put structure into my days. Its something that my counsellor really recommends too. It does help me, i manage so much better with structure. Otherwise i float along in any direction not knowing what i am doing. Writing things down does help me. I bought a diary to keep things in order and so i can follow a definite plan for the days. I will stick to it as best i can as i have become quite undisciplined. I am putting recovery first, i know i need some more fun but there will be no fun if i dont have recovery. It has to come above anything and it will. I am so desperate for change that i am catapulting myself into recovery as of a few days ago. Fun things will be in there somehow but for now i just do the next thing that keeps me safe. I am a movie lover, my treat will be going to the movies with a giant popcorn. It has been my fave thing to do since i was a child. There is plenty i will be able to do but first structure and paying things off. Family first, then me if theres any left over. Thats just the way i do it. I got myself into this crazy hole and i will get myself out, but not alone, that is one big mistake i have always made. I alone got myself here, no one made me, it wasnt anyone elses fault i did the damage. I cant get out by myself though i most definately need support. In time things will settle, but right now, as positive as i am trying to be, i am finding it very difficult to cope and get through the minutes. I just cant wait for this to pass.
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Hi sad
I loved your post though i felt the pain because i am there too. Feeling the consequences of my relapse. We will get through this sad, i think it just takes some longer than others but eventually if we keep trying, it will happen. Im telling myself that too. I have to find the positives there are too many negatives and i am glad you looked at them too. Lets start recovery
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