[OptimismAlwaysWins]

Thank you for your response. I am feeling more confident about it as each day goes by. I am aware of the danger and can only hope I am strong and open enough with my wife so all urges will be faced with truth and support.

– Brandon

[OptimismAlwaysWins]

Laura,

I am so sorry to hear of the death in your family. I offer you my condolences. 

I appreciate your posts! I am finding it right now to be easy. I haven’t even thought about gambling… Its been great! I just went on a 4 day weekend couples retreat with my wife in Garmish, Germany and we had a blast. It really helped us talk about even more openly about this gambling issue and things have seem to really turned around thus far. Because finances are out of my hands, its easy to just relax and not have to even worry about it because I am aware my wife can see everything at any time. I don’t have a second job either so I guess the only way shes worried about me gambling is if I borrowed money from someone but I am not that desparate. Its been a good first month. I knocked it out.. working on month 2.. 

I find that staying busy AND open with my wife about my feelings on it have helped tremendously as we previously talked about. Thanks for the advice.. you and Charles about when we get back to US. Just knowing I can be 3 years clean and free of it when we do get back already motivates me. 

– Brandon (If I haven’t introduced myself already)

[OptimismAlwaysWins]

Hello Laura,

I have been away for a few weeks… half of that reason is because I have told myself “I am fine” and half because I am just lazy when I am working a full time military job and doing a bunch of other things every day that take up time. But I have a good amount of time here today and I just read your post. I am glad to hear that you have another year under your belt. That’s awesome. Congrats. Knowing you went 5 years though and relapsing made me realize that no matter how long we go without an addiction whether it be alcohol, drugs, or gambling.. even after 5.. or 10.. or 15 years.. we are always vulnerable to it.

I’m glad it hasn’t ruined your marriage. I’m sure it nearly did but it sounds like things aren’t how they used to be.

I can tell you that from my marriage (we have no kids) that my wife has literally cried more during my gambling issues than I have ever seen her cry. Its been almost a month and I feel fine. I don’t feel an itch. We are only $2,000 in debt left and although our savings could cover that, we don’t ‘touch our savings’ lol. I am happy that my wife and I will be out of the so called debt I put us in within another month or two at the most as she is currently unemployed as she looks for a job in this new country we are in. I have to say that I have been so busy, I haven’t even had the time to think about gambling. The itch hasn’t even been there. I feel so content and happy with coming home and seeing my wife and traveling with her, or going to the zoo, playing tennis, etc… I know that when we lay our heads down at night that she still has a lot of pain and hurt in her heart and that’s only going to go away with time. She has FULL CONTROL of our finances… we have agreed that she will run my credit report every quarter. She has full access to my e-mails, our bank account and credit cards, etc.

I won’t say that I don’t need this website. I am still new and honestly it has helped out knowing that so many people will reach out to you. I feel a lot happier though without it. My main anxiety now though is when we go back to the United States and I am stationed somewhere where gambling is legal. They just made gambling legal in a few states as far as Sportsbooks and its going to be up to each state to legalize it which I’ve read many are intending to. So my most vulnerable time will be my first few weeks or months back in the united states after my overseas tour is over.

I thank you for taking the time to reply to me. That was sweet and kind of you. I hope that you keep on finding the strength inside you and that you realize that there are so many things about life that can make you fill fulfilled. Have a great weekend!!!!!

[OptimismAlwaysWins]

Laura, 

Thank you for responding. I appreciate you taking the time to say all that. Me being new to this whole thing, I have already read a few forums and stories. Could I ask you what yours is like or what exactly it is that got you to the point of where you are now? It sounds like you have recovered and it sounds like it was a really tough road. I am straight edge, I don’t smoke, drink alcohol, never have and I am very very good at making the people around me happy. I feel like gambling just changes who we are as people down to the core. It changes my mood, my responses, my actions, everything… I am glad that you have found a solution to your addiction and I wish you nothing but the best. 

I am now going on 5 days and I think the first few weeks will be the hardest. I have changed my diet and kept busy and my marriage is always the best when I am this way. My wife can just see the man she fell in love with and we may not have kids at the moment but it was hard hearing that she is scared to have them because of my addiction. 

With all this being said, is it possible for you to tell me your story? If not on here, have you posted to another forum already about it? I would like to read it. One of my motivations with this problem is knowing others who have fought back and came out on top. Thanks again

– Brandon

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