[NRG72]

Kids went to the high school football game…now going to friends to spend the night…I got a bunch of fees reversed at the bank and some money came in for a cookie dough fundraiser I fronted money for…so guess what I want to do?…it’s not a lot of money but enough for me to say hmmmm…should I try?..I know I don’t really want to go…but the little devil in my head says you’ve won jackpots on less…ugh…anyone out there? I need to chat…living minute by minute…

[NRG72]

So it’s been three days…I can’t handle the financial stress anymore. I keep trying to find a job that would actually pay the bills. I really don’t have that many…I don’t have credit cards. I really just have the basics: Rent, car pymt., w/s/g, electric, cable, phone, food, clothing, and all the extra costs that come with kids in school!:)…but it really isn’t huge when I hear about some of the bills others have…I just don’t make very much during the school year. I really don’t want to go back to banking. I got out of it after about 10 years in 2010…after the banking industry hit an all time low. I just couldn’t do it anymore…(although, it was consistent pay and 40 hours a week). So, I reinvented myself.:) haha I got my commercial drivers license and now drive a school bus during the school year and drive a water truck, sweeper, or dump truck for a construction company in the summer.(Sometimes heavy equipment) 🙂 haha I never thought I would do something like what I am doing now. Anyways, my point is that something with my work needs to change and I’m not sure what to do…I feel if I can’t figure it out I’m just going to stay in this rut forever…I feel like if I made enough I wouldn’t have such big urges to gamble…am I lying to myself?…I haven’t had many urges in three days…but…I also don’t have any money. HAHA I get paid once a month on the last day of the month…and I already know it is not enough to pay the bills for the month…before I have paid the rent and taken the rest to the casino to see if I could turn it into enough to pay the bills…we ALL know how that usually turned out. 7 more days until payday. hoping I don’t do that this time! So, I need to go to the casinos and exclude myself. I need to talk to the bank and see if I can get my debit card to be blocked from all atm/cash withdrawals but still be able to use it for purchases (wonder why I procrastinate doing what I need to do…does it mean I’m not ready to quit yet? afraid? embarrassed? so many questions and not very many answers) I don’t have checks or credit cards so I’m good there. I don’t have anyone I trust to turn my finances over to…has anyone been in the same situation? any suggestions?…I’m not very patient…I just want to be better NOW! I just want enough to pay the bills NOW! I feel like the financial stress and gambling have turned me into a completely different person. I used to be so giving and constantly thinking of others and what I can do for them. NOW…all I think about is myself and where I’m going to get enough money for bills, food, gas etc…FRUSTRATION!! well enough rambling for tonight I should get to bed…for those of you that read my ramblings…THANK YOU! have a great gf night everyone!!:)

[NRG72]

Thanks Sad for the reply…I love the line “last night was the last night!!”…I know it’s silly but I’ve been repeating that to myself over and over!:) lol…I was wondering a few things…I don’t want to tell my family…I’ve noticed most people on here say you should. Also, I don’t have anybody I would trust to hand over my bank account to…what are some other options…I never use checks…just my debit card…do you know if you can block your card from cash/atm withdrawals but still be able to use it for purchases at grocery store/ gas stations etc…if you have time any advice would be great. 🙂

[NRG72]

thank you! it’s so nice to know that there are other people out there that have or are going through the same thing…that they aren’t judging me…I hope things are going well for you. 🙂

[NRG72]

Awww the lovely morning after a horrible night of gambling!:(…I feel so ashamed…My kids have no idea but I still have a hard time facing them…I am such a horrible Mom to waste what little money I do have on a hope and a prayer…I don’t understand why I keep doing this to myself. I keep reading posts and researching gambling hoping there is some quick fix…maybe that’s what gambling is to me a hope that it could be a quick fix to my financial troubles. WHAT A JOKE!…I just wish I didn’t have to worry every second of everyday about my finances…it’s not all from gambling…I just don’t make enough to cover the basics…it’s so frustrating…as I’m writing this I’m feeling like I’m not being completely honest…and if I can’t be honest here where can I be?…So, let’s start over…If I didn’t gamble…I would have had thousands of dollars in my bank account after my summer job(I have summers off because I work at a school) …now I have nothing…negative nothing!!…I wouldn’t have overdraft fees and no money for my daughters trip…and bills waiting to be paid. I don’t make enough throughout the school year but my summer job helps me get through the winter if I don’t gamble it away….Now I’m in big trouble…bills won’t be paid, no trip for my daughter, no Christmas….blah, blah….UUUggghhh! I want to stop…but feel like I’m not strong enough…WOW! I’m pathetic…

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