[neva]

You’re doing great!  Keep up the good work.

[neva]

Libbie, I agree that gambling changes our moral compass!  But, the good thing is we never lose it and once gambling isn’t part of our lives our word is good again.  I wish there was an easy way to stop this addiction but the only thing that makes it easier is to use barriers that will stop us when we can’t stop ourselves. 
 

[neva]

Cat, ***** and lambs are cute but they take a lot more work so we don’t have any. The calves are doing great and are a joy. They are happy to see us every feeding.  I’m sure they are just happy to be fed but it feels like they like us.  lol 
Mizzindepentent, I’ll look for a thread for you.  If you start a thread, people will respond and help you.
Our laminate floors are in.  I’m not crazy about them.  Anyone have any ideas how to make them clean and shiny?  They are okay but I like shine across the room.  Maybe furniture and stuff in the house will help.
The gambling thoughts popped up this afternoon.   I have no idea why today I had the urge other than it’s a weekend.  I came home and took a nap instead.  I feel rested and best of all, I have no gambling regrets.  I did have to think it through and imagine myself walking in with a hundred, frustrated as each twenty disappeared, a run home to take more money out of the painter’s stash, finally getting part of the money back but still playing until it was all gone, not getting home to feed the calves in time and walking out…a loser as always. Instead, no regrets, no scrambling to make the money up before the painter starts and ending the day a winner. 
Hope it was a great Saturday for you too.

[neva]

Kathryn, I was surprised to read that you had urges but so happy that you didn’t act on them!  Is your husband still gambling?  It’s hard having someone close to you talking about gambling because it starts the thoughts going.  My mom does that so I know what it does.
How are you doing now?  I hope the urges were squashed as life goes on. 
 

[neva]

Congrats on your 6 months of clean time CAt!! Exciting
I’m in for May.  4 days so far but today I was exhausted and stressed and the thought of gambling came up.  I did tell myself that I would regret going, I’d lose a hundred in no time, I can’t waste money that’s for the painter, I would not walk out a winner…always a loser.  So, I took a nap and have no regrets!!!
 

[neva]

Good to see you posting again p.  You’re sounding stronger and determined to make your life better.  There is a lot of things that happen beyond our control but gambling, and the losses that go with it, is a choice that we make.  I’m happy you are being good to yourself, and your son, and choosing not to gamble today. A weekend with no regrets…that’s my goal too.
 

[neva]

Vera I’m a slow learner too. It takes a while to learn (and re-learn) that we don’t want our life going down ‘that’ path and we’re the only ones that can change it.   My advice is to make sure you can’t access money to gamble because that’s saved me many a time.  Sometimes it’s easier when we don’t have a choice. 
I’m glad you started your own thread too and looking forward to hearing more from you.  Sherry

[neva]

Hope you girls are having the time of your lives.

[neva]

Vera, that’s wonderful that you still went to the session instead of the casino!  R2C is leading you in a good direction!

[neva]

Hi Jackie, I also spent too much time planning, scheming and gambling and then too much energy making up excuses, ***** about where I’ve been and trying to make up the money.  Nobody at work knew (or knows now) how addicted I was and how I spent my weekends and wasted my money.  To them I’m a whole different person.  Gambling can get a hold of any of us.  I saw where a Mayor in California, who was also a widow of a very wealthy man, and she embezzled from one of her husbands charities.  Millions of dollars still wasn’t enough.  There is no satisfaction with most addictions so we always need more. 
It’s tough to break away from gambling but I found the best thing is to set up barriers so you can’t get to money even if you wanted to gamble.  I tore up my debit card, stopped casino check cashing and made sure I didn’t have access to cash.  There’s been ***** when I’ve gambled but the blocks prevent big losses and that’s been my saving grace.
I stopped in just to say hi and welcome you to the forum.  You’ll be getting some information from one of the GA ********** that will be helpful.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel if you’re really ready to stop gambling.  There might be some trial and errors along the way but never give up reading posting and working towards a gamble free life.  It will come.  Sherry

[neva]

Who knows, maybe the daughter will take a small amount for her equity in the Condo since prices are still down. I’m sure she doesn’t want to pay half the mortgage and half the maintenance fees.  Glad you’re getting a lawyer. This will all be behind you soon. 

[neva]

The easier days, for me anyway, are here. Monday-Friday is a different mindset and habits.  It’s nice to have the days where gambling isn’t an issue.  Guess there is something good to be said about having to work.

[neva]

R2C, I went back and read your post from your last gambling experience (copied it below).  It was heartbreaking that you were that low. As cg, I think we have all had suicide cross our minds…I know I have.  I’m impressed that you are taking the steps to turn your life around because you are truly a good person. 50 days later you’re still here and I’m happy that you are!
 
"Really messed up since wed lost 1500 sum of it not mine trying to win back mine im in trouble tomorrow i ***** from my ma and da i ransacked their house found roughly 700 lost it yesterday thought last nite was my last nite on this planet as tonight i intended ending my life and the farce that it has become. I will not say how i was planning to do it but i checked on the internet this morning for tips on the easiet way to go and i found a site that ended up telling me icould end up brain damaged threw my attempt or things like that then it explained that the people that cared me that their life sentence would only begin and that people who dont care about me wouldnt remember me in a month and would maybe get a sick kick out of my death reading all that made me change my mind i didnt sleep last night i didnt want to. I rung a friend this morning and asked could i get alend of money he said how muchsaid 500 he said hed ring me back in 30 mins he rung me back in 35 mins and said he would meet me in 2 hours and he had got me the money. He is a recovering addict so he understood fair play to him that internet article and my friend have hopfully saved my life. I will be able to give my mum most of her money tomorrow when she returns from donegal she will be heart broken i stay at their house when theyr away on holidays but il be barred from now on. I am in such a sad place my heart is broke and i feel dead in ways but im glad i am going to fite on i just wish my mother didnt need to know but i havent got her property back in exactly the way she left it she will be heart broking Again im a rat. I would never ***** 10p of anyone but this ******* addiction gives me a split personality any wonder im a gemini. At least im still alive and i have to face the music dont do the crime if you cant do the time. Feeling bit better than last night. Gambling is a dangerous loathsome fecker. I will give my recovery everyting adaat i will get my blocks rock solid i cant live like this any longer. Tomorrow will be heart breaking seeing my mothers pain. Homeless in dublin are in my thoughts tonight God help them its a cold night i need to get this sorted once and for all hope this is rock bottom and i never feel like this again. God grant me the serenity "

[neva]

Way to go R2C!  I remember a time when I couldn’t get 7 clean days together and getting 50 is fantastic.  Keep doing what you’re doing!

[neva]

Thanks ready2change for the encouragement!  Can’t believe it’s Sunday already.  No big plans.  Feeding the calf at 2:00. I’ll be taking mom with me…but I’ll take the dog too so no chance to go to the casino.  Later today I’ll take the 18 gallons of paint and 18 gallons of primer to the house. The 5 gallon pails are very heavy so I’ll wait until my husband gets off work at 5 to unload them. Hope to meet with the painter this afternoon so I can dump the cash.  I keep checking to make sure the ******** is still in my purse even though I haven’t left the house.  So much cash makes me nervous!
Mom is going with her friends to a ‘free’ casino weekend starting Friday.  She says she is only going to gamble just a certain amount.  Poor thing…there is no such thing for a cg to stop once they start gambling.  She seems different the past few years.  I don’t know if I see her differently since gambling isn’t such a big part of my life or if it’s that she is getting so much older.  I’m sad about it because I don’t know how much time she has left and I’ve limited our time together trying to break away from gambling.  We’ll spend a few hours together today.
I ordered some shelf liner and an under-the-counter-pull out- garbage system.  It has a smaller back container and larger front container.  When we move, we’ll separate cardboard (burnable), food waste (compost) and all other garbage (to the dump). That’s going to be a big change for us.  We’re not having garbage pickup…at least at first so we’re trying to be ‘green’…hope I can do it! 
Hope everyone is having a wonderful Sunday afternoon.  Don’t waste a second of it sitting in a dirty smoky casino! Life as so much more to offer.
 
 

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