[Nel]

Vera, your words, support and ideas are so helpful.  Thank you for sharing it means alot.  At least I made it through today!  Hope all goes well with you also…. new year, new G free life.  I’m looking forward to more happiness, hoping that for you too!

[Nel]

i have had my partner keep my debit and credit cards as well as my checkbook. embarrassingly enough i always find my way around that and last night, i searched the house until i found a check. went back to the bar and cashed it to keep gambling. i was ravaging around to find it like a crazed animal. it was nuts. of course i had been drinking, which always contributes and escalates the madness. i was a mess!

[Nel]

i have a lot of work to do. just trying to get through the day and repair damage i did last night

[Nel]

yes, i did go to a group.  my first one today.  it was helpful.  my task now is to take some of the steps to manage my debt and stay connected to help.  i always feel like after i go a week or two that i can do it on my own… that is when i slip up the most.

[Nel]

I’ve been gambling for many, many years.  I go to bars and play video poker.  I use it to escape.  I’m up to eyeballs in debt and i have stopped in the past for weeks, months and sometimes years.   i have not really made a strong effort to stop lately.  I just keep trying to tell myself i can control it….. last night i did not.  lost a bundle, therefore the need to take yet another loan.    My life is otherwise good, i have a great job, wonderful partner and family.  I have alot to be grateful for.  But…. not gambling.  It is my go to.  I literally made a conscious decision yesterday to gamble… because “things have been going so well”. Really…. that’s such BS.    I told my partner i was going before hand.  I only tell her so much though… always leaving out the ugly details.  I have definitely lied to many about the details…but all my friends and family are aware that i have this ugly thing in my life…..   It’s so embarrassing, frustrating and exhausting.  I’m so tired of that part of who I am!!  It’s like I can only allow myself to be just so happy…. not completely.  It makes no sense really

[Nel]

i’m going to try to take another loan to pay a debt.
this is a very bad cycle i’m in.

[Nel]

kind of lost for what to say, just sad, frustrated, embarrassed and exhausted of this. i’m in debt and have to pay a debt today, stressed about if i’m going to be able to.

[Nel]

thank you

[Nel]

lot’s of great advise and help is welcome

[Nel]

I have been reading off and on on this site and it seems like it is helpful. im tired of my addiction and want it to stop.

[Author]

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