[MurrS7]

thank you for your support . It means a lot. I’m trying to forget about it and move on. I am trying to stay positive. I kjkw through hard work I can get these losses back in a few months if I work hard and save. But in the moment I am torn. Today is day 3 no gambling. I’m gonna go to GA twice again this week. I need to really put an end to this or when I save my money again, I’m going to relapse. I know it

[MurrS7]

thanks Jen. I don’t lnow; this one hurts Bad. How did u left it get so out of control. Like from 3k which is so bad already, to let it go to 18k down . I lost all logic and all value of a dollar, I blew months Of work in 10 hours . Never once did I stop tk think to cut my losses, I had to try to break even, and got so bad into a hole. Not once did I say this isn’t a good idea. I’m so lost because it was like I was in a trance. It’s all blurry, and I was sober. It’s still like I want to rewind time. It’s like a bad dream, my peers and family keep saying it’s just monet and I can get it back. But it’s the hurt, sadness, depression, helplessness that is really getting me, I feel sick most of the day, so ashamed. How did it happen again, sorry to vent, it’s just hard .   

[MurrS7]

Your story sounds too similar to mine and every other compulsive gamblers on here. And I am here for you. Trust me i know sometimes it is hopeless and right now I am in your same shoes. Last Sunday my life was great again. Gamble free for over 2 months. Until I had free time Monday. Went to casino lost 3k. Called bank to increase limit to 6k. Lot 6 l. Drive back to bank to see teller , withdraw 4k. Go back to casino lose break even almost to down 1k for the day, wasn’t god enough, lose it all. 10k on the day, go back next day, -13k, chase that and today I sit down -18k in 4 trips. Maxed out line of credit, overdraft in cheqing. It hard for me to eat, sleep, go to work, and trust me when I tel
You
This story is because you are not a lone: we are all fighting the same battle. Trust me also every time you relapse will e worse. I never thought I could lose 18k in a couple of days. And feel numb. I went to GA two tomes this week. It helped me to see other stories, people age 50-60- I’m 29. They lost everything . Houses, cars, families, millions, businesses, didn’t get to see their kids grow , watched their businesses crumble. But most of all lost out most of their life to
This demon. People on here used to tell
Me it a bottomless pit, and I never knew why because evertime I gambled it was always my
Money and never credit, and I would always recoup
My losses. But now I see, it can get so bad. Please don’t let it get as bad as I did this week. I wish I could go back to when I was just down -4k. Now -18 with not a penny to my name and debt I’ll have to slowly
Pay. Please go to meetings. It’s hard: it’s emotional . But it will help if you want it to. I’m praying
For you, for myself and for all others on here. This is my day 3 gamble free. Let’s do this

[MurrS7]

So lost still, feel like so depressed, sad, lost financially, job hours got cut. Debt, it’s so hard to smile and have conversations with friends and co workers, my performance is gone this week, don’t want to workout, eat healthy. Man I’m letting. My mind beat me so bad here, I’m so strong usually and have such good will power, I feel defeated. Ya the meetings help, but still hard to go on.. I know it’s not even that much money compared tk some, but it’s the feeling of disgust for putting myself through this again for the 100th time. Man.. it’s craxy how gambling can ruin your life and happiness in just 3 days.. we’ll 3 days this time, 10 years it’s ruined mine. Every relapse has been worse than the last, this one hurt the most though. Because every time I lost before, I still had savings. This time I blew through every penny and tapped into maxing our my line of credit and over draft , what a mess. I’m feeling like such a losrr

[MurrS7]

Just returned from my second meeting. I’m going to try to attend two per week. They really help
Me to open up and to hear other people’s stories. This disease has no end, and it shows me that I will end up losing everything if I don’t stop now. Most of the people in my life don’t understand cg so it’s nice to be around others with the same mind and disease, likea. Family all wanting to get better . I highly recommend GA to any cg, two meetings have really changed my mind set. I’m starting to cope with my loss, and just want to get to the root of my addiction. I’m also looking into a 19 day rehab centre for cg. If the meetings don’t work, I will ask to go. I want to beat this 🙁

[MurrS7]

Today is my second ga meeting at 7. I want to go twice a week,
The urges are so strong today. But 0
Finances left

[MurrS7]

Today is my day 1. One day at a time. Starting over. May 16 2019.

[MurrS7]

Was very eye opening and very supportive. I was the youngest there besides one other, most have been gamble free for years, one person 20 years clean. I want that to be me. They told me they wish they had started to come when they were my age. (29) they would have saved so much money, hurt , mental and physical and financial damage. They are so supportive and gave me all their numbers, told me to come every week, there is one meeting every night and I’m going to attend two per week. They said don’t think you
Come here and you will beat this. This is something you have to do for life, forever, you will always be a cg. You can beat this with support but you really need to want it. I really want it bad this time, after hitting rock bottom, only way to go is up. Another meeting tomorrow at 7 pm. I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks guys for listening to my story.

[MurrS7]

Going to my first GA Meeting right now, need my life back

[MurrS7]

My ex was supposed to take my last night, but she had to work. I wish I had went alone. But I didn’t, and went to gamble again. I am going to the meeting tonight. I read all of your words of encouragement. And still my disease take so ovwr me . Now I think it’s at the bottom, no more money left to gamble. Down 17k since Monday. Chasing a 3k loss. Credit line is maxed out. Chequing is over draft. And credit card has cash advance, I am numb. I don’t know how to feel except I’ve lost every penny in my name, and am in debt. I’ve lost the down payment for my condo. I will need to find a new job. And it all happened to fast. It’s like a nightmare, I know it’s small compared to some . But it was all I had, and didn’t have. Now will
Be owing the bank interest. For a while. I will get help, u have to. This is my rock bottom. Maybe I needed to feel this. Absolutely no more funds to play, sorry. I am so numb . Hard to go on with life right now

[MurrS7]

Thanks for all your support guys, unfortunately I am very ill and went back to chase this morning. I lost another 4k off my line of credit. I now lost 14k in 24 hours. It’s all

Been a blur. And worst part was I am banned, they keep letting me
In. She even came up to me today and asked for I’d because they need to see identification if you spent 10 k in 24 hours. I showed my Id hoping they see it and say I am banned. Nothing. She fills out a form and asks me what I do for work. Then gives me my Id back and i proceed to lose the rest of my money. Starting to think that they know I’m banned but want to see
Me lose because I bet big. My first ga meeting is tonight, I have 0 money in my name. 10k owed on line of credit. 500$ in my bank account. Turn 30 this year. I am really low and even after reading all of your support this morning, I still went back to chase. And I feel totally ashamed of myself and feel you guys don’t trust my words because you try to help me all
The time and I don’t listen because of my
Addiction. I’m sorry for letting everyone down, my friends, family, forums, and worst , myself. I really hope things change after my meeting tonight. I need my life back.

[MurrS7]

Update I reached out to my ex who was very supportive of me and always wanted me to get help she is taking me to ga tomrorow for the first Time I’ve never been. Very nice girl for still being there for me after a nasty break up. Worst part of this is all I can think about it trying to get that 10k back
Tomorrow. I’ve been in the hole for lot larger amounts and climbed out but I know it’s terrible of me to think this way. Today was a testament that I chased and lost it all once again. I need to go to ga tomrorow and it’s a step in the right direction but I’m sick in the head and can only think of getting my Money back. What a mess

[MurrS7]

Ok guys it is with a lot of self hated and guilt as I am writing this. Very numb. Very desensitized. I relapsed today. I had the day off work and took 3k to play blackjack. I played for 2 hours and lost the 3k. I then called my bank and increase my limit to 6k. I took another 3k and lost that in 1 hour. I then drove back home 45 min away and went to the bank to withdrawal another 4k. Worst that 6k was off my line of credit. I climbed out and got my losses to 2500 on the day, you guess what happened next? I lost it all again. I lost 10 grand today. In roughly 6 hours. Putting me into debt. I don’t really know how to feel. Except for a big ******* loser. Sorry to vent, rant, I need help. Major help. My whole world is falling apart in one day just because of my addiction, all the work and months to make that, all gone in 5 hours. What a life. The life of a cg. I am so embarrassed

[MurrS7]

thanks steev I appreciate it. I know I have no control over this and unfortunately as crumby as I feel, I am no stranger to this type of feeling and that’s loss is very minute compared to previous lossss, but they all hit you in similar ways. It feels worse because I went the longest I have in years. It’s a new start with a new mind set, and now seeking professional help to bury this forever I hope. God bless 

[MurrS7]

glad you self excluded man. I went over 100 days g free and relapsed yesterday , didn’t know when to walk. Lost a months salary in a couple hours. I hope you get the help you need . and it sounds like you’re on the right path. cheers man

[Author]

Posts