[MurrS7]

I read some but not all of it. I will read The whole thing today . I want to be gamble free so bad, I reallt want it this runwZ it’s day 2 today. A bit easier than it was yesterday. I must focus on the good, and make money the right waY. I really need to get out of this debt, I will be a lot less stressed. Thank you for checking in, it really means a lot. How are you doing? Are you feeling a little better? when is your trip? You must be excited. I also have A trip to Miami in 12 days, I guess that’s why I’m stressing a little too… but I booked it months ago… I feel I shouldn’t go, but I also can’t stop living my life because of my gambling problem, I feel money can always be made back. evenutalky I will payy off my debt, but I must keep enjoying life and memories, it’s really all we have in the end. I can’t wait for us to look back and be 12 months, 24 months, gamble free.. we can do this, I know we can.

[MurrS7]

that is amazing . Truly. Where can I read the whole thread ?

[MurrS7]

i read what you posted about his story. it sounds too familiar it can be about any of of us, I feel that exact story is like many of us here. Once we think we beat it, we think we can go back and be smarter, yet it takes control of our life and we fail once again. I will try to be strong

this time. I have seriously had enough of this shit.

[MurrS7]

Thank you steev and meghna. It’s been hard, been beating myself up so bad , why didn’t I walk, why did I get greedy, I keep replaying it in my head. You. Know when you make the same
Mistake 100 times. It’s so hard and I feel
So stupid. Especially being in this debt. Realistically I know I can pay it off within 4-5 months, if I really
Try. But it’s the fact I relapsed and I feel
So Ashamed. I feel so stupid, like such a worthless loser, I can’t believe my parents bailed me out and gave me money to pay off some debt, and I went to gamble again, they would cry if they knew what I did. I hope this is it for me. Knowing that I got caught finally at that casino. They know who
I am now, brings a sense of relief, I just wish. They caught me before I lost every penny to my name. It just doesn’t make sense to me that they caught me
Now. Anyways. Just venting, worst feeling ever. I have to be grateful for my health, my friends and family, and a chance to make the money back, but better yet be gambling free. It’s going to be a hard road. But I just focus, I must stay strong. We must stay strong
Together, I will keep posting. I appreciate you guys so much, for being there for me, through this rain and darkness.

[MurrS7]

Tomorrow is day 1. Again 🙁

[MurrS7]

i hope this is the final straw for me, now knowing they know who I am at that casino makes me know I can’t try tk get back in. Time to start saving, working hard, paying off debt the right way. This will be hard, but I can’t wait to look back and think of it as an expensive lesson. Since September I have lost and. Won roughly 70k. at one point I was +20k I felt in top of the world lol, and that’s not even lot of $. Now I’ve given all of that back plus Lots of my own.. so shameful.. they want us to win so we go back… give winnifns back plus all of our hard earned money. That place is sick… I am disgusted. Thank you for your support, truly it means a lot.. more than toy know. 

[MurrS7]

i hope this is the final straw for me, now knowing they know who I am at that casino makes me know I can’t try tk get back in. Time to start saving, working hard, paying off debt the right way. This will be hard, but I can’t wait to look back and think of it as an expensive lesson. Since September I have lost and. Won roughly 70k. at one point I was +20k I felt in top of the world lol, and that’s not even lot of $. Now I’ve given all of that back plus Lots of my own.. so shameful.. they want us to win so we go back… give winnifns back plus all of our hard earned money. That place is sick… I am disgusted. Thank you for your support, truly it means a lot.. more than you know. 

[MurrS7]

thank you meghna. It’s hard, this is so overpowering for me and It took control of my life so bad. I’ve quit drugs before, alcohol, I’n so disciplined in the gym, with my diet, and this seems to be out of my control. I went to gamble this morning and I brought 1000. I was just trying to chase as always, it’s sick. I lost half of it before a security guard finally came up asked to see my id.. wow… -20k later they finally came and asked to see my id. He says sir you’re banned. I said yes thank you , I wish you would have recognized me -20k ago, it’s almost like they waited for me to lose everything for them to say something to me. Told them their secuirt system is a joke, whats the point of a Ban? Ok on one hand I’m glad he did recognize me today. Now I know I’m yellow listed, i can’t. Get in now. It just sucks now I have debt but I know it will get easier as time goes on. I hate this feeling, I feel so ashamed of myself for letting it get to this point,

how? It’s  like I went into a trance. blackout mode and just lost all logic. Money had no value, now

i see it’s value when I look at the 10k I owe on like kf

credit, and 6k I Owe in visa.. with barely any in savings. This will be a long hard road ahead.. I appreciate your support and I hope we can beat this together… I really do .. I want my life back:(

[MurrS7]

thank you for the message. I relapsed yesterdsy and feel awful. I got back from a weekend which I spent too much money I didn’t have, and I figure I go try to win it back. I knew I shouldn’t have done it. I won.. I won the money back I spent, and I was super happy. You know what’s happened next, I think I can go back today and win more. I do win more, 1000$ in 15 minutes of bj. My mind says leave. My cf says stay. I stay and lose it, all 1000, plus the 2500 from yesterday. Plus another 1500 of credit. I feel sick. I feel like I knew u shouldn’t have stayed, I did. I know I should keep going to GA. I thought I was good again. I feel so ashamed. I feel likke such a loser. Worst part I haven’t told anyone. I used to tell my sister and parents, but my parents gave me $ to bail me out of some debt from gambling, and I went and blew it ongambling. I feel like throwing up. I can’t do this anymore. It’s so meased up. I can’t believe im writing this again. Sorry guys. let everyone down, myself, my friends and family, everyone here. I am a loser

[MurrS7]

hi Meghna thank you for reaching out. Day 23 G free. Time flies right? I’ve never been religious but I do believe in spirituality and good things coming to those who are going through hard times. For years I have been personal training but never focused 100% on it, since my gambling relapse Nd graduating college I have focused on growing my business and in 1 week just througg networking I have gained 3 extra clients. it’s cool because i Work for Myself, I met with my mentor and he is helping me with marketing and trying to help me get even more clients, my point is with growinf my business I am chipping away at my debt, and helping people get in shape and gain confidence. I’m making great money the right way, not watching a ball spin around a wheel or a card flip hoping it’s a face card with my ace. I still think about my losesss sometimes during the day and get upset the amount I lost, but I’ve got good people in my corner and in no time I will have 0 debt again and can start saving, working hard, growing my business, and never stepping foot in that evil place again, to me, those people are criminals. Knowing I have a self ban, checking my ID, and still allowing me to keep losing thousands of dollars. It’s sickening. I hope your journey is going well, and I appreciate you being there for me, through my dark days. Here’s to almost one month gamble free. I know we can all do this. Cheers and much love to all

[MurrS7]

Thanks for the support again, it’s been a very hard two weeks, moved in with two friends, realizing
How hard and expensive live is by myself now. Had to purchase a new bed – 3k. Went to birthday celebration with friend- 1k. Rent 550$. Food, about 300. Trying to
Enjoy life, while putting all this on my visa. I am looking for new job now, I owe about 10k on line of credit, maxed out. Owe 7k on visa. Have trip to visit my sister for a weekend, will cost about 500-100. I can’t stop living but I need to be smarter with finances. It just so hard, after losing 18k.. I wish I had realized how much I could have used that $ to pay for all
This stuff.. I know it’s going to come back once I get my
Job
Going and paycheques start coming In.. 4k a month can’t be debt free in 4-5months. That seems like
Nothing, I am 29. By 30 I can have savings again. I never want to go through this pain again, this addiction, this sickness. It killled me .. it took everything from me in 48 hours. But I know, I can rebuild as I am only 29. I need to beat this and never look back. This is day 15. It gets better as days go on, but I think about my loss everyday still, just my mental
State is a bit
More at ease. Man. I hate gambling so bad.

[MurrS7]

Thanks for all of your replies. Support, and help with this guys. I haven’t gambled in 9 days, its been really hard. I moved in with two of my best friends and it’s helping being around them when I’m feeling at my lowest. They told me if they find out I gambled again, they’re kicking me out of the house. This alone really makes me not want to mess up. I’ve been to three GA meetings. And I have an apt on Monday for another gambling treatment program. It’s really hard because I keep thinking about how I let it get to losing every penny in my name. I keep asking myself why couldn’t I stop at a couple of thousand.. why did I have to lsoe half a year salary in 48 hours.
Why couldn’t I think of the pain gambling has caused me in the past, why did I never think of that before I relapsed. It just boggles my mind how last week was a blur… I had no self control, I lost all value of a dollar , I completely lost my mind in the midst of it all.. it saddens me. I keep saying it’s jusr money, but hearing people speak of vacations, buying things, even going out to dinner and party… makes me think I cannot do these things now because of the financial mess I put myself in , in just a couple of days because of this sickness. Now I have to rebuild. I am applying for jobs now, trying to stay busy, trying to workout and eat healthy, while really trying to keep my mind off my loss.. some days I want to just go try to win it back, because I have before, countless times I’ve been down and climbed out.. except this time I see it doesn’t always happen, this time I see it can wipe you clean of all savings, and put you in debt, chasing that -3k.. took me to -18k in 48 hours.. I never thought I could take it there. And I know, 18k.. it’s jusr 18k.. people have lost millions, but this is all I had, and part of it was the banks… it’s just stressful because it’s my own doing, I wish I could have. Stopped. I wish I could go back.. but what can I do now, stay positive, stay busy, work hard, and think of this feeling the next time I want to try to get rich off the flip of a card. Imagine.. I just wanted more money .. for what, being greedy cost me going into a hole and wiping me clean, it’s a dark place I never want to go to again. I have told many people what happened, some say I should keep it to myself, but I am an open book. I can’t
Hide things. Also I feel now that a lot of people know, I don’t want to let everyone down by relapsing, especially my mom and dad and sister, seeing them cry , because of my illness.. I went to make them proud, I want to make myself proud, I want to beat this , save, get my life back, and never look back. I want to use this as a lesson . The final lesson of my gambling addiction that wiped me clean of every penny in my name. I hope everyone can get through this, and I am grateful for another day gamble free. Every day I try to accept my loss and move on, until tomrorow. God bless you all

[MurrS7]

Day 5 gamble free. It’s been a really hard week. But I’m kind of feeling a bit better today. I am applying for better jobs all day today. If I save for about 2 months, and attend GA weekly, I can recover my losses, and fix the root of my problem, that was my issue before. I never fixed the root. So when I saved Il again, I would relapse. I just want my old life back before gambling . Working hard to save, it’s a rewarding feeling having things you’ve worked hard for, not bet on the flip of a card or a ball spinning around. Wheel. I finally felt the wrath of this addiction when it wiped me clean of all finances and left me in a hole of debt, so the time is now, when I have nothing left, is the best time to rebuild, it’s a test of the mind.. who will win. I will not let this beat me, today Is my day 5. And I will get through this day gamble free. Thanks guys

[MurrS7]

thanks Steev you are completely right. I guess because I’ve alwahs climbed out of the hole before, and this time I didn’t. It just got deeper and deeper. It’s day 4 gamble free and it feels like I’ve just lost it all today. Before it would get easier as days went on, this one is staying fresh and consumes my brain every minute of the day because of the magnitude of it I guess. Its just like a bad dream for me i keep beating myself up asking myself why. looking forward to GA this week. I really need to fix myself . 

[MurrS7]

that’s a good ideA. When I start saving again. Maybe i

wkll give my family

my

money to hold. I never want to feel this way again. I know once I make the money back. I can look back on this as an expensive lesson. I need to find the root and beat this before that though, or else the same thing will

happne again. That’s the scary part . Is this 18k feels like it was just 100$ .. it’s so weird I’m desensitized. Until I think of how much it really is and what’s I could have done with it. I lost my down payment for my place, vacation , i hear people talk about trips and buying

things , experiencing life, and here’s I am could have done so much, gave it to the govmt. Pissed it all away in hours. It’s devastatinf when I think of this. Sorry my typing is bad, I’m on

my phone. Thanks for listening. I can’t wait to go back

to ga this week, to start saving, and to live a gamble free life again. It’s funnt I was reading my posts above from before the new year, saying how I have been doing so well and so happy to have quit, then losing 2000 on New Years, I would have laughed if you told me fast forward to 4 months and I would lose everything in my name, again. Wow

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