[MurrS7]

thank you. It’s tough, I feel your pain becuase I know yoy

feel mine also. It’s such an evil beast. And those casinos

shoiod be sued, banned, non existent. Watching me

Ruin my life for 10 years On and

oFf. Continuously banning myself over and over

askinf them to re take my picture. Them

saying they did. To today him saying it hasn’t. Been updated since 2014. That hurt me. It’s like they wanted me to keep losing knowing I was banned. I’m torn. I am lost… just trying to workout now and stay busy. Going to take about half

a year to get rid of

this debt. I hope I can come back here in 6 months telling yoy guys I’m debt free and gamble free. 🙁

[MurrS7]

thank you. It’s tough, I feel your pain becuase I know yoy

feel mine also. It’s such an evil beast. And those casinos

shoiod be sued, banned, non existent. Watching me

Ruin my life for 10 years On and

oFf. Continuously banning myself over and over

askinf them to re take my picture. Them

saying they did. To today him saying it hasn’t. Been updated since 2014. That hurt me. It’s like they wanted me to keep losing knowing I was banned. I’m torn. I am lost… just trying to workout now and stay busy. Going to take about half

a year to get rid of

this debt. I hope I can come back here in 6 months telling yoy guys I’m debt free and gamble free. 🙁

[MurrS7]

I just got back from my parents. They knew something was up

it took me 30 min before i broke down and told them.

so ashamed . My mom wasn’t surprised and said she kenthis was going to happen again if I didn’t get the help i needed years ago: and my father was sad, he said I need to kick this or

its going to be a long hard life. My mom just gets upset and starts getting frustrated with me and yelling so I had to just leave. I don’t blame her because this has been on and

off for 10 years. There’s only so much they can take before I want to help myself. I’m torn now I told her I will go get help.

tomeoeow I’m booking an apt. She told me cancel

my vacation but I really want to get away knowing I cant

afford it. But it’s paid. I dont

know. It’s a hard week.. so lost with my

emotioN. Everything was semi normal on Friday. 

Now life has changed in just 3 days. Ceazy

how this addiction can make you feel so low after a loss.

thanks for all the support. Gonna take some time to 

rebuild. But I know I can. She said I can move back home with them. I think I will. Completely hibernating and no drinking, just save money and

chip away at debt.

[MurrS7]

Is I want to tell my mom and dad my relapse, but they
Gave me 7k when I lost 17k in May, and cried so bad
Bailing me out, and I promised them I wouldn’t gamble again
It feels so heart breaking I just lost the hard earned money
They helped me with, and it was the alcohol taking over
It wasn’t me. I just don’t know how to break it to them
But I know I have to. Today they told my sister how proud they are of me, for staying clean from the casino. And I received my college graduation pictures in the mail, my mom was so proud.
I don’t know if I should wait to tell them. I’m struggling hard
Right now

[MurrS7]

i feel your pain so much. No one understands except for someone who has been addicted to this evil thing.

ive went years gamble free. I used to get so upset losing 100$ . That turned to be upset losing 1000$

to turn to today after losing 24k in 7 trips. And feel

nothing but emptiness. I have to stop the bleeding at

24k. You are right. realistically in 6-7 months I can

clear it with my job. i want this strsss off me. More than the money gone, I don’t want to feel a gambling hangover again.

its the worst feeling , I can’t sleep or eat, I have no motivation to workout , my friendships and relationships are beinf

tarnished. My work clients see I’m off. I wish this feeling

on not even my worst enemy. I am praying for you jen

i hope we can do this together. I want to beat this so bad

[MurrS7]

I know I can get it back in time, I just need to grind hard

for 6

months and I can be out of the hole with a better

state of mind. These next few weeks will

be real tough.

[MurrS7]

I need to get a more structured job. Problem is I have far too juice free time on my hands working for myself. 

Just hurts that what I saved up in the 75 days of workinf

hard, I just lost in 2 days. It breaks me inside.

🙁 

thank you meg for all your kind words and support

[MurrS7]

thanks meg, I just feel so defeated. 

I cant believe I did it again. 

saturday my sister asked me how many says g free

i was so proud to say 67 days.

back to day one and more debt is so discouraging.

i will have to be so smart on my holiday.

i feel I need to get away to just clear my head.

smart, maybe not.

i don’t know. Lost for words at the moment

[MurrS7]

Chased my weekend loss for 2 days now.
Today was my last loss an hour ago.
Down -10k from Saturday
Not mine, the banks.
Officially the worst financial state I have been in my whole life
-10.5k line of credit maxed
-12k visa
-2500$ over draft chequing

No money to pay minimum payments
If I save my pay cheque this week from work I can
Pay the minimum.
Won’t have rent money though
Forced myself to move back in with my parents at age 29
No drive, no motivation to work, workout, no appetite
I was 68 days gamble free, life was looking good , well
As good as it could have been without gambling.

Now, tomorrow will be my day 1.
I told security once again I am banned, why do you keep
Letting me in. For the 5th time banning, they re took
My picture again, said it hasn’t been updated since 2014.
I was mad, becuase last time security said they updated ur
Pic.
Almost seems like they wanted me to lose my life savings
Well? I don’t know really what to say .
Lost for words as I never though it could get this bad.
29, -25k in debt. Empty, sad, and distressed.
At least I am alive, although I don’t know if I want to be.
Sometimes, these thoughts cross my mind when it
Got this bad.
Thanks for all your support guys.
I truly appreciate all of it; and I’m sorry
That this addiction beat me, for the 500th time.
Maybe, just maybe, one day I can look back and
Live a gamble free life. I pray one day, that is in the picture

[MurrS7]

i know , i have contacted councellor today. 

And I need to pay  my line of credit down as

its now reached over draft.

Gambling debt is around 23k right now. 

Had it down to 14k just on Friday… 

wow 

one relapse can set you back so bad .

all gone in a couple hours.

today is tough .

i need help and I will seek it.

i can’t wait till this storm is over .

life feels so low right now .

i know 23k isn’t much.. but it’s just gotten so mhch worse

i have a vaca coming up in 10 days.Paid  for alewady

but I don’t know how I will get spending money 

more credit I guess . 

Have to get away for a bit

[MurrS7]

I am so proud of you going so strong.
I was so happy to be on the same page as you
I was so motivated to stay gamble free
Alcohol took over my brain
And made me lose all logic.
Keep going meg. You motivate me to get back to where you are now and where I was just on Friday.
Thank you for always thinking of me, bless your soul.

[MurrS7]

Is def my trigger I realize now.
This is going to be a long road ahead.

I am defeated but I am still alive and there is a chance
To make it right.
I hope I make it right. I know what it’s like to be gamble free
For years. And this is the worst it’s gotten for me.
But I also know it can get worse.
Self sabotage is the worst form there is.

Day 1. I cannot look back

[MurrS7]

Sad to say

With a heavy heart,

This is. My day 1; again.

Love

[MurrS7]

thank you

jen

i am so sad, draining away, in alcohols , I know

nit the answer, sorry, to all,

i failed

i might be A failure

right now

but I will . Beat this. I promise.

[MurrS7]

thanks meg 

.

i am truly, lost for words. Really

i don’t even know what to say.

i appreciate you, truly. Thank you for your support

eveyrone . 

Checking out

 

[Author]

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