[MurrS7]

“We are either working on recovery or we are working on relapse”

By the sounds of it we have been working on relapse far too much and now it’s time we really work on our recovery.

You got this!!!

[MurrS7]

reading your post with all sincerity. I am so sorry about

your parents passing, and I am so sorry you are struggling

with this terrible addiction like most of us here are as well.

your last post really resonated with me. It’s like we are in a better mind state, going good going good, and then we feel

like we have to get that money back, so we try to chase

what we have lost because we can’t accept that it’s gone

thats how my -3000$ turned into -30,000 in about 10 trips.

its crazy because like you I have always climbed out of the hole.

but this time I just dug it deeper to the point I get sick

trying to think of trying to win it back, yet I drink, feel

0 self control and logic, then go on another rampage

of a chase. This continues for 2-3 days of digging deeper.

i reallt suggest you don’t take the chance of going on wednesaday.

it is a high risk situation you’re putting yourself in, and you don’t want to be tempted to gamble As I just was on Atlantic city.

told myself I wouldn’t gamble, it’s  like putting an alcoholic in an open bar and telling them Don’t have anything to drink.

it Just doesn’t work. we are all here for you, your story is

too similar to ever cg. Just different extents. have you

tried GA? counselling? I’m in one on

one

therapy because GA didn’t work for

me but maybe I didn’t give it a chance. Can you 

give your partner the rest of your $ to hold? 

I really just don’t want you to lose the last 65k you have

to gambling. It hurts my heart the pain you have bexause

i have the same feeling right now on a smaller scale.

god bless you and I pray you find the strength to stop

[MurrS7]

it’s so true. The damn root of all evil. Financial stress.

i guess it just boggles my mind how deep

i took it in such a short amount of time. It’s just so

hard to accept i guess because I was so close to being

debt free before these last two relapsed and my mind

 was in such a better place, being back at square one

in just a matter of 14 days is just baffling. I guess this

is reality though you never know when your next

relpase will come when you are a cg that’s why you have to work so hard on your recovery. 🙁 I hope you’re doing great

Nd I’m so proud you’re still going strong g free. 

This is my day 1, again:(

[MurrS7]

thanks for the message. that makes a lot of sense

and I appreciate different insights. I need to be grateful 

this addiction hasn’t taken my life fully yet. I need to bear

it now before I go another year in this vicious cycle 

need to be grateful that it is possible to climb out still

but youre right will take time.

but I would rather take time rebuilding and recovering

than more time digging deeper into a hole of debt and

misery.

thanks again for your words.

[MurrS7]

A vacation ruined from gambling.
Life ruined from gambling
Enjoyment ruined

All from gambling

[MurrS7]

-20k credit card with 1000$ credit left
-10k line of credit maxed to -10,500
Overdraft maxed to -2500

All in about 9 times gambling

Never thought I could do this.

No More money available to take out.
Thankfully parents are giving me a roof
Or I’ll tell you all I would be homeless tomorrow

I hope people use this as a lesson, and I know this is
Small compared to some stories. But this is real life
Nightmare for me because of my gambling addiction.
I will work very hard
To get out of this mess and get my life back.
GA, one on one therapy, rehab. Whatever it takes

[MurrS7]

I appreciate it man. I never thought I could let it get this bad

i never thought in my wildest imagination I could lose my lifsvaings in such a short time. And be so desentsitized and numb

to this insane addiction. It’s almost like I don’t have any

feeling toward it anymore. When I lose now, I walk out

feeling nothing. And this is a serious

issue. I know you’re right. It will take me roughly 6 montgs

tk get back on my feet. And I want this so bad.  but clearly it’s okt

of my

control.

[MurrS7]

I sound like a broken record

Who the hell could have sympathy
For me
I’ve make the mistake 1000 times
Nobody can save me but me
Sometimes I feel this is useless to even post
Sometimes I feel I’m a lost cause
Empty
Alone
Distraught
Depressed

I pray there is hope

Because now I feel this is close to the end
Of my rope

[MurrS7]

Chased my losses managed to
Find a casino 25 min out of New York today
Lost another 2k
Now I’m close to max out everything
Moving back into my parents tomorrow
-12k since last weekend
-30k since May
How the hell did I do this to myself
How

[MurrS7]

you know what , I don’t even enjoy gambling,

honestly. I don’t get a rush , I don’t like the act of gambling at all. I really just was chasing to try to get some of the 26k I’ve lost

since May. I just wanted to get some back, and didn’t win

once since May. I literally lost every single time for the 

past 13-15 times I’ve gambled. It’s the higher powers

way of telling me to stop, because I have dug a hole

i cannot climb out from gambling and chasing has

 this an absolute financial nightmare.

tuesday I will have to move back

in with my parents. At age 30. It will take me

roughly 6 months to clear this debt. That’s me having

no social life, or spending at all. But this needs to be done

because I’ve damaged my financials, and worse than that

my mental state.

[MurrS7]

I’ve made one of the dumbest mistakes ever this weekend.
My trip to Miami got cancelled because of the hurricane.
So my friend was supposed to go with is from
NYC. He asked me if instead I want to come visit him
In nyc, celebrate his bday here, then go to Atlantic city for a pool party, then to the Jersey shore the next day.
In my mind I knew Atlantic city was a danger risk for me.
I figured go with him to the pool party. There’s no
Way I’d leave to go gamble when I’m with friends who
Don’t gamble. Well that was a lie. I ended up getting
Drunk, separating from my friends. And in a casino playing
Blackjack wasted. Lost around 3000 usd until I had tapped out my
Limit. It was cash advanced off my credit card.
I really am powerless over this addiction.
Heading back
Home today depressessed. Ashamed, with more debt.
I really wanted to end this trip successfully, saying
I was responsible, I didn’t gamble, I went for a bday and
That’s it, but as you know this is a disease that i am not
In control of. So this is day 2, once again. Credit card is almost maxed out, line of credit maxed out, over draft maxed out.
This is near my rock bottom.

[MurrS7]

Felt like a big waste of time. Told me things for an hour
That I already knew. However I know this is going
To take time. I will give it at least 10 session sessions
To see if it helps. Imagine, 150$ per hour…
No insurance .,,
Luckily my family is very supportive and is paying for this.
I hope it helps, I’m willing to continue because
I’ve come to my final straw with relapsing

[MurrS7]

That’s huge. I was around 70 when I relapsed and coming up to the 30 days one month mark was a big milestone because That’s about the time my mind started accepting things. Keep going! Soon that will be 230 days, then 2300 days. I like that quote about the fast money. I’ve always looked For the get rich quick scheme. That next big jackpot or win That never worked out. But when I work hard and save I’m good at it. The chase is what killed me. My little -3000 in May turned into a -24k chase. Crazy to think, I was just tryinto break even. I didn’t even enjoy playing. What a mess. I’m here for you and always rooting for you to continue There days gamble free with the support from everyone and The higher powers. You got this, we got this. God bless

[MurrS7]

Sorry for your relapse meg. Sometimes I wonder
If reading other people’s relapses makes us relapse. And I feel terrible. But maybe it’s the opposite and we just relapse from
Triggers, and reading others relapse makes us want to stay g free. My relapse was awful and it’s been one week. We are in this together and I’m always here for ya. Let’s continue to go strong. Gambling hangovers are something I never want to
Experience again. Gambling debt is brutal.

[MurrS7]

thank you for your message, I’m always thinking of you wonderful people here in the site as well. 1 week g free today,

first session of counselling in an hour. 

Its been a hard week, vacation this Friday will have to

be very frugle. 

How are you holding up? 

[Author]

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