[MurrS7]

Wow I just stumbled across my thread. I cannot believe I went through this hell on earth for over 17 years on and off. Because that’s what active gambling addiction is. Hell on earth. I placed my last casino bet on sept 19/22 which is 9 months clean today. I placed my last sports bet on may 9 22 so 404 days clean there. What can I say now. Life is beautiful. The day I placed my last bet I also had my last drink so I have been booze/drug/gamble free for 9 months. I have gotten the date tattoo on my forearm so I am always reminded I made it out alive. Some days I didn’t want to wake up, some days I said I wish I could die if I have to live another day in active addiction. It really had such a strong grip on me and I still know I am never safe. I am only one drink or bet away from death. And that’s how I treat my recovery. It’s life or death now. Thank you to all who supported me, helped me, reached out to me, loved me, and was there for me in my darkest days. I love you all and I pray you are all
Keeping well. I attend 12 step meeting weekly now, maintenance therapy, and I have the most amazing girlfriend now who supports me in recovery and knows my story but still loves me the same. It is possible guys. I am testament you can get clean, even when the world is closing in and you feel hopeless. Just don’t give up. Love and peace to all❤️

[MurrS7]

Hey. Please let me know how you are doing today? I am sorry I didn’t reply as I am just seeing this now. I hope you are well and found a way to keep this demon at bay. God bless brother

[MurrS7]

Hello friend,

I am so sorry I didn’t reply to this, I didn’t even see it until now. I thank you
For all the positive words and commend you for opening up to me. Please let me know how you are doing. We can get through this.. a life without gambling is a life worth living. God bless your soul.

Murr

[MurrS7]

Hi Dev,

Wow it had been a while. What’s ironic is my great friend passed away on July 7,2007. (7/7/7)
So I know he is checking up on me through you after reading your username. I am 30 days gamble free , and 42 days sober. No alcohol, drugs, caffeine , or sugar. I have just started a new role in insurance and I am also single again. I can say this is the happiest I have been in many years because I have no triggers to gamble or use. I have started therapy again and that is helping me maintain my sobriety and abstinence. I started reading a book called atomic habits and I have learned that in order to quit a bad habit you must associate it with something very unnatractive. So for me when I think of gambling, or substances, I think of disgust, sickening, and that’s not me. I don’t say, I don’t gamble anymore or use /drink anymore; I say- I am not a gambler, I am not a drinker. I have even been to parties with people using and drinking and turned it down. This is a life long battle and I take it one day at a time. Thank you for the message, it feels good to talk about how far I have come. 35 days ago I was fighting for my life, not sure if I would survive another day whether it be an over dose, or taking my own life. By the grace of god I am here, and I will inspire many with my story.. as long as you have hope, just a little bit of hope.. you can make it out of the hell hole of addiction. Love you all. God bless.

[MurrS7]

Hello all,

Sorry I have not been able to access internet as I have been away. To be transparent with everyone I am also battling a drug addiction as well as gambling. Wewinwhenwedontplay I just want to say that post really means more to me than you know. When I am feeling like an outcast and so alone , it is posts like that that keep me going. I filed a consumer proposal and I have been gambling until yesterday. I was prescribed Wellbutrin and I have been on it for 5 days now. Today I woke up, with a different outlook on life. My mom bought be supplements and I have started my workout routine again. I just want to say without my family and girlfriend, I would have likely killed myself by now, been a homeless drug addict, or been in jail. These last two months have shown me that gambling truly has no bottom. From dining at 5 star restaurants, drinking the finest spirits, to fast forward 1.5 months and losing my Mercedes, having to take a leave of absence, losing my condo, nearly losing my gf, and contemplated suicide many times. I read a post of online gambling when I was in the wrath of it in 2019
Ajd someone said to never ever open that can of worms. I did and it ruined my life. I won, lost, won it all back, lost it again, won it all back, literally cleared my debt through gambling, had lots of savings again. Then lost everything. People used to tell me it’s not about the money ajd I never got it. Of course it’s about the money. I want to get rich! Now I see. It truly isn’t. Gambling is an escape. Every time something bad happened to me, fight witg gf, stress at work, fight with fam, I always went to gamble. Even if I won 20k.. I wouldn’t stop till it’s all gone. Because once I stopped.. then I’m back to my reality.. that’s why I couldn’t stop. It all makes sense now. Gambling is not about the money. It’s about escaping our reality because when we are in action, nothing else matters. Guys thank you for all your support. I have lost 6 figures, I have lost my car I worked so hard to get. My condo, my happiness.. my joy for life… but I have just a little
Bit of hope. Through the grace of god, my family, my gf, my friends, GA, and this group. I am fighting to see one more day. Just for today. I wilk not gamble , I will not use, I will not drink. I am not my addiction. I am Stephen Murray. I am a good
Person. As I am in tears writing this. Gambling has stolen everything that made me who I am. 13 year’s of my life gone to gambling. The lies, the secrecy. The emptiness, the time lost, the time lost with my loved ones, the broken relationships, the lost trust. Today it ends. Today I say. F U C K you gambling. I am stronger than you DEVIL. I will beat this with every ounce of my heart and soul. If anyone is doing thorough this addiction. Please don’t let it get to this point. Please save yourself. I love you all. I thank you all . I pray for you all, I pray for me. I will fight till the death. And if this happens to kill
Me. I gave it all I had. Goodbye for now

[MurrS7]

Hallo allemaal, Sorry dat ik geen toegang heb tot internet omdat ik weg was. Om voor iedereen transparant te zijn, vecht ik ook tegen een drugsverslaving en tegen gokken. Wewinwhenwedontplay Ik wil alleen maar zeggen dat die post echt meer voor me betekent dan je weet. Als ik me een buitenstaander voel en zo alleen, zijn het zulke berichten die me op de been houden. Ik heb een consumentenvoorstel ingediend en ik heb tot gisteren gegokt. Ik kreeg Wellbutrin voorgeschreven en ben er nu 5 dagen mee bezig. Vandaag werd ik wakker, met een andere kijk op het leven. Mijn moeder kocht be-supplementen en ik ben weer begonnen met mijn trainingsroutine. Ik wil alleen zeggen dat ik zonder mijn familie en vriendin nu waarschijnlijk zelfmoord zou hebben gepleegd, een dakloze drugsverslaafde zou zijn of in de gevangenis had gezeten. De afgelopen twee maanden hebben me laten zien dat gokken echt geen bodem heeft. Van dineren in 5-sterrenrestaurants, het drinken van de beste sterke drank, tot 1,5 maand vooruitspoelen en mijn Mercedes verliezen, verlof moeten opnemen, mijn appartement verliezen, bijna mijn vriendin verliezen en vele malen overwogen zelfmoord te plegen. Ik las een bericht over online gokken toen ik er in 2019 woedend over was. Iemand zei dat ik dat blikje wormen nooit mocht openen. Ik deed het en het verpestte mijn leven. Ik won, verloor, won het allemaal terug, verloor het weer, won het allemaal terug, loste letterlijk mijn schuld af door te gokken, had weer veel spaargeld. Ben toen alles kwijt. Mensen zeiden altijd tegen me dat het niet om het geld ging, maar ik heb het nooit gekregen. Het gaat natuurlijk om het geld. Ik wil rijk worden! Nu snap ik het. Het is echt niet. Gokken is een ontsnapping. Elke keer als er iets ergs met me gebeurde, vechten met gf, stress op het werk, vechten met fam, ging ik altijd gokken. Zelfs als ik 20k zou winnen, zou ik niet stoppen tot het allemaal op is. Want toen ik eenmaal stopte.. dan ben ik terug naar mijn realiteit.. daarom kon ik niet stoppen. Het is nu allemaal duidelijk. Gokken gaat niet om het geld. Het gaat erom te ontsnappen aan onze realiteit, want als we in actie zijn, doet niets anders ertoe. Jongens bedankt voor al jullie steun. Ik ben 6 cijfers kwijt, ik ben mijn auto kwijt waar ik zo hard voor heb gewerkt. Mijn appartement, mijn geluk… mijn levensvreugde… maar ik heb nog een klein beetje hoop. Door de genade van God, mijn familie, mijn vriendin, mijn vrienden, GA en deze groep. Ik vecht om nog een dag te zien. Alleen voor vandaag. Ik wil niet gokken, ik zal niet gebruiken, ik zal niet drinken. Ik ben niet mijn verslaving. Ik ben Stephen Murray. Ik ben een goed persoon. Terwijl ik dit in tranen schrijf. Gokken heeft alles gestolen wat me heeft gemaakt tot wie ik ben. 13 jaar van mijn leven gaan naar gokken. De leugens, het geheim. De leegte, de verloren tijd, de verloren tijd met mijn dierbaren, de verbroken relaties, het verloren vertrouwen. Vandaag eindigt het. Vandaag zeg ik. FUCK jij gokt. Ik ben sterker dan jij DUIVEL. Ik zal dit verslaan met elk grammetje van mijn hart en ziel. Als iemand deze verslaving grondig doet. Laat het alsjeblieft niet zover komen. Red jezelf alsjeblieft. Ik hou van jullie allemaal. Ik dank u allen. Ik bid voor jullie allemaal, ik bid voor mij. Ik zal vechten tot de dood. En als dit gebeurt om Mij te doden. Ik heb alles gegeven wat ik had. Voor nu tot ziens

[MurrS7]

Здравейте, съжалявам, че нямах достъп до интернет, тъй като бях отсъствал. За да бъда прозрачен с всички, аз също се боря с наркомания, както и с хазарт. Wewinwhenwedontplay Просто искам да кажа, че публикацията наистина означава повече за мен, отколкото знаете. Когато се чувствам като изгнаник и толкова сам, именно такива публикации ме карат да продължавам. Подадох предложение за потребител и до вчера играех хазарт. Изписаха ми Wellbutrin и съм на него вече 5 дни. Днес се събудих с различен поглед върху живота. Майка ми купи добавки и аз започнах отново тренировката си. Просто искам да кажа, че без семейството и приятелката си, вероятно вече бих се самоубил, бил съм бездомник наркоман или съм бил в затвора. Последните два месеца ми показаха, че хазартът наистина няма дъно. От вечеря в 5 -звездни ресторанти, пиене на най -добрите спиртни напитки, до бързо преместване с 1,5 месеца напред и загуба на Мерцедес, налагане на отпуск, загуба на апартамент, почти загуба на GF и многократно обмисляне на самоубийство. Прочетох публикация за онлайн хазарт, когато бях в гнева си през 2019 г. Ajd някой каза никога да не отваря тази кутия с червеи. Направих го и това ми съсипа живота. Спечелих, загубих, спечелих всичко, загубих го отново, спечелих всичко обратно, буквално изчистих дълга си чрез хазарт, отново имах много спестявания. След това загуби всичко. Хората ми казваха, че не става въпрос за парите, а аз никога не съм ги получавал. Разбира се, става въпрос за парите. Искам да забогатея! Сега разбирам. Наистина не е така. Хазартът е бягство. Всеки път, когато ми се случи нещо лошо, битка с мъдрост, стрес на работното място, борба с семейство, винаги ходих да залагам. Дори и да спечеля 20 000 .. няма да спра, докато всичко изчезне. Защото след като спрях .. тогава се връщам към реалността си .. затова не можех да спра. Сега всичко има смисъл. Хазартът не е за парите. Става дума за бягство от нашата реалност, защото когато сме в действие, нищо друго няма значение. Момчета, благодаря ви за цялата подкрепа. Загубих 6 фигури, загубих колата, за която се трудих толкова много. Моят апартамент, моето щастие .. моята радост за живота … но имам само малко надежда. По милостта на Бог, семейството ми, моя приятел, моите приятели, GA и тази група. Боря се да видя още един ден. Само за днес. Няма да залагам, няма да използвам, няма да пия. Аз не съм моята зависимост. Аз съм Стивън Мъри. Аз съм добро лице. Докато съм в сълзи, като пиша това. Хазартът открадна всичко, което ме направи такъв, какъвто съм. 13 години от живота ми отидоха за хазарт. Лъжите, тайната. Празнотата, изгубеното време, загубеното време с близките ми, разкъсаните взаимоотношения, загубеното доверие. Днес свършва. Днес казвам. МАЙНЕТЕ ви хазарта. Аз съм по -силен от теб ДЯВОЛ. Ще победя това с всяка частица от сърцето и душата си. Ако някой се занимава задълбочено с тази зависимост. Моля, не позволявайте да стигне до този момент. Моля, спасете себе си. Обичам ви всички. Благодаря ви на всички. Моля се за всички вас, моля се за мен. Ще се боря до смъртта. И ако това се случи, за да Ме убиеш. Дадох всичко, което имах. Довиждане за сега

[MurrS7]

Hey guys thanks for the messages. Sorry
It’s been a really long week at work. I did GA last week for th first time again. It’s just hard to accept I guess, that I’m back at a new rock bottom. It’s just such a monster and I have no compassion for myself.. I’m very hard on myself for what I did. Had counselling again today, she tries to explain I have a mental
Illness but I feel like there was so manh things I could have done to prevent losing it all again. Anyways. Haven’t gambled since Friday. Urges are insane but I have 0$ now.. feel terrible I placed a huge bet with the books and it lost, my friend ajd I a lot., and now he is on me for the cash. I feel teeeible cuz I told him the team to win.. they were up huge ajd lost last Second. Gambling is sick. New job interview this Thursday so I can make more $. Banned from the sites I was using indefinitely .. need my life back.. in the hole for 75k. To bank, bookies, family. Might do consumer proposal. This disease is so progressive and I never thought
This would be my life again at 31. Did it at 18,19,29,24,26,28.. 2 years clean almost and did it again at 31. Man I’m
Tired, sick.. sick and tired of this feeling. Never thought it would Happen again. I’m no expecting to gambling .. I am a statistic .. this is how everyone’s story ends.. if it wasn’t, none of us would be here right, we’d all
Be milllonaires. Much love to all. One day at a time.. longest I have gone without gambling in months. Day 3.. still feel like I’m dead inside. But I know it gets better in time. Prayers for all. Love all

[MurrS7]

Hey mensen bedankt voor de berichten. Sorry, het was een erg lange werkweek. Ik heb vorige week voor de eerste keer GA gedaan. Het is gewoon moeilijk te accepteren denk ik, dat ik terug ben op een nieuw dieptepunt. Het is gewoon zo'n monster en ik heb geen medelijden met mezelf.. Ik ben heel hard voor mezelf voor wat ik heb gedaan. Vandaag weer therapie gehad, ze probeert uit te leggen dat ik een psychische aandoening heb, maar ik heb het gevoel dat er zoveel dingen waren die ik had kunnen doen om te voorkomen dat ik alles weer kwijt zou raken. Hoe dan ook. Ik heb sinds vrijdag niet meer gegokt. Aandringen zijn krankzinnig, maar ik heb nu 0 $.. voel me vreselijk. Ik heb een enorme weddenschap geplaatst met de boeken en het verloor, mijn vriend heeft veel met mij gedaan., en nu is hij op mij voor het geld. Ik voel me teeeible omdat ik hem vertelde dat het team moest winnen … ze waren enorm gestegen en verloren de laatste seconde. Gokken is ziek. Nieuw sollicitatiegesprek deze donderdag, zodat ik meer $ kan verdienen. Verbannen van de sites die ik voor onbepaalde tijd gebruikte .. heb mijn leven terug .. in het gat voor 75k. Naar bank, bookmakers, familie. Zou een consumentenvoorstel kunnen doen. Deze ziekte is zo progressief en ik had nooit gedacht dat dit mijn leven weer zou zijn op 31. Deed het op 18,19,29,24,26,28.. 2 jaar schoon bijna en deed het opnieuw op 31. Man, ik ben moe , ziek.. ziek en moe van dit gevoel. Nooit gedacht dat het weer zou gebeuren. Ik verwacht niet te gokken.. Ik ben een statistiek.. dit is hoe ieders verhaal eindigt.. als het niet zo was, zou niemand van ons hier gelijk hebben, we zouden allemaal milllonairs zijn. Veel liefde voor iedereen. Dag voor dag.. het langste dat ik in maanden niet heb gegokt. Dag 3.. heb nog steeds het gevoel dat ik dood ben van binnen. Maar ik weet dat het met de tijd beter gaat. Gebeden voor iedereen. Hou van iedereen

[MurrS7]

Здравейте, благодаря за съобщенията. Съжалявам, че беше наистина дълга седмица на работа. Направих GA миналата седмица за първи път отново. Трудно е да се приеме, че се връщам на ново дъно. Това е просто такова чудовище и нямам състрадание към себе си .. Много съм твърд към себе си за това, което направих. Днес отново се консултирах, тя се опитва да обясни, че имам психично заболяване, но имам чувството, че е имало толкова много неща, които бих могла да направя, за да не загубя всичко отново. Както и да е. Не съм залагал от петък. Поривите са луди, но сега имам 0 $ .. чувствам се ужасно, направих огромен залог с книгите и той загуби, приятелят ми ajd I много. И сега той е на мен за пари. Чувствам се раздразнителен, защото му казах на отбора да спечели. Хазартът е болен. Ново интервю за работа този четвъртък, за да мога да спечеля повече. Забранен от сайтовете, които използвах за неопределено време … нужда от живота си обратно .. в дупката за 75k. До банка, букмейкъри, семейство. Възможно е потребителско предложение. Тази болест е толкова прогресираща и никога не съм мислил, че това ще бъде отново моят живот на 31 години , болен .. болен и уморен от това чувство. Никога не съм мислил, че ще се случи отново. Не очаквам да играя хазарт .. Аз съм статистика .. така завършва историята на всички .. ако не беше, никой от нас нямаше да е тук, всички щяхме да сме милионери. Много любов на всички. Един ден наведнъж .. най -дълго съм ходил без хазарт в месеци. Ден 3 .. все още се чувствам сякаш съм мъртъв вътре. Но знам, че с времето става все по -добре. Молитви за всички. Обичам ви всички

[MurrS7]

Thanks guys. Today I didn’t gamble, it’s the first day I didn’t bet in a couple weeks… honestly.. only because I had 0 left .. I would always scrounge around some cash to bet but today I did not find any. Sad reality but I feel like one day is better than none even if it was becxayse I literally
Couldn’t bet. Had one on one counselling today. I got a puppy and I think he will be my saviour. The same friend I lost all of his $ on my account bought me the dog… incredible he didn’t want to kill
Me instead want to help me…
I still have major cravings .. also battling substances too.. now the borders closed because of COVID so I can’t see my gf anymore. I think my dog will really help me get through this hell on earth. Tomorrow is day 2. I have such a long road ahead. I might do consumer proposal. The roller coaster of gambling is insane, I keep replaying it over and over. Why did I blow out all that $ on blackjack… the place and game that ruined my life 100x. Felt the same pain 1000x and it’s almost like I enjoy pain. Sports betting at least I was winning … there was more strategy.. but some how I threw it all away on blackjack . I can’t comprehend this. I was so scared to place more than 1000$ per night on sports.. yet I would be ok blowing 30k ina night on cards, I would literally have to lose 30 days in a row on sports to lose what I lose in blackjack in 1 hour.. where is the sense? Where is the logic? Why go back to the place that robbed me of everything. Sorry for venting .. I just can’t process what I have done. It’s INSANITY!! Odds of casino are build to win.. sports at least I was picking good teams vs bad teams: I know it all gambling but at least be smart if you’re going to gamble. I guess I needed this because the sports would just keep fueling my addiction and now I literally can’t bet on anything cuz I’m wiped clean: this is a sign.. this is what needed to happen to learn. This is the rock Bottom I never thought I could reach. And I know there is a further bottom than this. That’s the scariest part. A true monster. A true evil. Lord pray for everyone’s soul.

[MurrS7]

Bedankt jongens. Vandaag heb ik niet gegokt, het is de eerste dag dat ik niet heb gewed in een paar weken… eerlijk gezegd… alleen omdat ik er 0 over had.. Ik zou altijd wat geld rondscharrelen om in te zetten, maar vandaag vond ik er geen . Trieste realiteit, maar ik heb het gevoel dat een dag beter is dan geen, zelfs als het becxayse was, kon ik er letterlijk niet op wedden. Vandaag 1 op 1 begeleiding gehad. Ik heb een puppy en ik denk dat hij mijn redder zal zijn. Dezelfde vriend, ik verloor al zijn $ op mijn rekening, kocht de hond voor me… ongelooflijk hij wilde me niet vermoorden in plaats daarvan wilde me helpen… Ik heb nog steeds grote hunkeringen.. ook vechtend tegen middelen.. nu de grenzen gesloten vanwege COVID dus ik kan mijn vriendin niet meer zien. Ik denk dat mijn hond me echt door deze hel op aarde zal helpen. Morgen is dag 2. Ik heb zo'n lange weg voor de boeg. Ik zou een consumentenvoorstel kunnen doen. De achtbaan van gokken is krankzinnig, ik speel het steeds weer opnieuw. Waarom heb ik al die $ op blackjack weggeblazen… de plek en het spel dat mijn leven 100x verpestte. Voelde dezelfde pijn 1000x en het is bijna alsof ik van pijn geniet. Sportweddenschappen Ik was tenminste aan het winnen … er was meer strategie … maar op de een of andere manier gooide ik het allemaal weg bij blackjack. Ik kan dit niet bevatten. Ik was zo bang om meer dan $ 1000 per nacht aan sport te besteden.. toch zou ik het goed vinden om 30k per nacht op kaarten te blazen, ik zou letterlijk 30 dagen op rij moeten verliezen aan sport om te verliezen wat ik verlies in blackjack in 1 uur.. waar is de zin? Waar is de logica? Waarom teruggaan naar de plek die me van alles heeft beroofd. Sorry voor het ventileren.. Ik kan gewoon niet verwerken wat ik heb gedaan. Het is Krankzinnigheid!! Kansen van casino's zijn gemaakt om te winnen.. sport Ik koos in ieder geval goede teams versus slechte teams: ik weet dat het allemaal gokken is, maar wees in ieder geval slim als je gaat gokken. Ik denk dat ik dit nodig had omdat de sport mijn verslaving zou blijven voeden en nu kan ik letterlijk nergens op wedden want ik ben schoongeveegd: dit is een teken.. dit is wat er moest gebeuren om te leren. Dit is de rotsbodem waarvan ik nooit had gedacht dat ik die zou kunnen bereiken. En ik weet dat er een diepere bodem is dan dit. Dat is het engste deel. Een waar monster. Een waar kwaad. Heer bid voor ieders ziel.

[MurrS7]

Благодаря момчета. Днес не залагах, това е първият ден, в който не залагах след няколко седмици … честно казано .. само защото ми останаха 0 .. Винаги бих търсил около пари за залог, но днес не намерих . Тъжна реалност, но имам чувството, че един ден е по -добър от никой, дори и да беше така, буквално не можех да залагам. Днес имахме консултация едно към едно. Взех си кученце и мисля, че ще ми бъде спасител. Същият приятел, когото загубих всичките си $ за сметка, ми купи кучето … невероятно, че не искаше да ме убие, вместо това искаше да ми помогне … Все още имам голямо желание .. също се бори с вещества .. сега границите се затвориха заради COVID, така че не виждам повече моя gf. Мисля, че кучето ми наистина ще ми помогне да преживея този ад на земята. Утре е ден 2. Предстои ми толкова дълъг път. Може да направя предложение на потребителя. Владенето на влакче в увеселителен парк на хазарт е луд, аз го повтарям отново и отново. Защо изхвърлих всички тези $ на блекджек … мястото и играта, които 100 пъти съсипаха живота ми. Почувствах същата болка 1000 пъти и почти сякаш се наслаждавам на болката. Спортни залагания поне аз печелех … имаше повече стратегия .. но някои как изхвърлих всичко на блекджек. Не мога да разбера това. Бях толкова уплашен да поставя повече от 1000 $ на вечер за спорт .. все пак щях да съм добре да издухвам 30 хиляди вечерта на карти, буквално ще трябва да загубя 30 поредни дни в спорта, за да загубя това, което губя в блекджек за 1 час .. къде е смисълът? Къде е логиката? Защо да се връщам на мястото, което ме лиши от всичко. Съжалявам за обезвъздушаването. Просто не мога да обработя това, което направих. Глупост е !! Коефициентите на казиното се изграждат за победа .. спорт поне аз избирах добри отбори срещу лоши отбори: Знам всичко това на хазарт, но поне бъди умен, ако ще залагаш. Предполагам, че имах нужда от това, защото спортът просто щеше да подхрани зависимостта ми и сега буквално не мога да залагам на нищо, защото съм изтрит на чисто: това е знак .. това е, което трябваше да се случи, за да се науча. Това е скалното дъно, което никога не съм мислил, че мога да достигна. И знам, че има още едно дъно от това. Това е най -страшната част. Истинско чудовище. Истинско зло. Господи, моли се за душата на всеки.

[MurrS7]

Пожелавам най -доброто на всички.

[MurrS7]

Wish the best
To all.

[Author]

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