[MrExon]

ہیلو کیو ، مجھے امید ہے کہ آپ سب کچھ حل کر لیں گے۔ ایک وقت میں ایک دن۔ اپنا سر بلند رکھیں ، اور یاد رکھیں کہ اگر آپ کچھ چاہتے ہیں تو آپ اسے حاصل کر سکتے ہیں ، چاہے کتنا ہی مشکل کیوں نہ لگے۔ ایک مہینے میں ڈڈلی میں ملیں گے۔ خیال رکھیں ، اور جوئے سے آزاد رہیں! مسٹر ایکسن۔

[MrExon]

Salut Kev, j'espère que tu parviendras à tout arranger. Un jour à la fois. Gardez la tête haute et n'oubliez pas que si vous voulez quelque chose, vous pouvez l'obtenir, peu importe à quel point cela peut sembler difficile. Rendez-vous à Dudley dans un mois. Prenez soin de vous et restez libre de jouer ! MrExon

[MrExon]

Hei Kev, toivottavasti onnistut saamaan kaiken kuntoon. Yksi päivä kerrallaan. Pidä pääsi korkealla ja muista, että jos haluat jotain, voit saada sen, vaikka kuinka vaikealta se tuntuisi. Nähdään Dudleyssä kuukauden kuluttua. Ole varovainen ja pysy uhkapelinä! Herra Exon

[MrExon]

ਹੈਲੋ ਕੇਵ, ਮੈਨੂੰ ਉਮੀਦ ਹੈ ਕਿ ਤੁਸੀਂ ਹਰ ਚੀਜ਼ ਨੂੰ ਸੁਲਝਾਉਣ ਦਾ ਪ੍ਰਬੰਧ ਕਰੋਗੇ. ਇੱਕ ਸਮੇਂ ਇੱਕ ਦਿਨ. ਆਪਣਾ ਸਿਰ ਉੱਚਾ ਰੱਖੋ, ਅਤੇ ਯਾਦ ਰੱਖੋ ਕਿ ਜੇ ਤੁਸੀਂ ਕੁਝ ਚਾਹੁੰਦੇ ਹੋ, ਤਾਂ ਤੁਸੀਂ ਇਸਨੂੰ ਪ੍ਰਾਪਤ ਕਰ ਸਕਦੇ ਹੋ, ਚਾਹੇ ਉਹ ਕਿੰਨੀ ਵੀ ਮੁਸ਼ਕਲ ਕਿਉਂ ਨਾ ਲੱਗੇ. ਇੱਕ ਮਹੀਨੇ ਦੇ ਸਮੇਂ ਵਿੱਚ ਡਡਲੇ ਵਿੱਚ ਮਿਲਾਂਗੇ. ਧਿਆਨ ਰੱਖੋ, ਅਤੇ ਜੂਏ ਤੋਂ ਮੁਕਤ ਰਹੋ! ਮਿਸਟਰ ਐਕਸਨ

[MrExon]

Szia Kev, remélem sikerül mindent megoldanod. Egy nap. Emeld fel a fejed, és ne feledd, hogy ha akarsz valamit, megkaphatod, bármennyire is nehéznek tűnik. Egy hónap múlva találkozunk Dudleyben. Vigyázz magadra, és maradj szabad szerencsejáték! MrExon

[MrExon]

Day 58

Today I’m feeling good. I have cricket practice tonight, and I’m looking forward to that. My mum wants to take me shopping tomorrow (I haven’t bought myself clothes since I was 17, so 4 years ago). Saturday I have a cricket game, Satruday night I’m going out for a meal with a big group of friends, followed by going out clubbing and then Sunday my parents and my brother are coming to watch me play another cricket match.

Things that got to me yesterday:

1) lack of moral support from friends and family:

I may sound really selfish when I say this, but I feel like no one has my back at the moment. A month ago I told my parents I wanted them to come and watch me play cricket (why I should have to tell them to come is beyond me). We set a date in a calendar, and all was fine. It was this Sunday, and they are still coming. Just bare in mind I’ve played probably 7/8 games and my dad has come to 1, and my mum to none. Well yesterday I asked my mum if we would go together in the same car, and she had the gut to turn round and say “no, you go on your own as I don’t think we’ll stay for all of it”. Are you fucking kidding me? We set this date in the calendar a month ago, it’s a time when I’m stressed and depressed and need moral support, and you can’t even come to a whole match. Is this some kind of joke? My parents made all this fuss a few months back about “yeah we want to go and watch you but can’t, bla bla fucking bla”, all because I had a fit in front of my brother a while back saying that they aren’t supportive enough of me, yet that clearly hasn’t sunken in. I give up with them, they are supportive of what they want to be supportive of, and I can’t be arsed fighting over whether they can come and watch me play or not. They should want to come and watch. When my mum has singing concerts, I go to support her, I may not love it, but I do it because it means a lot to her. Clearly the feeling isn’t mutual.

2) my friend pissing his life up the wall:

My closest Spanish friend started dating a 35 year old woman with 2 kids who’s going through a divorce. He’s 20.
He met her through tennis (he’s a tennis coach) and they started hitting it off (whilst she was still in a relationship). We spoke extensively at the time of the pros and cons, and they didn’t do anything until she broke up with her husband. It’s a bloody long and boring story, but they are now dating and have been for around 6 months. Anyway, I haven’t seen my mate properly in a long time, not as much as we used to anyway. I understand he has a woman in his life and that takes up his time, but there’s limits. He no longer goes out with any of his friends from his friend group as “they aren’t proper friends”. He meets me and another friend on the odd occasion, and we don’t end up doing much or seeing each other for very long.
Anyhow, we met up last night to have dinner and watch a film (they had an open cinema night where I live, outside. It was really nice). I ended up driving him home, and we sat and chatted for a couple of hours. We used to do this ALL the time, we both love talking about life, and he has a great philosophy on life. It used to be brilliant. Anyway, we get talking about HIM, about how his work is going in the fields (he has a lot of land for produce) and how his tennis is going. Then the subject of his girlfriend comes up, which we ALWAYS talk about for 50% + the time we spend together. he didn’t ONCE ask me how I was doing, how I was getting on, whether I was ready for going back to England to GM. Nothing. I end up flipping out and saying I’m fucking fed up of doing everything everyone else wants to do, yet no one wants to do what I want to do. One thing I really love is going out clubbing. I’m a huge music fan, I love dancing, and I like having a drink. It’s my ideal situation. Most of my male friends dislike it, or don’t have the money to go out. He however, loves it. Last summer we spent 6 days going out to bands and clubbing, all in the space of 9 days. We loved going out, chatting up women, drinking, dancing, talking, laughing. Well, summer fiestas in our village start on Saturday, and they last 9 days. He doesn’t want to go out for a single one. “I hate clubbing” he said. I don’t know how I didn’t smack him. I told him he’s changing, and he only has time for what he wants to have time for. It’s bullshit. He works a lot, I know, but so do I. He has time for his girlfriend, but none for no one else. I’m fed up. I said “look mate, I’m going in 4 weeks for almost 4 months. Can you not even ask me what I want to do, and just do it? Even if you despise it, do it, do it for me.” Nothing. He’s convinced he’s in the right, that he hasn’t changed, and that he still likes what he used to like, and still hates what he used to hate. I give up.

The worst thing is it’s not just him. Any friends I go out and see, everyone’s so stuck up their own fucking arses that they don’t care about anyone else, then there’s me who just goes around and does what everyone else wants to do because if I didn’t, well I’d be stuck at home all day.

I’ve decided to put two fingers up to everyone, do what I want for 4 weeks because I’m going to have a lot of freedom taken away from me when I’m back at GM, and I’m gonna miss it. I’m fed up of running around trying to make everyone else happy and then end up suffering myself. If no one wants to go clubbing, screw them, I’ll go myself. I’m only doing what I want to do these next few weeks, as I believe that I’m in the right to be a bit selfish for once. (This doesn’t mean i’m not gonna do the washing up because I don’t feel like it).

Sorry if this comes across as aggressive, it’s my thread and I think it’s best to get the emotions out rather than exploding.

Advice anyone?

MrExon

[MrExon]

Hello Velvet (again),

I was referring to my own thread. I don’t know whether to reply to every person that posts on my own thread, or just write a post on my own thread and reply to everyone via that. Do you understand what I mean?

I am trying to keep up with everyone and everything, I’m normally quite good at it and also I don’t like to leave anything unturned or unanswered.

Take care.

MrExon

[MrExon]

Hello Velvet,

I read your two posts yesterday, but I’d already written an awful lot, and I was actually at work and wasn’t doing what I should’ve been doing!

I appreciate your support and you answering my questions. I spoke to Amy yesterday and explained that I know it’s not a spa hotel, but I just wanted to know more or less the things we would get up to. When I received an email from her, there was a list of things that we could/couldn’t take, and not being able to take certain things made me feel like there was a “prison” feeling to it – this clearly isn’t the case. There’s a games room, TV, library, we can go out shopping, we do activities, etc. I think there will be moments of boredom (like always in life), but as you say, you’re there for one reason and that’s to learn and cope about being a compulsive gambler. You aren’t there for entertainment, so what do a few moments of boredom matter in the scheme of things, when the reward of having been there is so much more imporant?

I think my mum is disappointed about not being able to go and see where I’m going to be, but I completely understand why they do it. I need to be there because I want to be there, there’s no point in anyone holding my hand and dropping me off – it’s not a nursery.

I will tell my mum about the forums at some point – she’s very busy with work at the moment, but I’m sure she will find some time and use it. Whether she does or doesn’t, that’s her choice, but I do think that it would do her some good. My gran likewise. They are both very similar, and they panic massively – my dad on the other hand is very chill about the whole thing. What’s done is done, the solution is going to GH. He analysises everything and when you split big problems into little situations, it’s much easier to cope with. It’s funny though, as my parents cope in complete opposite ways.

The program now is 14 weeks, with an initial 2 weeks assesment period. I’m also panicing a bit as I don’t know what they “assess” and I don’t want to be told to that I’m not needed there after the first 2 weeks!

I’m now just trying to enjoy my time left, and hope that the 29th of August comes round as quick as possible.

Thanks for your support.

MrExon

[MrExon]

Hi Milk,

I couldn’t agree more. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Mistakes at the time are horrible, especially mistakes with big repercussions. As time passes though, you almost appreciate making those mistakes, as it makes you into a stronger and better person. At this current time, I hate the fact that I’ve become a gambling addict, but I’m sure that in the future I will look back on these days and think “don’t worry mate, you’ve got over it, and you’re a much better person because of it”.

The debt is a bummer, but fortunately I’m young (21) and couldn’t get myself into THAT much debt. I couldn’t get a big loan or a mortgage, and that’s what saved my ass – my age. I was about 5k in debt but I’ve managed to pay it off slowly but surely. I should be debt free in a months time!

Take care, and stay gamble free!

MrExon

[MrExon]

Hey Kstep,

Welcome, and congratulations on starting up your own post. It’s a big step. I’ve also been commenting for a while, which is great, but it’s always good to tell your own story on your own thread.

I’m glad you feel like you have a sense of direction. I remember that when I used to gamble, I used to feel lost, without any motivation at all. I’m sure you can relate. Giving over your finances is the best thing you will ever do for yourself. I got paid yesterday, and had my parents not been in charge of my finances, I would’ve probably gambled it all – even though I’ve been gamble free for 8 weeks. It’s incredible how well you can be doing, but the second you have money in your hand, the devil on your shoulder is very convincing. Having none, or very little money is the best way forward.

How long have you been gamble free? Are you managing to cope? I think you need to forget about figures, and remember that even had you not added teams to enhance the odds, you would still have LOST. This is because you, like myself and many others, are a gambling addict, and winning is never enough. We could’ve all hit the jackpot day after day, I did time and time again, but winning isn’t what we look for. We are gambling addicts, compulsive gamblers, it’s all we know. We convince ourselves we can win, and that we’re going to win, but even if we do, we still lose it. We can’t pace ourselves, we can’t limit ourselves, we have no self control. You need to accept that, or else you will convince yourself to gamble again. I also used to say “yeah, plan your bets, only bet on what you know, you can win that way”, and look where I am. It doesn’t matter whether you can or can’t win – we didn’t win. That’s the point. We didn’t, we couldn’t and we never will. Accept it, or it will kill you, slowly. I know it’s hard to forget about the figures, and “what if I had done this”, or “I should’ve stuck to the plan”. We’ve all done it, we’ve all said it. But we were never looking to win money, we gambled to escape our issues. It’s simple. It’s all we know, it’s all we have known, and if we aren’t careful, it’s all we will know.

I also used to enjoy gambling because it was fun looking at the statistics, the porcentages, the value bets. I remember it all, and I used to enjoy it. I still would today, but I have no self control, therefore I can’t enjoy it. I’ve accepted that, and it’s something I will have to live with forever. I can’t just gamble a bit, it’s all or nothing, and I’ve tried “all” and it fucked my life up good. I’m now gonna try the “nothing”, and life will be much better.

It’s great you’re keeping busy – it will help. You will have good and bad days, but keeping yourself busy will prevent you thinking about gambling, and that’s the most important thing.

Do you have your date for GM yet? If not, I hope you get yours soon. I got mine yesterday fortunately, after an 8 week wait.

Take it easy, stay safe, and stay gamble free.

MrExon

[MrExon]

I can’t get enough of the forums!

I can’t keep up with these forums! I’m posting here there and everywhere, replying to everyone and everything!

With regards to my own post, what do you think I should do? Do I reply to each persons post, or do I just right my own post whenever I feel like it, and acknowledge that I’ve read people’s posts? I say what I want to say when I reply to everyone’s posts on my own thread, but I feel too drained and typed out to then write a post of my own on here (like right now)!

Not much else to add really, I’ve spoken to GH today and I’m going to be going the day after the 29th. I wont get back until Tuesday evening so I’m going to have to stay somewhere and go in on Wednesday morning. This isn’t a massive issue but nothing ever works out!! I’ve been told it’s not a problem, but I would’ve liked to have been there on the first day. No point in stressing about that though.

I’m stressing (only a little) about how bored I’m going to be there. I’m a VERY active person, I go out everyday, I love to do sports, socialize, play games, etc. I found out yesterday that we can’t even play card games! I mean I understand WHY, but what are we meant to do, locked in a house all day, with nothing to do? There’s only so many books you can read, and so much you can talk, right? Am I over analysing this, or am I missing something? I know it’s not a hotel spa, but I feel that I’m going to be pulling my hair out. I also love my music, I listen to music 8 hours a day at work, and after work too. They won’t allow us to take anything that I can think that plays music, apart from a radio, but that’s hardly listening to music. I know we have to sacrifice things, because we are going to be gaining a lot from being in there, but I’m just stressing at the thought of being in a prison like house for 14 weeks and getting to the point where I’m worse in there than where I am at the moment. Can someone who’s been in GH go through a typical day of what you do in there? What do you do for 16 hours every day?

Sorry, I’m really OCD and I don’t like the unknown. I like everything being ordered and knowing what I’m going to be doing and when, and people telling me “you’ll see what it’s like when you get there” doesn’t help, it makes me stress even more.

Anyway, I’m having a much better week this week, I’ve got my start date, my flights are booked, everything is sorted. Now I’ve just got to play the waiting game, and enjoy my last few weeks before I go back.

Take care all, and thanks for the support.

MrExon

EDIT: I have just spoken to Amy AGAIN and she has answered all of my questions. Knowing that we actually will be able to go out shopping, doing sport, and on Saturday’s a group activity, I feel much more comfortable.

[MrExon]

Hi Geordie,

My mum won’t be coming in the end, as they won’t let her in! I’m not surprised, nor would I! Just kidding. She wanted to be at rest by knowing where I would be and what it would be like, but I know the system isn’t set up for parents, it’s set up for gambling addicts, and it is what it is. I think it’s better that way, but I know she will be panicing. My brother left to join the British Army at 16 and I know how hard it was for her. She still struggles when he comes and goes now, 7 years on! I have been very fortunate I have to say, and I thank GM so much for the opportunity. I think my mum was very worried after this weekend, and so was I, and her emailing Amy certainly seemed to have sped up the procedure.

5 weeks os 5 weeks, I’ve been waiting for 8 so 5 is only a portion of that. I have lots of things to look forward to between now and then – my brother is coming out on Saturday for a few weeks, Fiesta week starts this Saturday, I have 2 cricket matches on the weekend, my gran, uncle, and aunt are coming out just before I go back, so there’s lots to do and no time to gamble!

I’m happy that so many people are supporting me, it feels great, and I realise that I should be proud of myself. It’s been a hard couple of months, but nobody said it would be easy. It’s been the worst period of my life to say the least, but it’s an investment. It’s an investment inmyself, in my future, in my life. I’m putting in the grind now, so that later I can relax and live a gamble free life. I have so many plans for the future. Plans, I never had plans when I used to gamble. My plan was where I was going to get my next bunch of cash from to go and gamble with. I want to go on holiday next year with my friends, I want to start up my own business plan, I want to keep fit, start boxing. I want to be happy. I want live life. I want to me gamble free.

I hopefully will be able to visit Essex after GM, who knows, but I know that now it’s not convenient to go back, so it will have to wait. I know and accept that.

I know that i’m likely to have more shit days between now GM, but that’s life. I will get over the bumps, and I will be a stronger person because of it. I WILL stay gamble free, I WILL go to GH, and I WILL come out of it the person I once was.

Enjoy your sandwiches you cheeky bugger!

Take care, and stay gamble free mate!

MrExon

[MrExon]

Hi Jonny,

Thanks for your message. I’m glad you’re doing well too. Keep it up mate.

Stay strong, stay gamble free!

MrExon

[MrExon]

Hello Velvet,

Thank you! So am I, I really am. I was really lost before now, not knowing when or where I was going. It’s stressful livving like that – I’ve described it time and time again as being in limbo. I now have some focus, some motivation and a goal.

I have just spoken to the people in charge at GM and I am going to go back on my own – they won’t let any family members in so it’s not worth my mum flying back with me and then back again, especially if they’re going to wave her off at the front door. I actually would prefer going back on my own, so I’m almost glad in a way. We can do our goodbyes at the airport.

Thank you for offering to help her with explaining the procedure, I really appreciate it, and so will she. I will tell her today and see what she says. She doesn’t know much about the forums, but I’m sure she’d get something out of using them, just like I have.

There is no perfect time to go, but as you say, the 29th is the perfect day. That’s a contradiction but I understand what I mean, and I’m sure most of you do too. There’s no point in finding the least inconvenient day, as no day is convenient to start, but I am looking forward to it (in a rather strange way).

I love saying what I want on the forums, it’s my life, my story, and no one can judge me for it. You can get things off your chest that you never knew you had anyway, and it makes life easier.

My goal is to be gamble free by the time I go in, and if I achieve that (which I’m quite confident that I will), I will have been over 12 weeks gamble free. I will likely have a 12 week advantage over some people in there, and I hope that because of this that I can absorbe more whilst being in there, as I will be a lot more open minded and less stressed than if I had stopped gambling on the first day of going in.

Thanks for your time and your support Velvet, I really do appreciate it.

Take care, stay strong!

Mr Exon

[MrExon]

Hi Jonny,

I can’t keep up with both your posts!!

It’s so great to hear that you are able to decline offers to gamble. Even though it’s fantasy gaming or gambling, it’s the littlest things that trigger us. Better to be safe than sorry. It will make you a stronger person by saying no, as you say.

It’s great that you’re out of debt. I personally have 1 month left until I am also debt free (almost ever penny of my earning has gone to paying it off), and I bet it feels great. Having no money, and being in debt is only more likely to trigger you. One less thing out of the way, well done.

It’s hard when you meet other people with problems – you really want to help them, but you don’t want them to lead you down the wrong path. I think you do have to be selfish and put yourself first, but remember that without other people’s help, you might not be where you are today. It’s a very tough one, but the decision comes down to whether they will put you in jeopardy. I think you probably made the right decision, baring in mind you haven’t known that person very long as it is.

Great to hear about the savings, the future, the investments. Try not to get hooked on stock markets as it’s also a form of gambling. It’s something I know I will have to prevent myself from doing in the future as I know I will more than likely get hooked on that too!

Stay strong, stay fit, keep doing sport, working out, meditation. Stay gamble free.

MrExon

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