[MrExon]

Hey mate!

It’s been a while. How’s it hanging? I finished GMA and stayed on at the halway house, I did about 7 months in total. Been gamble free for almost 2 years now! Hope you’re well.

Rory

[MrExon]

Hello all,

MrExon here! Thought I’d do a quick update whilst I have my phone as I’ve been meaning to for a few weeks now.

GM is so much better than I thought it would be. It’s not a prison like I had imagined. You get a lot of freedom, but the rules are the rules and you have to abide by them no matter what.

We get lots of free time which is great to reflect and chat eith the lads. There’s a great bunch of lads in here, all from different backgrounds and walks of life. Ages range from 21 to 62 which is great as many people have a lot more experiencie and wisdom than myself. In my house is kstep85 who is a decent lad, he’s fun to be around and supportive all hours of the day. Then there’s Adam who’s only a year older than me, which is great as we can relate a lot. He’s very supportive and loves a good laugh. We get on like a house on fire us 3, and I couldn’t have wished for 2 better housemates. I really hope that we can be mates for life, I’ve never met two more genuine lads in my life. I’m blessed to be in with them.

As some of you may know, everyone here is on a different week of their course, so we see people come and go almost weekly. It is sad to see people leave, but they are ready for the real world. It’s good to see new people come in, as you can appreciate the difference between the mentality of someone just starting and someone just finishing. I have finished my 6/14 week today. It’s bloody flown by!

The course is great, although not as intense as I thought it would be. Aprox. 10hrs a week in total. You relate more to some topics than others, and the way I’ve found it id that I learn a lot on one day, then not much for a few days, and then I relate to something again and it sinks in. I’ve had a few ups and downs since I’ve been here, but one thing for sure is I’m here for the long run.

I’ve realised so many things about myself and about my past that I never knew – I lost out on a big part if my early teens due to being in another country and not comfortable with myself or my surroundings, and also how much of a negative impact being made independent has had an effect on me. I’m not going to blab on about the negatives, but it’s amazing how many things he hide from ourselves. Also, our emotions are what make us hinge on a decision, and how much of an impact they have on our day to day. All these things I’ve learnt from being here, and had I not come here, I would never know today.

In our free time we play pool, darts, table tennis, football and badminton. It’s great to be able to compete with the other lads, and it’s healtht for all of us. On Saturday’s we go our and do an activity together which is great for spending time all together.

In general I’m feeling great. I’ve gotten back a lot of my confidence, I have more respect for myself and others, I’m more accepting of everything in general, and I’m all roud happier in general. I haven’t thought about being unhappy/depressed since week 1, which is a really positive sign. Being here is the best decision I’ve ever made.

That’s about it for now. I hope you’re all doing great and remaining gamble free! I’m on around 125days gamble free so far which feels amazing.
-“He who says he can, and he who says he can’t are both usually right.”

Stay gamble free guys, screw the demon inside us.

Take care all, and much love.

MrExon – Rory

[MrExon]

13 weeks.

Well I’ll be damned, I thought it was 14 weeks until I just checked on here! Anyhow, 91 days is a bloody long time to not do anything for.

I don’t know how to start this off really. I haven’t posted in weeks – nor have I wanted to, nor have I needed to, nor havd I had time to. It’s been a stressful few weeks…

Firstly, Geordie I am in a travelodge in Dudley right st this very moment, and tomorrow I will be embarking on the start of a new beginning. I am looking forward to going to GM but I am shitting it massively at the same time. I am very tired, I have had to catch 2 planes 2 trains and a taxi to get here and I just want my bed, but I promised myself that I would write before going in. Thanks for being by my side every step of the way, I’ve thought about you every day and I hope to god you’re doing well (I’m sure you are). I really wanted to write to you but if it wasn’t going to come out naturally then I didn’t want to force it. I did want to but I didn’t want to be on the forjms in the past weeks.

My life has kind of flipped upside down in the past 3 or so weeks. I’ve met a girl, the job I thought I would have post GM I don’t think I will have, I’ve realised my weak points with my parents, my bestfriend has let me down, people I thought weren’t my friends have demonstrated they love me, my uncle has been extremely helpful, etc. I can’t go on and on, it’s late and I am tired and I have an early start.

I’m disapointed i have left this until now. I like writing and ai”. **** for leaving it until now, and for stopping writing kn the first place. There are so many things I can write about from my past few weeks, but do you know what? It’s in the past, just like my gambling will be. I’m here, almost in GM, and I’m determined to get my life back on track. I have half the world behind me, and it’s now just down to me.

Go team Rory.

Thanks to everyone else, I mentioned Geordie because he’d been there since day one but shoutouts to Jonny, Vera and everyone else who has supported me along the way. This isn’t a goodbye. This is a see you later. Not a full stop, but a new parragraph. This isn’t a new life, but a new chapter of my life.

I really would love to ramble on but I haven’t the time. Thanks guys, you don’t know how much I mean that.

Keep up with your recoveries. These next 98 days are going to be fucking hard for me, and I’m gonna be rooting for every one of you guys, and I hope you’ll be doing the same for me.

Take care.

MrExon

To be resumed.

[MrExon]

Hi all,

Coming up to 11 weeks on Tuesday.

I’ve had a great weekend, we’ve had some Americans over, who are friends of my dads, and we’ve all had a good laugh. Life every day is a struggle for different reasons. The gambling no longer affects me (and hasn’t done for a long time). The only time I think about gambling is when I say to myself “Oh damn, almost 11 weeks! I never think about actually gambling, and that side of things has been easy. The hard bit has been all the underlying feelings coming to light. I’m emotionally weak and I flip in a matter of seconds over very little. I’m so happy that I haven’t relapsed and that I haven’t even wanted to gambling, or been close to.

I haven’t been motivated to write on here at all lately. Not sure why, I just haven’t. My mind has been in other places and I’ve been quite busy.

I met this girl last weekend, a girl I’ve known for about 7 years. We’ve hit it off so well, and I met up with her last night and we were with each other for 4 hours in a bar, and then 3 hours in my car (getting up to no good!). I had a brilliant time, one of the best days I can remember in a long time. I haven’t wanted a girlfriend in over a year (I was with a girl about 10 months ago but I was only with her because she wanted to be with me, it was strange but I never felt anything for her). This is the first time that I’ve actually met a girl I can see myself with since my other girlfriends who I broke up with about 18months ago (more or less). It was hard for me to get over her and I probably still haven’t fully gotten over her, but this girl I’ve been getting to know I want to get to know even more and more. She’s great, she understand me, she gets me, I get her, she makes me laugh, she makes me smile, she makes me feel good about myself, she makes me forget about my fu**ed up life, she makes me want to keep moving forward, one step at a time. She knows I’m going back to England to GM in 2 weeks time, she knows why, and she has been very supportive and very helpful. She hasn’t judged me at all and I respect her so much for that. She’s just told me that if things carry on going the way they are now, that she won’t have any reason to meet anyone whilst I’m back. I can’t be selfish and ask her to wait for me, but if we’re both happy with things are going, it can wait, right? Is this a bad move? I know it’s been quick, and it’s sudden, but I’ve always been like that with relationships. I know straight away if I like someone, I look for certain aspects and if they tick the boxes and the first date is 10/10, then I know I could be with her. Is this a bad idea though? It’s confusing me a lot, I don’t want to screw up GM or my chances with her, I’ve fancied her since I met her, and whenever I’ve seen her since then (which hasn’t been that many times), she’s always made my heart go 1000 to the dozen.

I don’t want to lose yet ANOTHER thing in life. If I weren’t to go back to GM I could see myself with this girl in a few months time. We’re both quite crazy about each other, but GM is in the middle. I am 100% going, but I don’t want to come back and the first thing I find out is she’s with someone else or that she doesn’t want anything to do with me (for whatever reason).

Anyway, this is what’s been on my mind. My relationship with my parents is kinda “back on track”, but I am looking forward to getting some space and going to GM. I think it will do us all some good.

Stay safe guys, stay gamble free as always.

MrExon

[MrExon]

71 days.

10 weeks it was yesterday since I last gambled. I’m not gonna ramble on about that anymore as I don’t fancy it.

I had a mate’s birthday party last night, and didn’t get home til 7am. Work with my parents at 9:30am, they obviously weren’t pleased this morning. They kicked off, my dad said that I should be sacked as I’m not worth shit, blah blah ****ing blah, same shit different ****ing day dad. Have the balls to say it to my face but you don’t, because you’re fake and you say it behind my back. I got really really angry and ended up putting my fist throw the bathroom window.

Mum wanted to have a chat with me and a lot of emotion and anger came out, followed by way too many tears. My parents problem is they don’t understand how much of an emotional wreck I am. I do stuff without thinking about it or thinking it’s a good idea, but in reality it maybe isn’t. They’re on top of me twice as much as normal, and it’s getting too much. Monday I didn’t want to go to GM and now I want to go tomorrow. Every day is an emotional rollercoaster, it’s draining. They don’t understand that gamblers only understand 1 thing – gambling. We’ve lived for so long doing sleep gamble eat repeat, that we have lost all consciousness of the world and it’s surroundings. We don’t value money, friends, family, love, food, time, love, emotions, feelings, NOTHING. I have to relearn all these things every other human being knows. My parents don’t get that. They don’t get that I’m effectively a baby that has a gambling problem.

Just wanted to get that off my chest. I had a great night but a shit morning, my hand hurts like **** and my Dad wont even look me in the face – nothing new there then.

ARGHHHHH take it easy.

EDIT: I have read all your comments but I don’t have the time nor the energy to reply at the moment. I’m struggling to post 1 thing just on here…

MrExon

[MrExon]

Hai Kev, Maaf karena tidak membalas lebih cepat, sangat sibuk! Terima kasih atas pujiannya – saya menghargainya. Semoga sukses dengan program ini, Anda dapat melakukannya jika Anda mau melakukannya. Pertahankan dagu Anda, tetap kuat, dan seperti yang Anda katakan, lakukan yang terbaik, dan jika Anda bisa, lakukan lebih banyak juga! Ingat mengapa Anda berada di sana. Hati-hati sobat. MrExon

[MrExon]

Ehi Kev, scusa se non ti ho risposto prima, ero dannatamente impegnato! Grazie per i complimenti – lo apprezzo. Buona fortuna con il programma, puoi farlo se ti impegni. Tieni il mento alto, sii forte e, come dici tu, fai del tuo meglio e, se puoi, fallo anche un po' di più! Ricorda perché sei lì. Abbi cura di te. MrExon

[MrExon]

Привет, Кев, извини, что не ответил раньше, чертовски занят! Спасибо за комплименты – я ценю это. Желаем удачи с программой, вы сможете это сделать, если задумаетесь. Поднимите подбородок, оставайтесь сильными и, как вы говорите, делайте все возможное, а если можете, делайте еще немного! Помни, зачем ты там. Береги друг друга. MrExon

[MrExon]

مرحبًا كيف ، آسف لعدم الرد عاجلاً ، لقد كنت مشغولاً بالدماء! شكرا على الإطراء – أنا أقدر ذلك. حظًا موفقًا في البرنامج ، يمكنك القيام بذلك إذا ركزت عقلك عليه. حافظ على ذقنك مرتفعًا ، وابقى قويًا ، وكما تقول ، افعل ما بوسعك ، وإذا استطعت ، فافعل المزيد أيضًا! تذكر سبب وجودك هناك. اتخاذ زميله الرعاية. MrExon

[MrExon]

Hei Kev, anteeksi, ettet vastannut aikaisemmin, ollut helvetin kiireinen! Kiitos kehuista – arvostan sitä. Onnea ohjelmaan, voit tehdä sen, jos laitat mielesi siihen. Pidä leuka pystyssä, pysy vahvana, ja kuten sanot, tee parhaasi ja jos pystyt, tee myös vähän enemmän! Muista miksi olet siellä. Varo kaveri. Herra Exon

[MrExon]

Ħej Kev, Jiddispjacini talli ma weġbitx qabel, kont imdemmi! Grazzi tal-kumplimenti – napprezzaha. Awguri bil-programm, tista 'tagħmel dan jekk tpoġġi moħħok għalih. Żomm il-geddum tiegħek, ibqa 'b'saħħtu, u kif tgħid, agħmel minn kollox, u jekk tista', agħmel ftit iktar ukoll! Ftakar għaliex qiegħed hemm. Oqgħod attent mate. MrExon

[MrExon]

Ei Kev, Desculpe por não responder antes, estou muito ocupado! Obrigado pelos elogios – agradeço. Boa sorte com o programa, você pode fazer isso se quiser. Mantenha o queixo erguido, seja forte e, como você diz, dê o seu melhor e, se puder, faça um pouco mais também! Lembre-se de por que você está lá. Cuide-se companheiro. MrExon

[MrExon]

Hey Kev, Daha önce cevap veremediğim için üzgünüm, çok meşguldüm! İltifatlar için teşekkürler – Bunu takdir ediyorum. Programda iyi şanslar, kafanıza koyarsanız yapabilirsiniz. Çeneni dik tut, güçlü kal ve dediğin gibi elinden gelenin en iyisini yap ve yapabilirsen biraz daha fazlasını da yap! Neden orada olduğunu hatırla. Kendine dikkat et kanka. BayExon

[MrExon]

Čau Kev, atvainojos, ka neatbildēju ātrāk, biju asiņaini aizņemts! Paldies par komplimentiem – es to novērtēju. Lai veicas programmai, jūs to varat izdarīt, ja pieliekat savu prātu. Turiet zodu uz augšu, esiet stiprs un, kā jūs sakāt, dariet visu iespējamo, un, ja varat, dariet arī nedaudz vairāk! Atcerieties, kāpēc jūs esat tur. Rūpējies biedrs. MrExon

[MrExon]

Ei Kev, Desculpe por não responder antes, estou muito ocupado! Obrigado pelos elogios – agradeço. Boa sorte com o programa, você pode fazer isso se quiser. Mantenha o queixo erguido, seja forte e, como você diz, dê o seu melhor e, se puder, faça um pouco mais também! Lembre-se de por que você está lá. Cuide-se companheiro. MrExon

[Author]

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