[Monkeycf]

Day 2

Feeling slightly more positive today, had a 4 hour GA meeting on zoom yesterday and then another one after, it’s the medicine I need.

Going for another meeting today and then an in person meeting with a fellowship I know well tomorrow.

One day at a time

[Monkeycf]

Dag 2 Ik voelde me vandaag iets positiever, had gisteren een GA-vergadering van 4 uur op zoom en daarna nog een, het is het medicijn dat ik nodig heb. Vandaag gaan we voor nog een vergadering en morgen een persoonlijke ontmoeting met een fellowship die ik goed ken. Een dag tegelijk

[Monkeycf]

Ден 2 Чувствах се малко по -позитивен днес, вчера имах 4 -часова среща на GA на zoom и след това още една след това, това е лекарството, от което се нуждая. Отивам на друга среща днес и след това на лична среща с колега, която познавам добре утре. Един ден наведнъж

[Monkeycf]

День 2 Чувствуя себя немного более позитивным сегодня, вчера у меня была 4-часовая встреча ГА, а потом еще одна, это лекарство, которое мне нужно. Собираюсь на другое собрание сегодня, а затем завтра лично встречаюсь с товарищем, которого я хорошо знаю. Один день за раз

[Monkeycf]

Still no gambling and better yet I’ve had access to money, staying focused at the moment, I want to start looking at forgiving myself a little bit a time, I can’t take back what I’ve done but I can take control now, dad still being my rock, thank god, I will make him proud, and one day I’m gonna make my family proud.

[Monkeycf]

I am blocking myself from all my local bookies, I haven’t gone back since, will leave my bank card at home on Monday so can’t be tempted by walking in there.

Day 2 no gambling.

[Monkeycf]

I lost £500 today, talked myself into £100 only quickly turned to £500, why do I do this to myself 🙁 day 1 starts again tomorrow, I really hate myself right now

[Monkeycf]

Hard day today and not sure why, walked into town started to consider going to the bookies and playing the machines, snapped out of my head quickly and walked back to the office, one day I think I could never gamble again then all of a sudden that thoughts comes into my head, I’m pleased I walked away but scared at the same time.

[Monkeycf]

Still managing to hold it together, feel bad anytime anyone tells me they love me me that don’t know what I have actually done.

Trying to focus on the future and what life could be like with not gambling and the money that I will have from saving.

Trouble is time goes slowly when not gambling but on a positive note time with my family will increase with things going so slow just have to keep my head together this time and things will slowly get back to some type of normality.

[Monkeycf]

It’s only been a few days but not gambled since I did this post, longest I’ve gone in years.

I have confessed every little bit to my dad, somehow he still cares and I have given him control of my finances, still hoping for this loan to make life liveable and trying to keep strong.

Thank you for the words of encouragement

[Monkeycf]

Your right, however I slipped again last night, the one site I had left with my final cash out, got lucky won another £2000, think I’d feel great nope just showed how what others would class as an amazing win was just a dip in the ocean, I have contacted them advised after this withdrawal I would like my account closed, day 1 starts again today.

Please let me finally wake from this nightmare 6 years to make the money back I’ve lost overall.

[Monkeycf]

Another day without gambling, the thought keeps crossing my mind, the idea of one more go I could win some of it back and be in a slightly better position, but in truth I would probably win a bit and then lose it all again, I will stay strong, I have set myself a budget to follow, I’m trying to convince myself that they only way to fix this problem is to stop and start saving, I am never going to win it back I just have to accept its gone, but that thought just feels me with dread on all the good things I could have done,.

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