[Monkey15]

It would break my 88 year olds fathers heart, possibly kill him if he got any inkling what has happened. I like your idea about making some phone calls tomorrow and attempts to work out a plan of payment. I see we also have a Christians against poverty as a possibility here. I feel strong enough in dealing with this myself at the moment and will starts my research and calls tomorrow with them. Thanks so much idi for planting the seeds of hope and from your own shared experiences and perspective of going through this shite. Thank you so much.

[Monkey15]

I live in NZ but will look that up. So, you told the banks you were going through a step plan for gambling? Someone else here thought it wasn’t such a good idea to revel that although surely they would see there is an issue from my activity on their cards and statements??? This could be an option, of course. Feeling a little more hopeful so thank idi.

[Monkey15]

Yes, your comments most definitly help, I can honestly say that I devour every comment made. This has been instrumental in my current recovery plan, action the way I feel about my life today. I feel a little as you do about people finding out. This would have a huge impact on my work, family and friends. My family, as I have mentioned earlier have supported me before when attempts to fight this addiction. The last time was about 7 years ago and they made it very clear they wouldn’t do this anymore. I still feel so embarrassed around them about this and feel their suspicions at times. I’m super sensitive. It would break my elderly parents hearts and I just can’t go there again….

Financially, I’m in a awful situation. Basically $60,000. That I can’t pay back. No one will loan me anymore money, can’t borrow anymore against a house that my father and I own together, he lives their, as my brother and sister put a block on it, so I couldn’t borrow anymore against it which is to protect him….another long story….I tried to get a part time job on top of my current full time work, with no luck but this isn’t the answer. I have 3 credit cards and 3 personal loans all on high interest. Basically I do not have enough funds to cover these monthly payments. I’m terrified that they will force the sale of my shared house with my father…can they do this if the loans are not taken out against a house? It’s probably a good thing I’m thinking and looking at this now rather than ignoring the fact that I need to face up and devise some sort of plan, whatever that may mean….the best person to do this with me is my partner as he is good with budgeting. I’m talking about a plan and support, not a hand out from him.

Today is a warm summers day, I’m blessed that where I live is so close to the beach and a sleepy holiday village. I’m sitting in bed hearing the local birdlife and crashing of waves drinking my first cup of tea for the day. Time to get up and seize the day.

Idi, what you say about suicide, is also true for me. There are also those fleeting moments of dispair tha leak into my thoughts. I could never do this to the people I love but it doesn’t change the fact that the thoughts are sometimes there. Thank you for your honesty in this as it has also allowed me to be honest as well. Day 41 for me today and gambling will not be permitted to enter my life again!

[Monkey15]

Finally got enough guts, in getting around to check what the last day was that I gambled on my bank statements…this was the last day, thank goodness…that makes it 40 days. 40 days of lots of soul searching, regret and after all these years finally being able to identify that I’m a CG. Today I feel I’m in a place of stuckness, knowing that I have something very important to do but not finding my voice. I know my horrible secret is going to change the dynamics in my relationship forever. The counsellor I spoke to yesterday thought there should be no secrets from my partner and I also need to tell him of my suicide plan, not so sure about this one…she thought he should know how bad things really got for me….would appreciate your thought on this one folks. Hope where ever you are in the world that people show your kindness and gratitude.

[Monkey15]

Oh my, that empty numb feeling, I remeber that well. Isn’t it the most awful feeling. I could feel myself going white, clammy and an almost out of body experience as the reality hit in on how much I had lost….and what I had done again. That we another reason why we can not and will not gamble again.

[Monkey15]

Oh my, that empty numb feeling, I remeber that well. Isn’t it the most awful feeling. I could feel myself going white, clammy and an almost out of body experience as the reality hit in on how much I had lost….and what I had done again. That we another reason why we can not and will not gamble again.

[Monkey15]

Laura, the article had a free downloadable book and was an interesting read and can absolutely be relevant to a CG as well. I like that saying Vera, thank you for sharing both of you.

Well, today I had my first CG Counselling session by phone and I found it has really helped me focus a little more and not feel so panicked. She said if. Could get hold of a Australian documentary call Ka CHing Pokie Nation, it would be worth a view. Unfortunately, there is a small costs which I can’t, at this stage manage. I’m going to speak to her weekly as I try to navigate my way out of this muddle. I asked her about stats of spouse/_partners leaving their CG other half, once their addiction had been shared. No data available to me on that. She pretty much told me what you guys have been saying all along about telling my partner. Wish this was already done. Just thinking about the need to do this all the time is wearing me down. Slept for 11 hours again last night, such a welcome relief to not have to think about this, while I sleep….

[Monkey15]

Good on you for joining this forum. I’ve been on here for about 3 weeks now and it really helps to share what struggles you are experiencing. There is always a light and hope at the end of the tunnel…as another member said, one step and one day at a time. I do hope you are getting other support as well as Counselling and GA? It’s good to seek out this support ASAP. Looking forward in reading about your wellness journey.

Tina

[Monkey15]

You may call me Tina. Just got home from work and imagine you will all be tucked up in bed on the other side of the world. Monicau, is there really a 6 month wait for you, that is shocking….can’t your GP push it along for you? You may have already mentioned this, but are you attending support groups? Hope you are well rested when you wake up in your morning.

[Monkey15]

In the U.K. It may be different from NZ, and not always accessible, but if you are under a mental health provider, you can sometimes access a SW or mental health support worker who can help you access food banks, support you with transport and going to appointments for benefits etc, just a thought….

[Monkey15]

I was in the Uk for a year, about 30 years ago and remember the winter well. Had only a small heater for warmth so I’m visualising the weather over your way today…makes it harder to leave the house as well, I guess. Out of interest, do you have access to a social worker or support person that can help and work along side you at the moment? I giggled at your thoughts on HRT. Let us know how your day panned out, I imagine it is early evening there at the moment….I remember clearly, standing across the road from Harrods, I think in Late January with soft snow falling and it took my breathe away on this magical sight of Harrods all lit up in the snow…

[Monkey15]

Just downloaded this book. Thanks for sharing Laura.

[Monkey15]

Hi there Laura. Thank you for your wise words. I would love to read your journey of an old thread if that’s possible?

[Monkey15]

Yes, Micky..some very good and solid advice that I’m procrastinating with. My partner has been going through his own mini crisis at the moment so I have been supporting him with this and it is definitly not the right time to tell him of my massive one. I feel proud and strong that I can offer my support to him in this way, even though I know I need to do the right thing by telling him….he has just left for work, for two days, it’s 6.00am in the morning here and my heart feels heavy as I remember what I must do when he returns. There is a ever growing pile of unopened letters from creditors tucked away at the back of my draw that I can’t open…

Need to pull myself together, the sun is shining here today, I’m still in bed with a cup of English Breakfast tea and a purring Burmese on my lap…there are people and things in my life that I am grateful for….

[Monkey15]

I’m quite new to this forum, about two weeks now and was also sad to hear about your dear sister. Life really sucks sometimes and when you loose a loved family or friend the pain in your heart can be unbearable. I imagine that you and your family are still feeling quite raw after this sad loss. I’d be interested in hearing more about your recovery journey. I so enjoy reading and sharing our stories. Warm regards. Tina

[Author]

Posts