[Monkey15]

I don’t feel so alone when I read your wise words of support. The counsellor has been suggesting that I tell my elderly parents. This is something which I will and can never do, I can not and I will not put them through anymore grief as a result of my addiction and I stand firm on my decision in regard to this. I know that a GA runs of secretcy but this would not only hurt and upset them but also cause them much stress and with my elderly father, possibly kill him.

Any way moving ahead, two important things to attend to tomorrow and I hope for strength, positivity and with hope also that things will work out with my partner. I have imagined the worse but hope for the best.

I had a fleeting thought today about gambling as I had the time, a little money (not mine) and a good excuse to be absent for a few hours, I fought that thought and won! 47 days is possibly the longest that I have gone in 18 years. May there be many more gamble free days for us all.

[Monkey15]

Just returned from a family engagement party, for my niece, what a lovely evening….feeling stronger every day although a little anxious about tomorrow, we will see I guess

[Monkey15]

Had a pretty good hour with the counsellor this morning. Then, I have just received an email from the counsellor, saying she had a word to her supervisor about me and they want to do a mental health assessment with me on Monday with the crisis team. I have disclosed of my thoughts and plan from 3 weeks ago to the counsellor but feel I am in no danger to myself at all. I’m alarmed that they they alarmed when there really is no reason to be….I of course will agree to this assessment and will see what happens. Has this happened to anyone else?

[Monkey15]

When you put things like that idi, yes there is progress and thanks for pointing that out to me. I’m having my 2nd session with my G counsellor this morning which I’m looking forward to. Slow and steady, eh? Things are going extremely well with my partner and I at the moment. I think me helping him with his mini crisis has made a difference. Makes Mondays reveal that little more harder or does it? It’s the unknown response I’m scared of…..

[Monkey15]

Welcome to my thread and your valuable post. Have you been G free for sometime now? The fog you speak of is lifting from my brain, and the pain and realisation of what I have done is sinking in. I guess it is me, facing up to the harsh reality of what I’ve done and what’s been happening in my life and what I need to do for my own sake and those I love a round me. I’ve locked in Monday as my new date of fessing up to my partner. I live and hope he will possess the understanding to support me emotionally through this mess. Christians against poverty have given me an appointment on the 30 January which I am grateful for. The banks that I have borrowed from are offering very little support or understanding of the difficulties in paying them back. The may have already mentioned this. I’m up to day 44 of being G free and I’m pleased to be free from the need to gamble today. Thanks again everyone, you are all really helping me at this dam tough time in my life. On a more positive note, I have been creating mini herb gardens in pots for my family this year from herbs in my garden that have had babies and scrubbed up some old garden pots to put them in. I figured I could give this as a gift to a family of four to enjoy, rather than expensive individual gifts.

[Monkey15]

What is this diet? Is it working for you? You sound like a very determined person. All the best

Tina

[Monkey15]

If I end up paying off debt through a debit company, can’t they stop me traveling? It would be so good to have the interest frozen as I’m paying 22% on some of these loans. I’ve just gone and cancelled all my automatic payments as basically I have nothing to live on. Back later…

[Monkey15]

Yes, I’m pleased I didnt either Idi. I phoned two banks today and was transferred to about 3 different people over a period of 45 minutes, with little joy…amount I was willing to pay, even though I’ve missed 2 payments was not sufficient for them to holt referring to a debit company in the new year. I phoned the Christian financial support, who may be able to help out with advice and support in the New Year in a township about an hour and half away. Had a reasurring long chat on the ph with a very understanding and knowledgable woman, but felt a little awkward with her 4 minute prayer about me at the end. Interesting but I’m okay with that, quite nice to have someone pray and ask for support for me. This isn’t going to be an easy journey but I am determined to make it. I’m interested, how my interest in gambling has faded, why is this do you think? This is the longest time that I have managed to stay away from those horrible, soul sapping pokies….wish I never went to the casino on my 40 birthday.

[Monkey15]

1 step and day at a time. No need to be sorry, it’s so great to see that things are improving for you and that you are writing a little more about yourself.

Tina

[Monkey15]

Good on you for taking the first step. This site has really helped me over the last three weeks and can help u as well if you really want to quit this horrendous addiction. I know what you are feeling at the moment is possible a little desperate for help. Well support is avaible for you right here. Tell us a little more about yourself and read other people’s threads so you can see you are not alone on this journey.

Write again soon

Tina

[Monkey15]

Thanks for your kind words and advice. Laura, I’m thinking of the need to tell my partner before embarking a plan with the banks, although I am going to do a bit of research on the matter today and make a few calls. It feels good that I’m thinking about a plan and moving forward. I had the crazy thought about a year ago of taking out a life insurance policy and then having a wee car accident over a cliff. I think you can figure out the rest…. can’t believe I was thinking that! I only just remembered that. Back later folks. Sleep well.

Tina

[Monkey15]

Thank you so much for sharing some very private stuff about your life, it has had an impact on me, of the seriousness of this addiction or would you even call it illness? Our deepest darkest thoughts are not often shared and for you to share this with a fellow CG is generous. Suicide is very serious and factors leading up to that point are serious. My thoughts a few weeks back had an addition of a plan. I was mapping out in my head when, what and how. Stupid, stupid thoughts I know now but an indication of how I was feeling and not thinking clearly about the future as I felt I had none.

Your story shows me how desperate you had become, you have a way with words, perhaps write a book in the future?

How long have you been off the gambling now Geordie?

It’s day 43 for me today…

Something quite interesting has happened in the last few days, my partner has been going through his own mini crisis within a committee that he is chairman of. He is at the meeting and it is crunch time now. I’ve been supporting him in all ways and even got him to do some mindfulness mediation with me this morning to help lower his stress levels. This of course, has taken the focus on my own crisis, which still hangs round me neck. Definitly not the right time to spill thosE damit beans… in spite of my own situation, I was able to pull out and support him. I know he appreciates my support. I’m sad that he can’t talk about our own relationship and feelings like he has talked through this, over the last few days as he has shared with me the problem, thoughts and feelings about the matter.
Anyway, day 43 is beackoning me to start work, it is another glorious summers day of 25 deg here. Sorry to all you folks in the northern hemisphere…back later.

Tina

[Monkey15]

I have a feeling that the same applies here. I did think if I didn’t use the house as security, they couldn’t touch it? Yep, this makes sense. Thank you

Monicau

[Monkey15]

I have a feeling that the same applies here. I did think if I didn’t use the house as security, they couldn’t touch it? Yep, this makes sense. Thank you

Monicau

[Monkey15]

I have a feeling that the same applies here. I did think if I didn’t use the house as security, they couldn’t touch it? Yep, this makes sense. Thank you

Monicau

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