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I have not been on this site for a day or 2 and have just caught up with your posts. They make good, interesting reading. I can see you struggling, but also making progress and learning how to deal with things in a better way for yourself. That is an inspiration. It helps you to write these posts and it will also help and encourage others.
I continue to think of you and wish you well as you take these new steps day by day.
Best wishes,Monique
So glad you are gambling free – a vital part of your story. I am also glad you and your boyfriend are able to talk and decide things. You have done really well, there.
I also agree so much with Charles’ post. Keep all those important ideas in your mind, too.
Always wishing you well on your journey.Monique
I have just been catching up with your posts, having been away from the forum a day or 2. I am glad you are getting to talk and share things both in ‘real’ time and space and in this cyber world. And I hope it is supporting you.
You are learning a lot very fast, whilst coping with all the ‘normal’ pressures as well as those connected with having a cg in your life.
Sending you my warmest wishes again,Monique
Hello Ell
That is a lovely post. I wish you and your little family all good things at this time.
You are in a different place this year. It is not ‘perfect’, but it does not have to be! You may think things move slowly (like the turtle), but the important thing is that you are all moving in the right direction.
I am glad you can breathe – breathing is good, in fact it is also essential.
Best wishes,Monique
Hi Nacole
I am glad you have taken the big step of writing here. Right now I am thinking of you and have been touched by your story. Do keep writing now that you have started and try to join some of the group sessions, too.
It is clear from what you say that you are experiencing a lot of regret and remorse, which feels very painful. Can I ask you how determined you are to stop the cycle of gambling that has been causing the damage in your life, financial and emotional? I ask this because I think it is when you are truly wanting to be gambling-free that you begin to find the energy to take the right steps, even if they are really hard at first, to start a new way of life.
When you set out on this new path, you need to arm yourself with good information and support, such as you will find here, from both the staff team and the other people who have joined, as you have, to pursue a life without gambling.
Your husband, as you have noted, will have his own feelings – if he would like support, there is the Friends and Family support service here, too. Gambling, as you also note, is not good for a relationship. You both need support relevant to your different struggles.So keep writing, read the stories of others who have been on the path for a little longer and ask your questions.
I wish you all the courage and determination you need to find and stick with a new way of life.
Very best wishes,
Monique (Gambling Therapy Team)
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
That is a good update to read. I am glad it was a better day and that you are not getting so anxious about all the things that are outside your control, whilst getting on with the things you can do. Looking forward to reading more of your news – hopefully it will be good, but we want to hear from you anyway, whether it’s a down day or an up!
Monique
What a really encouraging post. Thank you for sharing the pluses of not gambling – so good to read. I wish you all good things and ongoing courage and strength to keep going on this new way of life.
Monique
Hello again – I hope you got to speak ‘live’ to someone. If not, hang on in there and keep posting and reading on here.
Maybe your partner is being honest or maybe he is very confused and angry, struggling to come to terms with his addiction. I just want to reiterate the message about concentrating on yourself. I appreciate your love for your partner and that that feels the biggest thing in your life, but I wonder what are the other things in your life that are good for you? Maybe things and/or people you have let slip while you have been pre-occupied with your partner and all the problems around his addiction? Can you try really hard to let him go a little (I don’t mean the whole relationship, just in your mind and in what you are doing at this time) and focus on something/someone that helps you or has helped you in the past? When you can strengthen yourself quite separately from the addiction, you will have greater capacity to cope with what it (and your partner) throw at you. He is being cared for in rehab. You need to be cared for in the ways that are good for you – and the person to get that going is you.
Best wishes,Monique
Great – you have not gambled. Hang on to that. It is vital. You are aware that gambling has been the cause of trouble and distress and will not bring you any good. Stay strong about that and try to keep hope, moment by moment, day by day.
We cannot tell how the future will evolve or how other people will react, but do concentrate on keeping yourself on the right path.
I think your boyfriend’s family will be mainly concerned with his well-being and probably won’t be able to empathize with you, so try not to expect that they will be understanding. They may not have any understanding of addiction and they will only see the pain it causes their son (brother etc). Also, your boyfriend has wanted to help you, but may be feeling overwhelmed by things and this will perhaps explain his negativity and anger. Has he had any professional help? Does he know about the support for Family and Friends? Each person touched by the addiction has to find their own way forward.
I hope this does not sound too tough – I have really seen the pain you have been feeling and your need for support. The gambler and the F&F have different perspectives and usually need separate help to move forward. I hope this makes sense.
I really hope things work out better than you fear.
Keep posting.Best wishes,
Monique
It is good to hear from you and it’s good your husband is remaining gamble free. I am sorry to hear how hard it is sometimes, but I think you have prepared yourself well and have a lot of understanding of the difficulties. You knew it was not some easy ‘happy ever after’, but a path demanding committment and work. It’s great that you are more able to ‘let him be responsible’ for himself – keep on with this and remember to look after yourself in the ways you have found to be effective, so that you keep yourself strong and safe. You will find your contentment and peace, I am sure.
Wishing you well.Monique
It sounds like you have had some horrible things to cope with. I do hope you get to Velvet’s group, where I am sure you will find the right support in this. I think you are doing really well to ‘temper’ your reply. You can obviously discuss your contact in more detail in the group, but I am just wondering if you need to write much at all right now? It looks like you partner is off-loading a lot of his stuff, which he feels the need to do, but it may be best to put it aside and concentrate on nurturing yourself. I am sure Velvet will have useful ideas on this to discuss with you. The addiction can be very cruel, as you are finding, and also so irrational and manipulative.
Best wishes,Monique
Just logged back in and see that you have got some great replies now. Still thinking of you and hope you are feeling some of the care and concern here for you and that you will be able to really ‘take in’ the messages you have received.
MoniqueI am on my way out, so another brief reply for now. My heart goes out to you. Sometimes life seems to throw everything at one person and it seems so unfair and almost unbearable. I hope that you know others are with you in some small way in your times of trouble and that this knowledge can help a little. You are in my thoughts now.
Holding you in my mind as I go out.Monique
You have reached out to write here, so you have done something positive. You describe your very painful feelings. Try not to beat yourself up about all the things you feel you have not done/achieved. Have you got anyone else you can talk to during the weekend? – so you do not feel so lonely? And post on here again, so that you at least express your feelings rather than bottling them all up on your own.
You have been through a great deal in the past and just this week you have felt bad about slipping back to the old ways. Can you think about those days when you remained gambling free and hold on to what you achieved then? Today, even though it seems so hard, you can get there again.
But keep reaching out to get support; don’t try to hide away, even if that is what you feel like.
You were able to pick up the phone and speak straight away about your benefits – focus on following through with that when the forms come and the offices re-open after the weekend.
Can you think about the kind of life you want to lead and about the steps, even the tiniest starting steps, you need to take to make that possible. Like making that counselling appointment …
It’s not easy, but you now know you do not want to stay where you have been.
Keep posting and use any groups you can get to.
Best wishes,Monique
