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It was good to meet you in group. I appreciate what a lot you have been through in your life, with such a lot of loss. Your focus on being gamble-free is something that is and will be really positive for you.
Best wishes,
Monique
I hope being in group was a good start to your day. I wish you peace and strength for the rest of the day and in the future.
Monique
Some very interesting posts, Sam. I was just wondering if you had some technical problems regarding getting in the group? I hope you are ok.
Monique
Dear bcfc
Keep focussed and I am sure you will do well. It is tough, but you have much to gain by becoming gamble-free. Then you will learn about the other joys of life – in your family etc – that do not depend on the thrill of betting.
All the best,
Monique
Hi Sam. Saw you post about the clinic – it looks very good. I hope it works out well for you.
MoniqueIt was good to see you in group and I hope you found the conversation useful. And I hope you will find answers to some of your questions here too.
I see in your post an anxiety to get things right for your partner’s sake. It is great that he has your support. I also have a concern that you might be forgetting to think about what the gambling has done to you and what support you need in your own ‘recovery’. Sometimes, it is when we recognize that we can never get it all just right for someone else and instead concentrate on the things within our own control, that we can feel a sense of release. I can’t promise what will then happen to the cg you love, but you can feel better and more in charge of your life. I hope this makes sense.
Most of all, it is good that you have been able to join us on this site and I wish you well.Monique
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Hello
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at ourprivacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi San
As ever, you write with great clarity and wisdom. I’m sure many others are inspired by your story as it evolves – I know I am anyway.Best wishes again for ALL aspects of your life.
Monique
San, as always it is good to hear from you. You write with such wisdom, which you gain from your experiences, happy ones and not so happy ones.
I hope all goes well for your scan and that the results will be as you would wish.
Keeping you in my thoughts.
Monique
Yes, life with a cg ‘can really suck’. I hope it has helped expressing your feelings here, where they WILL be heard and understood.
I think it is a really difficult one to grasp and then to put into practice, but it is worth it for your sanity – that is, the acceptance that it can be just plain useless trying to talk rationally and sensibly with your cg and to have expectations that he will ‘take in’ what you say and how you feel. He SHOULD do these things and you deserve to be heard and understood, but whilst addiction is active, these things don’t happen. In early recovery, a cg is also usually unable to ‘give’ to others.
So it is to save yourself further anguish that people advise you not to get mad etc – your feelings and thoughts are completely valid and understandable, but it’s just that a cg is not the person who can meet the needs you have right now. If you don’t expect this support from him, you will, hopefully, not feel so frustrated and angry??
Instead, go back again to what YOU can do for YOU (and also go back to other sources of genuine support and understanding, of course). Separate yourself and your needs from him in your mind and look after YOU. How can you do that? What things, unrelated to him, will help you right now? What do you want to do, to enjoy etc, just for you? It doesn’t have to be anything big but just something(s) for you.
Wishing you well,
Monique
I hope you got through that ‘hurdle’ ok. It’s good to have strong determination in advance – having your mind truly set about how you are going to behave really does help. You have a plan and you stick to it.
MoniqueI am pleased to hear that you won the tribunal. Interesting mix of emotions you describe – I think that is quite ‘normal’ in such a circumstance, when there is a lot of anxiety and a build up of tension beforehand. When the resolution arrives, it can feel so strange, even when it is a good one! But it’s great that you attended and I hope you feel the benefit of this decision as time goes on.
MoniqueYou have certainly been through some very painful times. I am glad that you and your partner have been able to support each other and have got your home and cars etc..
Having reflected on the devastation that gambling has caused for you both, I hope that you will find the support you need to really keep going with your ‘recoveries’ now – I use the word in the plural, because you will each have different experiences and needs as you try to stay gamble-free. As you know, it is difficult and sometimes your resolution has not been enough in the past. That is why active support is so vital – being part of a GA group, groups online here, sharing struggles by posting and learning from other people’s posts on here etc etc. Do not think you have to be ‘strong’ and ‘do it alone’ – stick close to all the help you need.Wishing you well,
Monique
Thank you for this update although it is sad. It takes me back to autumn 2008, when my last dog ‘faded away’. The final days with him were very, very precious – I talked to him a lot, telling him what a great pet he had been for 13 years and just loved him, til he peacefully passed away.
I hope I do take my own medicine and am managing my own life healthily, although I have no ‘happy ending’ – or ‘happy new-beginning’ – to report regarding my cg. I offered to be a volunteer with GT a few months back and my offer was accepted, so I do not use the site for my own support any more. I guess that may seem a bit strange to those, like you, who knew me in the past, but it’s one of those ‘boundary lines’ you have to draw, when you move on to a different ‘chapter’ in a part of your life. I’m still the same person, but just have a different role here.
Thinking of you,
Monique
Thank you for posting. I wonder if you have your own thread? I notice that your post is right in the middle of Neecy’s thread, but maybe you need to write your own as well as communicating with Neecy on hers, otherwise things may get lost or muddled.
It sounds like you have had a real disappointment recently and perhaps need some support again about coping with this and the longer-term? In your terms you are ‘placing him (your husband) at the foot of the cross’, so you are recognizing that you cannot control this addiction, nor the cg. Are you also ensuring that you are looking after yourself? – financially, emotionally, physically?
Best wishes,
Monique
