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Our pets are a really important part of our lives and it grieves us deeply when they are ill and in pain. Their pain can remind us of other pain in our lives, too. We offer them comfort when they need it; they have often offered us comfort and joy.
It is good that your recovery is going ok.
I hope you will know the right decisions to make for your cat.Monique
A great piece, Twilight. Thank you.
Monique
Hi SJ, I am glad to hear that you got through in a better way than you might have hoped. I know it is tough, but good you have found your way forward and the help you need.
Monique
Take courage and remember how much you are thought about and matter to us all here.
Monique
Welcome! Yes, it can be very helpful to share your plans as this seems to help us to be more responsible and committed. A wise decision.
It sounds as if you are able to think ahead in a logical and organized way and I wish you well in carrying out your aims. I sincerely hope you do not experience serious set-backs or disillusionment along the way, but IF you ever feel things are not progressing as you had hoped and planned, please do not give up! Stay in touch with people here and any other help you find useful and, if things get rough, just pick yourself up and start again.
Support and your own determination will take you forward and open up a new way of living, I’m sure.
All good wishes,
Monique
Hello again. That is good news and I am so happy for you. I know there are still a lot of things that are not yet good, but thank you for telling us about the ‘rediscovery’ of your daughter. It must have been so awful when that other young woman was found dead – we would want to send our love to her family.
Some good things are happening for you and your older daughter – that is inspiring. Let’s hope your youngest will make the right choices for a better way of life, too.
All good wishes,Monique
Hello Lizbeth. I don’t think I have written on your thread before, although I have read your posts. (I am a volunteer with GT and mother of a cg). My heart just went out to you as I read this latest post and I wanted to say I will certainly be keeping you in my thoughts and standing with you for the safety of your daughter.
Best wishes,
Monique
Hello P. My heart went out to you as I read that last line – the sadness and feeling of being lost. My thought then was to just think of ‘one-step-at-a-time’. Even one day at a time may feel overwhelming just now, but what about focussing on just a step at a time? Focussing on the present and future, but only in very small steps.
And there are obviously many people thinking about you, even if you feel separate from family and those physically near to you.
Don’t give up.Monique
Welcome to this site, which is a place where you can find advice, encouragement and companionship along life’s path. I am a volunteer member of the Gambling Therapy Team and a therapist, but I also used this site originally to help me cope with my son’s gambling. Like your fiance, he got into a lot of debt.
People here understand what it is like to love someone, but to feel overwhelmed by their gambling at the same time and to wonder whether or not they should stay with the compulsive gambler (cg).
No one else would presume to tell you what exactly to do, but the support and information you gain can help YOU to decide what is best for YOU. Sometimes that means waiting, thinking and not acting in any dramatic way. Sometimes it means making quite big changes. You may go forward in one way for a while and then realize you need to change things again.
But whatever you do, I am sure you are NOT a ‘terrible person’. Your post shows a young woman setting out with hope and love, but then facing what must feel like betrayal and huge disappointment. Your post shows your love and concern, but also your very understandable fear and bewilderment. It pains you to think of leaving, but a part of you may feel it would be the wisest thing.
On the practical side, try to protect your own finances and take good care of yourself. You cannot ‘save’ your fiance, nor can parents. You can give him information and encourage him to seek help to live without gambling. (But he may not listen or follow wise advice.) But you CAN protect and look after yourself. Ultimately, this is the hopeful way – there is point in you being dragged down with debt etc.
It can be helpful to exchange ideas in ‘real’ time – so there is the Helpline and the Support Groups. You will need to find when there is a group that meets at a time you can make in your country, in a different time zone.
This is probably long enough for now. I hope you will make new friends here, who can support you and help you find your way forward.
Best wishes,
Monique
Hello Twilight
I hope you had a lovely birthday. You certainly deserve it. I wish you peace and contentment now and always.Monique
You have written on another thread about your little girl having health problems. So I know that it is your big priority now to sort that out, to care for her and get the right treatment for her. I am sorry that you have this concern right now. But I want to send you my good wishes for yourself and your little family.
Monique
As Jenny says, you have come to right place. I also echo her thoughts about the priority being that you look after YOU. It can seem counter-intuitive when you see so clearly that your husband has this big problem. But it is true that none of us can ‘save’ a gambler or ‘make’ him understand the reality, no matter how much we love him. Only he can learn his own truth and make a decision to walk in recovery.
But we have some power to live our own life well and to look after ourselves. That is the start of a new journey. We cannot say what the precise destination will look like, but we can support you as you travel a new path.
Hoping to hear more from you.Best wishes,
Monique
Hello
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at ourprivacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello sjb. I clicked on your message and see that it is in the middle of another thread. It would be good to start your own thread so that your posts can be clearly seen and not risk getting ‘lost’ inside someone else’s. Then other members can reply directly to you and I’m sure you will find that very useful.
I am a volunteer member of the Gambling Therapy Team. (I am the mother of a gambler and a qualified therapist.)
I can see you have had a very tough and sad time and have finally ‘drawn the line’, as you put it. No one here would wish to tell you what choices to make – we will try to support you to make the best decisions for YOU and then keep on supporting you as you live with the impact. It is never easy to feel completely sure you have done the right thing, especially as you go through the sense of loss and grief, maybe anger too. But it sounds as if you did everything you could, gave all you had and finally needed to look after yourself. Most of us who love a gambler have had to learn that we cannot save the gambler, but we CAN look after ourselves and do our best to live our own lives well. The gambler must make his choices separately – and no matter how much we love him, he is ultimately responsible for his own life.
I hope you will share more on a new thread of your own. Perhaps come into the ‘live’ support groups too.
Best wishes,
MoniqueI’m sorry you are hearing this nasty accusation, when you are so busy being a mother of young children. It must be so hard to hear these things from the father/husband, when you just long for him to be there for you and the little ones, emotionally and practically.
As ever, we as family members have to look for the support and encouragement for ourselves, where we can get it. If the ‘ideal’ is not there, we try to live with that and focus on how we can care for ourselves as best we can, not wasting energy on worrying about what we have NOT got! I know you know all this and I know it is tough. I hope it helps to express your feelings here.
Wishing you good things.
Monique
