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Hi San
Velvet has welcomed you and shared some important things with you. I just want to add another Welcome. I hope you find the support you need here – on the forum, as well as in groups.
I can imagine that it is heart-breaking to see the young man you love so much seem to destroy his own life and also the hopes and dreams of your life together. But I can also see the strength and wisdom you have discovered or developed within yourself, too. It is unlikely that the journey you have to make can always be smooth or in the forward direction, but you will find the way through for yourself when you focus on the most vital things and use the support that is now around you. It is very likely you will get conflicting advice from people who do not understand the addiction (or are unwilling to look at it honestly), but always take your time to make decisions, do not be too disappointed if you feel you made the ‘wrong’ ones and just keep going one day at a time.
My good wishes are with you,
Monique
You have been through a lot. So tiredness is not surprising. Sometimes we need to just ‘hibernate’ in our own space. You express gratitude for the good things you have and that you have a safe place to be. Don’t push yourself, if you really need to relax and rest. However, if you are worried about the ’emptyness’ and this is painful for you, yes, it could be good to make steps back into some sort of social life that is right for YOU. Perhaps take one small step at a time. You don’t need to meet lots of people or do lots of things – think what you would really enjoy and which person you would like to be with. Then be brave and try something. You may be delightfully surprised about where this can lead you!
But don’t forget all you have achieved and got through also. Remind yourself how far you have come, too.I send you my good wishes,
Monique
Hello again, Kirty. That is a very positive report of your weekend. Thank you for sharing it here to encourage us all.
Monique
I want to add my welcome, Kirty. What a story! I am sure this description will help others see the way the gambling ‘bug’ can get inside your head, promise you all sorts of exciting things, then drag you down so far. Many will identify with you and will learn something helpful from you, whilst you will find support for yourself from them.
I hope you will find your way around this site and use all the forms of support to maintain a life of recovery.I send you my very best wishes,
Monique
I just want to add my welcome to you and hope you find all that you need as you move forward. You have written some great posts, which will inspire others, I’m sure.
All good wishes,
Monique
I can see from your posts that you are going through a very difficult time. But you are also being strong and practical – maybe you do not feel as if this is so, but you are actually being quite amazing. It’s good you post and keep the forum updated, so you can get support and care.
Very best wishes,
Monique
I’m glad you have found some relief. I hope you are able to find the resources within yourself and from others, including on this site, to help you continue well.
Very best wishes,
Monique
Hi Everton.
Welcome and well done for this step in your life. I hope you will find your way around the forum and the various ‘live’ groups as well and that you will find a lot of help and support.
Best wishes,
Monique
Hi Sam. I have been away for a little while, but it was nice to see you back on this forum on my return. That sounds good work in group therapy. Looking forward to hearing more about how you are getting on.
Best wishes,Monique
Hi Kathryn
I hope you find the right job for you soon. You have been brave and you are doing all you can to get a new position. I hope you can enjoy the moments you have right now and won’t panic about the future. I think you will do well. Keep us up to date with events.Best wishes,
Monique
It is good to hear from you, Ell. But I am very struck by the sheer hard work you and you husband have been doing for so long and I feel the exhaustion in your post.
Is there any way you can postpone the extra work and give yourselves the break/holiday you seem to need? No one can work all the time at this level. We make better decisions and work better, if we have times away from work and times to relax and do something completely different and restful. I don’t know all the details, but I just want to say, I really hope you can get a break, because I think you are both so tired now.
When someone has an addiction, life is never what it was before the addiction took hold. It can be better, but it is not the same. Your mind cannot be the same, your trust cannot be the same. I wonder if you are pushing yourself too hard? Are you trying to be perfect on the inside and the outside? If you are supporting your husband and discussing financial decisions with him and living in peace together, you have made tremendous progress. I wonder if it is possible just to be more tolerant of your own ‘inner doubts’ – just acknowledge they are there, that they are natural because of where you have been and they may change one day, but don’t try to force it. Also, it is good to be always a bit vigilant, when there has been active addiction in your family.
Maybe you long to be able to let your husband take the financial leadership; it might feel good if you could let go of it a bit – but perhaps this is not the right thing for your family and, if possible, it is better not to expect it. Maybe try to dwell on what you DO have and your achievements, rather than what is not possible for you.
I know it is difficult; you have had – and still have – such a big struggle, but sometimes acceptance is the key to feeling more content.
I hope this makes sense to you and does not sound critical. I really feel for you in your struggles, inside and outside and I want you to have a holiday and more time to relax. But I also want you to be at peace, even when things do not seem complete.
Thinking of you.
Monique
Hello Dadda.
I’m glad you had a good dream. I just wanted to add that I think that when we dream it is OUR OWN dream most of all, so everything and everyone in it can represent something about ourselves. So, although there are other people in the dream – some we ‘recognize’ and some we do not – the dream is not necessarily describing those people, but those people in the dream are describing ourselves in some way. So this sensitive, perceptive, empathic person in this dream could be YOU. Might it be that you are becoming more able to care for yourself? That you will care for yourself, even if it is a tremendous struggle and you will be able to this in spite of being so let down by others?
Just my thoughts.Monique
Hello Jack
I agree with Charles. Quite a lot of work has been done on our dream life and, yes, I believe that they can be a good way of ‘working through’ certain things that are difficult, which we may have ‘buried’ in order to get on with the demands of daily (waking) life. This is perhaps one of the reasons it is important to get adequate sleep, too, for our overall well-being.
I don’t think it is necessary to try to ‘explain’ our dreams to ourselves in a logical kind of way, when we are awake, because they are dealing, as Charles says, with deep, inner stuff, which is anything but logical! On the other hand, some people find it useful to write down some dreams that they remember and to think a bit about why they might have had that dream on that night, what kind of feelings it aroused whilst dreaming and what kind of feelings it leaves the next day. If you are having any kind of counselling, it can sometimes be useful to discuss dreams (depending on how your counsellor works). If you write some of them down in a reserved notebook, for example, you can look back at them, too and note new things maybe.
All part of the learning process of life. Not something to get too ‘heavy’ about, but maybe interesting to think about a bit.Re the kind of person you want to be – it sounds like you need ways other than gambling that are good at releasing the tension and coldness that builds up. Do you know what else works/would work for you? Exercise, some forgotten hobby, a new interest? Another area to explore, perhaps.
All good wishes,
Monique