[monique]

Although this is a new thread, I feel sure you are not a newcomer to this site, but it’s good that you have told this part of your story and are setting out on the recovery path again. I can hear that things are feeling really bad just now, but you have reached out to the right people and places and can make a good future for yourself, your wife, your little son and your business with support of those who care and with your own determination.
You are right, you cannot change everything in a moment – it is step by step, one-day-at-a-time. But try not to focus too much on what has gone wrong, but look to what can be as you move gradually forward. You can learn so much from this painful episode, but I hope it will not weigh too heavily on you, now you have got your mind back on recovery.

Every good wish,

Monique

[monique]

Just a note to say you are in my thoughts as you make your way through what you call a ‘daunting’ week. You will somehow find the strength to face each day and all that happens, I am sure. I’m glad you are getting support from people’s posts and that you are looking after yourself.
With very best wishes,

Monique

[monique]

Just another brief comment – try to think of YOU as the priority just now. I, too, am the mother of a young man with this gambling addiction, as well as being a volunteer member of the GT team. And, yes, we mothers have those gut feelings about our children (whatever age they have reached) and desperately want them to be ok. But it is vital that we look after ourselves, make our own journey of recovery – ultimately this will be the best thing for everyone. Think of one thing (at least) that you can enjoy today, just for you.
Wishing you well.

Monique

[monique]

I have sent you the ‘official’ welcome; now a more individual word or two.
You sound really exhausted and frustrated by what has happened in your son’s life. But, you have reached out and started to share what it’s like for you. I hope you will gradually find your way around this site and get a lot from it. I’m sure you would find it useful to use the groups, particularly the ones dedicated to family members and friends of cgs (compulsive gamblers). (Click on Support Groups at the top of the page to find when they are on.) Also, start reading the stories on the Forum and write more about your experiences and feelings – people will respond with their thoughts and ideas and, most of all, offer you support.
I note that you think that if you had remained ‘hard’ towards your son, he might have been different. In that there might be a sense of you feeling you did something wrong that caused the addiction. But all sorts of people from all sorts of families can become addicted – no one knows which person will find themselves overwhelmed and giving in to the urges that lead them to do things which threaten their chances of a good life and cause such grief to all around them. Your son may not show his feelings, but it is very likely that he, too, hates what he’s done. But only he can resolve to turn around and start his own tough journey to recovery. You cannot do it for him, but you can begin to look after yourself and make a better life for you, even in the here and now, with no sign of progress in your son’s life. This site is here to help you in your own life. I’m sure you will soon hear from other good people here, too.

Very best wishes,

Monique

[monique]

It was good you could get to group.
Continue well.

Monique

[monique]

Hello

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

[monique]

Hi Seri. When you look at someone’s thread, you should see on the right hand side of the page a note of how many ‘new’ posts there have been. If you click on the ‘2 new’ or ‘4 new’ etc, you will get the most recent posts from the person.
Do keep working at ‘navigating’ – and maybe have a word with someone on the helpline, when it is open? Good luck with this and your recovery.
Monique

[monique]

Hello again, Seri
When you log in and have the home page in front of you, click on ‘support groups’ and this should give you the list of groups available. When it is time for one to start, you will find the word ‘join’ on it; click on this and you should be taken in to that group, where the facilitator will welcome you and you can ‘talk’ with him/her and any other people who come in. Some groups have an entry time limit – you must log in during the first 15 mins, some are drop-in groups, which you can join at any time during the hour. Hope you find this works ok for you.

Best wishes,
Monique

[monique]

HI Jansdad. I posted on another thread as you has asked me about the software – just to explain I am a counsellor member of the GT team, with no involvement in the technical side of things. I suggest you ask Harry or Janey if you have questions about software.
Have a good birthday!

Monique

[monique]

Hi Jansdad. I am a volunteer in the GT team, trained in counselling but not involved with the technical side of things. If you have particular questions about the software, maybe you could ask Harry or Janey.
All good wishes,

Monique

[monique]

Hello again. Yes, it’s your journal, as Sad wrote; no wrong way, no right way to do it. Perhaps it is useful to think of what is going on for you today – in the ‘here and now’; practical things and also your thoughts and feelings; things that seem good, as well as what feels bad. As you think and write about ‘now’, you will inevitably talk about how you got to be in this place (physically and emotionally), so that will involve discussing the past. If you start thinking about how you would like things to become, you will inevitably consider your potential future. Past, present, future – all part of who you are right now. Make your journal a place to think ‘out loud’ about all this and see what comes back to you from others. The process itself will lead you.
The most important thing is that you use this process to help you.

Monique

[monique]

I have just sent you an ‘official’ Welcome. You have already had a welcome from someone else who uses this site, who has given you also some wise thoughts and encouragement. I am one of the volunteer counsellors here. I facilitate a Drop-in group at 20.00 hrs (GMT) and a focussed therapy group at 21.00 hrs (GMT) on Wednesdays. There are many other groups (see under Support Groups at the top of the page) and a Helpline as well as this Forum, where you can write your own Journal and receive support and information from others who have struggled with gambling addiction and continue to use the resources here to help them live a life in recovery. You can also find help through reading the Journals of others.
You are right when you say it is best to take one day at a time – sometimes just one small step at a time. You also say you ‘want to stop’ – that is the motivation that will help you forward. You are starting out on a journey that most people cannot make on their own – and it is not good to have to do alone. That is why others are here to support you. It is wise and a sign of strength to use support and not to try to struggle alone.
So I wish you well on this new part of your life.
Very best wishes,
Monique

[monique]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[monique]

We must have been writing at the same time! I have just now seen your reply to Velvet and Madge. You have already made things better for yourself. You have the experience and the wisdom to do what is most helpful – we all have moments of desperation, especially when under a lot of pressure, but when we have learned from previous testing times, we can find the way forward again. It is good to call out to those who care at the bad moments. Continue well.

Monique

[monique]

It is good to hear from you, although I am sorry you are having so many difficulties just now.
You have had some good posts already, of course. I just want to add that I, too, will be thinking of you and wishing you all the strength and clarity of mind that you need to get you back to a stronger and more peaceful way of being.
It is like the proverbial stuck record, but I can only recommend again that you really do look after yourself and your partner and try to separate out emotionally and mentally from the nasty pressure that is coming your way. I know that you know there is no point arguing or explaining things when the addiction is in full flow.
Continuing to think of you kindly.

Monique

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