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Hi Happy. It sounds like you need to give yourself some good sleep and rest. There will be other Meetings. It will be useful to have a ‘real time/place’ meeting. Could you find one a bit closer to home, but still not on your doorstep? Or even rethink going to something more local? There are a lot of advantages to finding local people who are in the same sort of situation. Just offering ‘food for thought’ …
I cried my way through my first GamAnon meeting some years ago!!Best wishes,
Monique
What great news! It is so lovely to hear about someone being so kind and understanding, going ‘the extra mile’ for you, when he might have been quite the opposite. It is good you have shared your experience here – not everyone will be so willing to help, but it is an encouragement to see that it can happen like this. You did all you could with complete honesty and have been rewarded. Wonderful!
Monique
I have just read your post. I want to say that I am sorry you feel so down and alone, just now, and disappointed in people, too. You have made a courageous decision to come back and share with us all, though, and maybe this will be the start of something more optimistic for you. Do keep in touch; as you have seen, none of us is perfect, no one gets it right all the time, but I hope you will experience that some people do care and will offer you support and friendship again, now that you have let us know what is happening in your life and how you are feeling.
MoniqueYes, that is a good thought to keep hold of. Gambling never helped you before and will not now – remember it can only offer false hope.
What have you found that can give you real hope? What will set you on a good path forward? Help you feel you are doing something worthwhile with your life? etc etc.
Use all the support systems you have at your disposal and try to live in the moment.
I wish you well and hope you will find your way through this bleak time. You have done well – do not let despondency take over. Reach out and I hope you find what you need.Best wishes,
Monique
I think the ‘we’ indicates the Gambling Therapy team of Staff and volunteers – the members of the team cannot offer medical advice/opinion, not being medically qualified. People who post may of course express their own opinions, as personal opinions, and describe their personal experiences.
Best wishes,Monique
I have just seen your post and could almost feel that horrible feeling we get when we have let ourselves down. So I wanted to say, please don’t beat yourself up. You have been making so much real progress in life, within yourself and also with your family. You share the ups and downs of your daily journey with us here and this is of great help to those of us who read – as well as a help to you, I hope, of course. I am often amazed at your energy and dedication. In your post, you write about having gambled, but you also write about cleaning, planting flowers and reaching out to your mother – so more positives than negatives. I’m glad you like your home and town – it is a great blessing in life, when we can live in appreciation of those things and not just take them for granted. This move has its ‘difficult side’ for you, too, but don’t let a ‘low moment’ fill you with regret about your decisions. I’m sure you made the decision to move with much thought and wisdom.
Probably by the time you read this, you will already have ‘re-adjusted’, you will have put this gambling moment behind you and got back your resolve to live a useful and contented life. But I want to say that your posts are of great value, your new life is of great value and that these bad moments do not deserve too much of your attention and energy. As Carole has said, I think, you know your mother will not ‘give back’ to you in a good way, but you can rest at ease that YOU are doing what is right. But do guard yourself and your emotions, too, when necessary. Re-assess your boundaries when necessary too.
Keep going. You make such a good contribution to the lives of others.
Best wishes,
MoniqueI love it that you have changed your name! It doesn’t mean you have to be ‘jolly’ all the time, but that you can have a deep-down contentment that lasts no matter what the external ups and downs of life – at least that’s my way of seeing ‘happy’.
Yes, I think money can be dangerous, as Vera says, but it is also able to give a sense of stability and reward, when you manage to control its use, so that it gives you and your family things to keep and enjoy, rather than being ‘wasted’. And, as Vera also notes, there are lots of things in life which don’t cost money but can be enjoyed and valued too.
Most of all, value yourself – don’t put yourself down, give yourself credit for picking yourself up and moving forward again.
Stay ‘happy’.Monique
Hi Lauwtjee.
That’s good news and thank you for such a positive update. I’m glad you are finding your way forward so well. Keep going and keep in touch.
Best wishes,Monique
Yes, I hope so. Try to make it your absolute prime motivation to be gambling free. But also try to think about other things – you started gambling very young, but I wonder what other things interested you in life? What would you enjoy doing? Can you get involved in something that takes your mind elsewhere?
I hope you get your place in rehab soon too – I think you are waiting for that?
Anyway, hold on and believe for better things, take action for better things.Monique
How are you today? I can see you have been struggling and feeling so low. Please remind yourself that chasing losses or any gambling will NOT get you out of this terrible place, but only drag you down further.
Please also think of one practical thing you can do to make a change, no matter how small, for the better; one positive action you can take to find the strength to refuse the urges to gamble. Writing here is great. Do you also use the groups and helpline etc? Do you have GA group to go to? A mentor to confide in?
Sorry for so many questions – but just really want you to turn your mind and attention to avoiding all gambling and wanting you to focus on what will help you do that.
Do post again soon.Monique
Hello again. I am wondering what has happened today? Were you able to get any practical help with the school situation? I hope you are all right.
Monique
Hi Lauwjtee. I am sorry to hear about this trouble you are in. I see that you are resisting urges to gamble to get the money you need – that is good. Please keep on reminding yourself that gambling can only lead to more trouble and loss and it cannot ever solve your problems – the addiction will try to tell you it can solve them, but really it can only add to them. I hope you have managed to continue resisting and that you can divert your mind in other ways.
Is there anyone close you can confide in while you wait to contact your school and your bank? Are there student support services at your school, where you can explain what has happened and get advice and/or advocacy?
It is tough facing this financial difficulty, but try to stay calm and determine to talk to school and your bank as soon as you can on Monday (tomorrow). If you can pay 2 months fees to school, maybe they will accept that and let you back? It is often better to offer part of what you owe to any organization and keep in contact with them. It is not always ‘an all or nothing’ scenario. Can you also speak with your bank tomorrow? I’m wondering also about the phone bill? – you say you were back on schedule until the phone payment got taken automatically; I am wondering if you are spending a large amount on your phone and if there is a possibility that you can reduce this in future to avoid this kind of unexpected problem? Can you re-think how you use it and/or change to a different provider or payment schedule? Can you ensure that you know when and how much you will be paying?
I don’t know if these ideas are useful and relevant for you – if not, perhaps others will write with better ideas. But I hope it helps to know you can share your worries here and that people care. Let us know how you get on.Monique
I’m so glad that using this Forum is helping you. Have a happy, gambling-free weekend, filled with things that give you contentment and positive feelings.
Monique
Have a good weekend, Seri. Good includes gambling-free! I wish you the strength to stay focussed on what is right for you and a calm frame of mind.
MoniqueThank you, San, for this message. You are amazing, even though I can see you are probably feeling like you are just struggling on through tiredness to do what is necessary. I’m glad you can find the strength to withstand the onslaught from the addiction, when it comes your way and you are getting a break for yourself – at least from that.
Wishing you continued strength as you and your partner travel through this phase of treatment and hoping it ultimately brings better health.Monique