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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties youre currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if youre new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. Were in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like youre not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
Im going to hand you over to our community because Im sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello and Welcome. That is a very encouraging post. I hope you will write more and exchange thoughts and ideas with others here. You demonstrate that, with determination and willingness to learn and change, you can do wonderful things! Failures can be put behind and great new achievements can be made. It is hard work, but not impossible.
Thank you and best wishes,
MoniqueI am one of the Volunteer staff at GT. I have been looking at your posts. I’m sorry that you are feeling lonely right now, but am also glad that you are able to write so clearly and fully about what you are going through. Sometimes just getting it all out of your mind into words on paper/screen can bring some relief and also a measure of clarity.
But you need some warm and understanding responses too, so I hope maybe there will soon be more communication with you. It is useful to read other experiences too, as you have found. And, all that you have written will help someone else – remember that, too, and know you often help others even as you look for help for yourself.
Again, I would reiterate that message about ‘looking after you’ – try to turn your thinking around to what you need to make things better and healthier in your life; make your needs a priority – it is not selfish, even though we often think it is. As you have found, keeping the focus on the cg means you are trying to manage someone who is not choosing to be managed by you, so you actually can’t help him – or strengthen yourself, but when you focus on what is truly best for you, you have some sense of control and ultimately you will be more able to support your loved one. I know you know this, but maybe you need to be encouraged once more.
You seem very brave and kind and you deserve to live well. Yes, every life is unique, so no one else can tell you exactly what to do in your situation, but, yes, there are patterns and guidelines etc that are useful to us all. When you think of choices etc, think of what gives you most peace.
Of course, you most want your cg not to gamble and suffer the consequences, but work on the choices that you can make realistically, not the dreams that are someone else’s responsibility.
Are you able to access any of the support groups – times listed under support groups?
I wish you well.Monique
Thinking of you.It is good to see your post and that you wish to stop gambling. You have come to a good place to find help. Now that you have arrived here, do use the support that is here – read the stories of others; you will find encouragement and also ‘warning signs’; also, you could start writing your own Journal – this will help us to get to know you better and understand your struggles, but will also help you cope with your feelings and difficulties and work your way through them. You can also attend support groups.
I wish you well as you set out on your path of recovery.
MoniqueWelcome to this site. Kin has already written with some good ideas and suggestions.
Gambling was an escape from pain, but it now causes much more pain for you. You have shown that you can stop, as you did for a time. This time, let it be a fresh new start, where you take it step by step, day by day and gently and gradually move into a better life for yourself.
I also wonder if you are able to talk with your wife about how you feel about your past – it is painful for both of you. But perhaps she is not fully aware of the impact of her words. Would she be willing to discuss her feelings with someone outside the family, too? A professional counsellor? Or make use of the Friends and Family support?
As Kin writes, you can start a Journal here, attend the support groups, use the helpline, read the comments and stories of others, who are finding a way to recovery and health.
It sounds as if you have been totally overwhelmed by all that has happened, but slowly but surely, you can emerge to find a new way of life, with the right support in place.Best wishes,
Monique
Yes, indeed, you will find you have courage within you. Have courage in the way that is right for you. It may not look the same as courage in someone else. Only you truly know what things demand courage in your life and how you can face them. With help and support, you will find a way. Part of it will be in accepting the kind of person you are, your own unique person.
Best wishes,Monique
I’m so sorry you could not get into the group when you wanted to come back. As far as I know, it will be because that group has a 15 minute entry time, so you cannot enter after 21.15 hrs and, if you log out after that time, you cannot get back in either.
I thought you were just leaving to get on with cooking your meal.
I hope the time you had was useful. And maybe we will ‘see’ you again, soon.
MoniqueIt was good to read your update. You continue to work very hard and are a very courageous woman. Thank you for all your news.
Yes, we think of your country a lot these days. Things must feel very uneasy. But we all hope for positive steps forward that will improve things for everyone.Very best wishes,
Monique
I don’t often write on your thread, but I do follow it. Like P, I notice your energy and committment and am always so impressed. You do so much practical work, travel and also give emotional support within your family circle. You mentioned offering to do volunteer work in the community, too. Amazing, Lizbeth – you give so much and are so active. I have thought at times – ‘Lizbeth, do come over and clean/rearrange my house and garden (yard)!’
Do look after yourself too – I know you do, but do you ever push yourself too far? Just wondering. Maybe try to really relax in moments of solitude, if you can, giving your whole mind and body time to ‘just be’. I’m not sure if this is right for you; I need a lot of quiet time in my life, whilst you may be someone who needs a lot of activity in yours, so just do what’s right for you.
The loneliness is not surprising, given your bereavement and other tough things you have been through. But maybe stay open to coming across someone that you really bond with, as you venture into various things. There may be a special friend there for you, who gives to you in a nourishing way, whilst generally you give so much to others. But also see if you can enjoy solitude sometimes.
You are a wonderful family woman.
Best wishes,Monique
Good to hear from you and to see you writing in such a positive and thoughtful way. I wish you well.
Monique
I follow your posts, Charlster, and I am impressed by all you are able to do and to share. It is really inspiring. And now you are off to Dudley! I wish you well. I hope the programme will be truly helpful and you will reap the benefits of taking part in the months and years to come. Feelings of trepidation are, I believe, very normal in this kind of situation. And things may well feel strange and complex at times, but I know you will put your all into it and will therefore find huge help and guidance, that will improve your future life in ways you can’t yet imagine.
Very best wishes and look forward to hearing your news when you come back.
Monique
Sorry you’ve had such a tough time at work. I wonder if you can find a way that is ok for you to assert your rights (or your innocence etc)? I know it is not at all simple and you need to earn a living, pay your bills. Try to stay strong and use all the help that is available to encourage you.
All the best,Monique
Hi Twilight. This is an interesting reflection and so true. I do hate the glamourizing of this horrible ‘activity’, with so much ‘glossy’ advertising and also the fact that is easier than ever to start gambling and to do it 24/7.
Best wishes,Monique
It’s good to read your posts. I just want to wish you well as you journey forward in different aspects of your life and also especially to send warm thoughts to you and your mother, hoping she makes a good recovery. She sounds like a great woman and you demonstrate true compassion for her.
All the best,
Monique
I must have been writing at same time as Velvet. My thoughts were very similar. I was writing on my phone, rather than the usual lap top and the message ‘disappeared’! So now you have had V’s post and set other things going, I will just say I admire your determination and maturity and, although it’s frustrating, you see the logic and I’m sure you will keep the long term goal of a stable recovery firmly in place. It is never a quick journey, but such a worth while one, as you know.
Keep on posting. I wish you much strength and courage as you continue.
Monique
