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Hi Jenny. I just noticed you have posted and your message is in the middle of Michelle’s thread. I wonder if you have also got your own thread to share your story? Are you new to this site?
I ask because this post could get ‘lost’ where it is and therefore you would not get replies. It’s great that you are supporting another – the Forum is all about both giving and receiving support. But if you want to start your own thread, click on ‘New topic’ at the bottom left of the page and then we can share more with you, too. Forgive me, if you have your own thread and I just haven’t seen it.
Best wishes,
MoniqueIt’s good to hear from you, San. Like all of us, you continue to learn – it doesn’t matter if some things seem to take a long time to sink in, as long as we are going in the right direction. Things that became ingrained in our minds and hearts in the past do not shift quickly.
I’m glad to hear that your partner is now in remission – long may this last.
I hope you will enjoy seeing your daughter and, next year, your other son. And always willing your cg to find his recovery.
Best wishes,
MoniqueWelcome again, Josh.
You have had some good ideas in the post before from Marko. You also mention that you have a supportive wife. I wonder what she knows and understands about your gambling? It could be that she would benefit from support and information, too, as a family member – as you can see at the top of the page, there is also a Forum for F&F (Friends and Family of compulsive gamblers) and Support Groups for them. Gambling can be very destructive for the family as well as the individual; partners can be overwhelmed at times, but they can also be very helpful in the recovery of the cg, with the right information and support.
You say that gambling is the only thing that makes you happy – I would like you to think about that statement. Is it still true? Or did you get a buzz from gambling at one time, but now it seems to be ‘controlling’ you? And maybe you long for it, but also hate it? What made you happy before gambling came into your life? Are there good things you can try to get back to, as you aim to move away from gambling? What would you like your life to be like as you move into the next few months, years? – your own life and your family life?
A lot of questions, I know, but they come to mind, as I read your post and maybe they can help focus your thinking a little.
I wonder if you have spoken to anyone on the Live Advice Line here? Or got to any of the groups? (see above under Support Groups for the times.) Also, do share more on this forum and read the experiences of others. If you truly wish to get free, you will find that it helps if others know more about your experiences, so comments can be more focussed; and the stories of others will inform and guide you, too.
Best wishes,
MoniqueHi SJ. You sound tired? Living in true recovery can seem so hard to do and you can get discouraged. Again, the one-day-at-a-time mantra is useful, I think, and your post ends in that way ‘for the moment, I am making a good decision …’
Also, I just thought ‘what are you doing to care for yourself in a special way? is there some fun? is there some really enjoyable thing, no matter how simple, you can focus on, for your own pleasure and well-being?’
Just my thoughts as I read your post. Sometimes we can concentrate too hard on the ‘problems’, so that our minds are just too full of those – switching to thinking about and doing totally different things may ease the pressure.
Best wishes,
MoniqueThis seems a very interesting book, Mermaid. Do update us, as you read more.
It’s true that self-care is often the really crucial idea and practice that is needed by those who love a cg. It is in one sense obvious, yet can be so difficult to prioritise.
Best wishes,Monique
Yes, I do hope that by joining this site you will be able to live a gambling-free life. Do keep posting and let us know a bit more about yourself and your struggles – as you say, you can gain help as well as helping others. You can help others simply by telling your story as well as by offering ideas, reflections and suggestions.
I wish you well,Monique
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties youre currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if youre new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. Were in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like youre not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
Im going to hand you over to our community because Im sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi – I think we were writing at the same time! Yes, you do have some positive things to hold on to – do hold on to those good aspirations. Having support is a way to make it much more likely that you can stick to what you truly want, especially when ‘urges’ come on strongly.
Maybe you can get to groups.
MoniqueI’m glad that you have found this place and have had the courage to write your first post. Do start reading the experiences of others and write more about your own, so that we all continue learning together.
You have become aware of the dangers of your gambling and have voiced your concerns here, even if you haven’t talked to anyone else. Sometimes, people with little knowledge of gambling addiction are unable to help much and may be judgemental, so it is wise and safer for you to seek help from those who understand more. No one pretends to be an expert on the specific things that you face, but here we have all seen the effects of gambling – either as people who struggle to live free of its addictive power, as family and friends of gamblers or as professionals with experience of supporting gamblers. Together, we hope to help you live free of gambling too. As you write more about yourself, we can offer more ideas and support that is relevant to you. Your story will also help and encourage others, who come here.
You are young and have become aware – now you can make the changes you truly desire. It will be hard sometimes and you will need perhaps to put barriers in place, so that money is safe and not accessible for gambling. Sometimes it is good to have another trusted person to manage your finances, at least for a while.
There may be local groups where you can find support in ‘real’ time and space (GA) and here there is a live helpline and also groups (see under Support Groups), which you can log into and share in ‘live’.
I wish you well.Monique
<
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties youre currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if youre new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. Were in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like youre not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
Im going to hand you over to our community because Im sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Mermaid. It can seem as if all the messages are really harsh and negative. But just take things at your own pace and learn to listen to your own inner voice, too. We can be so caught up with the needs of the one we love that we no longer hear our own inner voice, so it may not be clear straight away. You don’t have to do anything quickly. Doing nothing, just waiting and reflecting is also a choice – and often a good choice, when we feel really confused.
I can appreciate that it is not easy to be in a different place, without friends or family, so look after yourself as well as possible and take things slowly.
Best wishes again,
MoniqueThat’s a good update to send – very encouraging. I’m so glad you are finding you can find your way into a gambling-free way of living and that you feel well in it.
All the best wishes for your future too.
MoniqueIt does seem to be a very human trait – always longing for the next thing/day/time etc. Learning how to truly live in the moment, the now, today, that is a great thing to do. Takes practice.
Good luck.
MoniqueI’m glad you are writing things out clearly and I hope it helps you focus and sort things out in your mind.
It is a complex situation. I am trying to imagine it and think of what might be helpful to suggest to you. But most of all, it is about you finding out what you need and prioritising that.
Of course, you care deeply about your husband, too, and it is natural that you worry about his well-being. I am wondering, though, how does he live from day to day? Is he renting a room to live in? Is he buying food? etc. I would offer my experience that gamblers often manage to look after themselves and their basic needs much more than we, their loved ones, imagine. They will not have the same priorities as we have, but they will probably make sure they have the essentials of life, but we will be worrying that they have not – and this can ‘manipulate’ our emotions.
I am a volunteer here and a counsellor, but I am also the mother of a young man, who started gambling when he left home to go to university. He has been through very tough times and has not lived near me since he was 18 – so I have gone through those times of anguish about how he might be coping. But the years have passed and he somehow stays in one piece! I am not sure if he has stopped gambling, but he is working and has his salary managed by someone else, who sends him money only as needed, pays bills/rent etc directly etc. I am just saying this as an example of how, in time, we can look back and realize the cg was not as close to death as we used to imagine. They do not know what agonies we go through. I am also aware that the situation in Cuba may be more risky and it is a place I do not know, so only you can judge about that. But just continue to keep in mind how much your feelings and good-will can be exploited.
Also, all cgs will have other issues in their lives – no one becomes a cg from a blank canvas; they have bad experiences etc and we will feel so sad for them and want to make it better. But, hard as it seems, they must truly take on board that gambling is not an answer or an escape, but a road to greater destruction, pain and suffering.
Regarding the house for you and your husband, I wonder if you want him to get a house sorted now? Or would you rather wait and see how you are in a while? I wonder if you feel you need to be there when such an important decision is being made? And if you are not ready to be there, maybe you want to put all that on hold? I cannot tell you what to do, but just want to think with you about what is best for you and whether you are feeling pressured to provide money for this? And, as you say, there are so many dangers associated with handing over that money. Your husband may not intend to gamble but I think you are saying you think that having that money could lead him in the wrong direction.
I am rambling on …
But do take time, more time, if that is what you really need. Let your mind relax as much as is possible and tune into what is in your heart about your own well-being.
Best wishes,Monique
I have read your post and want to encourage you to do all you can to support yourself in making wise decisions. You are young with lots of life ahead of you; it is good that you are taking stock of the dangers of gambling at this stage. You are thinking positively.
I think it is true that most people who get involved with gambling find that they need – or at least cope much better with – support from others who understand the power of what can be a very destructive addiction. You have already learned from what has happened and you have an awareness of the complex problems associated with long-term gambling. You have wisely taken the step of contacting this organization – you have been open in sharing your situation and feelings.
So do explore the site here, post more, read the experiences of others, share your thoughts with others, use the support groups, too, if you can. All these things are here to ensure you really can stay free of gambling. Do use whatever will help you forward. Sometimes our own will-power weakens and it is then that the support of others can be a life-saver.
I wish you well and hope you enjoy conversing with people here.
Monique
