[monique]

That’s great you have 5 days clean – maybe 7 now. As Vera says, one day at a time. You can do it.
I just noticed you have 2 threads here – it’s better to stick to the one, then you can see all the comments in the same place and follow your own progress, too, if you want to share things as they occur.
Best wishes,
Monique

[monique]

It’s good to read your positive message. You help others simply by sharing both your struggles and your achievements. This encourages and inspires others.
But it is also just good that you feel better in yourself.

Monique

[monique]

Hi Brave
An excellent description and very positive.

Monique

[monique]

Hi Brave
An excellent description and very positive.

Monique

[monique]

A witty one, this, Vera.

Monique

[monique]

A witty one, this, Vera.

Monique

[monique]

Hi Vera – I’m sorry I didn’t see this before. You paint a vivid word picture here, with real feeling in it.

Thank you for dedicating it to me!

I hope you can stay in that place of rest and peace and light.

Best wishes,

Monique

[monique]

Hi Vera – I’m sorry I didn’t see this before. You paint a vivid word picture here, with real feeling in it.

Thank you for dedicating it to me!

I hope you can stay in that place of rest and peace and light.

Best wishes,

Monique

[monique]

Hi M. Thank you for all your posts and contributions in groups. I send you my warmest wishes as you enter this new phase of your life and relationship. You have opened your heart to us here and we will miss you and, no doubt, you will miss us. But use your knowledge and stay strong. Make sure you look after yourself and stay as safe as possible. Let other things fall into place. I hope you will be able to update us again.
Farewell.

Monique

[monique]

It has been good to read your posts on other threads. You are a remarkable woman and have made amazing strides forward in your life. You have gained much wisdom and share it to great effect with others.
I wish you well, along with your family, always.
Monique

[monique]

Welcome from me too. I can see what a lot of responsibility you have taken on your shoulders, while still so young. I am so glad you are getting some help at college and that you have come to this site too.
As Charles has already said, you do not have to carry all this on your own. Do try to get into some of the Support Groups and chat with others (Family and Friends Support Group will probably be most useful for you – see the list under Support Groups) and exchange thoughts and ideas with people on the Forum, as you have just begun to do.
Again, as Charles has said, it sounds like your Mum would benefit from support, including information about this addiction, too.
You show great strength of character and concern for your whole family circle. You have probably got wisdom beyond your years. So cherish yourself and allow yourself to be cared for, too.
I really wish you well as you seek day by day the right ways forward for you (and the family circle).
Monique

[monique]

I think you are going through the sorts of feelings and questionings that are very normal when you live with someone with a gambling problem/addiction. You are no doubt feeling extremely stressed by this situation, but it does not mean that you are losing your mind.
Indeed your mother ‘should’ be able to take care of herself; sadly an addiction changes things and people lose that sense of adult responsibility. Your mother did not intend to become an addict, but it looks like she is now in the grips of this particular addiction. She will need help from outside to get into recovery. She will also need to come to a recognition that she has a problem and to reach a place within herself where she wants to change.
Meanwhile, it is important that you concentrate more on looking after yourself. Most partners, parents, siblings and adult children of addicts reach a place where they become focussed on the needs of the one they love, who has the addiction. It probably seems counter-intuitive to take that focus away from the ‘other’ and over to yourself. But it is the way to begin making a better life for YOU. You will hold on to hope for your mother’s recovery, but that is a choice in her gift, not yours. Your active choice can be to look after your own needs, draw safe boundaries around your own physical, mental and emotional well-being and protect your finances.
There is a lot in there to work on. Here at GT, there is support to help you get to a better place within yourself. Please make use of all the services that can provide that support – there is a live advice line, there is this Forum (read and post as much as you like, you should receive suggestions, concern, emotional and practical support)) and use the Support Groups. There are groups specifically for Family and Friends (F&F), as well as mixed groups.
Share as much as you feel able and we hope to offer you something beneficial.
Looking forward to hearing more of your story.
Best wishes,

Monique

[monique]

<

Hello

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[monique]

Welcome from me too. I had also noticed you had more than one ‘thread’, but this one looks like it is now the one to build on.
It sounds as if you are feeling quite desperate just now. I note that you want to gamble to escape the problems in your life, but then find that the escape is short-lived and the problems remain – just getting worse all the time.
I wonder if you can aim to have a peaceful conversation with your husband, telling him a bit about your own fears and anxieties (owning your own feelings, but not blaming or accusing in any way) and also that you do love him very much and need his love too? As you say, your actions may mean that he thinks you no longer care about him. Can you ask him calmly if he will help you to start recovery?
As Harry has said, gambling is a serious and ‘crafty’ addiction and it will not just go away. It will take determined effort and you will need support, but if you decide you really want to change things, you can get there. Your husband may need more information to help him understand things, too, and support for himself. If he can give you the right help, it will be good for you both.
So do use all the resources here. I have two groups this evening, for example – 20.00 and 21.00 hours UK time.
Best wishes,

Monique

[monique]

I see that Michelle has provided a link for you. When I said New Topic option was at the bottom left of the page, I should have said ‘bottom left of the Family and Friends page’, the page that lists all Family and Friends (F&F) posts – not the page where you are reading an individual post. Make sure you choose Friends and Family (and not F&F Topic). You can start a new thread and receive comments specifically for you.
It is indeed very stressful having a cg in your life, but I can assure you that people do learn better ways to live with this, whether or not their cg moves into a true recovery. Recovery is what we want for them, but the cg must be ready to make the right choices him/herself – that is the one thing we cannot do for the gambler. But we can do a lot for ourselves, in terms of looking after ourselves well, meeting our own real needs, taking the focus away from the other person, etc etc. This may all sound like ‘pie in the sky’ at the moment, but I recommend that you aim to give yourself some space and attention and, at your own pace, let things change for YOU. There is no miracle cure – for you or for him – but you can make genuine improvements in your own quality of life.
Tell us more and we can support more.
There is a live helpline available at certain times of day, if you wish to use that – see on the Home page of this site. There are also live support groups, where you can communicate in ‘real time’ with others, including a facilitator – these provide another useful way of learning and helping yourself.
Some groups are for F&F only, some for cgs and some for both. Click on Support Groups at the top of the page and find what times they are on and see if you can make it to any. Velvet runs groups for F&F and I have a mixed group at 20.00 hrs (UK time) on Weds nights (tonight). You will be made welcome at any of the groups; you may find the F&F particularly helpful.
Do start your own thread and I hope you will find the help you need.
Best wishes,

Monique

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