[Monica1]

Same error….how annoying

[Monica1]

Well.done on the post on another persons thread on this site. Really sensible. And of course, you are right. As Geordie would say this is a very serious problem , we should not underestimate how serious a problem it is and indeed takes us on the road to suicide and complete destruction. I know as I too have been there.

[Monica1]

Oh no. Doesn’t someone check in on the groups over the weekend. No groups yesterday and today cos of database error.

[Monica1]

Ah não. Ninguém verifica os grupos no fim de semana. Nenhum grupo ontem e hoje devido ao erro do banco de dados.

[Monica1]

Good to hear from you jp. Glad you now have gamban. You need to put barriers in place before going home, or immediately on return. i expect you will be discharged on the the 8th December. Hopefully,you will get some specialist counselling as well as an outpatient. We are heading into Xmas. I recommend you chill out for,a while and make a plan. Irrecoverable or not, you need to take advice from stepchange who will help you put together a plan. In the meantime rest and build up your strength. I am sorry you gambled in the hospital, is the addiction still running the show? Or do you feel you have suffered enough and need to eradicate it and recover you and your life?

[Monica1]

They should do it here too!

[Monica1]

Laura you talked about the dance between the darkness and the light. I loved this analogy as it relates so well to the dance between hope and hopelessness that idi speaks of. Some of this is seasonal. In the bleakness of winter it seems as though the darkness ascends to be released again in the spring when new Life and real hope returns. Personally can’t wait that long but I do recognise the dance you speak of!

[Monica1]

Hi Tina,
Good advice from idi. In the uk, if you file for bankruptcy the house is an asset and the can take your half of it. So signing it over or 3ven selling it to your dad. Is that an option? And idi is right when creditors see that the only option recommended is bankruptcy, they change their tune. In the Uk, unsecured loans and credit card companies are not considered priority debts and you can offer them as little as one pound a month as long as you are dealing with priority debts which in the uk are Council tax, inland revenue ie tax, fuel and water rates. These are the priorities. You have a lot going for you to Tina even though you may not see it. You have a job and own a house. Just be aware that in a bankruptcy, they can take your home so you need to be very aware of that and plan for this not happening.

[Monica1]

That was an interesting post. At my GA meeting people do not have to speak and some don’t. But I have seen new women members come and go, at least 5 or 6 some frogmarched in by worried f and f. But they only last one or two meetings then stop attending. I was the only consistent woman attending. I don’t think this is a coincidence. Control comes from patriarchy and men led. Just some men, not all. I saw a woman chair at my first meeting bitched on and attacked by a couple of men. That was why I never went back after my first meeting. I could have prevented s further years worth of pain if it had not been this way. Even reading some of the GA literature really makes me cringe. It is loaded with assumptions, some of them not nice at all, about the cg. And it is totally geared towards dishonest male action gamblers some of whom may have committed crime. I just can’t buy into it as I don’t believe it in the core of my being. But I believe it still can help but as I have said before at arms length.

[Monica1]

Good advice from idi Tina. I am still not going to advise on when and how you tell your partner, you will come to your decision in your own good time. Always better to fess up is all I will say. On the suicide plan, whilst this is a difficult subject I also have had and still have a suicide plan. But I did confess this to my doctor. I could never do anything violent like hanging or jumping off things. Like your gas oven, mine is a gentle oblivion, out on a heroin overdose. Where I get it from is another matter! Stroll down Brixton back streets probably. This is such a sensitive subject. I have told family that I wanted to commit suicide but I don’t dramatise this or focus on it too much. Just that the addiction and the resultant financial pressures brought you to that place. I believe it is oossIble to shift out of this space with the right support. I have been there a lot during the 5 years of this addiction but even more so I am sorry to say in recovery. The lows and depression last for many weeks. There isn’t a magic wand. I really wish there was. And coming out of this is taking for me a very long time but it took five and a half years for me to get into the deep hole I dug. Recovery is undoubtedly the biggest challenge of my life and I have had many. Recovery is not easy at all.

[Monica1]

Hi Laura,
Wonderful that you had such a good time with your family, and you are so right, this is not many peoples experience. Sometimes the family and the geneology provides us with life’s biggest challenges. For me, it is a fragmented family where one side doesn’t even know the other and have never met. Like you, I am just going to be honest about who and where I am but also being sensitive that parts of my family ie my elderly mother can’t deal with the truth. However, your thread is about you, and I am just pleased that you are able to enjoy time with your nearest and dearest.

[Monica1]

Should h ave read, we are not guilty of all of these sins all of the time. My spellchecker keeps,substituting bit for not.

[Monica1]

I awake at 12.30and have a long bath. I feel ok, the despair and desolation of yesterday turning into a plan. I have idi to thank for that. We can really help each other on this forum. The colour on my hair is great, she did a good job and it actually shines now instead of the dull, flecked grey look. I appreciate this. God is good, I say to myself, look for the good.
It is a still and mild day, the sort I like and I journey down to penge high street and have the staple of the poor person, the cheeseburger from Macdonalds. No wonder the poor die young. I have enough to buy a soup, the chicken soup from Tesco’s. It’s great, not their own brand the chicken and vegetable cully and sully, it has sustained me physically and tastes sooooo good. Chicken soup for the soul.
I have a few realisations whilst I am walking and wait for the bus. The reason i have a big issue with GA is that it is an outdated patriarchal system and I come from a lineage of matriarchs. This patriarchal system is out of balance when it comes to women and when it comes to step 4, I see this as positively psychologically dangerous when it comes to women with low self esteem and assertiveness who throughout life have not stood up for themselves as well as they could. We have accepted too much crap,and maybe way too late in the day said enough!
I read Charles thread on GA being the higher power. I could never accept this in my world view. I do see lights around people in the rooms so I know God is present. I think steps 1 to 3 are fine, but nothing beyond for women. When I think of making reparation, there is only one person I have to make reparation to and that is me. I missed my daughters 30th but she missed my 60th, so we are quits. And I missed my mother’s 80th, she is now nearly 84, and I fessed upto her on that day. So,I do owe her but when she nearly died in hospital last yer bought her new nighties and everything she needed and visited twice a week even though it was 60 miles away by train. I still owe her a bit re birthday. It is only me to make repairs to, because it was an act of self destruction , my gambling, because my own self esteem was at rock bottom having a partner who left me the day I came out of hospital as if I was infectious. So,I reject a lot of the philosophy of GA. i generally see for every character defect the equal and opposite has been true in my life which can be demonstrated. It’s qualities to aim for are polarised opposites and I just do not see life and how we are as black and white as this. We are bit guilty of all of these sins all of the time. So, I am sorry but this is rubbish. I read idis thread today and I approve! I so get it.

[Monica1]

Have reported 10pm and now midnight group didn’t open. Database error. What a pain.

[Monica1]

A great description of gambling and recovery. I think only CGs know the excruciating pain you speak of P. I was in that level of pain gambling and in recovery. Wanting my situation to change and it doesn’t, just gets worse. And you are right, Life and time is passing gby and I sit in my room and cant do anything about it, just wait for a turn of the tide. Stuck on a desert island. Well done p for that description, it was humbling and poignant to read. The groups are not opening this evening. There is a glitch in the works somewhere.

[Author]

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