[Monica1]

In response to Johnny bs post, my golden rule is never to spend money even 50p of free slots or Facebook free bingo sites. When abstinent in the past I spent loads on free games so the addiction just transferred. I now have an absolute rule to never spend money on these. This is the big big difference. If I spent money I would succumb to the addiction quickly. Not spending anything makes me feel good. But as I said I do get bored with these games and don’t spend long on the,.

[Monica1]

Just to say ,aura, along with idi, you are one of the most insightful and yes, intuitive, posters on this site. And you provide a lot of support. Your posts are considered and I do think k I have ever read an offensive post from you to anyone. So get that thought out of your head. I value your wise counsel. And that comes from another sensitive intuitive… who can also sometimes be as dense as a rock. We are only human after all. great tune… sometimes I dont like being human, there must be more advanced species in the universe I could have been born into. Sometimes I don’t like being human at all, not one bit. The only redeeming feature is our capacity to love and the love we have inside of us. That’s it. Thanks for your post on my thread again and the chat last night.

[Monica1]

Thanks for the chat last night and for your post. You are right about being in the same environment. I did go out for a walk today, albeit brief. It is still cold and is expected to continue for the rest of the week but the snow has cleared. As I mentioned in chat, pete andihave agreed to deal with the moving out issue in the New Year. Neither of us are ready to do that, me because ihave turned into relying on him for cigs and bits of food. So sad… when three years ago I was earning five figures monthly and supporting everyone. And I will give him a timeline till the end of March to find somewhere to live. I need to be earning before we can even effectively do that though. The Xmas prayer has not been answered but I still live in hope that a miracle can happen. My Gp is very limited in what she can offer. The counselling service is not an urgent service. In my job, I commission these types of services and I would definitely can this lot. The only other option was local psychiatry. I may go for one appointment or cancel it altogether. I don’t even believe in psychiatry as a therapeutic model. However, I have been offered today a place on the women’s programme with gma starting on the 22nd January which I have gratefully accepted. This gives me a little hope. My work coach cancelled my appointment today, probably because I now have a med cert that outlines the physical problems, which I asked my gp to put on. Next appt in new year. I am still stuck and can’t wait as my daughter says. For Saturn to shift out of sagittarius on the 20th December. I m being very slow in my long list of things to mostly writing letters to creditors and the court thing but have started with another list today. My tummy pain is back a bit, not as bad as last time but I think it is the diet and the fags. The bug has not been eradicated but my colon is perfectly healthy so stress related irritable bowel is the diagnosis there.

[Monica1]

Loved reading this p. I feel the same way about 2018. 2017 counts as probably the worst in my life, that’s a lot of years. And like you, I have broken down to breakthrough. I am still seeking an identity though, who I was has gone and I need to work out who I am now and going forward.

[Monica1]

This is good stuff Tina. I think he sounds like he needs some time to take it in and I guess may go through a range of emotions himself about it all. Everyone deals with news like this in their own way. Personally I would not like the lashing out verbally although I would understand it. I hope that you both can sit down and look at it all objectively. You did good Tina. I think having your counsellor speak with him might be helpful. Just my view… not everyone understands how ghastly this addiction is and he might need some advice as to how best support you.

[Monica1]

That is the worst part, those parts of ourselves we really lose and how it destroys our lives. I would not wish it on anyone Tina. When inaction it is like having another entity that leads us to self destruction. But not any more. How has your partner been?

[Monica1]

Good news. Keep posting! It is at the end of the day our family that are there with the loving support and our dear friends on this site.

[Monica1]

Me too so that makes three weirdos. The three weirdos ha ha like the three amigos…

[Monica1]

Missed the 10pm one as watching a really good film. Went on the midnight for quite a while but no one on.

[Monica1]

Have done for a long time, not that often. And I am gamble free. It doesn’t give me any urges at all. There is a massive difference. The addiction is not up and running with me so free slots are pretty meaningless. Just do it when I am bored. And actually I find it pretty boring now so never do it for long and do t get any highs or lows from it. If the addiction is still running though it can trigger a relapse as it has done for me in the past but not now.

[Monica1]

Well done and very brave. I hope he supports you. Thinking of you.

[Monica1]

Hi p,
Thanks for your concern. It has passed and I think I hit the worst last Thursday when I was really battling with those awful feelings. . I am Ok at the moment and feeling alright as the time spent with my family has been really helpful. I am feeling the love today and also feel that I am hitting a personal turning point.

[Monica1]

Lovely post, speak later in group.

[Monica1]

I worked out today that I have been gamble free this year for 9 months, the last 4 in recovery but was abstinent for 5 months earlier in the year.

[Monica1]

Good to hear from you idi. Yes, Ben said if I left a suicide note he would just tear it up. But ultimate respect if I can turn my life around. How’s that for motivation. When my wifipacked up I also missed the site and you and Laura. And yes, the lack of money has been the biggest factor in my depression plus the abandonment from spiritual help when I am used to having whatever I need. The one thing I do get fromthis today is that love does indeed conquer. This is what I have been missing for many years feeling that love, and today I felt it. And it came from my sons and my daughter.

[Author]

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